A/N: Well despite unpleasant happenings regarding the theft and plagerism of my stories...here is the final chapter of Curse Of The Mistletoe! Do forgive if it is not all what you anticipated it would be. It has been a long time since I wrote any Harry Potter fanfiction, but nevertheless, here it is and I do hope you enjoy it despite it's flaws.
Lots of love,
Hedw1g. x
P.S. I borrowed a line from Black Adder…:P
Neville stared at them all, frozen with his arm holding the spray bottle poised beside the wilted and now dead mistletoe.
"LONGBOTTOM YOU IDIOT!" Snape roared.
"Professor, he wasn't to know!" Hermione cried, grasping Snape's arm and struggling to hold him back as he made to attack Neville.
Shocked, Neville fell off the chair he'd been standing on, and scrambled up, back against the wall in his haste to put some distance between the irate Professor and himself.
"Wh…what did I do?" Neville gasped, goggling up at them all.
"Neville, was that really the last sprig of mistletoe in the entire castle?" Hermione asked in a trembling voice as Dumbledore restrained Snape with his wand.
"Y…yes." Neville replied, looking positively terrified as Snape snarled and thrashed against the invisible bonds that held him back.
"You're absolutely sure?" Dumbledore asked sternly.
Neville looking bewildered nodded.
Hermione burst into tears, falling to her knees on the stone floor, her face in her hands.
Harry and Ron made to comfort her but Draco threw out an arm to stop them.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you. I almost died earlier today trying to do just that." He informed them.
"Oh yeah, the charm." Ron said frowning in frustration.
"Severus, calm down!" Dumbledore told Snape who was by now frothing at the mouth.
"Oh God I wish I was dead!" Hermione moaned.
"Its not that bad!" Came a morose voice.
They all turned to see Moaning Myrtle hovering cross-legged above the sink in the far corner of the potions room.
"What did you say?" Hermione said tearfully.
"Its not that bad." Myrtle repeated. "Being dead that is. Most people think it's a bad thing, but it's really not all that bad." She went on, picking at a spot on her chin.
"How did she get in here?" Ron squawked suddenly.
"Through the taps of the sink I think." Harry replied gesturing at the taps.
"What are you crying about anyway?" Myrtle went on sounding offended that Hermione was crying so hard. "You aren't dead!"
"I thought you said it wasn't all that bad being dead!" Draco said with some confusion.
"And she has a very good reason to be crying!" Ron put in to Hermione's defense.
"And what's that?" Myrtle asked curiously.
"She's married to HIM!" Everyone but Snape and Neville chorused, pointing at Snape.
Neville's jaw dropped and his eyes darted in disbelief between Hermione and Snape.
"Then it's true?" he gasped.
"Married?" Myrtled gasped. "But she's a student!"
"Yeah? Tell that to Voldemort!" Draco spat.
"What, that ugly old git who thinks he's lord of the universe?" Myrtle enquired mildly.
Apparently everyone was too stunned to say anything so Myrtle went on.
"So why so upset about it now? Talk about crying over spilt potion!" she paused to chuckle at her own joke. "Did you see what I did there?" She giggled "I said that phrase about spilt potion and we're in the potions room! You're married to the Potions master…get it? Never mind, humour is obviously lost on you lot."
"It's no wonder she didn't have any friends." Ron muttered to Harry and Draco.
"I heard that!" Myrtle snapped glaring icily at Ron. "Anyway, you didn't answer my question…why are you so upset about it now?"
"Because we think we've found a way to end the marriage and Neville just destroyed the last of the cure!" Harry answered.
Hermione sobbed louder.
Neville paled. "I…I'm so sorry!" He gasped to Hermione. "I didn't know!"
"That's alright Neville," Harry said comfortingly, "We didn't figure it out until five minutes ago."
"Hey wait!" Draco said suddenly, spinning around to face Dumbledore. "You are the one who cursed the mistletoe in the first place right?"
Dumbledore looked rather sheepish, but graced Draco with an answer. "Yes, yes I did. And I'm jolly well sorry I did I can tell you!"
