STORY ALERTS:

IN PROGRESS

1. Drobot's sorrow Spyro's comfort (renamed to Drobot's cold reception) rating T (on hold until story maintenance is complete)

2. Spyro's love triangle rating M ( IN PROGRESS CO WRITTEN BY Wolf Ghost Love 4 LYF)

3. GUILMON AND VEEMON BEST FRIENDS TO MATES 4 LIFE (SECOND CHAPTER IN PROGRESS) (CO WRITTEN BY Wolf Ghost Love 4 LYF)

4. The Flames Of Cynder's Lust (IN PROGRESS)

NOTICE ALL STORIES ARE UNDERGOING MAINTENANCE AND REVISIONS

I'M A SCALIE AND PROUD OF IT!!

If your a SCALIE and aren't afraid to say it loud a proudly paste the above and this into your bio

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, zElDaPhAnToM-bLiNdBaNdIt-RaVeN, Firehawk, Rainfire, Snowfur, Firestar's Gal, Amberstar-Leader of SkyClan, Guard of the twilight, Wolf Lunerfang, Demonhorse103, Draco The Night Fury, human by form dragon by heart

I HAVE TRANSFERRED TAILS AND VANILLA TO SONICROMANCE 15'S ACCOUNT SHE WILL BE DOING A CONTINUATION FOR IT IN ADDITION I HAVE GIVEN HER FULL PERMISSION TO POST THE EXISTING STORY ON HER PROFILE LOOK FOR IT THEIR FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER

other writhing accounts

inkbunny: sexydragon

furaffinity: blackflamedragon

: dark star dragon

sofurry: sexy lugia

COMPLETED STORIES

1. PEACE FOR SIMON (AATC)

2. NEW FOUND LOVE (LOS)

3. will you play with us (LOS)

4. spyro's sex life (LOS)

age: 22

gender: M

SO type: straight

SCALIE orientation: dragon

While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!"

Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. "That's it! No butter for you for one month!" says his dad.

Later that evening as Johnny's mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her.

Little Johnny looks at his father and says, "Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?"

What do you do when your dishwasher stops?

A: Kick him in the ass.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.

The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.

The chief screams, "What are you doing?"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a*hole!"

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.

When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s*t!''

One day at the end of class, little Johnny's teacher asks the class to go home and think of a story to be concluded with the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story.

Little Suzy raises her hand. "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."

When the teacher asked for the moral of the story, Suzy replied, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Little Lucy went next. "My dad owns a farm too. Every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only eight of the 12 eggs hatched."

Again, the teacher asked for the moral of the story.

Lucy replied, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch."

Next up was little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down, he drank the case of beer. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! So he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. Then the blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands."

The teacher looked a little shocked. After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story.

"Well," Johnny replied, "Don't fuck with Uncle Ted when he's been drinking."

A judge asks a defendant to please stand. "You are charged with murdering a garbage man with a chain saw."

From the back of the courtroom a man shouts, "You lying bastard!"

"Silence in the court!" The judge turns to the defendant again and says, "You are also charged with killing a paperboy with a shovel."

"You tightwad!" blurts the spectator.

"Quiet!" yelled the judge. "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an electric drill."

"You cheap son of a... " the spectator starts to shout.

The judge thunders back, " I will hold you in contempt! What is the reason for your outbursts?"

"I've lived next to that lying bastard for 10 years now, but do you think he ever had a tool when I needed to borrow one?"

One Sunday afternoon an older couple was listening to a holy station on the radio. They were about 98 years old and so frail, they couldn't walk to church.

The preacher said, ''If you put one hand on the radio and one hand on whatever you want healed I will heal it for you.''

So the old woman put one hand on the radio and one hand on her heart.

The old man tried to not let the old woman see but he put one hand on the radio and one hand on his penis.

The old woman looked over and said, ''He said he could heal, not raise the dead!''

A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."

"What is your sin, my child?" The priest asks back.

"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible."

"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.

"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Father." Said the man.

"After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."

Is THAT when you swore?" asked the Father again.

"Well, no." said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed Priest.

"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient Priest.

"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole."

"You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?" sighed the Priest.

Two men walk into a bar, one wearing a cowboy hat and the other wearing a Yankees cap. The guy in the Yankees cap approaches the bartender and make a bet: "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at one end of your bar and piss into it from the other end of the bar without spilling a drop."

The bartender laughs and says, "You're crazy, but you're on."

