How to Tell if You're a Writer

-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. "I wonder why I talk to myself so much?")
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. "Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’")
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, "Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!"
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no "apparent" reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.

*Random quotes from other profiles, songs, and friends*

"Look Behind You! its a distraction!"

"I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I"

"Best Friends are the siblings God forgot to give us."

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is."

"We need to protect earth to save our souls. A hero to raise up and take control."

"My best friend gave me the best advice. He said each days a gift and not a given right. Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind and try to take the path less traveled by. that first step you take is the longest stride. If today was your last day, if tomorrow was too late, could you say goodbye to yesterday. Would you live each moment like your last? Leave old pictures in the past? Donate every dime you have, if today was your last day."

"If everyone cared and nobody cried, If everyone loved and nobody lied, if everyone shared and swallowed their pride, then we'd see the day where nobody died."

"You can't quit until you try. You can't live until you die. You can't learn to tell the truth until you learn to lie. You can't breath until you choke. You gotta laugh when you're the joke."

"The one who smiles the most is the one who's the most broken. The one who fights the most is the one who wants to find peace.
The one who encourages others is the one who always feels useless.
The one who seems insane is the one who is just following a life no one else understands, or will ever believe. Nor do they want to."

"If you prey on the old, you're a coward. If you prey on the young, you're just pathetic. If you prey on the weak, you're even weaker. But if you prey on my friends, you're history."

"When you are sad, I will dry your tears. When you are scared, I will comfort your fears. When you are worried, I will give you hope. When you are confused, I will help you cope. When you are lost and can't see the light, I will be your beacon shining ever so bright. This is my oath, I shall pledge until the end. You ask why? Because you are my friend."

"They laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they're all the same."

"Sometimes people put up walls not to keep people out but to see who cares enough to tear
them down."

"Why kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?"

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

"Smirk, it makes people wonder what you’re up to, while scaring the crap out of them at the same time!"

"The best part of life is when your family becomes your friends, and your friends become your family."

"When you look around and your world is crumbling, and when you think no one loves you, your best friend is the one to run to."
"When it hurts to look back, and you're scared to look ahead, you can look beside you, and your best friend will be there."

"True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."

"Emo is short for emotional. Not suicidal."

" The Ten Commandments aren't multiple choice."

"Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them."

"Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?"

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?"

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"When I was younger, my parents encouraged me to walk and talk. Now, all they want me to do is sit down and shut up!"

"They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead..."

"I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes."

"You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it."

"Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement."

"Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!! Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing."

"'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!"

"You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear."

"I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!"

"Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over."

"When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you"

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."

"There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again"

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women."

"So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone"

"I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face"

"Tired of living and scared of dying"

"Scared to remember, terrified to forget"

"Education is important, school however, is another matter."

"Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more"

"Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them."

"Don’t mess with me I've got a stick."

"I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends."

"Boys are like Slinky's, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs."

"I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse"

"Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't"

"I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either."

"Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls."

19 Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity

1.) At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2.) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3.) Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4.) Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'In'.
5.) Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6.) In the memo field of all your checks, write 'For Smuggling Diamonds'.
7.) Finish all your sentences with 'In Accordance with the Prophecy'.
8.) Don't use any punctuation.
9.) As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10.) Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.) Specify that your drive-through order is 'To go'.
12.) Sing along at the Opera.
13.) Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14.) Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15.) Five days In advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16.) Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17.) When the money comes out of the ATM, scream 'I won! I won!'
18.) When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling ’Run for your lives! They're loose!'
19.) Tell your children over dinner, 'Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.'