“I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions.”

-James A. Michener

"Three can keep a secret if two of them are dead."

-Benjamin Franklin

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you."

-Ray Bradbury

"There's no right way to be stupid."

-Dr. Phil

Mental Hospital Phone Menu

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Hospital .

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you
want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be
forwarded to the Mother Ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little
voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which
number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the
beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our
operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn
on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons, you'll just
mess it up.

If the light at the end of the tunnel turns out to be a train, it's okay to stay down for a while. But you have to get up eventually. And if you need help, it's okay to ask - you got hit by a train, after all.

If you are against child abuse, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against racism, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against abortion, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are against drinking and driving, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, or anything else that applies, copy and paste this to your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

Too many people have smoked marijuana. If you haven't, write this to your profile.

Too many people are on crack. If you're not, then add this to your bio.

If you're against animal cruelty then copy this into your profile

If you wish that people would just grow up and stop being racist, copy and paste this.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile

If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone their not, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile and add some stereotypes. (Bolded ones apply to me.)

SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a GIRL, so I MUST be WEAK.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

I live in the COUNTRY, so I MUST live on a farm.

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore

I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore

I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.

I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that’s how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas

I’m a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction

I’m a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff

I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.

I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.

I'm a FEMALE, so I MUST not SWEAR.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil

I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty

I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.

I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.

I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.

I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon

I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.

I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.

I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.

I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.

I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.

I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.

I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.

I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.

I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.

I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.

I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.

I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.

I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling snob.

My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.

I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.

I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE, so I MUST be a whore myself.

I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse

I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist

I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.

I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.

I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.

I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.

I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.

I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.

I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.

I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep

I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo

I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.

I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.

I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.

I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.

I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.

I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.

I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!

I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with a cockney or posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.

I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.

I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE

I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser.

I care about the ENVIRONMENT, so I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.

I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.

I CHAT, so I MUST be having cyber sex.

I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins

I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan

I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion

I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.

I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.

I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.

I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.

I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.

I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.

I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED.

I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast.

I wear BLACK nail polish, so I MUST be EMO, GOTH, or PUNK.

I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish.

I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.

I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.

I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.

I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.

I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s.

I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times.

I’m GAY so I MUST be after EVERY straight guy around.

I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.

I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.

I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.

I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.

I am an HONOR STUDENT, so I MUST be a NERD

I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.

I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist

I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake.

I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems

I am a BRUNETTE, so I MUST think all blondes are STUPID

I have RED HAIR, so I MUST have GREEN eyes and FRECKLES

I have BLACK HAIR, so I MUST not be WHITE

I am BLACK, so I MUST want you to try and avoid saying that WORD in my presence.

I EAT slowly, so I MUST believe that fast eaters are killing their DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS

I've read TWILIGHT, so I MUST be a crazily obsessed FANGIRL

I can eat FIVE SLICES of pizza in one sitting, so I MUST be FAT

I like SLEEPING IN, so I MUST be a lazy TEENAGER

I don't like POP, so I MUST not be NORMAL

I am careful about my NUT ALLERGY, so I MUST think all candy has NUTS in it.

I have ASTHMA, so I MUST not play sports

I am a girl and play SOCCER/FOOTBALL/HOCKEY, so I MUST be trying to get guys ATTENTION.

I don't like ROLLERCOASTERS, so I MUST be OLD, WIMPY, or STUPID.

I like SHOPPING, so I MUST be a GIGGLING GIRLY-GIRL.

I am HONEST, so I MUST be MEAN

I am a MENNONITE, so I MUST never have heard of a TELEVISION

I don't have FACEBOOK, so I MUST have no LIFE.

I say I like STAYCATIONS, so I MUST be trying to save GAS

I do WELL in school, so I MUST LOVE it.

I have clothes from WALMART, so I MUST not care about CHILD LABOUR

I don't like SILENCE, so I MUST fill every one with CHATTER

I like SINGING, so I MUST belong to a CHOIR

I don't like DANCING, so I MUST be ANTISOCIAL

I am an INUIT, so I MUST live in an IGL

I am part of the POLICE FORCE, so I MUST break all SPEED LIMITS

I am FRENCH, so I MUST have a little MOUSTACHE and a BERET

I am INDIAN, so I MUST speak English with an incomprehensible ACCENT

I can’t just EXERCISE without a purpose, so I MUST have no MOTIVATION

I am a man with LONG HAIR, so I MUST be a HIPPY

I am a woman with SHORT HAIR, so I MUST be a CAREER WOMAN

I am a GIRL, so I MUST not like MATH.