The man positions a shot glass on one end, walks to the other end and unzips his fly. He then pisses everywhere -- all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottles of booze, and all over the bartender. The bartender roars with laughter and tells the man to pay up.

The guy in the Yankees cap pays up, laughing and smiling, too.

"What are you smiling at?" asks the bartender. "You just lost $1,000!"

"Well, you see that guy in the cowboy hat over there crying? Before we came in, I bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls, your liquor AND you, and not only would you not be mad -- you would laugh hysterically about it!"

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.

Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

Copy:12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today. Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the God, Father, Son, and Holy Ghost then copy and paste this in your profile

If you ignore him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says... "If you deny me before man, I will deny you before my Father in Heaven..."

When u carry a Bible, the devil gets a headache.

When u open it, he collapses.

When he see's u reading it, he faints.

When he see's u living it, he flees.

And just when your about 2 re-post this, he will try & discourage u.

I just defeated him. Like, Copy, & Paste this if your in God's Army :) I AM IN GOD'S ARMY

alias's dragon's dark side,black matter dragon,dark star dragon

favorite animal: tiger shark

favorite legendary animal: dragon

favorite video game character's: spyro, cynder,

favorite video game: spyro dawn of the dragon.

favorite pokemon: flygon,lugia,zoroark,pikachu,raichu,latias

favorite digimon guilmon,gomamon,greymon,renamon

favorite skylanders: spyro cynder camo warnado flashwing trigger happy gill grunt drobot ZAP

favorite bands: bon jovi, the killers, dragonforce

current favorite songs: Disciples of Babylon cry thunder Where Dragons Rule die by the sword last journey home -dragonforce (all).

most favorite song of all time: american pie

best excuse: to much coffee

state: allergy capital of the world ( unfortunately) sigh

country: the best one the grand old USA

interests: writing, playing video games, talking with my friends bike riding

occupation: WAL-MART

preferred occupation: video game tester

type of reviewer: I just say what i think about it

preferred super power : transformation

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

i don't flame you so don't flame me it's not right

And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.

best friend on here spyroking51 he's cool to talk to has great stories has a ton of rp idea's can turn any story in to a masterpiece got me to post my newest story and revive an old story and most of all he's one of those guys who will listen to you with out judging you

I'm the guy that speaks my mind, whether you like it or not.

I'm the guy that walks like i am proud.

I'm the guy that you don't wanna be on his bad side.

I'm the guy that doesn't take crap from anyone.

I'm the guy who acts shy one second and the next i will be laughing like an idiot.

I'm the guy who secretly thinks he's a dragon. (however i show it loud and proud cause i know in some universe i am one)

paybacks a bitch

After 37 years of marriage. Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.

His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi-million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.

He gave Edith his now ex-wife just 3 days to move out. She spent the 1st day packing her belongings into boxes crates and suitcases.

On the 2nd day she had to movers come and collect her things.

On the 3rd day she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.

When she had finished she went into each and every room and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of all of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything cleaning mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.
Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even replaced the expensive wool carpeting. NOTHING WORKED.

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairman refused to work in the house.

The Maid quit.

Finally they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later even through they had cut their price in half they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house ha been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.

INCLUDING THE CURTAIN RODS.:)

Dear bullies,
See that boy doing his homework in homeroom? Last night he Talked his friend out of suicide.
See that girl you just called fat? She is starving herself.
See that old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars? He fought for our country.
See that young boy you must made fun of for always being sick? He has to walk home in the snow cause his family is too poor.
See that girl you made fun of for wearing lots of make-up? You bullied her for being ugly without it too.

Re-Post this if you are against bullying. I bet 95% of you won't. Your life would probably not be as harsh as theirs

