EssenceOfPhlegm
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Joined 07-06-07, id: 1319061, Profile Updated: 02-17-09
Author has written 3 stories for Harry Potter, and Family Guy.

I'm gonna make this short (But sweet... I hope)

I'm 15 years old and I'm from sunny (I wish) old England and I love Harry Potter!

I have been reading fanfiction for quite some time now and have definately improved as an Author over the years, even though I'm not exactly worthy of winning awards or anything. I'm always reading Harry Potter fanfic - it's the best out there!

At the moment, I have complete writer's block, so sorry if I take a while to update my stories... I'll do my best though :)

Oh, yes.. I'm also very random... and no I don't mean random like this;

"Hello, nice to meet you, LLAMA LLAMA LLAMA PORRIDGE, my name is LLAMA LLAMA MUSHY PEAS!!"

I mean random, like...

"Hello, nice to meet you - oh look, a mutated frog is hovering above your head."

A Sad Poem:

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Repost if you think homophobia is wrong!

Copy and paste this onto your profile if you picture the Giant Squid from Harry Potter to be surprisingly sexy.

Copy and paste this onto your profile if you love Jennifer Aniston.

Copy and paste this onto your profile if you love Slash/Yaoi.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Lily Potter and the Snakes (year 1) by RainyDaySunlight reviews
(Year 1) Lily had thought living in the shadow of the great 'Potter' name would be the most challenging part of school...she hadn't even considered everything else that could go wrong like being sorted into Slytherin. All family members included with some OCs. Lily/Scorpius.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 86,280 - Reviews: 170 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 161 - Updated: 8/30 - Published: 6/28/2009 - Scorpius M., Lily Luna P.
Love Stays the Same by daisychains123 reviews
After a confusing letter, two girls are given the chance to change their world, but will they? Then Greyback attacks and they have no choice. Hermione and Ginny are landed in Marauder times, where they find friendship, enemies, and love. HGRL GWSB JPLE
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 53,031 - Reviews: 1057 - Favs: 407 - Follows: 482 - Updated: 1/19/2017 - Published: 1/22/2007 - Hermione G., Remus L.
But what if animals did walk? by Computerfan reviews
Louis is new in Honevray, a friendly animal town in the middle of nowhere. After a strange series of events, two residents are captured in a cave. Just who captured them? Investigation into that question ends in tragedy... will Honevray be the same again?
Animal Crossing - Rated: T - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 51 - Words: 80,147 - Reviews: 306 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 12/11/2012 - Published: 1/1/2010 - Complete
The Exchange by theSilence reviews
DM/HP. When Harry drinks a potion that he created with Neville Longbottom, he goes through a HUGE change. And in the process, he makes new friends, faces new challenges, and even falls in love.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 36 - Words: 152,288 - Reviews: 1210 - Favs: 1,864 - Follows: 1,005 - Updated: 8/4/2012 - Published: 6/23/2003 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
HINTS by Never Forevermore reviews
The war is over. Voldemort is dead, but the four Hogwarts houses are still not united. So, to support inter house unity, Dumbledore introduces H.I.N.T.S., a new pen pal system. Chaos ensues, but will love between two once enemies also occur?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 34,461 - Reviews: 467 - Favs: 724 - Follows: 234 - Updated: 2/3/2012 - Published: 7/19/2008 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
The Dark I Know Well by MBP reviews
Seamus and Dean have their own issues as they try to come to terms with their experiences in the months following the Battle of Hogwarts. NO slash whatsoever.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,274 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 7/17/2011 - Published: 12/29/2008 - Dean T., Seamus F.
Animal crossing by define-originality reviews
It was just a dream...or is it? When Aimee boards the train, thinking she's headed home, she ends up in the amazing world of walking, talking animals; Animal Crossing! My first fanfic, hope you enjoy! Reviews welcome.
Animal Crossing - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 32,417 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 6/24/2011 - Published: 4/5/2010
Meeting the Others by RacRules reviews
After joining the Disney Princesses and Princes, Tiana and Naveen interact with the other characters in weekly meetings. What sort of adventures will arise? Chap. 15; Its the final showdown between the true and fake royals! Who will win?
Disney - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 28,565 - Reviews: 261 - Favs: 240 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 2/8/2011 - Published: 12/27/2009 - Complete
Curse of the Mistletoe COMPLETE! by Hedw1g reviews
