Bio:

Name-Captain...um...uh...I'll let you know when I come up with something witty.

Age- I was born last month. Seriously.

Hometown: My mother's--nevermind.

Current Location-Toast.

Favorite Quotes:

"Who died and made you Zeus?"-Thalia Grace from Percy Jackson and the Olympians.

"Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway."- IHaveNoIdea.

"The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think."

"You know you're having a bad day when the bird you hear singing in the morning, is a vulture."

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep--not screaming, like the passangers in his car."

Funny Insults:

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you...I was at the zoo.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

General Insults

1) I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

2) Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what the hell happen to you?

3) Right now I'm sitting here looking at you trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass.

4) A pretty girl can kiss a guy* a bird can kiss a butterfly* the rising sun can kiss the grass* but you my friend, can kiss my ass.

5) If you didn't have feet you wouldn't wear shoes...then why do you wear a bra??!

6) Mirrors don't talk but lucky for you they don't laugh either.

7) People like you are the reason I'm on medication.

8) Don't piss me off today, I'm running out of places to hide to bodies.

9) I had a nightmare. I dreamt I was you.

10) Hey, Remember that time I told you I thought you were cool? I LIED.

11) I need you...I want you...To get out of my face

12) Damn not you again...

13) Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

14) If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first.

15) I am not anti-social..I just don't like you

16) Hmm...I dont know what your probelm is...but I'm going to bet it's really hard to pronounce...

17) Until you called me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly.

18)Cancel my subscriptions ... I'm tired of your issues.

19) I may be fat,but you're ugly,and I can diet.

20) Earth is full. Go home.

21) If I could be one person for a day, it sure as hell wouldn't be you.

22) Hey, heres a hint. If i don't answer you the first 25 times, what makes you think the next 25 will work?

23) How do you keep an idiot in suspense? Leave a message and I'll get back to you...

24) What's that ugly thing growing out of your neck... Oh... It's your head...

25) I'm sorry, Talking to you seems as appealing as playing leapfrog with unicorns.

26) Don't hate me because I'm beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

27) God made mountains, god made trees, god made me so beautifully. God made rivers, god made lakes, god made you, hey we all make mistakes.

28) Remember JESUS loves you but everyone else thinks you're an idiot.

29) I'm not mean ... you're just a sissy.

30) Sorry I can't think of an insult stupid enough for you.

31) Beauty is skin deep, but ugly is to the bone.

32) How about a little less questions and a little more shut the hell up?

33) Let's see, I've walked the dog, cleaned my room, gone shopping and gossiped with my friends...Nope, this list doesn't say that I'm required to talk to you.

34) When you were born you were so ugly that instead of slapping you, the doctor slapped your mom.

35) Mom said never talk to strangers and well, since you're really strange... I guess that means I can't talk to you.

36) Forget the ugly stick, you must have been born in the ugly forrest.

37) The Village just called. They said they were missing their town idiot, I couldn't really understand them, but I think they were saying the name was yours...

38) You dont know me, you just wish you did.

39) I'd like to leave you with one thought, but I don't think you have anywhere to put it.