I am a BOY, so I MUST like GYM

I have ACNE problems, so I must not care about my personal HYGENE

I own an SUV, so I MUST not care about the ENVIRONMENT

I write POETRY, so I MUST be CRAZY

I LIKE TO LOOK GOOD so I MUST be insecure

I TALK TO BOYS so I MUST be a slut.

I'm A WRITER so I MUST be crazy.

I'm an ACTRESS so I MUST be a liar

I WEAR MAKEUP so I MUST be a slut.

I'm POPULAR so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm TALENTED so I MUST be a conceited show-off.

I have/do SELF-HARM(ED) so I MUST be a whiny emo.

I have/had an EATING DISORDER so I MUST hate myself.

I've been/go to THERAPY so I MUST be crazy.

I'm BIPOLAR so I MUST be an unstable, dangerous, freak.

I've LIED A LOT so I MUST be untrustworthy.

I have an IDENTICAL TWIN so I MUST be unoriginal.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN so I MUST be a slut.

I LOVE CATS, so I MUST be crazy and alone.

Not to offend anyone. Copy and paste this to your profile and add more stereotypes to it. I added the last two. The bold represents me.

Some words of wisdom:

Killers stab you in the head.
Boys stab you in the heart.
Friends stab you in the back.
But best friends don't carry any knives

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

It proves that you are a worthless, conceited human being whose brain is so big it could fit inside a peanut shell, and there'd still be room for the peanut!

When life hands you lemons, squirt the juice in your enemy's eyes.

When in doubt, blame the hippies!

What doesn't kill you usually succeeds in the second attempt.

In the year 3000, YouTube, Twitter and Facebook will merge, creating an epic waste of time called "You Twit Face."

I have CDO. It's like OCD, but in the right order.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

If you eat a live frog in the morning, nothing worse will happen to either of you for the rest of the day.

Birthdays are like boogers; the more you have, the harder it is to breathe.

Anger is like pee in your pants; everyone can see it, but only you can feel it.

Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

I didn't hit you. I high-fived your face.

Some people say I have ADD. That's really not... Ooh! Shiny!

If the world didn't suck we would all fall off.

I am going to live forever or die trying.

I'm no Angel, just an innocent Devil.

One day, your Prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footsteps on the moon!

A positive attitude won't solve ALL of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.

One night, I lay in bed, looking up at the stars, and thought, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"

Officer, I swear to drunk, I'm not God!

I did what they said and chose the road less traveled... Now where the heck am I?

Boys are cute when they try to be smart.

I'm not clumsy... The floor just hates me.

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.

I am currently out of my mind; feel free to leave a message.

Parents spend the first half of your life teaching you to walk and talk, and the other half telling you to sit down and shut up.

Smile. It makes people wonder what you’re up to.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't -- Hey! Nice carpet!"

There are no stupid questions. Just stupid people.

My imaginary friend thinks you have issues.

Act your age, not your shoe size.

I'm not afraid of death. What's it gonna to do? Kill me?

If you don't like a person who would rather be writing a story than listen to you gossip, then you wouldn't like me.

If you don't like a person who will drive you to the point of insanity, then you wouldn't like me.

If you don't like a person who tunes you out to think about the next story they're writing, then you wouldn't like me.

If you don't like a person who listens to music 24/7 then you wouldn't like me.

But...

If you like a person who plays rough and doesn't care if they get dirty then you would like me.

If you like a person who stands up for what they believe in, then you would like me.

If you like a person who changes the subject when nervous, then you'd like me.

If you like a person who dresses how they wish, no matter what anyone thinks, then you'd like me.

If you like a person who actually respects their teacher, then you'd like me.

If you like a person who isn't a snitch, but will tell if asked, then you'd like me.

I rather be hated for who I am, then loved for something I'm not.

I've stopped fighting my inner demons. We're on the same side now.

I'm smiling. That alone should scare you.

Revenge is sweet, but there are others flavors to it as well.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.

I'm being nice. That means I'm plotting against you.

Sarcasm is just one service I offer.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

The buddy system is essential: it gives the enemy something else to shoot at.

If you think I'm weird, you should meet my friends.

