Chapter 102

It did not take long for that afternoon to begin feeling like the longest one in Maple's entire life. At the same time, she realized that since she was only three years old that might not be saying much. She had never been patient, calm, or intro-whatever (Mark might know the right word, but she didn't) enough to sit still for very long. Unfortunately, this meditation-thing seemed to be nothing but sitting still. If there was something she was supposed to be doing, she hadn't figured it out yet.

Katana told her that the real point of it was to quiet her mind. If that meant "stop thinking" then Maple doubted she'd ever do it by sitting still. The only time her mind was quiet was when she was fighting, which they had forbidden her from doing. They might as well have told her that she wasn't allowed to drink anything when she was thirsty.

She'd much rather have stayed with Cherry. Mark and Maple had left the Charmeleon-girl with Claire and Alfred Silph right before the afternoon match was set to begin. They hadn't even stayed to see who the trainers were. Whoever won would be fighting them next, but Mark insisted that they get back to curing Maple's 'condition,' as he began to call it. To everyone's surprise, Silph even gave Mark his personal cell number to call when they were ready to pick Cherry up from her visit.

Maple was supposed to keep her eyes closed, but she still peeked frequently. Like before, Katana sat with her, uncharacteristically calm and centered. Maple had always believed Katana was a lot like her; never willing to sit still and always eager for her next fight, but Katana did this part as easily as the rest of her training. She sat with perfect posture and moving so little Maple had to squint for a few seconds to make sure she was even breathing.

Aurum did it effortlessly. Maple knew she would rather learn to fish than sit still, but she didn't ask to. However, fishing looked much the same as meditating, just a bunch of sitting quietly, trying not to move. Maple saw Aurum's fishing pole bend forward two or three times, but Aurum never moved to grab it. It was hard to tell if Aurum was asleep from so far away, but it was starting to seem likely.

When they first arrived, Mark and Aurum had a talk about Aroma's death and Silph's security force. They probably had no idea Maple was listening, but she had nothing better to do.

"It's practically a military lockdown," Mark sighed, "if we didn't have Silph's card, they probably wouldn't have let us leave the city at all."

"Mmm," Aurum grunted.

"It has to be Team Deus," Mark said as he paced, "who else could do something like that? We're all targets now that we've been inside the base…"

"Keep worrying like that and the panic will make it easy for them," Aurum warned, "best to just keep calm. They won't do anything with security everywhere."

"How could they have even gotten Aroma?" Mark asked, "Isn't Astral looking for them?"

"He can't locate dark and psychic-types," Aurum sighed, "he told you that himself. A psychic must have done it. Besides, they've abducted people before without being discovered. Astral can't look everywhere at once, you know."

"How can you possibly be so calm about this? A woman has died, we know who did it, and we can't do anything about it."

"It's just a part of life," Aurum shook his head, "terrible things happen and not every battle can be won. Recklessly charging forward is how lives get wasted."

"You still won't help?" Mark asked. To Maple, he sounded disgusted, but expected it all along.

"I know you don't like it," Aurum shook his head, "but my battles are done. I just want to see my granddaughter again and go home. Let PureBlueSky handle it. He's stronger than he seems."

"Won't he need help?" Mark asked.

"Kid, you're not helping anyone until your Leafeon can fight a battle without trying to kill someone."

Maple stopped listening after that, but it wasn't long before Mark asked Katana if he could join them. He sounded as frustrated as Maple felt, but he calmed down quickly once he sat down. Apparently he was much better at it than Maple. Unlike Maple, he was a thinker. Maybe he did something similar whenever he thought up battle strategies. Maple liked that about him because it was something he could do that she couldn't. His strategies made her feel safe and she trusted what he came up with. She would gladly do all of the fighting if Mark was the one who guided her.

She blushed from the thought, but Eclipse gave her one of his cold, red-eyed glares that he was so good at. Even Eclipse, who was just a normal Pokémon, was better at meditating than Maple was. He sat there, as still as a statue, right across from Maple. He blinked occasionally as the golden rings on his body faded in and out, but that was all. Maple was always fascinated with those rings. She never knew why they did that, but sometimes she couldn't help staring at them.

At the glare from Eclipse, Maple squeezed her eyes shut again. He always caught her peeking. Katana did it once and Mark never had any idea, but Eclipse caught her within seconds every single time.

Sometimes she couldn't stand her big brother. He was always calm; it was just part of who he was. Calm and in control, even as an Eevee he seemed to know something about the world that no one else did and he just didn't feel like telling them what it was. He didn't run and play around Hayley's ranch the way Maple and Twitch did. In fact, he never tried, as if there were something more important he should be doing. He was already an adult when he was two-weeks old.

Maple herself was never as fast as Twitch, but she made up for it with enthusiasm and a sense of adventure. While her brother, who would one day become a Jolteon, ran laps around the edge of the ranch, Maple was darting between the legs of a Metagross, or across the swollen stomach of a sleeping Snorlax, or treating an Onix as a bumpy slide. They had no names then but knew each other by smell better than humans could ever remember faces.

