BULLITENS:

(slinks in, hiding head under wings grown specially for that purpose) I know, I know I've been gone for a LOOOOONG time. My POTO!Muse (a rather diabolical ballet rat named Jenny) has left me, to be replaced by my LOTR!Muse (the even-eviler demigod of fanfiction, Mimi The Terrible), who was then beaten back by my DNAngel!Muse (SATOSHI!), and I haven't really been doing much POTO lately. I will get back on "Hazards of Parenthood," I promise! But it is definetly on the back burner for a while.

Name: Lunasariel (my name in Elvish) (my real name is Rose, but it's stupid. Please, call me Lunasariel, or Luna if the former is to much of a mouthful.)

Age: Today, July 25, 2006, I am now officially 16 years old! Woot for me!

Gender: female. duh. I wonder what the male/female author ration on FanFiction is, anyway?

Fandoms: Lord of the Rings, where I am an avid Legolas(/Aragorn) fluff/action/adventure/torture-not-angst fan (my watchwords are "more blood, less breaking"); and Phantom of the Opera (mostly the 2004 movie), where I was astounded by the amount of hatred directed at the lovable, heroic Raoul de Changy. Frankly, I was supremely confused when I started reading POTO phanfiction. Who could resist the lovable romantic aristocrat who spends half the movie riding white horses (bareback!), getting into swordfights, being in mortal peril from a psychotic lunatic, and generally being heroic, and the other half making out with Christine and trying to rescue her from Erik, for which he nearly gets stabbed, barbequed, drowned, and strangled in that order? And don't forget the book (which it seems so few have read) where he nearly gets hit by Erik's flaming-skull-o'death-thingy, char-boriled in the E-Z Bake Oven of Death (I forget who said that, but it wasn't me), boiled in the E-Z Bake Oven of Death-turned-boiler, and blown up, along with half of Paris.

Although you may not know it from just looking, I believe I am more in love with LOTR than POTO. Ever since I was dragged to what I thought was a horror movie by Peter Jackson four and a half years ago, I have been enamored with Arda and the peoples, places, and adventures therein. I have read the books five times, and I'm working on the Silmarillion, but it's slow going. I read more LOTR and write more POTO (at least on this site).

Pet fanfiction/phanphiction peeves:

1. Blockheaded/gung-ho E/C Shippers (or anyone else, for that matter). I have no more problem with them than they have with me, as long as they leave Raoul alone! No need to be nasty to someone who could kick your ass if he would ever hit a lady, and if he existed.

2. A/Ns right in the middle of a story. It seems to me that that would be like an actor who was playing King Lear just getting up and going "wazzup, homedawg?" or whatever those people say.

3. What I like to call "black-holing." That's where an author just stops updating, like they got sucked into a black hole. Another form of black-holing is where they act as though their story got sucked into a black hole (aka, they're ignoring it, but not their other stories). If something came up in you life where you can't write anymore, my condolances. Just drop us a line so all us hopefuls won't be comming around every day or two to wait in vain hope.

4. Character defamation. Of course, what's life without a demon or something possessing one's friend or significant other and making them go haywire? I've found a good rule of thumb is this: don't write what you wouldn't want the charactes reading.

5. People leaving a really, REALLY nasty anonymous review. Like an "OMIGOD U SUCK UR SO FULL OF BULLCRAP WHY DON'T U CRAWL INTO UR OWN SHIT AND DIE DO THE REST OF THE WORLD A FAVOR" kind of review. First: it has nothing to do with the story. If you genuienly didn't like the writing, just state your reasons calmly, and you'll probably get an equally civil response, and the author might acutally listen to you. Second: that's just cowardly. If you've got a problem with the writer, then stand up and SAY IT TO 'EM, dammit! If you wouldn't say it to my face, don't write it.

Favorite book: way too many to mention. Fantasy mostly (Lord of the Rings, Tamora Pierce, Redwall, Eragon, etc.), but with Robin Hood, Phantom ofthe Opera, and a few others in there as well. I am very into manga right now, especially DNAngel and Fruits Basket, in which I am a complete Satoshi and Yuki fan, respectively, but I was rather shocked by the amount of yaoi (slash) and lemons (extreme slash) I have found literally four or five authors out of hundreds who agree with me. Fight the good fight.

Least favorite book: used to be Ender's Game. The author is full of himself, and that's pretty much the only thing. Other than that, I used to hate it. Now, I disagree with the ideas, but it was very well-written. That's just not how little kids act! I mean, "I am personally responsible for the destruction of an entire species, along with many of my own race? OK, what next?" If I were twelve, I sure couldn't handle it.

Favorite movie: Lord of the Rings,and Phantom of the Opera, the two loves of my life in that order. Les Miserables and Master and Commander come in close third and fourth, respectively, though. Oddly enough, I normally just get impatient with romance, but you gotta love all the...well, all the love in POTO. It seem oddly out-of-place in "Rings."