"Well…can't you just curse some more?" Draco asked.
Everyone turned with renewed hope to look at Dumbledore.
Dumbledore's eyes darted around them all. "Alas, I'm afraid I cannot."
"WHY?" Came the demanding chorus.
"Because cursing the mistletoe was a mistake in the first place! It happened by accident so-to-speak. I originally intended to merely charm the plant to play romantic music whenever anyone walked beneath it…alas, I fudged that charm and the cursed mistletoe was created. And still I cannot remember what I did wrong to curse it! So you see, I cannot make another cursed mistletoe."
Snape looked as though he'd just obtained and lost an order of merlin 1st class in a matter of moments.
Hermione let out an anguished wail and resumed sobbing hysterically.
Harry and Ron looked very let down and Draco looked like a deflated balloon.
"We're in the stickiest situation since sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun!" Draco said scowling.
Dumbledore chuckled but stopped when everyone looked at him accusingly.
"Sorry, I just thought that was a funny thing to say." He murmured.
Snape snorted, "Oh yes most amusing in our predicament! If nothing else works, a total pigheaded unwillingness to look facts in the face will see us through!"
Dumbledore chuckled again before hastily straightening his face into a solemn look again.
"Sorry, that was rather funny too…I'll just shut up now."
Everyone let out a collective sigh.
Suddenly, Hermione's expression changed to one of dawning.
"Till death do us part." She said softly.
"What?" Snape said sharply.
"Till death do us part, professor!" Hermione repeated. "The vow can only be broken if one of us dies!"
"Well don't look at me!" Snape stated grousily.
Hermione got to her feet and moved morosely to the door.
"Where are you going 'Mione?" Ron enquired.
"To throw myself off of Gryffindor Tower." Came the despairing reply.
"Mione c'mon, we'll figure something out!" Harry said comfortingly.
"No, Harry, it's no use. Only death can end this…we can't expect Professor Snape to throw himself off of Gryffindor Tower."
"I wouldn't be caught dead throwing myself off of Gryffindor Tower." Snape grunted moodily.
"I rest my case." Hermione said bowing out. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and kill myself."
Snape watched her get closer to the door.
"Mione don't be ridiculous!" Harry said firmly.
"Here I go." Hermione said morosely.
"Alright then." Snape said.
"Nothing left to live for." Hermione went on, moving slowly for the door.
"Bye bye." Snape said.
"No other choice but to cut my young life short on account of an evil overlord with a cheek to think he's smart in anyway shape or form…"
"Are you going or not?" Snape asked.
"Almost there…" Hermione sighed approaching the door.
Snape sighed irritably. "I'm going to have to do the right thing here, aren't I…very well. For Merlin's sake get out of the way girl, I'll do it. It's not like I have anything to live for anyway. No-one to care if I die…" Snape snapped, pushing past her.
No-one moved to stop him. Hermione went after him, though not by choice.
"Wait, I forgot about the spell!" She was heard yelping down the corridor.
Neville burst into tears.
"It's all so sad! He's so alone!" he blubbed.
"Easy Neville." Ron said bracingly.
"Severus, don't be so dramatic!" Dumbledore cried after Snape who swept from the potions room. "We'd better go and stop him. He's determined enough to do it you know."
Everyone heaved a sigh and went after him.
The saw the end of his robes vanishing around the corner at the top of the stairs leading up to the entrance hall and hurried up after him.
"Gods, Snape can move fast when he wants to!" Ron panted as they hurried up the entrance hall staircase.
Snape seemed to stay just far enough ahead of them to seem close but they never got any closer than that. Poor Hermione was being dragged along behind him, struggling to stay on her feet.
"It'll be all that dodging exploding potions." Dumbledore remarked breathlessly.
"Are you alright Proffessor?" Harry asked, hurrying alongside the Headmaster.
"Fine, Harry, fine." Dumbledore answered. "Not as young as I used to be."
They hurried on, catching sight of Snape's robes whipping around the corner at the entrance to the south tower.