Maple was always their cute, baby sister. She was the youngest and the smallest; the dreamer who invented her own adventures during the day and listened to their parents bed-time stories with wide eyes, always begging to stay up a little longer to listen to the next part. They were silly, short and simple stories, but Maple loved them all the same.

Eclipse was the opposite. While Maple explored, he sat back and watched, thinking about things he never told her about. Whenever she came back from playing and squeaked, chirped and chittered away about her latest adventure, Eclipse stood calmly still, nodding every now and then. He pretended he wasn't interested, but he never turned her away. And when it came to story-time, he asked questions like "why would Ursaring need to live in a cottage, anyway?" It was a good question, but sometimes Maple thought he was just trying to ruin the story.

He was always her calm, responsible older brother. He would never have trouble controlling the Red State. He would never have trouble sitting still for more than fifteen minutes. He would never be stupid and evolve into a human. Every time he caught her peeking, she knew exactly what he was thinking. He couldn't talk to her anymore, but her older brother was always watching, knowing something that she didn't.

Why did Mark have to bring him? He should be back at their hotel room, sleeping inside his Pokéball. Once or twice she had thought about sneaking out Eclipse's Pokéball herself, but there was something very wrong about the way Mark did it.

Of course, she knew right away what Mark wanted. Maple and Cherry couldn't win a tournament on their own and Team Deus was a very real threat lurking beneath their feet. If Eclipse evolved, that would mean there would be three of them to fight.

A part of Maple wanted that, too. How cool would it be to have her brother fighting next to her? She wouldn't have to feel alone ever again and always have her calm, reliable older brother to lean on.

But it was wrong to wish for that sort of thing. It wouldn't be right to force him to live like her. If he wanted to stay the way that he was, then she shouldn't try to change that. Besides, he would never evolve, anyway. The look in his eyes told her that every time they looked at her. The knowing look that said he had it all figured out and she was still just his silly, baby sister playing games and going on pretend adventures.

"What time is it?" Maple asked when she could stand it no longer.

"Two-thirty," Mark said after a moment, "do you feel any better?"

"No…" Maple shook her head. If anything, she felt worse. It had only been an hour since they had arrived and half an hour since Mark had joined them. "Can we try a battle? You know, just to check…"

"And risk you trying to kill me?" Katana asked, peering at Maple with one half-opened eye.

"Well…uh…" Maple fidgeted, "well, I guess, if it's you, I should do better, right?"

"What do you mean?" Mark asked.

"Umm…" Maple's long ears drooped low as she stared at the ground. She never told him why she had gone after Silver so aggressively. In truth, she barely understood it, but she had an idea. She remembered that she wanted to punish Silver, to hurt him, for the way he was treating Lily. She never wanted to kill him, maybe just scare him or…teach him a lesson. It sounded so stupid when she thought about it.

And now every thought of Silver, Lily and especially Aroma, made her heart sink down into her stomach. No one deserved what happened to them. What lesson was so cruel that someone had to die for someone else to learn it? In the name of Arceus, why did it happen?

"Never mind…" Maple said in a tiny voice, fighting back unshed tears.

"Hey," Mark reached out and put a hand on Maple's shoulder, "you didn't mean to. Whatever this thing is, it's not your fault."

Maple's vision went blurry then and she felt the first tear roll down her cheek.

He was wrong. He was wrong and she knew it, but she couldn't tell him. The Red State wasn't a ghost possessing her or brainwashing her. It was in her and part of her. There was no getting rid of it and even Katana said that it was always inside of her. Maple had no idea what it was, or where it came from, but it made her feel good. She loved how powerful it made her feel.

And now, something else was happening on top of it. The blank that was in her mind whenever it took over; there was something she liked about it. Guilt, remorse and shame had no power over those moments. They existed only in the aftermath where she was standing over an opponent that she wasn't quite sure was alive or dead. In those moments where she let it all the way in, she never felt freer. In that state, she could do anything at all.

That was the feeling that terrified her. Not just letting it take over, but the feeling that it was the real her.

How could she ever tell Mark something like that? How could she tell him that she felt like a soulless killer and it might even be true? Even knowing about it would change everything about how he saw her. There were already so many difficult problems between them. Despite all of it, she still loved him and if she told him this, it would destroy everything. And then he would never love her back.

When Maple wiped her eyes, Eclipse was sitting directly in front of her. He looked at her with that same look he always had.

"Don't look at me like that!" Maple suddenly screamed and slapped Eclipse in the face.

Stunned, but not hurt, Eclipse sprang back and crouched low, instinctively protecting himself and ready to flee in an instant. Maple had never seen him move so fast in his entire life.

"You asshole!" Maple screamed at her brother, "You think you know everything, don't you?! Go on! Say it! Say 'I told you so, baby sis!'" She shook off Mark's hand, stood up and stormed after Eclipse.