Least favorite movie: Troy. They cheapened the values of the Illiad in too many ways to mention. For example, the entire point of the Illiad is gods screwing with people's lives, right? They totally removed the gods from the movie. They took out everything that wouldn't appeal to the complete lowest, beer-swilling, living-on-takeout common denominator. For another, they couldn't decide whether to make Paris studly or a wimp. The obvious idea is for him to be a wimp, but he had some pretty studly moments, if you ask me. Also, crappy casting (Gweneth Paltrov as the most beautiful woman in the world? Gimme a break. So Liv Tyler.).

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My stances on:

Slash/yaoi: ONLY WHEN IT'S FRICKIN' CANON!!! I doubt that either Tolkien, Leroux, or O'Brian intended their characters to be depicted this way. All I'm saying is : 1. Erik and Raoul were MORTAL ENEMIES, both after the same GIRL. 2. If Aragorn did it with anywone, it was Arwen, not Boromir, not Legolas, and DEFINETLY NOT ELROND, ELLADAN, OR ELROHIR! In DNAngel: say it with me people: Harada.

E/C: unnatural and against canon. If Leroux had intended Christine to go with Erik, he would have written the book like that. If you people will remember correctly, Christine said something like "He kills without a thought, he murders all that's good." If that isn't clear enough, put it this way: would you rather marry your creepy stalker or your childhood sweetheart?

R/C: YES, I AM AN R/C SHIPPER! DO NOT COME HERE LOOKING FOR E/C. I EVEN USE OUR DERANGED GENUIS AS A VILLAIN FROM TIME TO TIME. Anyway... yeah. Natural, canonical, and sweet. Raoul symbolized true love, which endures. Erik only symbolized passion which fades with time. In "All I Ask Of You," Christine does say "All I want is freedom, a world with no more night,/ and you always beside me, to hold me and to hide me..." When you couple this with the fact that Erik's theme song is "The Music of the Night," you get a pretty clear picture of what she wants.

Phan literature: a gang of hacks. Especially the (not!) esteemed Mr. Forsyth. 'Nuff said.

Flames: I will ignore all flames, and possibly flame in retaliation. Please note that I consider any review that contains offensive put-downs of EITHER MYSELF OR ONE OF MY CHARACTERS a flame. Also, please don't swear too much. I will gladly accept constructive criticism, however. Just keep it civil, and remember the Golden Rule. Lately I seem to have pissed some people off with constructive criticism of my own, and I want to apologize to them for my unintentional rudeness. I only ever try to help. I also seem to have a problem with telling people what I think they should do next, and I realize that it's not my place. I'm a reader, not the author. Just understand that I believe that we can all improve as writers, and I try to help other people do that as much as possible, not try to be pushy and control the story.

Mary Sues/Marie Suzettes: I don't actively hate them (I think the PPC is actually a little scary), but I will roll my eyes if I come across one. If it's especially stupid, I will leave a stinging, but truthful, review. Raoul married Christine (which was the point of the WHOLE DANG MOVIE), end of story. Legolas seems a tad busy chasing Gollum all over Mirkwood, going on quests to save the world, all that sort of stuff to fall head-over-heels for every vapid little tart who batts her eyelashes at him. ARAGORN MARRIED ARWEN, DAMMIT! Faramir married Eowyn, and I forget who Eomer married, but he did marry, all the same.

Character Death: NEVER! Rest assured, I will never, ever kill one of my protagonists. I even have trouble killing villains. If someone in my stories seems to be dead, you can safely bet that they'll be back, sooner or later, one way or another. I have quite a bit of blood, pain, etc. planned, though.

Reviews: I am always happy to get any sort of feedback, not counting flames, but you will make a simple door very happy (Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy reference) if you actually leave constructive criticism, not just "OMG, I LUV THIS FIC, UPDAT PLZ!" If you find something that could be improved upon, or wasn't clear, or something like that, feel free to tell me. I have "met" some authors who go completely ballistic if you so much as imply that their story was anything less than the epitome of fanfiction. I, luckily, am not one of those people. What I'm trying to say here is, I can take the bad with the good. Just remember that I, too am human, and be sure to say something nice, as well :). One of my favorite parts of writing fanfiction is having "conversations" with the reviewers, but try to say something about the story as well, please. As you can see, I like to get the reviewers involved as much as possible. For example, one reviewer by the name of Daisy Diva acutally wrote the Carlotta chapter of "Letters to the Characters," simply becuase I didn't trust myself to do it right.

Updates: I plan to make it a policy to alert my readers, probably via my bio page, if I will be gone for any extended length of time. I hope to update at least once a month. I also understand that most of us lead busy lives, and fanfiction can't always be one's first priority. However, I consider six months to be the reasonable length of time to go without an update before officially declaring the story on hiatus. If an author has shown no signs of life, or at least hasn't updated the story I'm reading, I will write them, either encouraging or being stern, usuallly both. However (again), hope springs eternal, and I will stop checking for updates after about a year, which is truly a ridiculous amount of time, unless the story is really, really good.