If you can't beat them, join them. If you can't join them, sue them, and then rub it in their faces.

Rules are like paperclips. Meant to hold things together, fun to bend, and easy to twist out of shape.

Most people are stupid. It's mostly because they think they're smart.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

If you're normal, that means you're average, if you're average that means your ordinary, if you're ordinary, that means you're boring.

If life is short, then why has it been a long day?

When you cry, I cry, when you laugh, I laugh, when you jump of a cliff, I laugh harder.

Shut doesn't go up. Taxes do.

You're not breaking the law unless you're caught.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumb-war with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent).

If you know what pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis is, copy and paste this into your profile

My mind works like lightning... One brilliant flash and it's gone.

When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Procrastinate later.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather... Not screaming like the passengers in his car.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

I don't care if you insult me, but at least use correct grammar and spelling.

PJO Pledge

I promise to remember Percy

Whenever I'm at sea.

I promise to remember Annabeth

Whenever a spider comes at me.

I promise to protect nature,

For Grover's sake of course,

I promise to remember Luke

When my heart fills with remorse.

I promise to remember Chiron,

When I see a sign that says, "Free Pony Ride."

I promise to remember Tyson

Whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side.

I promise to remember Thalia

Whenever a friend is afraid of heights

I promise to remember Clarisse

Whenever I see someone that gives me a fright

I promise to remember Bianca

Whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother

I promise to remember Nico

Whenever someone doesn't get along with others.

I promise to remember Zoe

Whenever I watch the stars

I promise to remember Rachel

Whenever a limo passes my car.

Yes, I promise to remember PJO,

Wherever I may go.

Kane Chronicles Pledge

I promise to remember Carter

Whenever I travel far away

I promise to remember Sadie

Whenever I have something sarcastic to say

I promise to remember Desjardins

When someone doesn't fight fair

I promise to remember Amos

Whenever I see someone with beads in their hair

I promise to remember Iskandar

When I see someone very old

I promise to remember Bast

Whenever I see a cat's eyes that are gold.

I promise to remember Horus

Whenever I see a beautiful bird

I promise to remember Isis

Whenever strange voices are heard.

I promise to remember Set

When I see someone clever and sly

I promise to remember Anubis

Whenever a cute boy catches my eye

I promise to remember Zia

Whenever I see someone working magic

I promise to remember Julius

Whenever someone's life is tragic.

I promise to remember Ruby Kane

When someone I love is gone

Yes, I promise to remember the Egyptians

Wherever I may go.

SuperWhoLock Pledge

I swear to remember Martha

When I experience unrequited love

I swear to look for the TARDIS

When I look into the stars above.

I swear to remember Watson

When I'm feeling benign,

and to think of Moriarity, Lillith, and the Master when I'm feeling malign.

I swear to always take a banana to a party,

And when it's time to go, say "Allons-y!"

I swear when I'm investigating a dead corpse to hit it with a crop,

And when I'm frightened,

to keep calm, don't blink, grab the salt, and text Sherlock.

I swear to remember that even if a projected image of a Weeping Angel may seem fake,

It is real, and no matter what,

Always trust Castiel.

I swear to remain loyal to this fandom and understand that it is a treasure,

And when someone bashes it,

I swear to flip them the bird and say,

"SUPERWHOLOCK FOREVER!"

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Really Dumb Store labels:

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Tylenol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what? Space?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)

On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how rock can beat scissors, but there's no way paper can beat rock. Is paper supposed to magically wrap around rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, asshole!

"Dude, we lived! we're livers!"
"Dude, you just totally called us livers!"

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt." ...?

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

What you have:
[x] You own over 10 bottles of nail polish
[ ] You own a designer purse
[x] You own something that cost over $60 (Kindle)
[ ] You had/have fake nails
[ ] You have more hair products and body products than you can use
[ ] Your pet is a Chihuahua/Pomeranian/Yorkshire Terrier/Siamese/Shih Tzu/ mini anything
[ ] you have clothes//accessories for your pet
[ ] You have enough clothes to cover an entire refugee camp
[ ] you have enough pictures to create your own wallpaper
[x] A pink comforter, carpeting, walls or sheets
Total So Far: 3