Mummy...Johnny brought a gun to school

He told his friends that it was cool
And when he pulled the trigger back=
It shot with a great crack
Mummy I was a good girl
I did what I was told
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold
But mummy when I went to school that day, I never said goodbye
I'm sorry mummy I had to go, but mommy please don't cry
When Johnny shot the gun he hit me and another
And all because he got the gun from his older brother
Mummy please tell daddy that I love him very much
And please tell Chris, my boyfriend, that it wasn't just a crush
And tell my little sister that she is the only one now
And tell my dear sweet grandmother that I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends that they were always the best
Mummy I'm not the first I'm no better than the rest
Mummy tell my teachers I won't show up for class
And never to forget this and please don't let this pass
Mummy why'd it have to be me no one deserves this
Mummy warn the others, mummy I left without a kiss
And mummy tell the doctors I know they really did try
I think I even saw a doctor trying not to cry
Mummy I'm slowly dying with a bullet in my chest
But mummy please remember I'm in heaven with the rest
Mummy I ran as fast as I could when I heard that crack
Mummy listen to me if you would
I wanted to go to college
I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with daddy
On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married
I wanted to have a kid
I wanted to be an actress
Mummy I wanted to live
But mummy I must go now
The time is getting late
Mummy tell my Chris
I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date
I love you mummy I always have
I know you know it's true
Mummy all I wanted to say is "mummy I love you"
In memory of the Columbian students that were lost
Please if you would
Pass this around
I'd be happy if you could
Don't smash this on the ground
If you pass this on
Maybe people will cry
Just keep this in heart
For the people that didn't get to say "goodbye"
Now you have two choices
1) repost and show you care
2)ignore it and you have just proven you have a low-down, cold-heart

For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bastard.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so i must be GAY TOO
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas
I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bastard.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bastard.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my dick.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE.. So I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse.
I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a Satanist
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I like marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I an friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON"T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems I can't get a girlfriend so I'm either gay or married I blog so I must be a spy

FANFICTION- UNITED NATIONS!! Has anyone else noticed how a lot of us get along and make friends on here and we can be from completely different countries? Question mark? We're here making world peace on the INTERNET and we have all those ambassadors and senators and whatever struggling with it!! If you realize this (or read this and agreed) copy and paste this and add your name and country (country is optional) to the list. SPREAD THE PEACE!!: Naruto-fan-Okami-chan (USA), NaraTemari011 (Puerto Rico), Lala girl in Lalaland (USA), Kakashi Forever (England), Killer of thy Cookies (Singapore), Inspirational Spark (Both of us!)- United States, UmbraFox (Australia), XxJessalinAtaroxX (USA), Inhuman X(USA, USA, USA, USA, USA!!), San Child of the Wolves(USA),chrisfiggys(USA), Peace 2 All! human by form dragon by heart(USA)

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uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
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mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!
If you could read that put it in your profile

If you're stalking a fictional character copy this to your profile

If you want to learn Japanese, copy/paste this into your profile

If reality continues to ruin your life, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever attempted alchemy by clapping your hands or drawing an array, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a lot of fanfic ideas in your head but are unable to bring yourself to write them, copy and paste this in your profile

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you actually take the time to read other people's profiles, put this in yours.

If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have laughed so hard that you couldn't breath and ended up laughing silently while half crying due to lack of air copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever tried to use magic, copy and paste this to your profile

f you squeal/nyah/make any high pitched noise after seeing something really, really cute, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know a video game/book/movie/anime/manga character or weapon that need(s) to exist, PLEASE copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in your profile

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies(this is so freaking true!! WHYYYYY!!!???)

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, my dear children, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
BEST FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

FRIENDS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
BEST FRIENDS: Will sit next to you saying “Damn … but that shit was fun!”

FRIENDS: Never seen you cry.
BEST FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Keep your shit so long they forget its yours.

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS:Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

FRIENDS: Say sorry when you want to talk to them at odd hours of the night, or even just hang out at odd hours.
BEST FRIENDS: Come right over and hang out with you, until you either fall asleep, or kick them out.

FRIENDS: Will mourn over your death BEST FRIENDS: Will change your Facebook status to chill'in with Jesus

FRIENDS: Will ignore this
BEST FRIENDS: Will repost it

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

Who ever said nothing was impossible, has never tried slamming a revolving door.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

if you have ever said that an amine character is sexy and you love them and you meant it, copy and paste this into you profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you hear voices of random book movie or game characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

Copy and paste this to your profile if you think that the backspace key is one of the best inventions ever.

If you are guilty of doing a British, Irish, Australian, Southern accent or Elvis impression, copy this in your profile

Weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it, CAPTIYP!

if you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place,CAPTIYP.

if you have your own little world,CAPTIYP .

if you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it,CAPTIYP .

Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is free!

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (well no shit sherlock!)

if you think the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechan alone, CAPTIYP

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

Even if you can't see him GOD is there! If you believe in GOD CAPTYP

if you like the occasional hot scene CAPTTYP

If you like reading, copy and paste this into your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

the reason girls like going to therapy is because they can do the 2 things they do best talk and spend money if u think this is true copy and paste this into your profile

if you hope AATC never loses it's edge CAPTTYP

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself copy this into your profile

if you are crazy CAPTTYP

if you think being normal is boring CAPTTYP

if you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time CAPTIYP!!

if you wish the old Alvin and the chipmunks show would come back copy and paste this to your profile

98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.