They hurried up the steps and emerged out into the open air.
Snape stood peering down over the battlements.
"Severus, don't be a fool!" Dumbledore called. "There must be another way."
"There isn't, headmaster. You know very well there isn't!"
"True, but…look on the bright side!"
"What bright side?" Snape cried. "There isn't a bloody bright side! I'm to be saddled with this know-it-all for the rest of my life? I'd rather die!"
"You can't jump!" Draco cried, "You'll kill Hermione!"
Just then, Dean popped his head around the doorway.
"What's going on?" he asked Ron, who was next to the door watching anxiously.
"Snape's going to throw himself off the tower." He told Dean.
Suddenly, music started up and everyone looked around for its source.
"What's that?" Neville asked.
"III sequence, no.6 Lacrimosa." Dean answered at once, his wand held aloft.
Everyone turned to stare at him.
"What?" He said defensively. "It's a tragic and dramatic moment. If Snape's going to do this, he might as well do it right!"
They continued to stare at Dean.
"Oh all right." Dean said moodily, stopping the music. "No culture…" He muttered as he went back into the tower and down the stairs.
Ron shook his head incredulously as he turned back to look at everyone else.
"Severus, really don't be so ridiculous!" Dumbledore pleaded as Snape stepped up onto the top of the battlements.
"Don't try to stop me!" Snape snapped. "None of you care. All you care about is her!"
"We do care, Professor!" Harry said after Dumbledore nudged him meaningfully. "Really we do. Really. Honestly."
Snape did not look convinced.
"Ow!" Ron whispered as Dumbledore cuffed him on the back of the head.
"Yeah," he said glaring at Dumbledore a moment. "We don't want you to snuff it, Professor Snape! Who would yell at us in Potions? I mean, where's the fun if you aren't there to belittle us and make us feel like worthless, brainless worms?"
Dumbledore leaned down to whisper in Ron's ear.
"Not quite what I had in mind young Weasley."
"Sorry, it's all I can think of." Ron replied.
"I don't live to entertain you lot, you insufferable, whiny, malodorous little pleb." Snape snapped at Ron. "Now shut up, I'm trying to concentrate.
"Concentrate on what? All you have to do is step off the –" Draco began logically but Harry slapped a hand over his mouth.
Draco was silenced.
"Can't you say something constructive?" Harry hissed. "To make him come down from there? Otherwise you lose Hermione!
"Of course I can you dolt!" Draco said after Harry had let his mouth go.
Draco turned to Snape.
"Uncle Severus." He said stepping forward. "I don't want you to top yourself. I mean, I'd miss you. My mother would miss you…and potions certainly wouldn't be the same without you. Hogwarts wouldn't be the same without you for that matter!"
"Yeah, Professor. Who would we all dread every day? It's just no fun without a teacher to dread every day." Ron said honestly. "Sure we all act like we despise you, but really, we like you just the way you are! Alive and stuff."
Snape's lip curled in a sneer. "Well I'm sorry to have to disappoint you all." He said sarcastically before he turned and did the unthinkable taking Hermione, screaming, with him.
They all screamed and rushed forward.
"Severus!" Dumbledore gasped as they all watched Snape plummet toward the ground in a swirl of black robes.
"HERMIONE!" Draco, Harry and Ron cried.
"He did it! He actually did it!" Ron shouted as Snape disappeared from view through a low lying cloud.
"You could have stopped him falling Professor!" Harry cried at Dumbledore.
"No, Harry, I could not have stopped him." Dumbledore said quietly.
"Why not!" Harry demanded.
"Because," Dumbledore said tearing up. "I forgot my wand!"
Harry stared at the blubbing headmaster in disbelief.
"It's in the potions room!" Dumbledore explained, wiping his tears away with his huge purple silk handkerchief with yellow stars.
"Oh, Severus." Dumbledore said mournfully, stepping back away from the battlements.
Shocked and perplexed, they all made their way back down the tower
"Something hot and sweet to drink I think is in order. I'll take care of the…well I'll have my people…I'll deal with the rest." Dumbledore said as they trooped gloomily down to the entrance hall.
