I'LL MAKE THIS BRIEF AND CLEAR: TO HELL WITH RAP, POP, AND DISCO! IF YOU WANT TO TALK WITH ME, YOU BETTER BE A METAL FAN. METAL WILL LIVE ON! METAL IS UNSTOPPABLE! IF YOU RESPECT THE MASTERS OF METAL, THEN YOU ARE ONE OF THE FEW SMART TEENS LEFT. JOIN ME AND MY METAL FOLLOWERS. ROCK ON!

Description of Me: I'm 18, I live in Florida, and I am a huge heavy metal fan. In my spare time I mostly listen to music (at high frequencies), practice tae kwon do, or take my dogs for a walk. I also enjoy some comics, I am considered a comedian by many, and I hope that you guys like my upcoming stories. Note for future reference: I'm a high school student and a hell of a procrastinator, so I might or might not update every one or two weeks. BTW, if any of the quotes and jokes below insult you, get over it. It's for laughs. There's nothing personal involved.

Hobbies: Tae Kwon Do, acting, reading, guitar, bass, Xbox 360, burning copies of Twilight, baseball, writing stories (duh), and seeing movies with my friends.

Heroes: Cliff Burton, Dimebag Darrell, Peter Boyle, Brian Michael Bendis, James Spader, Ron White, Jimi Hendrix, Michael Crichton, Stephen King.

Enemies: Stephenie Meyer, Spongebob, Twilight fangirls, the Jonas Brothers, the Parent Television Council, Lady GaGa.

Video Games: Halo, Gears of War, The Orange Box, Mass Effect, Brutal Legend, Red Dead Redemption, Bayonetta, Bulletstorm, Need For Speed, Dragon Age, Resident Evil, Assassin's Creed, Guitar Hero, Left 4 Dead, Devil May Cry, Mortal Kombat, Marvel vs Capcom 3, Enslaved: Odyssey to the West, Dead Island, Vanquish, Dead Space, Rage.

Movies: Dark Knight, Spider-Man, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Transformers, Pulp Fiction, Blazing Saddles, Young Frankenstein, The Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption, Jaws, Jurassic Park, Star Wars, Star Trek, Terminator 2, Die Hard, Planet Terror, Zombieland, Avatar, Kick-Ass, Casino Royale, Alien, Predator, District 9, Saving Private Ryan, Starship Troopers, The Matrix, Full Metal Jacket, Inception, Inglourious Basterds.

TV: Family Guy, Two and a Half Men, Dexter, Red vs Blue, NCIS, Justified, Malcolm in the Middle, Royal Pains, Robot Chicken, Everybody Loves Raymond, Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, Law and Order: SVU, Doctor Who.

Cartoons: X-Men Evolution, Justice League Unlimited, Batman Beyond, Ben 10, Spectacular Spider-Man, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Generator Rex, Dragonball Z, Death Note, Bleach, Claymore, Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, Young Justice.

Music: Metallica, Aerosmith, Pantera, AC/DC, Slayer, Black Sabbath, Linkin Park, Godsmack, Slipknot, Disturbed, The Offspring, Queen, Guns N' Roses, Nirvana, Three Days Grace, U2, Jimi Hendrix, Ozzy Osbourne, Nickelback, Motorhead, Iron Maiden, Rise Against, Avenged Sevenfold, Rob Zombie, Dethklok.

Comics: Watchmen, Batman: The Killing Joke, Ultimate Power, Ultimates, Ultimates 2, Marvel Zombies, Ultimate Spider-Man, The Dark Knight Returns, Ultimate X-Men, World War Hulk, Civil War, New Avengers, Siege, Secret Invasion, House of M

Books: Different Seasons, The Green Mile, Christine, Cujo, Carrie, Jurassic Park, Prey, The Shining, Misery, The Running Man, The Dark Tower series, Harry Potter series, Sphere, Night Shift, Congo, The Loch, The Inheritance Cycle, Percy Jackson & the Olympians, NewsFlesh series.

Mottos: I'm not mean, you're just a sissy.

A man would rather be horribly wrong than admit a woman is right.

Live life to the fullest. If you go to hell, you went a little overboard.

Pain is temporary, death is forever.

Confucius says: Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernail.

Man who fish in other man's well usually catch crabs.

Man who argue with wife get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Baseball is wrong; man with four balls can't walk.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Don't eat the snow where the huskies go.

Naked man fears no pick pocket.

Man who smoke pot choke on handle.

Man who piss into wind get wet.

Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.

Those who quote me are fools.

Other sayings: People are like slinkies; not good for much but you can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.

I don't believe in coincidence.

I'm insured by the mob; you hit me, we hit you.

The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules - Heath Ledger as the Joker

My karma ran over your dogma.

Mama always said a woman was like a cigar, nice and juicy at first, but over time becomes blunt and bitter and you have to get a new one.