If at first you don't succeed, then destroy all evidence that you tried.

Evening news is where they tell you 'good evening' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If a fork is made of gold, will it still be called silverware?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to "Woman Hitler"?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.

The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.

Love your enemies! It really pisses them off.

To put it nicely, I hope you choke.

Smile. It confuses people.

Americans worship money. I have been looking for God all my life and he is right in my pocket.

You don't have to be faster than the bear, you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, but you my friend!! SO KISS MY ASS!!

A day without sunshine is like...night.

Don't ever attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot.

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I did what they say and chose the road less traveled...Now where the heck am I?

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Please Note: CHRISTMAS IS CANCELED. Apparently you told Santa that you have been good this year...he died laughing.

Suicide hot line...please hold...

Don't drink and drive- you might spill the beer.

There are two kinds of pedestrian: the quick and the dead.

All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have a nice day!

no trespassing violiters will be shot survivers will be shot again

Guys: No shirt,no service. Girls: No shirt, no charge

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bed skydiver? The golfer goes (Whack) "Dang!" The skydiver goes, "Dang!" (Whack)

When women are depressed, they either eat or go shopping. When men are depressed, they invade another country.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

When opertunity knocks, shoot first, ask questions later.

I wanted to kill the prettiest person alive then I realized...Oh ya suicides a bad thing.

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may mot follow. Do not walk beside me either just leave me the hell alone!

What goes around gets dizzy and falls over.

Women should not have children after 35...really 35 children is enough.

If at first you don't succeed, cheat, repeat until caught, and then lie

A wise man washes his hands after he pees, A wiser man doesn't pee on his hands.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege

You know your getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair you used to get from a roller coaster.

25 Reasons I owe my mother.

1. My mother taught me to APPERCIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into next week."

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORSIGHT.

"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.

"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about,"

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

"Shut your mout and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about weather.

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

10. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM.

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck."

11. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

" You'll sit there until all that spinich is gone."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

"If I told you once, I've told you a millon times. Don't exaggerate."

13. My mother taught me about the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

16. My mother taught me about about ANTICIPATION.

"Just wait until we get home!"

17. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

"If you don't stop crossing you eyes, their going to freeze that way."

18. My mother taught me about RECIEVING.

" You are going to get it when we get home."

19. My mother taught me ESP.

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold."

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come crying to me."

21. My mother taught me GENETICS.

"You're just like your father."

22. My mother taught me MOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

"If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

" When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you

Smile, and the world will smile with you. Laugh and they'll think your on drugs

Dying is nature's way of saying,"Hey! You're not alive anymore!"

Next time you wave, use more than one finger, please

When opportunity knocks, shoot first, ask questions later

Guidelines of life:

not introduce self as roleplaying character in public.

not talk to fictional characters in public.

not answer fictional characters in public.

not talk to inanimate objects in public.

not go out in public.

6.Disregard above note.Perform numbers 1 to 4.

7.Note expressions.

8.Don't die alone. Take many people with you.

9.Floor is slippery when wet.

10.Lake is slippery when dry.

11.Only talk to strangers you know.

12.Strangers you don't know are spies... Kill them all.

13.For legal purposes be sure to delete above note.

14.Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.

15.Kill them for security purposes.

16.Crying does not solve anything. Try violent mood swings.

17.Make a scene whenever humanly possible.

18.The men in white coats are not your friends.

19.Ask them for a room with lots of sharp, pointy objects.

20.When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.

21.Chicken soup, although good for colds, is not the best cure for drowning.

22.Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

23.Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.

24.Always remember, um... um... Damn.

25.Train army of flying monkeys.

26.Goldfish don't like milk.

not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.

28.Find out who invented the word "pianist".

29.People are staring at you.

act insane.

31.People are weird, but not as weird as me.

not taunt animals at zoo. They have feelings... And teeth.

33.Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.

34.Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experiance. Do this as much as possible.

'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry. It's only me... Bonding.

36.Never pet a burning dog.

37.Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you are wearing a parka.

38.Naked men dig parkas.

39.Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.

know what would look good on you?

41.Immolated cockroaches.

42.Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.

43.The size of Danny DeVito.

44.Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.

45.Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.

46.Stalking is fun. Do it more.

47.Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree!"

matter what anyone says, there is a way to get to your fantasy world.

49.That way is rum.

50.Constipated people don't give a sh-t.

cannot kill the snow.

53.The snow can kill you.

