Auror has written one story for Prince of Tennis.

Name: Well I'm not gonna tell you. You could be a pervert. I go by Bewitchingemma or Emma.

Age: Not gonna tell you that either. Older than one yet younger than one hundred.

Apperance: Long wavy blonde hair, blue-green eyes, curvy figure and that's all I'm gonna tell you.

Hobbies: Reading,fanfictions, writing, going to the cinemas with friends, hanging out with my friends.

Favourite Books: Ummmm, do I have to choose? Harry Potter (DUH), Percy Jackson and the Olympians, David Eddings books and Tamora Pierces books.

Favourite Movies: Harry Potter 1-3 all of the others annoy me as they are missing things, Pirate of the Carribean 1-4.

About Myself: I have been reading fanfiction for years and now I have finally agreed to publish my stories. I enjoy reading Prince of tennis fanfictions, Harry Potter fanfictions and Pirate of the Carribbean fanfictions. I enjoy both reading and writing fanfiction. I am a bookwyrm. I freely admit that I am a BOOKWYRM. For those of you that dislike bookwyrms *Pokes out tongue*. I don't have an opinion about Twilight, I ignore both the books and the movies. (Hides behind my desk. Don't kill me). Sirius Black is ALIVE!!!! Weasley Twins are also ALIVE!

My favourite Harry Potter pairings are Sirius/Hermione fics, Hermione/Remus/Sirius fics. I enjoy Hermione-centric fanfictions.I hate Harry/Ginny except in special cases.

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of Harry Potter, Prince of Tennis or any other recognisable franchise.

My favourite Prince of tennis pairings are:

FemRyo/Tezuka Kunimitsu

FemRyo/Atobe Keigo

FemRyo/Yukimura Seiichi

FemRyo/Fuji Syusuke

Sakuno/Fuji Syusuke

Sakuno/Niou Masaharu

Sakuno/Atobe Keigo

Sakuno/Tezuka Kunimitsu

Sakuno/basically anyone but Ryoma

My favourite Harry Potter pairings are:

Harry/Tom Riddle/Voldemort

Harry/Hermione

Harry/Hermione/Luna

Harry/Luna

Hermione/Draco

Hermione/Sirius

Hermione/Sirius/Remus

Hermione/Remus

Hate:

Hermione/Ron

Harry/Ginny

Ron = moRON

Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's taste-less, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I will not say the phrase, "Get a Life" to Voldemort.

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I will not make, "OMGWTF" a spell.

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) "I've heard every joke possible about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

30) I will not go to class skyclad.

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) House Elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasley twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

38) There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

39) I will not give Luna Lovegood Coast-To-Coast AM transcripts.

40) Tricking a school House Elf to strip of it's clothing does not make it mine. Yes, even when I yell out "PWND!"

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) It is a bad idea to tell Snape he takes himself to seriously.

47) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knight's Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

48) I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE! If you too are in Sirius denial then copy and paste this into your profile. Because Denial is not just a river in Egypt

If you are totally and completely in love with Draco Malfoy and/or Tom Felton, post this on your profile.

GO TEAM DRACO!!!

You know you're a devoted Dramione shipper when:

1. You get pissed (at least a little) at any Hermione/other shipper. (Especially Hermione/Ron.)

2. When re-reading Deathly Hallows, you purposefully skip the Hermione/Ron kiss.

3. You think that every little curly-haired blonde kid is Draco and Hermione's child.

4. Even if a Dramione fic completely SUCKS, you respect them for trying anyway.

5. You admire all other enemy-to-couple ships out there because they are so much like Dramione.

6. You truly believe that Draco secretly enjoyed the punch Hermione gave him.

7. It makes your day when your favorite Dramione author posts another chapter and you get that update alert email.

8. You noticed that Dramione is the only cute HP couple name that isn't slash.

9. You FREAKED OUT when you found out that Emma Watson had a crush on Tom Felton. (Because we all know that's the closest we're getting to real-life Dramione.)