"What the hell, Maple?!" Katana was on her feet in an instant. She seized the girl's wrist and twisted it behind her back.

"Ahh!" Maple winced. The hold would have had a normal human screaming in pain.

"Do you want to go Red right here?!" Katana shouted at her, "Calm down, dammit!"

Maple struggled to pull her arm free, but she had no idea what Katana was doing. The Weavile-woman twisted harder and pulled Maple to her knees.

"Let go of me!" Maple yelled, trying to pull her arm free again. It screamed in pain, but Maple didn't care. Katana would have to break her arm to stop her.

"Damn you! Look at yourself and think!" Katana hissed in the girl's ear.

"I don't want to think!" Maple cried, "I'm not smart! I can't do it!"

"Yes, you can!" Katana yelled, "And if you can't, then you won't ever battle again!" She released Maple's arm and tossed her to the ground.

"What is going on?!"

Maple didn't look up, but she could tell it was Aurum. It was rare to see him angry and he was furious.

"It's alright, master," Katana sighed, "I have it under control."

"Do you, really?" Aurum scoffed and looked down at Maple, "fighting will not help you now. Learn to live without it."

"I can't do it…" Maple said into the ground.

"You have to," Aurum told her, "for God's sake, it hasn't even been half a day! Now stop moping and sit up!"

"She's not getting better," Mark pointed out, "she's getting worse! Whatever you people did to her, it's only getting worse!"

"For the last time, this wasn't us," Aurum snarled at the boy, "and if she's having difficulty with it, then it's between the two of you."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"You think this is the first time we've seen this, kid? You think this is the first time a human Pokémon has lost themselves to this? Talk to PureBlueSky if you think that way, or better yet have him show you the scars on his back where Tempest ripped him open and almost killed him!"

"What?" Mark gaped, "why would his own human Pokémon do something like that?"

"She was after River, at the time," Aurum lowered his head, "I thank God every single day for what he did."

"But I thought you said Tempest couldn't help us," Mark shook his head.

"She can't."

"Then why tell us this?"

"Because the Red State isn't some spiritual power, but a state of mind," Aurum told him, "It comes easiest to human Pokémon that truly enjoying battling. Ones that can find an escape in battle and welcome the feeling it gives them. Activating it is about leaving the outside world behind. That is what makes it powerful, dangerous and enticing. It lets whoever uses it run completely wild."

"So?" Mark shrugged.

"Weren't you listening, boy?!" Aurum snapped, "It's an escape; a place to run and hide in when the world isn't going your way. Sound familiar? You do the same exact thing."

"What are you talking about?" Mark couldn't believe what he was hearing, "No, I don't."

"You don't think you do," Aurum nodded, "but you do. You can't protect anyone from Team Deus and yet you won't stop meddling in problems that are beyond your control. What are you running from?"

Mark stammered for a time, but said nothing.

"I said 'sit up,'" Aurum turned back to Maple and this time, she listened to him. She wiped her eyes and tried taking deep breaths. Eclipse was still there and still staring at her with that knowing look. She looked at Mark, instead.

He was standing still, staring at the ground somewhere around Aurum's feet. Maple waited as he blinked a few times, she knew not to interrupt him while he was thinking. As she waited, Aurum turned to leave and he beckoned Katana to follow him. This was between Mark and Maple.

"Maple," Mark said at last, "do you know what he meant?"

Maple nodded.

"Is he right?" Mark asked, "Am I really running away from something without realizing it?"

"I think so…" Maple hung her head. She still couldn't say it to him outright.

"I see…" Mark nodded, "and you too? You're just…running away?"

"I guess…" Maple nodded.

"So we're both running away…" Mark nodded and took a deep breath, "then maybe we should."

"…what?" Maple asked. That couldn't have been what he said.

"Maple," Mark lifted his head and looked at her, "I know how you feel about me…about us."

"Right…" she nodded quickly. No, no, no, she thought, this can't be happening.

"But," he sighed, "if all we do is run away, then we're just hurting each other. We can't do that," he took a deep breath before finishing, "I'm sorry, Maple. But we can't be what you wanted."

"Oh…" Maple nodded and blinked. She said nothing else. She did not cry and she did not yell. Instead, she turned, walked away and disappeared into Palkia's Woods.

AN: I promise to continue this as soon as possible.

Not that my promises seem to be worth a whole lot (I have more in common with Mark than I'd care to admit) but I am trying to move through the day as quickly as possible, now. The morning took a while and night's going to be even longer…but it's going to be AWESOME!

Seriously, I wish I could say why, but it would spoil the surprise, but just one, maybe two, more chapter(s) and we'll be on the section I've wanted to do since starting the story.

Anyway, I suppose that's it, for now. If it takes me longer than a week to get to the next chapter, I'll be very upset with myself.

Thanks for reading!