Do you:
[ ] Spend more time at the mall than you do at home/work
[x] Have had a hair color that is not natural
[ ] Have "blonde moments" at least once a day
[ ] Buy stuff because it's awesome and then never wear/use it
[ ] Constantly keep your phone at your side
[ ] Dance around in your room when nobody else is home
[ ] Have a name for your car
[x] Know what celebrity is dating who and who broke up this week
[ ] Refuse to go out in public without makeup
[ ] Prefer to be called "princess"
Total so far: 5

Do you love:
[ ] Makeup
[x] Glitter
[x] The color pink
[ ] Jewelry
[ ] Mirrors
[ ] Chick flicks
[ ] Shoes
[ ] Rainbows
[ ] Unicorns
[x] Disney Movies
[ ] Flowers
[x] Stuffed Animals
[ ] Purses
Total So Far: 9

Do you shop at:
[ ] Coach
[x] Forever 21
[ ] Victoria's Secret
[ ] Guess
[ ] Claire's
[ ] Express
[ ] Delia's
[x] Hollister
[x] American Eagle
[ ] Abercrombie Fitch
[x] Aeropostale
Total So Far: 13

Do you say:
[ ] Whatever
[x] Oh my gosh/goodness
[ ] Hun
[x] Fugly
[ ] That's hot
[ ] Dunzo
[ ] Darling
[ ] Bff
[ ] Cutie
[x] Hottie
[x] Skank
[ ] Totally
[ ] For Sure
[ ] Fabulous
Total So Far: 17

Do you read:
[ ] Cosmopolitan
[ ] Glamour
[ ] Marie Claire
[ ] Elle Girl
[x] Teen Vogue
[x] People
[ ] Us Weekly
[ ] Star
[ ] Self
[ ]
[ ]
[x] Seventeen
[ ]
[ ]
[ ]
[ ] Pink Is The New
Total So Far: 20

Do you love these:
[x] Legally Blonde (Reese Witherspoon is hilarious)
[ ] Elizabethtown
[x] Mean Girls
[ ] Now & Then
[x] The Notebook (It happens to be a great movie.)
[ ] A Walk to Remember
[ ] Sweet Home Alabama
[ ] Where the Heart is
[ ] Just my luck
[ ] John Tucker Must Die
[ ] Center stage
[ ] Bring it On
[ ] How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
[ ] Mona Lisa Smile
[ ] My Girl
[ ] Wedding Date
[ ] 10 Things I Hate About You
Total So Far: 23

Do you really enjoy:
[ ] America's Next Top Model
[ ] Project Runway
[ ] Desperate Housewives
[ ] The Simple Life
[ ] 8th & Ocean
[ ] Sex & the City
[x] Grey's Anatomy
[ ] The O.C.
[ ] The City
[ ] Nip/Tuck
[ ] Gilmore Girls
[ ] Degrassi
Total so far: 24

1-10 = You're more of a guy than a girl.
11-20 = Tomboy
21-30 = Tomboy - ish
31-40 = Girl.
41-50 = You are a girly girl, girlfriend!
51-59 = OMG you are like, totally feminine.
60 and up = The most prep you can get!

(\ _ /)
(O.o )

This is Bunny.
Copy Bunny onto your profile to help him on his way to world domination.

xoxo

Never look back, Hanna. .:Something:. might [be] {g.a.i.n.i.n.g} on you.

xoxo

W:h:e:n I hide something, .:it:. s/t/a/y/s hid . . . U:n:t:i:l I [want] .:it:. .f.o.u.n.d.

xoxo

Boys play w i t h toys, girls play w i t h boys.

xoxo

got a s e c r e t,

can you keep it?

.:swear:. this one you'll save,

better lock it

in your p o c k e t,

taking this one to the .g.r.a.v.e.

if i s/h/o/w you

then i {know} you

won't tell what i said

'cause two can keep a s e c r e t if one of them is dead.

xoxo

Kisses - A

xoxo

"You're bloodline doesn't matter - it's who you are that counts."

-Theo Cassidy; A Thousand Names.

xoxo

''Don't discount our powers;
We have made a pass
At the infinite,'' - Robert Frost

xoxo

Favourite quotes:

From the Kane Chronicles:

"You're Bes, I guess?" I said. "Yes," he said. "Your car's a mess," Liz muttered. "If one more person rhymes," Emma grumbled, "I'll throw up."

"Sadie, I can't intervene." He turned up his palms in frustration. "I told you when we first met, this isn't an actual physical body." "Shame," I mumbled. "What?" "Nothing. Go on."