10. You found it funny when you realized that there are more Dramione fics than any other CANON couple. :) Ha

(\ _ /)
( o.o )

This is Bunny.

Copy Bunny into your profile to help him on his way to world domination

It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

List Of Epicness

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well, I'm pretty sure the guns help because if you stood there and shouted 'BANG' I don't think you'd kill a lot of people.

One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons!

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

God created man-THEN had a better idea!

Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history

Your year book picture still haunts me.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

You don't like me, well it's mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter.

364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?

You're a speacial kind of stupid, aren't you?

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Secret admirers are stalkers with stationary.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh,he just took a wrong turn,got lost,and is to stubborn to ask directions.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

I like work. It fasinates me. I can sit and stare at it for hours.

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

I DONT obsess! I think intensley...and like all the time

Jogging is a slow sprinting, Coach!

I was walking around in a store. I saw a cashier hand this little boy his money back saying
"I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."
Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''
The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''
Then she asked him to stay there for 5 minutes while she went to look around. She left quickly.
The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand.
Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.
"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for this Christmas. She was so sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."
I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus will bring it to her after all, and not to worry.
But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."
His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''
My heart nearly stopped.
The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."
Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me
"I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."
"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."
Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.
I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "What if we checked again, just in case you do have enough money?''
"OK" he said "I hope that I have enough." I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.
The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"
Then he looked at me and added "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mommy can give it to my sister. He heard me!''"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''
"My mommy loves white roses."
A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my basket.
I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.
Then I remembered a local newspaper article: 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car, where there was one young lady and a little girl.
The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to recover from the coma.
Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.
I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before burial.
She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.
I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.
Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message.
2) Ignore it as if it never touched you. have a heart

If EDWARD CULLEN said to stop breathing, 99 percent of girls currently on the face of the earth would be dead. Put this on your profile if you'd be the one percent still alive because you'd be saying you were just "uncomfortable", and you were a VAMPIRE!!

When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you wish you went to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, then copy and paste this into your profile and add your name to the list with your house of choice:FiyeroTiggular93 - Slytherin, Weirder Than You - Ravenclaw, Summer Sweetheart - Hufflepuff, Kataang2- Gryffindor, MoonlightSpirit- Gryffindor, AngeliqueChanson-Slytherin(all the way!),AngeDeNocte-Ravenclaw, Raven Darkholme-slytherin(yah baby!), Kichi Rin no Akatsuki - Slytherin (Slytherin Pride!), PadfootThe2nd (I'm a Lion for life! GRYFFINDOR!), Poppy Quinn-Gryffindor or Ravenclaw, ohsnapitzJess - Slytherin, voldyismyfather - slytherin, DestinedforGreatness- Slytherin for the win!,IwannabeAnnabeth-Ravenclaw all the way!,Bewitchingemma-Slytherin, ambitious and cunning.

Post this if you know or are related to someone who was killed at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry when it was under siege by Death Eaters in The Second Wizarding War. Over 50 witches and wizards died in this attack. 93% of wizards won't repost this, but will you be part of that magical 7% that will? Repost to show your support of Dumbledore's Army

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe), PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, Paper Hearts and Paper Cuts, mahalo4ursupport, Uchiha-Aki-chou, MaybelleTheRAWRDragon, Chutneyispower (Damn right!), Dark Flame Pheonix (guilty as charged), XxXSand-Jounin-TemariXxX (What better way to spend your day?), Awaii, Luna2986(Done that 5-10 times XD)Kyoko Izumi, Anthurak The Chaos Lord (ALL HAIL FANDOM!), Inugo Kurosaki (Fanfiction.net RULES, IT KICKS ASS!!), SplitToInfinity (all hail fandom, indeed!) MyMusesSpeakToMe (Wait! Theres another way to spend all time OTHER than fanfiction?? 0.o), BuzzCat (Woah. There are other things to life besides fanfiction and chocolate?! O.o That's... new.) Voldie's Fav Death Eater (What are you talking about, their is no other way to spend your time, besides reading Harry Potter;), DestinedForGreatness (Are you guys serious? There is a world outside this website???),IwannabeAnnabeth(There is a world besides my computer world???),Bewitchingemma (the computer is my life)

Why would I care? Girls are obviously way superior to boys. We ACT weak so we can get the boys to do stuff for us. THEY DON'T EVEN NOTICE!! MWAHAHAHAH!