Dumbledore has installed mischivious mistletoe around Hogwarts at Christmas..and it's cursed and out to get everyone! will anyone escape it's clutches, or will they succumb to it's demands?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 36 - Words: 139,952 - Reviews: 2829 - Favs: 1,442 - Follows: 886 - Updated: 11/15/2010 - Published: 3/2/2005 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Disney Quest by nomorememories reviews
Alex has always wanted to be a part of Disney. When she wishes upon a star, and her wish comes true, she has to decide what she truly wants.
Disney - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 16,168 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 10/2/2010 - Published: 3/5/2009
The Voldy Letters by sick-atxxheart reviews
Random letters from the Harry Potter characters and the Dark Lord, discussing evil plans, candy, feelings, and much more. Randomness and fun ensues! May contain OOC-ness and scary randomness. Current: Harry, Hermione, Voldemort, and counseling. Oh no.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 25 - Words: 12,228 - Reviews: 283 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 6/27/2010 - Published: 7/25/2008 - Voldemort
Harry Potter and the Loss of Innocence by Protector of Canon2 reviews
Used to be Harry Potter and the Secrets Revealed. Basically, this is my version of the seventh book. A more complete summary is inside. Rated mainly for violence. Spoilers for books 1 through 6 and AU as of book 7. Duh.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 42,235 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 6/17/2010 - Published: 9/6/2006
Matilda, Harry Potter, and the Philosopher's Stone by Lady Acorna reviews
HP/Matilda movie version crossover. Matilda discovers that her powers are actually magic, that her best friend Lavender is also magic, and goes off to Hogwarts, where she becomes friends with Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville. Please r&r!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Matilda - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,348 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 1/31/2010 - Published: 10/3/2009 - Harry P.
The Half Blood Prince by dozygirl reviews
Post OotP. It's Harry's sixth year and there's a strange new group trying to get his attention. There's also a new prophecy about the Half Blood Prince and the truth abouth his own heritage for him to deal with. H/? R/Hr Non-humans, no slash, no horcruxes
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 19 - Words: 100,608 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 274 - Follows: 353 - Updated: 12/24/2009 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Harry P.
Christmas Cheer: Love, Luna by OliveOilMed reviews
One Christmas, Luna Lovegood gets the brillant idea of spreading Christmas cheer to the people whom she considers to be the most miserable at Hogwarts. And, of course, Luna does not see any way this plan could go wrong.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,045 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/10/2009 - Luna L., Severus S. - Complete
It All Started With A Yule Ball by just-call-me-plain-miss-vain reviews
After locking gazes with enemy number one at the Yule Ball, things won't ever be the same again for Harry. With an annoying Theodore Nott and a possesive Cho Chang, will Harry ever realise that it wasn't simply locking gazes?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 17,531 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 12/8/2009 - Published: 6/21/2007 - Draco M., Harry P.
Harry Potter and the Vault of Mystery by JBean210 reviews
AU Year 7: The Trio plan to skip their last year at Hogwarts and find Horcruxes, but everything changes when Voldemort is killed, apparently by--Neville! And who is this new exchange student, Jonathan Crown? What's his connection with Voldemort, if any?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 38 - Words: 321,991 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 11/19/2009 - Published: 9/13/2008 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
Eight and Eighth by Marmalade Fever reviews
Up from the ashes of seventh year grow the roses of the eighth. Eight students return for their final year at Hogwarts, and Hermione Granger would never have thought Draco Malfoy would or could be one of those roses. DMHG, EWE Dramione Awards winner
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 102,455 - Reviews: 3091 - Favs: 5,143 - Follows: 1,730 - Updated: 8/1/2009 - Published: 3/1/2008 - Hermione G., Draco M. - Complete
Something's Gotta Give by Mei Queen reviews
After a terrible divorce with her longtime love, Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley suffers from extreme loneliness. That is until one day when her two best friends, Hermione and Luna, decide to make her a profile in an online dating service. DracoGinny
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 56,655 - Reviews: 297 - Favs: 112 - Follows: 106 - Updated: 4/14/2009 - Published: 4/13/2006 - Ginny W., Draco M. - Complete
Musings of a Hat by evergreeneyes reviews
The Sorting Hat reflects upon the students it has met and transcribes the Sorting conversations it has had with some of them. I aim to end up including every character mentioned in the books who went to Hogwarts. Will include the Next Generation. Canon.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 1,501 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 12/18/2008
