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'Such horrible things'

By Creature Feature

Sit back now
Let me tell you a tale
Where justice does not prevail

About an ill-fated life
So very full of strife
Where two wrongs do not make a right

So

When I was born
I did surely scorn
My proud parent's name
Then their lives went down the drain
Drove them insane
My birth was a curse
I bit the nurse
Oh, but I love the worst

I deserve to be slowly submersed
Dried out then laid in a hearse

When I was two
I poured super glue
Into my fathers hair
As he sat unaware
In his arm chair
Much to his dismay
Had to cut it all away
Oh, but it felt great

I deserve to be cut and filleted
Then tossed about in disarray
Until the pieces melt away

I am not a bad man
Even though I do bad things
Very bad things
Such horrible things
But it's not quite what it seems
(Not quite what he seems)
Not quite what I seem

Aw, hell
It's exactly what it seems

When I was four
I'd wait by the door
With a knife in my hand
And a most devious plan
It would be quite grand
As the mail fell through the slot
The sharp edge he got
Oh, but I love the thought

I deserve to be tied in a knot
Broken bones and blood clots

When I was six
I used to trick
The next door neighbors son
In the woods we would run
Time for fun
Hide and seek has a cost
He would be forever lost
Oh, but I love to scoff

I deserve to have my head lopped off
Hidden and covered in moss
Until this memory's forgot

I am not a bad man
Even though I do bad things
Very bad things
Such horrible things
But it's not quite what it seems
(Not quite what he seems)
Not quite what I seem

Aw, hell
It's exactly what it seems

When I was eight
I used to hate
The color of my house
So as quite as a mouse
I burned it down
To the ground
When no one was around
Oh, but I love the sound

I deserve to be quickly put down
Rotting six feet underground

When I was ten
I used to pretend
To drown in the sea
'Til they'd come to rescue me
Then preceed
To laugh in their face
Such a disgrace
Oh, but I love the taste

I deserve to have my brains displaced
All over the fireplace
Until this life has been erased

I am not a bad man
Even though I do bad things
Very bad things
Such horrible things
But it's not quite what it seems
(Not quite what he seems)
Not quite what I seem

Aw, hell
It's exactly what it seems

When I was twelve
I used to delve
Into evil schemes
Just to elicit screams
Boost my self asteem
Pushed my sister down a well
She just fell
Oh, but I love to dwell

I deserve to roast deep down in hell
Where no one can hear me yell

When I was fourteen
Nothing much happened

Well, there was that one time

I am not a bad man
Even though I do bad things
Very bad things
Such horrible things
But it's not quite what it seems
(Not quite what he seems)
Not quite what I seem

Aw, hell
It's exactly what it seems

When I was sixteen
Life was frightening
My brother was quite dull
So with laughter in my skull
Pushed him in a hole
Then buried him alive
He barely survived
Oh, but I love the cries

I deserve to be battered and fried
In an electric chair that's set on high

Now that I'm eighteen
I still hate things
From this padded cell I call my home
No friends, no phone
No life to call my own

Here I will lie
Until the very day I die
Until my blood begins to dry
And I return to the darkness from whence I came

So

I am not a bad man
Even though I do bad things
Very bad things
Such horrible things
But it's not quite what it seems
Not quite what I seem

Aw, hell
I’m exactly what I seem

Hetalian's Pledge

I pledge to think of Italy whenever I'm helpless... or someone mentions pasta.

I pledge to think of Germany whenever I try too hard... or I silence a room.

I pledge to think of Japan whenever I feel out of place... or I take too many pictures.

I pledge to think of America whenever I need a hero... or a sandwich.

I pledge to think of Britain whenever I'm not taken seriously... or someone fails at cooking.

I pledge to think of France whenever I feel misunderstood... or mischievous.

I pledge to think of Russia whenever I'm missing summer... or my faucet.

I pledge to think of China whenever I'm unfairly treated... or I'm mistaken for the other gender.

I pledge to think of Spain whenever I feel unappreciated... or I'm too oblivious to notice I am.

I pledge to think of Austria whenever I give up too easily... or I manipulate others into doing my chores.

I pledge to think of Hungary whenever I fight others' battles... or someone supports another yaoi pairing.

I pledge to think of Liechtenstein whenever I barely survive... or someone misspells my name.

I pledge to think of Poland whenever I'm shy... or I (like totally) win using my own rules.

I pledge to think of Switzerland whenever I get paranoid... or I rock frilly pink pajamas.

I pledge to think of Belarus whenever I have an unrequited crush... or take crushing too far.

I pledge to think of Estonia whenever I feel powerless... or I have computer problems.

I pledge to think of Latvia whenever I talk without thinking... or I feel way too short.

I pledge to think of Lithuania whenever I am persecuted... or I lose a game of chess.

I pledge to think of Romania whenever I get judged by my appearance... or I try to use magic.

I pledge to think of Ukraine whenever I feel way too sorry... or a bit too mature.

I pledge to think of Denmark whenever I'm criticized... or I have a little too much fun.

I pledge to think of Finland whenever I feel too different.. or I'm celebrating the holidays.

I pledge to think of Iceland whenever I'm bullied into saying something... or I procrastinate with candy

. I pledge to think of Norway whenever I'm not listened to... or I'm surrounded by idiots.

I pledge to think of Sweden whenever I'm misinterpreted... or I use a Swedish Death Glare.

I pledge to think of Greece whenever I have different priorities... or I see a cat.

I pledge to think of Romano whenever I feel unloved... or I swear like crazy.

I pledge to think of Turkey whenever I'm overprotective... or I wear a mask.

I pledge to think of South Korea whenever I express myself oddly... or I see anything made in Korea (da-ze!).

I pledge to think of Seychelles whenever I'm hated for something I didn't do... or I find a swordfish.

I pledge to think of Canada whenever I feel invisible... or there's maple syrup involved.

I pledge to think of Sealand whenever I am overambitious... or sell stuff on Ebay.

I pledge to think of HRE whenever I leave someone behind... or realize my name or title is completely wrong.

I pledge to think of Prussia whenever I can't admit my fears... or I redefine "AWESOME."