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Vampiress19, I'veComeToTakeYourCheese,Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, hugz.4.all.the.emo.boyz, roughdiamond5, stellergazeller,Angelz on Edge,icequeen12, Artemis' hunters, DestinedforGreatness,IwannabeAnnabeth, Bewitchingemma

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, -xIxHEARTxEDWARDx-, sakurabloom1124, Phish Tacko, fictionfreak93, InkAndPaperTwin, OnTheHour.EveryHour, DarkAngelSnapeLover, LilysLittleTwin, Artemis' hunters, DestinedforGreatness,IwannabeAnnabeth, Bewitchingemma

You Know You're a Book Addict If:

You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on.

Read the book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading.

You write fanfictions about the book. (teehehe)

You try to get all of your friends (and everyone else) to read it.

You accidentally call everyone by the character's names.

Everything reminds you of the book.

You quote random lines all the time.

You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. (like, um, magic powers)

You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class

You have pictures of your favorite characters on your iPod.

You've got a book memorized.

You've read a book more than five times.

You've read a book with 400+ pages in less than two days.

You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like.

You've plotted to murder a character and steal her boyfriend.

You hate it when someone calls your favorite character fictional

You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional.

You've found yourself trying to impersonate a character.

Your idol is a character from a book

NORMAL PEOPLE: rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast
PJO FANS: will tell Zeus to make it rain

NORMAL PEOPLE: say OMG!
PJO FANS: say OH MY GODS!

NORMAL PEOPLE: go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings
PJO FANS: won't go to one because they will take away your awesome demigod powers

NORMAL PEOPLE: say shut up or I'll tell on you!
PJO FANS: say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you! (Well, not in those words exactly)

NORMAL PEOPLE: think that PJO fans are stupid
PJO FANS: know that normal people are stupid

NORMAL PEOPLE: when being chased yell HELP ME SOMEBODY!
PJO FANS: when being chased use their awesome demigod powers/skills

NORMAL PEOPLE: get nervous/scared during thunderstorms
PJO FANS: yell at Zeus to calm down (politely)

NORMAL PEOPLE: would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation
PJO FANS: would try and find Camp Half Blood

NORMAL PEOPLE:don't have this on their profile

PJO FANS: MUST have this on their profile!

If you're a Demigod copy this into your profile and sign your name

Shorty/Kris

KG/Lizzy

Wisegirl101/Lindsay

WiseOne27

SeaweedBrain013/Sebz

CloudyAlore/Faye

XxxBeLLxXxGiRlxxX76/Bells

xXthe shadow huntressxX

annapercy1

Hula

The New Ace of Spies

7Cerberus7

Storyteller-221/Kali Lennor

AthenaPersephone14

Laserfire

JBaddict1234

SeaweedGirl1

TheJazzyDolphin

MindBender 10

April Mayz

MirandaTheWaterGirl

DestinedForGreatness/Darcy

IwannabeAnnabeth

Bewitchingemma

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

╔╗╔═╦╗ Put this on your profile
║╚╣║║╚╗If you like to laugh!
╚═╩═╩═╝

Harry Potter made me realize... Real life is extremely boring

I agree with the Dictionary:

Girls before Guys

Partying before Studying

AV is Addicted to Vampires

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling, telling him he'll die in seven days.

If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.

They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the gun helps, cuz if you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

What's the point of having a giant paper clip if you won't use it for world domination?

