Hi, I'm Pyro'sBest. I'm a student, from the UK but living in the US for a short time.

I used to apologise all the time for not updating fast enough etc and leaving long Author's Notes until I realised that no one cared or probably bothered to even read them. I write for myself when I have the time (which isn't nearly often enough), because I enjoy it. And if you out there enjoy reading the stuff I write, then that makes me happy and reviews keep me smiling for days.

I'm always looking for new books to read (or good fanfictions) so if you have any suggestions, PM me with the name, author, and maybe a short description if you're feeling perky enough to do so. It will be much appreciated.

Here's some shit that I found funny, hopefully you'll find it funny too.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I'm not always a dork - sometimes I'm asleep.

Hey, does this smell like chloroform?

I'm not insensitive, I just don't care.

Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips...

Fact: Most people have an above average number of legs.

Very few problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too surprised.

Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is full.

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in kitchen foil.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars and I thought to myself, I'm too old for glow in the dark stickers.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Shin Bone: a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Keep the dream alive! Hit the snooze button.

Atom 1: I lost an electron!... Atom 2: Are you positive?

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five pounds for the refill - it contained the antidote.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hit me.

I see regular people! Run for your lives!

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the pavement!

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

A secret admirer is only a stalker with stationary.

You say psycho like it's a bad thing...

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

He Said: "Why do you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it." She Said: "You wear pants don't you?"

I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.

Cute but psycho - things even out.

I would be more scared if you were aiming at the person next to me.

One day we'll look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

I intend to live forever!...so far so good.

You're awesome... but when the zombies come, I'm tripping you.

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

Shit happens. But mostly to me, so don't worry.

"Let's eat Grandpa!!"
"Let's eat, Grandpa!!"
Punctuation saves lives.

SIGNS:

In a non-smoking area: If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.

On a fence: Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.

On a plumber's truck: We repair what your husband fixed.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Sugar is sweet,

And so are you,

But the roses are wilting,

The violets are dead,

The sugarbowl's empty,

And so is your head.