Hi-diddly-ho, readeroonies! (Ahh... the sound of crickets chirping!)

If you've stumbled upon my writing... first and foremost... I pity you greatly. Perhaps you might say, "But Dylan! I love your cynical, stylistic approach, rich with suspense and sprinkled with satire!" To that, I say: "How do you know my real name?"

In any case, most of the fics I'll be posting will be random. I post blocks of stories for a single category, before I move on to a new obsession and forget my old one. For example, I've passed my Samurai Champloo stage, passed my Psychonauts stage, and am currently juggling The Goon and Dog the Bounty Hunter, a show I could really get into if I could figure out how to program the VCR. (Yeah, that's right, I still have a VCR. And I can even play movies on it. Which is, for me, pretty impressive, considering I don't even know how to work the toaster and when I want toast I build a fire in the backyard and put bread on a stick.)

So now that you know what a pathetically un-technical person I am, I bet you're wondering what kind of person I am. Well, a picture is worth a thousand words and I don't really feel like writing a thousand words, so here's seven thousand words worth of pictures:

If you wonder what I look like, click here. (Keep in mind this is my senior yearbook picture, hence the reason why I look stoned and why it's all grainy and blurry.) And yes, I'm really and truly 21 now, although I'm aware I look much younger, and female. (Yeah, that's right! I'm a GUY. Shocking, no?)

If you wonder what the Queen of England would look like in 3-D, click here. If you'd prefer a weird little .GIF animation involving Lord of the Rings, click here, here, or here.

As for my writing style... let me describe it using a convoluted similie. Have you ever read something that's really deep and a little angsty, and then, suddenly, out of left field, started laughing because the author wrote something crazy? Like, in the middle of Macbeth, you notice that Shakespeare had a serious typo problem and changed Macbeth's name to "Macbath" for six pages? (I wonder how many people will actually go and read Macbeth looking for typos now.) Well, that's like me. I like humor a lot, and even in my "serious" stories there will probably be a lot of sarcastic little bits out of nowhere. I can't guarantee you'll like it, any more than I can guarantee you'll like pudding. But you probably don't like being told what you like anyway, do you? So go read my stuff and leave loads of reviews telling me all about what you think! Try to be kind; this is the first time I've published anything online. (Remember, I'm bread-on-a-stick man. I'm not good with technology.)

In conclusion, never start anything you don't intend to fi