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

closed minds always seem to be connected to open mouths

yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet

cute but psycho. things even out

save the earth. it's the only planet with chocolate.

your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend

tell the truth and run

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends

ever noticed that 'mother in law' rearanged, spelles 'woman hitler'?

i live in my own little world. but it's ok, they know me there

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

between two evils, i always pick the one I've never tried

shit happens. but mostly to me, so dont worry

shut up voices! or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!

whoever said nothings impossible, never tried skydiving without a parachute. or maybe they did. I mean we never really met whoever said it, did we?

i talk to myself because my answers are the only ones i accept!

why get high when there are other ways to achieve a smug sence of superiority- sarcasm: the ultimate anti-drug

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

life is all about ass. everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.

why do people always say life is short. life is the longest damn thing you can do.

I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that

you cry, i cry. you laugh, i laugh. you jump of a cliff, i laugh even harder

No I won't go to hell! it has a restraining order against me

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

'it's always the last place you look'. well of course it is! why the heck would I keep looking after I found it!

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

Come join the dark side. (We have the Cullens)

If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

I like eggs. Tigers are pretty. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile

When you fall: A friend helps you up; a best friend keeps walking and says,"Walk much dumbass?"

When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.

Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her

When she stares at your mouth
Kiss her

When she pushes you or hits you
Grab her and don't let go

When she starts cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong

When she ignores you
Give her your attention

When she pulls away
Pull her back

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind

When she's scared
Protect her

When she lays her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her

When she steals your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night

When she teases you
Tease her back and make her laugh

When she doesn't answer for a long time
Reassure her that everything is okay

When she looks at you with doubt
Back yourself up

When she says that she likes you
she really does more than you could understand

When she grabs at your hands
Hold hers and play with her fingers

When she bumps into you
bump into her back and make her laugh

When she tells you a secret
keep it safe and untold

When she looks at you in your eyes
don't look away until she does

When she misses you
she's hurting inside

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers

When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -

Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.-

When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-

Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-

Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-

Tease her and let her tease you back.-

Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-

Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-

Give her the world.-

Let her wear your clothes.-

When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-

Let her know she's important.-

Kiss her in the pouring rain.-

When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking?"

If you do post this in the next four minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run, bitch ,run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this shit!

Female come backs
pick up line comebacks

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

Man: Your eyes they're amazing.
Woman: Seeing your back would be pretty amazing.

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place ?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

If you repost this you will get a phone call 37 minutes after you repost
this...
If you don't resend this then your love life will be doomed for eternity.

GIRLS REPOST THIS AS "female comebacks"
GUYS REPOST THIS AS "don't let this happen

Random things you can do IN WALMART!

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme song.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Hospital.

Please select from the following options:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and
6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a
little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press, nothing will make you happy ayway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the
beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait
for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you
have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press
9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our
operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn
on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy
forever.

WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'In.'
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their coffee addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For smuggling diamonds.'
7. Finish all your scentences with 'In accordance with the prophecy.'
8. Don't use any punctuation.
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is 'To go.'
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask 'Why don't the poems rhyme?'
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your co-workers address your by your wrestling name.
17. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won!! I won!!'
18. When leaving the zoo, starting running towards the parking lot yelling 'Run for your lives, they're loose!'
19. Tell your children (or someone) over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go.'

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Six Truths Of Life

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, try it

3.The first truth is a lie

4. You're smiling now because you are an idiot

5. You soon will forward this on to another idiot

6. There is still a stupid smile on your face

Now send this to another idiot to fall for if you fell for it and I now you did.

~NORMAL QUOTES. ~

S.c.h.o.o.l: Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Lives.

School for 12 years, College for 4 years, Work until you die.. Great.

Sometimes I wish I could be like the white crayon in the box. That way, no one would ever use me.

I don't smoke, there are cooler ways to die.

There is a "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, "us" in trust, and "if" in life.