Just then, the doors were thrown open and there, stomping angrily through the door, covered with what appeared to be the previous day's dinner scraps and a good number of other such unpleasant things, was…
"Professor Snape! Hermione!"
"Severus!"
"Bloody Hell! MIONE!"
Neville fainted.
"You're alive!" Dumbledore said elatedly rushing forward to greet the potions master and best student.
"Yes, so it would seem." Snape groused picking a banana peel off of his shoulder between a forefinger and thumb.
"Well aren't you relieved and happy about it?" Dumbledore asked.
"Not particularly, no." Snape replied moodily.
"Why not?" Harry asked "You cheated death! Hermione you're alive!"
"You wouldn't be too happy either, Potter, if you were all prepared to meet your maker and suddenly found yourself in a rubbish heap!" Snape grumbled.
"It was so gross!" Hermione wailed.
"Rubbish hea…oh!" Dumbledore said suddenly remembering something "That's what I forgot to do before the summer holiday's! I knew there was something I forgot to do before I left the castle. I forgot to have the Castles refuse vanished. I forget it every year, you'd think I'll learn to remember it by now!" Dumbledore said shaking his head. "Is it so very big, Severus?"
"It's top sits currently about halfway up the tower." Snape replied through clenched teeth.
Ron held his nose.
"Incidently, while I was falling, a thought struck me."
"Oh how clever of you Severus. To be able to think while plummeting to one's death." Dumbledore said admiringly. I certainly wouldn't have been able to do that…then again, I can't think clearly at the best of times these days…just look at the castle's refuse pile for example!"
"Anyway…" Snape said pointedly. "As I was falling, a thought struck me. Where does everything we in this castle vanish go exactly?.
He was answered by mostly blank stares save for one.
"It all goes to the castle's rubbish tip!" Hermione said "But I don't see what…oh!"
Snape nodded. "Precisely Miss Granger."
"I don't get it." Ron said dimly.
Hermione sighed. "It's really quite simple, Ron. Professor Snape just explained it."
Ron frowned. "No he didn't."
"He did!" Harry said suddenly catching on. "Everything that we vanish goes to the Castle's refuse pile…the mistletoe!"
"Does it?" Draco said, surprised. "I didn't know that. I thought it went to some other dimension or other."
"No, Draco, it has to go somewhere where muggles can't get at it." Dumbledore explained.
"You were acting like you didn't know that's where everything went!" Draco said accusingly.
"I simply forgot that fact, young Draco." Dumbledore said patting Draco on the head affectionately.
"Muggles can get at our vanished stuff in another dimension?" Ron wondered aloud.
"For goodness sake Ron, focus!" Hermione said irritably.
"There's just one problem with that…" Neville said rather remorsefully.
Everyone looked at him.
"I didn't vanish the mistletoe. I dissolved it." Neville explained.
"I don't think it made any difference to the Castle's discerning it as magically getting rid of something we no longer want here…" Snape said simply reaching into his robes.
"Is that why you ended up in the rubbish pile?" Ron asked quite innocently.
Snape sent a glare his way that would've wilted even the mistletoe had he thought to do so.
"No." Snape replied bluntly. "But it is why this did." He took his hand out of his robes and produced a sprig of the cursed (and now much coveted) mistletoe!
"YES! YES!" Hermione screamed in wild abandon, throwning her arms around Snape's neck and hugged him tight before giving his cheek a kiss.
"Steady on Mione!" Ron chuckled.
"Well done Professor!" Harry cried thoroughly impressed.
"Severus, you little devil!" Dumbledore praised slapping Snape on the back.
"Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Draco cried throwing himself at Snape's legs and hugging them.
"Yes yes, alright." Snape said shoving them all off. "The next question is, where do we go from here?"
"You get under it with Mione, snog, and the whole thing's over!" Ron answered.
"I don't mean what do we do now, Weasley, I mean where do we go to do this unspeakable act!"
"Alright, keep your hair on." Ron mumbled.