Control your life through insanity - Cliff Burton

Death is a bitch, albeit one with a really big scythe.

It's just a flesh wound! - The Black Knight

If a dead man's walking, then the executioner sucked.

Cannot the Kingdom of Salvation take me home? - 'To Live is to Die', Metallica, lyrics by Cliff Burton.

I choose to live, not just exist.

All hail Metallica! - Sebastian Bach

Life's a journey, not a destination.

Carpe diem. Seize the day.

Jesus loves you. Everyone else hates your guts.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still a DUMBASS!

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Make it fool-proof and someone will find a bigger fool.

Bringing the French to a war is like taking an accordian with you when you go hunting. Just extra noise and baggage.

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure...

Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

Alcohol is like a crutch: Makes climbing stairs a bitch.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

My wife ran off with my best friend. God have mercy on his soul.

Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law's face on the back of a milk carton.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Rehab is for quitters.

Time is the best teacher. Problem is that it kills all its students!

I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Very funny Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy!

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

Guns don't kill people, the bullets do.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian!

Remember kids, gambling is good for you!

Simon says, go play in traffic!

The problem with reality is the lack of background music.

You know that light at the end of the tunnel? That's called a train. Whatever you do, don't go towards it.

Whatever doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I must be a Saiyan!

I only drink the blood of my enemies!
God dammit, private! Shut your mouth our I'll have Simmons cut your throat while you're asleep!
I love blood and violence! I got a boner for murder!
Argh, I got termites in me leg.
If we survive this, I'm gonna kill the both of you... slowly...
Today is a good day to die!
What in Betty's bloomers is on the radio now? It sounds like the feral cry of a retarded Mexican Sasquatch!
-Various quotes from Sarge of Red Vs Blue

If I was stuck in a room with Spongebob and Hitler, and I had a gun with one bullet, I'd shoot Spongebob.

Heaven is a place where the women are quiet. Otherwise, Hell would be in two places at once.

If psychics know the future, then why don't they win the friggin' lottery already?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why do 24/7 stores have locks on their doors?

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting to get different results.

A man chooses, a slave obeys - Andrew Ryan

Dyin's easy, it's livin' that's hard - Metallica

The measure of an individual can be difficult to discern by actions alone - Thane Krios

Rage is a hell of an anesthetic - Zaeed Messani

The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world - the G-Man, Half-Life 2

Prepare for unforeseen consequences - the G-Man, Half-Life 2: Episode 2

Everything that has a beginning has an end - The Oracle

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen Teetering On The Brink Of Insanity Past The Point Of No Return ManLife Sucks, Avatarwolf, danyan, Colt-Man, 24kt White Gold, fourfourfourfour, Recalled to Life, Hyperactive Lioness, Life.GetOne, alienphantom, sandman7734.

10 Things That Never Cease To Piss Me Off:
1. Racism
2. Child abuse
3. Animal abuse
4. Snobby rich people
5. Judgemental people
6. Pushy vegetarians
7. The IRS
8. Stupid people
9. Those popular girls in school with no brains who say "like" fifty times in every sentence.
10. Twilight

10 Things Not to Say to a Cop:
1. Could you hold my beer while I search for my license?
2. I thought you had to be physically fit to be a cop, fat-ass.
3. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
4. Wanna race to the station, Sparky?
5. Let's get a six-pack on the way to the station.
6. How long's this gonna take? Your wife's expecting me.
7. Aren't you one of the Village People?
8. You aren't the cop from 'Wild Hogs', are you?
9. I'll give you a donut if you walk away right now.
10. You call that toy a gun? This Desert Eagle, now this is a gun!

Future Story Ideas

The Arachnid Chronicles - Basically my own take on Spider-Man, changing around bad guys, crossing over with other heroes, etc.

Sins of the Father - Bleach AU. While training for his quest to save Rukia from execution, Ichigo is visited by a mysterious stranger who offers to assist him on his journey. Who is this strange person, and what is his connection to Sosuke Aizen?

X Will Suffice - Justice League/X-Men crossover (kinda). When Gorilla Grodd attempts to put together another Secret Society, he finds someone who may be able to help him. This person has no name, but a designation: X. Basically an OC with numerous X-Men abilities in the JL universe.

Vengeance - Hellsing/Ghost Rider.

Fledgling - Hellsing OC. Seras has a choice to make. Does she allow this young boy to die in a pool of his own blood, or will she give him a second chance?

Homo sapiens superior - X-Men OC.

PROGRESS UPDATES

JL: Ultimate Hero - (8/3) Been working like you wouldn't believe to get back into the groove of this story. Chapter is almost ready, hopefully up by Saturday.

Mass Disturbance - (8/3) Over 4,000 words and still not even on Therum yet. Chapter might be delayed for 'Ultimate Hero', but it will be up soon.