"That sounded about as likely as Apophis and Ra becoming Facebook buddies, but I decided not to say anything."

Our Baboon was going completely sky goddess-which is to say nuts.

Percy Jackson:

"You are okay?" he asked. "Not eaten by monsters?"
"Not even a little bit." I showed him that I still had both arms and both legs, and Tyson clapped happily.
"Yay!" he said. "Now we can eat peanut butter sandwiches and ride fish ponies! We can fight monsters and see Annabeth and make things go BOOM!"
I hoped he didn't mean all at the same time, but I told him absolutely, we'd have a lot of fun this summer."

"Hades raised an eyebrow. When he sat forward in his throne, shadowy faces appeared in the folds of his black robes, faces of torment,as if the garment was stitched of trapped souls from the Fields of Punishment, trying to get out. The ADHD part of me wondered, off-task, whether the rest of his clothes were made the same way. What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades' underwear?"

"Don't feel bad, I'm usually about to die."

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!
Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

"Monkey bar," Annabeth said. "I'm great at these." She leaped onto to the first rung and start swinging her way across. She was scared of tiny spiders, but not of plummeting to her death from a set of monkey bars. Go figure."

"It doesn't matter if they hate you, or embarrass you, or simply don't appreciate your genius for inventing the internet-"
"You invented the internet?"
It was my idea, Martha said.
Rats are delicious, George said.
"It was my idea!" Hermes said. "I mean the internet, not the rats. But that's not the point."

"Gabe scratched his double chin. "Maybe if you hurry with the seven-layer dip...And maybe if the kid apologizes for interrupting my poker game."
Maybe if I kick you in your soft spot, I thought. And make you sing Soprano for a week."

"Can’t this thing go any faster?” Thalia demanded.
Zoe glared at her. “I cannot control traffic.”
You both sound like my mother,” I said.
Shut up!” they both said in union."

"Hey, can I see that sword you were using?"
I showed him Riptide, and explained how it turned from a pen into a sword just by uncapping it.
"Cool! Does it ever run out of ink?"
"Um, well, I don't actually write with it."
"Are you really the son of Poseidon?"
"Well, yeah."
"Can you surf really well, then?"
I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh.
"Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried."
He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)"

"You weren't able to talk sense into him?"
Well, we kind of tried to kill each other in a duel to the death."
I see. You tried the diplomatic approach."

"Dude! said a party pony as he unloaded his gear. Did you see that bear guy? He was all like: 'Whoa, I have an arrow in my mouth!"

"I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh!"

"Aretmis gripped her bow. “Let us pray I am wrong.”
"Can goddesses pray?"

"You Titans are about as bright as my gym socks."

"Hades smiled coldly. "Hello, Father. You're looking...young."
"Hades," Kronos growled. "I hope you and the ladies have come to pledge your allegiance."
"I'm afraid not." Hades sighed. "My son here convinced me that perhaps I should prioritize my list of enemies." He glanced at me with distaste. "As much as I dislike certain upstart demigods, it would not do for Olympus to fall. I would miss bickering with my siblings. And if there is one thing we agree on - it is that you were a TERRIBLE father."

"Ever had a flying burrito hit you? Well, it's a deadly projectile, right up there with cannonballs and grenades."

"And, whoa!" He turned to Mr.D. "Your the wine dude? No way!"
Mr.D turned hi eyes away from me and gave Nico a look of loathing. "The wine dude?"
"Dionysus, right? Oh, wow! I've got your figurine!"
"My figurine."
"In my game, Mythomagic. And holofoil card, too! And even though you've only got like five hundred attack points and everybody thinks your the lamest god card, I totally think your powers are sweet!"
"Ah." Mr.D seemed truly perplexed, which probably saved my life. "Well, that's...gratifying."

"Tyson thought Annabeth was just about the coolest thing since peanut butter, and he SERIOUSLY loved peanut butter."

"Are you suggesting that the gods have trouble acting together, young lady?" Dionysus asked.

"Yes, Lord Dionysus."

Mr. D nodded. "Just checking. You're right, of course. Carry on."

"Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can."
Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?"
Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?"
"Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries."
Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom." I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand."
"I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said.
"And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt."

xoxo

If there are warnings on a fic of mine that you read, (i.e. SLASH, TRIGGER) please do not ignore them. If you don't like what is included, please don't read the fic. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! (picture is NOT mine)