"My office I think would be best." Dumbledore suggested lightly.
They turned and hurried off up the grand staircase again and up to Dumbledore's office.
Once there, Dumbledore put up his 'do not disturb, genius at work' sign on the door.
"Severus, if you would be so kind." Dumbledore said pointing at the ceiling.
Snape took the mistletoe in one hand and his wand in the other and levitated it up to just above his head and there it stayed while he handed his wand to Dumbledore so that the Headmaster could keep the mistletoe suspended there.
"Ready Miss Granger?" Snape enquired.
"Ready as ever, Professor." Hermione replied stepping under the offending plant.
The magic still worked, they were very glad to note as they felt it take effect.
Snape and Hermione leaned in toward each other.
Suddenly the door flew open and Tonks hurried in waving a pair of white boxer shorts with red hearts on them.
"We've got it! We've got the object- WHOA!" she cried, gaping at Snape and Hermione.
The rest of the order piled in behind her just in time to witness the main event!
Snape's lips met Hermione's and there was a bright flash, a clap of thunder that seemed to resonate within the room and everyone jumped.
"Ignore it, its just the castle doing it's dramatic thing…lighting and thunderclaps whenever anything significant or major takes place magically speaking." Dumbledore explained nonchalantly.
"Did it work?" Hermione asked anxiously.
"I don't know." Snape replied. "Lets find out."
He turned and walked to the door, opened it and walked down the steps.
Hermione remained in place.
She burst into relieved tears.
"It appears to have worked!" Snape said, his face breaking into the first smile anyone had ever seen that was a genuine smile and not just an evil or smile of forboding.
Everyone cheered.
Suddenly, an owl arrived at the window. Dumbledore went and let it in.
It dropped and envelope on Snape's head and he caught it as it fell down his front.
"What is it Severus?" Dumbledore asked.
"It's from the Ministry Of Magic." Snape said opening the seal and envelope. He took out the letter within and read aloud.
"To Professor Severus Snape, and Mrs Hermione Snape,
The Ministry of Magic hereby acknowledges the annulment of your recent marriage, and encourages you both to seriously consider your respective decisions regarding marriage in the future before agreeing to them.
Sincerely,
Hilda brightwater. Department of magical marriages, annulments and Divorces.
"It's over!" Hermione cried, tears of relief pouring down her face.
Draco rushed to her and held her close. "My darling Hermione!"
Everyone courteously looked away as a long overdue kiss ensued.
They broke apart and hugged again.
"So what's with the boxers, Tonks?" Harry asked curiously.
"These?" Tonks said holding up the boxers. "We thought these would be the object needed to break the marriage."
"What?" Ron sputtered "I suggested Harry's pants ages ago!"
"Ah, but these aren't Harry's pants." Tonks said cheerfully. "They're Voldemort's pants."
"How did you get them?"
"Snuck into his room while he was out shopping for socks last night. Did you know he takes his whole squad of deatheaters with him when he shops? Leaves the castle completely unguarded."
"Just when you thought he couldn't get any dumber!" Harry remarked.
"Well all's well that ends well." Dumbledore sighed contentedly.
"There is just one more thing I'd like to do Headmaster." Snape said lightly, picking up and envelope from Dumbledore's desk.
Everyone watched as Snape wrote Voldemort's name on the envelope and plucked the mistletoe from where it hung in the air before dropping it into the envelope and sealing it with his wand.
Dumbledore stopped him before Snape could give it to Dumbledore's owl and, taking Snape's wand, whispered and incantation as he waved the wand over the enveloped mistletoe.
Snape and Dumbledore exchanged a smirk.
He then let Snape proceed to give it to the owl for delivery.
They all watched the owl fly off into the sunset.
"What was that spell you cast over the mistletoe Professor?" Harry asked Dumbledore curiously.
"Let us just say, Harry, that when Voldemort opens that envelope, he will find his own castle infested with a cursed Mistletoe that will have the death eaters on very good terms with one another."
Harry grinned.
"Nice one Professor."
THE END