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A good friend will comfort you when he/she rejects you.
A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" Or "it's because your a slut huh?"

A good friend helps you find your prince/princess
A best friend kidnaps him/her and brings him/her to you.

A good friend will be there for you when he/she breaks up with you.
A best friend will call him/her and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will offer you a soda.
A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain.
A best friend takes yours and says, "Run, bitch, run!"

A good friend will help you move.
A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail.
A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry.
A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried... just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number.
A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend knows all your best stories.
A best friend has lived them with you.

A good friend will help you up when you fall.
A best friend will keep on walking and say, "Walk much, dumb a*s?"

A good friend never asks for anything to eat or drink.
A best friend will help themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

A good friend will have to tell you not to tell anyone.
A best friend already knows not to tell.

A good friend will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
A best friend will look at you stumbling all over the place and say,"Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!"

A good friend rings the door bell before entering your home.
A best friend enters your home uninvited and shouts "I'M HOME!"

A good friend calms you down when your angry.
A best friend will skip beside you with a baseball bat singing "Someone's gonna get it!"

A good friend would read and ignore this.
A best friend will repost this sh*t!

Don't piss me off, I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Some people are like Slinky's. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

You say I’ve lost my sanity. Well I have news for you. You can’t lose what you never had!

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then sit back and enjoy as the world try to figure out how you did it.

I'd tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I really wouldn't want to see you everyday.

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.

You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

All people have the right to stupidity but some people abuse the privilege.

When I was born, I was so shocked that I didn't talk for a year and a half.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

The problem with life, is that there's no background music.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I may not follow, do not walk beside me either. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!

I have multiple personalities and none of them like you.

Anatidaephobia — fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you.

The first rule of holes: If you are in one, stop digging.

Ten Thing I Know About You
1.Your Reading Thing
2.Your Human {I Hope}
3. You Cant Say The Letter "P" Without Touching Lips
Just Tried Doing That
6.Your Probably Smiling
Continue To Smile And You Skipped N.O 4
Checked To See If Theres A Number 4
Are Probably Smiling Because You Know That Almost Everyone Who Reads This Does
Will Link This To Someone To See If They Do It