Disclaimer: I find it too tedious to put a disclaimer in all of my stories, so here's one that covers just about everything. SPECIAL NOTE: THIS COUPLET WAS NOT WRITTEN BY ME! You can find the link to Suedom, where it was first written, here: w w w . l o t r f a n f i c t i o n . c o m / v i e w s t o r y . p h p ? s i d = 2 8 4 7 or w w w . m i s s s a n d m a n . c o m / S u e d o m / i n d e x . h t m l. It stuck in my brain from a fanfiction I read quite some time ago.

Disclaimer-that-is-not-mine:

I no own, you no sue.

Good for me, better for you.

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Current/Pending POTO Stories (I like to have only one story in each fandomgoing at one time):

Socrates the Rat, Booby-Trapped Powder Boxes, And Other Hazards of Parenthood (chapter four up, chapter five pending): Raoul and Christine's children: fifteen-year-old Angelique, who is obsessed with animals, and eleven-year-old Devon, who is obsessed with explosions and driving his sister crazy. The entire de Changy family is ordered by the Emperor to attend a performance at the newly-refurbished Opera Populaire, with Christine as the unwilling star! Even worse, there are rumors that Erik is back up to his old tricks. When an errily familiar disaster strikes, Raoul, Angelique, Devon, Mme. Giry, and Meg must once again foil the plot of a deranged genuis.

LOTR Stories:

Dynasty (coming soon): where Legolas' mother is the daughter of Orome the Hunter, one of the Valar. When the mother's powers are transferred to her trouble-attracting son and baby daughter, what could happen? Anything, that's what!

Plotbunnies, only some of which will probably come to fruition (I know, there's a lot of them):

An Elf With A Weapon (LOTR): Saurman's orders are garbled by the Uruk-Hai. Are they looking for an Elf With A Weapon, or an Elvish Weapon? And what happens to those who are/have neither? Mostly action/adventure, but with a little humor thrown in.

Happily Ever After (POTO): The story of Raoul's and Christine's life after the fire. I know it's been done before, but not like this! Featuring Mr. and Mrs. Weatherby, Raoul's elderly servants: groundskeeper (Mr.) and former nanny, now housekeeper (Mrs.), and Raoul's best friend Henri Follet (pronounced ohn-REE fo-LAY).

Brotherly Hatred (LOTR): Thranduil has one biological child, and one adoptive one. His sons are about the same age, and a fierce one-sided sibling rivalry develops. Sort of a Denethor-Boromir-Faramir triangle: father is a clueless moron, but well-meaning (unlike Deneathor), younger son is heroic and loved by the people, but horribly under-appreciated by his family, older son is a cruel, bullying, brute who gets all the credit (not really like Boromir). No prizes for guesssing which is which.

The Sue That Failed (LOTR): Written for all the Sue-bashers andbeautiful-on-the-inside people out there. Sheila is the daughter of the Lord of Lake Town, drop-dead gorgeous, and with a reputation for the ability to get any man she pleases. Otherwise, she is a prissy little airhead. When she tries to make an Elf (namley, Legolas) as enamored of her as the rest, it starts out as a dare, but soon deepens to "Twu Wuv." Legolas, enmeshed in his life as one of the commanders of Mirkwood's armies, takes a typically male attitude. He barely notices, and is supremely confused when he does. Sheila goes to greater and greater lengths to win him, and eventually unwittingly causes a disaster.

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Fanfiction/phanphiction authors who need to get off their patooties and keep writing on the specified story. Give 'em a buzz, tell them to keep at it! Anyway, here they are:

Cat2000's Eyes of Fire (LOTR). Rather dark, but has enourmous potential. She left us hanging right on the brink, just about a year ago. Last update: September 30, 2004. Warriormaid 3000's

Warriormaid3000's Lord of Junior High (LOTR). One of the very few fics that made me laugh so hard I fell off my chair. Very witty and real. Last update: December 25, 2004.

Legolas19's Nin Estel (LOTR). Clever and evocative AU, but only read if you can take some Elf Torture. Last update: August 4, 2004.

Lamoo's The Visitors Version 2 (LOTR). This is mostly a personal quest. I was with the author in her early days, and she abandoned this rather cutsey ramble/adventure on the grounds of being "too corny." Au contraire, Ms. Lamoo. All-around excellence, at least in my opinion. Last update: March 22, 2005.

Mirfaen's Into the Labrynth (LOTR). Full of twists and turns of the most surprising sorts, by a top-notch LORT writer. Last update: May 13, 2005.

Eldacar's Taken in Moria (LOTR). A prime example of the Good Orc Phenomenon and the plot's kinda weird, but ya gotta love it, all the same. Last update: April 3, 2005.

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As you can see, I tend to go on long-winded rants and ramblings, most of which you should feel free to ignore, if they ever pop up in reviews. I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE! If you too are in Sirius denial then copy and paste this into your profile. Because Denial is not just a river in Egypt!