Dear Voldemort,
Can I please please please take your picture? Please, dude? Please?
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
Did you really just call me dude?
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
Yeah, it was a little out of character, I know. Maybe I have a problem, like you.
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
WHAT PROBLEM? I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
May I please document your problem by taking a picture of it? Please? I'm trying to document everything. I want to make a scrapbook.
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
What, you're going to take a picture and document the entire war? : scoffs : You can't do that!
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
MY MOMMY TOLD ME I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT TO!
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
: sniffs : I don't know if my mommy ever told me that. She... : sniffs : sobs : She... she died!
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
That's so sad! Maybe Hermione was wrong. Maybe you need counseling because of your horrible life, not because you're insane. Can I take a picture?
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
I... I... I DON'T NEED COUNSELING!
Lord Voldemort
P.S. Even if I agreed to let you take a picture of me, it would probably be a trap.
Dear Voldemort,
I swear it's not a trap! I swear!
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
Swear on your mother's life.
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
: smirks : I swear on YOUR mother's life.
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
: gasps : You can't do that! She's dead! It doesn't work that way! Ohhhh, Mommy... Come back to me, Mommy! Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
You can see your mother again, Young Padawan. All you must do is use the Force and let me take the picture of you.
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
What are you TALKING about? What is this, some sort of Muggle rubbish? You can't fool me! Mwahahahahaha!
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
Oh, yeah. Sorry. It's Star Wars! A really fun Muggle moving picture thing. There's this villain guy that kind of reminds me of you - his name is Darth Vader. Except he lets people take his picture, unlike you, Mr. Grumpy-pants.
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
Okay, kid. Number one: nobody calls me Mr. Grumpy-Pants. I, after all, am your WORST NIGHTMARE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And number two: I will not be referred to as being similar to some villain named "Darth Vader." Because you know why? I'll tell you why! Vader rhymes with TATER! And I hate tater tots! Hate them! They scare me! They are evil little miniature potatoes in fried, or maybe it's baked, form! TERRIFYING I TELL YOU!
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
If I promise that there will be no tater tots, will you let me take your picture?
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
That's definitely a trap. I'm not THAT stupid, you know, even if I did sound rather deranged in my last letter.
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
What, did you take some sleeping pill or something? Cause you suddenly calmed down. And no, of course it's not a trap. After all, you could just kill me in a heartbeat. I'm just a measly kid, and you are apparently MY WORST NIGHTMARE!
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
Killing you WOULD considerably improve my day.
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
Seeee? I told you! Taking pictures is fun.
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
You didn't tell me that. Harry Potter did. Maybe. I'm forgetting. Wait! WILL HARRY POTTER BE AT THE PHOTOSHOOT?
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
Well... Um... No, of course not... : ahem :
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't be around Potter! He terrifies me! He's crazier than I am! I can't stand him! Please don't make him be there! PLEAAAASE!
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
I thought you were supposed to be killing him. If you kill him, I definitely want to take a picture of his dead body.
Colin Creevey
Dear Creevey,
You are so... creepy. And I know I'm supposed to be killing him. But he scares me. And it makes me want to go run and hide. : whimpers :
Lord Voldemort
Dear Voldemort,
: sighs exasperatedly : So does this mean no photoshoot?
Colin Creevey
Not my best chapter, but it's an update. What did you think? Who's next? Reviews please!