And after Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F.

Oh so you can join the army when your 16, but you have to be 21 to drink?

If 2012 does begin to happen ..We'll just have Kanye interrupt it

And then God created Saturn ..and he liked it, so he put a ring on it.

People say you can't live without love.. I think oxygen is more important XD

The guy who discovered milk, what the hell was he doing with the cow?

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!"

My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem...

Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit a bit harder.

When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Perfect men are only fictional.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is man's way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

Remember: Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn.

I hate it when the voices and my imaginary friends fight.

Have you seen my mind? I seem to have lost it.

If all else fails, try reading the instructions.

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without owning a flamethrower. However, I own a flamethrower, and therefore, life holds more fun for me then just lying!

I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.

Smart is sexy.

Everyone rises to their level of incompetence.

Someone's boring me. I think it's me.

Sorry I couldn't make it to church--I was busy practicing witchcraft.

Your face is like the sun--not because it is beautiful, but because I can only look at it for a minute.

Warning: Trespassers will be shot

Warning: Survivors will be shot again.

It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?

You say you dislike me, but deep down, you know you hate me.

That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.

I'm not tense. I'm just terribly, terribly alert.

God did not create men and women equal...don't worry; give him time, and he'll evolve.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.

This is not something to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown, with great force.

He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged.

For sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Always remember you're unique...just like everyone else.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

I like work. It fascinates me. I could sit and look at it forever.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Don’t play dumb with me, I'll always win.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is NOT for you.

There are two ways to argue with a woman. Neither one works.

I refuse to engage in an intellectual battle with an unarmed man.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. ..

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.

Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes..

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ...coincidence?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

STRESSED? You think I look stressed! I'm gonna KILL the next person who says I look stressed!

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.

Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you to their level then beat you with experience.

I'd love to help you out. Which way did you come in?

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have!

I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?!

-If you have ever read past two in the morning, copy this onto your profile

-If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile.

-If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

-If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

-If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile.

-If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you hate those obnoxious snobby people PLEASE copy and paste this into your profile

-Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this into your profile.

-If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you think that HARRY POTTER is the best book known to woman (and man)...copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

-If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

-I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do..

-If you get bored easily post this on your profile.

-If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

-If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
-If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile

-Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

-If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile

-If you ever get a random urge to start screaming at the top of your lungs copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these (there's more BWHAHAHAHA!!), copy this into your profile!!

-If you've ever yelled at an inanimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If that inanimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile

-If you actually read this whole thing add one of these things, and copy and paste this to your profile

-If you complain that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you don’t just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you thought whoever invented music is completely AWESOME, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever wondered why the hell Canadians and Americans have to spell 'color'/’colour’ differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile

-If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingies, copy and paste this onto your profile. -If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you have ever laughed so hard you either choked, hyperventalated, had your sides cramp, or all of the above copy and paste this on your profile

-If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

-If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

-If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile

-If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile

-If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/ someone else, copy this into your profile.

98% of teens say "I love you" and don't mean it...I am one of the 2% that do mean it. If you are too, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself, copy and past this to your profile.

-If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

-If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

-If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

-If you are obsessed with FanFiction copy this into your profile

If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you weird, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.

-If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

REASONS WHY GIRLS ARE THE BEST!!!:

1.We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in.

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. We can repost this, and NOT be gay.

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only

black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:

"When I was born I was black,"

"When I grew up I was black,"

"When I'm sick I'm black,"

"When I go in the sun I'm black,"

"When I'm cold I'm black,"

"When I die I'll be black,"

"But you sir..."

"When you're born, your pink,"

"When you grow up, you're white,"

"When you're sick, you're green,"

"When you go in the sun, you turn red,"

"When you're cold, you turn blue,"

"And when you die, you turn purple,"

"And yet you have the nerve to call me a colored."

The black man then sat and the white man walked away...

Copy this onto your site & help stop racism!