54.Grass can also kill you.

55.The leprechaun on the cereal box said I can't get his lucky charms...

56.Catch and castrate leprechaun.

57.HE is real... No matter what the men in white coats say.

58.Staple paper in the middle of the page.

case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.

are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.

61.Pretend to be so around the n00bs.

not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul sucking demon.

63.Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?

64.Ask Senior Diablo for a bigger pitchfork.

65.Remember to kill HIM...

66.Tell the small children in Toys 'R' Us that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.

67.Note reactions. Avoid parents.

68.The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.

69.Scream, the doctors don't like it, they'll give you a shot of something nice.

70.Hide the bodies, otherwise people ask embarrassing questions.

the evidence.

72.But not if it's broken glass.

73.When in the presence of someone much wiser than you, point in a random direction and yell, "Look, a distraction!" Then run.

not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats kids.

75.Disregard last note.

76.Note reactions.

77.On average, 100 people choke to death on ball point pens every year.

78.Stock up on ball point pens.

79.Learn to fly. Tell no one.

80.The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.

not stick fingers into blender.

82.Blender... Bad... Ouch.

83.Blood loss is bad.

84.Find way to re-attatch fingers.

85.Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.

86.Answer every question with a question.

87.Ask people what gender they are.

88.Note reactions.

89.Refer to people as "mortal".

90.The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.

91.Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.

92.Start by drowning them in fire ants.

93.Find the creators of pop-up messages.

94.Kill them.

95.Brutally.

96.Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.

97.Dunk head in boiling water.

98.Disregard last note. Was written by Voice #7.

99.Gullible IS written on the ceiling!

100.Investigate this whole "critical mass" thing when the klaxon dies down...

Warning Heaven has no rage like love turned to hatred , Nor hell a fury like a woman scorned,

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

If you think flamers are dirt bags who spend their day thinking of ways to insult people, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever tripped where there was a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

Too many kids and teenagers have smoked or tried marijuana. If you haven't, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and finally leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself (I find that I am a very tough opponent). So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your friends have called you something that really, really doesn't discribe you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever pushed on a door marked pull or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

90 percent of teens today would die if MySpace had a system failure and was completely destroyed. If you're one of the 10 that would be laughing hysterically, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are a procrastinator, copy and paste this into your profile. Tomorrow.

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile

If you ever wondered who made up all of the 'copy this into your profile' things then copy this into your profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