I Give Up, Who Am I? by Scarlett Princess reviews
A certain beloved daughter of a certain evil madman comes to Hogwarts for the first time in her sixth year. Madcap humor ensues. Draco/OC
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,235 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/25/2008 - Published: 7/30/2008 - OC, Draco M.
Albus Potter And the Year of The Badger by Bartimus Crotchety reviews
His fears? Flying...his own wand...fitting in...sticking out! His best friends? A passionate fire-breathing cousin, and a cool, aloof Death Eater's son. His House...er...Hufflepuff? Meet the new Trio, Albus Potter, Scorpius Malfoy, and Rose Weasley
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 30 - Words: 106,465 - Reviews: 1021 - Favs: 619 - Follows: 221 - Updated: 11/19/2008 - Published: 5/14/2008 - Albus S. P., Rose W. - Complete
My Dad's House Elf by Frozenfan reviews
James orders his house elf to check on Harry if the worst should happen.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,129 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 147 - Updated: 8/14/2008 - Published: 5/10/2007 - Harry P.
Captured by just-call-me-plain-miss-vain reviews
Harrys been captured. He's being kept by the Dark Lord in a house known to the wizarding world as a death trap. Only one person can save him- and guess what? It's Draco. Will he help the Boy-Who-Lived or will it be too late?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,973 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 9 - Published: 5/8/2008 - Draco M., Harry P.
A Twist In Time by fatcakes reviews
[Marauders time travel fic] Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville & Luna are cruelly set up and thrown 20 years into the past. How will they deal with the problems of both the past and the future? And how exactly will they get back? HG,NL,HR,JL
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 39,036 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 4/22/2008 - Published: 7/8/2007
Mr Ratburn Has Tourettes by NocturneD reviews
Mr. Ratburn is diagnosed with the Tourettes syndrome where it causes him to shout vulgar things at the children of his classroom, now the people had enough and have him fired. contains crude humor and alot of bad language
Arthur - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,131 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 4/5/2008 - Published: 5/11/2007 - N. Ratburn - Complete
Living In The Past by LinnendeBlack reviews
Hermione's time-turner breaks and she finds herself face to face with her heart's desire. Can she face the same person again 20 years into the future? What would it be like to fall for someone you truly could not have? Sirius B./Hermione G.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,346 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 3/31/2008 - Published: 8/11/2005 - Sirius B., Hermione G.
I Will Love You Forever And Ever by mcdreamy1992 reviews
Hermione gets transported back in time. Whilst a way is being devised to send her back she has to spend time with her archenemy's father: Lucius Malfoy, the man she hated most after Lord Voldemort.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 18,640 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 3/18/2008 - Published: 12/22/2007 - Lucius M., Hermione G. - Complete
MSN The Harry Potter Way by hippolina97 reviews
A large variety of Harry Potter characters dead AND alive, all involved in the same MSN conversation. It should be interesting..... Completed with regret
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 11,210 - Reviews: 185 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 2/23/2008 - Published: 8/29/2007 - Complete
Odd Man Out by Snake of the Rose reviews
Discontinued for now due to lack of quality.
Animal Crossing - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 13,832 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/10/2008 - Published: 7/8/2007
Exodus by kateg123 reviews
After the death of Sirius Harry returns home to be greeted with abuse, he decides to run away with unexpected consequences for him & a certain blonde who is also on the run from a mysterious gang. Violence,abuse,slash! DMHP. Non HBP & DH compliant.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 28,798 - Reviews: 201 - Favs: 210 - Follows: 127 - Updated: 1/31/2008 - Published: 8/23/2007 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Third Guy's the Charm by aquadragonrock713 reviews
We all know Hermione left the Yule Ball early in 4th year...But, whatever happened that faithful night?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 19,001 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 1/30/2008 - Published: 7/3/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
England Here We Come! by DietCherryVanillaDrPepper reviews
What happens when two girls are transfered from their average Salem witch academy to Hogwarts? Nothing average that's for sure. When Prongs, Padfoot, Moony, Tigger, and Slightly unite recklessness is created. OCxSirius OCxRemus
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 18,140 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/7/2008 - Published: 5/6/2007 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
The Start of A Different Black by hplove01 reviews
Pretty much about Sirius from birth to death. It is in order but it jumps through time to get the important stuff.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,025 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 10/20/2007 - Published: 10/15/2007 - Sirius B., James P.
The Two Way Diaries by kiwi2012 reviews
Hermione Granger pours her heart into her Diary. Draco Malfoy finds his an escape. Then, they start answering back to each other. And things start to get interesting. [Not your average cliche Dramione]
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 11,793 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 9/18/2007 - Published: 7/26/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Dared Into Love by just-call-me-plain-miss-vain reviews
The Slytherins play a game of dares. And to make it interesting, they each have to get someone they'd never consider going out with to make out with them, But what happens when things go wrong? Final chapter up! Wooo! HPDM PPDT BZSF TNLL HGRW
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 24,371 - Reviews: 151 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 8/28/2007 - Published: 7/17/2007 - Harry P. - Complete
Thalassa's Story by Star Madison reviews
Ash wasn't an only child. He had an older sister who ran away from home to become the trainer she always dreamed of becoming. This is her story.
Pokémon - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,088 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/26/2007 - Published: 7/8/2007
Epilogue by Arrmaitee reviews
SLASH! PARODY! You've all read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. But for those who crave an unauthorized, uncensored view of what really happened during the epilogue, nineteen years after Harry's saucy, slashy romp at Hogwarts, read on! DH SPOILERS!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,675 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 14 - Published: 7/28/2007 - Harry P., Draco M. - Complete
Look At Me, I'm So Ugly by Kyuui-Guru-'Peace-Girl reviews
A song that makes fun of Rizzo when she made fun of Sandy. We thought she deserved it.
Grease - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 243 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 6 - Published: 7/26/2007 - Complete
Recess: The Video Game by Callisto Endymion reviews
TJ, Spinelli, Mikey, Gretchen, and Vince buy a bootleg Mario Kart game, and are sucked into it. They need to finish the race and win without dying to get out, which is harder than it looks. Will they make it?
Recess - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,668 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 7/11/2007 - Published: 12/17/2004
Notes In Potions by just-call-me-plain-miss-vain reviews
I've decided its no longer a Oneshot. Lily passes a note to James telling him to stop looking at her and a conversation enfolds. Just a fun quick story. LilyJames, Part 6 up! Its just a reason to write fun convos :D
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,386 - Reviews: 262 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 7/10/2007 - Published: 7/1/2007 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Eevee Talk by Sanosuke Agari reviews
Sanosuke has just started her journey, but the only pokemon left for her is the overly excited, talking Eevee! She then joins her friend Lucas, and they start out their journey together. But what happens when Sanosuke learns a secret about Eevee...?
Pokémon - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,733 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 6 - Published: 7/8/2007
The Day of the Dead by Shelb reviews
Dumbledore announces that a Mexican school invited 16 students to come to Mexico to celebrate the day of the dead! And none other that the Marauders are going! Full of fun, scary stuff, mean ghosts, pesky mosquitoes and the Chupracabra! R&R! JL SOC ROC
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,291 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 7/7/2007 - Published: 9/30/2006 - James P., Lily Evans P.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Mindless Senses reviews
Each chapter is a short scene reminiscing on how each character in the Harry Potter series gets sorted into their ideal house. CANON!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 3,688 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/6/2010 - Published: 2/8/2009
Maraudering With The Philosopher's Stone reviews
Set in the Marauder's 7th year. Lily is given a book by Dumbledore. The said book happens to be the first book in the Harry Potter series which is read aloud by the Marauders and Lily, dawning the ups and downs of The Boy Who Lived. Rating may change.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,203 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 32 - Published: 4/17/2009
The Fat Fighters Unit reviews
Oneshot. Rated T for language. A new Fat Fighters Unit has been built in the town of Quahog. Peter, Chris and Meg go. Story includes a hairy old lady, last months mashed potatoes and Brian's big nose.
Family Guy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,678 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Complete