more crap to fill your profile page

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicated that they are covered with bees.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steven Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project" for herbology.
4. "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.
5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch's office is not appropriate.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7. The giant squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
8. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore"
9. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful"
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable; "polishing my wand" is not
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a dark mark on their arm.
12. House elves are not acceptable replacements for bludgers.
13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky...and not an acceptable money making concept.
14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today's project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
15. "Liften, Seperatius, Crotchum" is not a real spell.
16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me lucky charms"
18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends"
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends"
20. I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination class.
24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.
25. Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are now mine, even if I yell "Pwned!"
26. I am not a sloth animagus.
27. I am not a tribble animagus.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, tasmanian devil or a piranha.
29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I do not have a Dalek patronus.
32. I will not lick Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmacy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. The Ravenclaws are not "Mentats in Training".
35. Any resemblance between dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.
36. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes Getting Clean Almost as Much Fun as Getting Dirty".
37. There is no such thing as an invisibility thong.
38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith".
39. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.
42. 42 is not the answer to every question on the OWL's.
43. It's a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself to seriously.
44. I am not to owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspect Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine"
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not teach the First Years to sing "A Wizards Staff has a Knob on the End"
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.
52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corps. .
53. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley's forehead.
54. My name is not Captain Subtext.
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potion ingredients, and I will not resell their products as "veela pheromones".
56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as "Big Black Sex Auror".
57. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.
58. Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.
59. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes professor.
60. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.
61. It is generally accepted that cats and dragons cannot interbreed and I should not attempt to disprove this theory, no matter how wicked the result would be.
62. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled "firewhiskey".
63. Using the Engorgio charm on certain parts of the human anatomy on school grounds is not permitted, not even for entertainment purposes.
64. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.
65. A wand is for magic only...it is not for picking noses, playing snooker, or drumming on desks, no matter how bored I become.
66. It is inappropriate to slip sample bottles of Selsun Blue into Professor Snape's postbox.
67. I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "Cannon Fodder".
68. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.
69. First years should not be encouraged to befriend the Whomping Willow.
70. Novelty or holiday themed ties are not to be worn with my school uniform.
71. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin House mascot.
72. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good vs. Evil I will not lift my wand skyward and shout "There can be only one!.
73. I will not refer to the DADA professors as "canaries in the coal mine"
74. I will not say the phrase "dude get a life" to Lord Voldemort.
75. I will not put Muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.
76. There is not now, nor has there ever been a fifth House at Hogwarts. And I am not a member of that House nor am I its founder.
77. I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the force".
78. Albus Dumbledore's proper title is "Headmaster" not "my liege".
79. I will not tell Professer Trelawney that I prophecised her death.
80. I will not use Slytherin and Gryffindor First Years as Christmas decorations.
81. Calling the Ghostbusters is a cruel joke to play on resident ghosts and poltergeists.
82. If asked in class what the Avada Kedavara cures does yelling, "It does DEATH!" maybe correct but is not the manner in which one should answer.
83. I am not allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.
84. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
85. Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying "The library is closed for an indefinite time period" amusing in any sense.
86. I will not attempt to recreate The Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
87. A Time Turner is not a flux capacitor and I should therefore not install one in any muggle car.
88. I am not allowed to use Silencing charms on any of my Professors.
89. I will not charm Hermione's time turner to rotate every half an hour.
90. If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
91. I will not claim my X-Files tapes are "Auror Training Videos".
92. When being interrogated by a member of staff, I am not to wave my hand and announce, "These are not the droids you are looking for".
93. I am not a member of the Spanish Inquisition.
94. Albus Dumbledore is not my personal Jesus.
95. I am not authorized to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort.
96. I will not follow potions instructions in reverse order just to see what happens.
97. I will not claim that there is a prequel to Hogwarts, A History that explains about Bilbo Baggians.
98. "OMGWTF" is not a proper spell.
99. I will not under any circumstance ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.
100. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.
101. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbot and Justin Flinch-Flectchy as Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles.
102. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate charm on Dumbledore even if it would be amusing.
103. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixi Stix.
104. I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.
105. I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him that they are real animals.
106. I will not teach the House Elves to impersonate Jar Jar Binks.
107. I will not sing the Badger song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.
108. I will not tell First Years that they should build a tree house in the Whomping Willow.
109. I will not douse Harry Potter's invisibility cloak with lemon juice to see if he will become visible while wearing it standing near the fire in the common room.
110. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic transfiguration spell.
111. I will not yell "Believe it...or not!" after any of Dumbledore's speeches.
112. Bringing fortune cookies to divination class does not count for extra credit.
113. My name is not "The Dark Lord Happy-Pants" and I am not allowed to sign my papers as such.
114. There is no such thing as the Double Secret Chamber of Probation.
115. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow peeps.
116. I will never ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling.
117. Voldmort is not Ganondorf and the Triforce is not hidden in Hogwarts.
118. I will not sing the entire Multiplication Rocks series during Arthitmacy exams.
119. I will not charm the suites of armor to do a rendition of "Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas feast.
120. I will not call Professor McGonagall "McGoogles".
121. I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.
122. "Draco Malfoy takes it up the Arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.
123. I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.
124. I will not wear my DEATH EATER AND PROUD OF IT shirt to school.
125. I am not allowed to reenact famous battles of the revolutionary war in the Charms corridor.
126. I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug a Slytherin" day.
127. I am not allowed to introduce myself to the First Years as "Tim the Enchanter".
128. I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance into any classroom.
129. I will not try and start Naked Thursdays in the common room.
130. It is not necessary for me to yell "BAM!" every time I apparate.
131. I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.
132. I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.
133. I am not allowed to come in to the beginning of each Herbology class singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes".
134. I will not teach the First Years to play the penis game in the Great Hall during meal times.
135. I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue.
136. I will not organize a Hogwarts Fight Club.
137. It's a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself to seriously.
138. I will not tell the First Years Professor Snape is the Voice of God.
139. I will not dress up in a dementor suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to get him to do what I want.
140. I will not start food fights in the great hall.
141. I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my calculus book.
142. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
143. I will not sing "We're off to see the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.
144. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.
145. It is not necessary to yell "BURN" every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor.
146. "Y'all check this-here shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that you are about to perform an experimental spell.
147. I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout "I have the Power".
148. I am not the King of the Potato People and I do not have a flying carpet.
149. I will not tell Sir Cadagon that the Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell Ni from various places.
150. Getting everyone in the Great Hall to do the Time Warp will not earn me any house points. Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Can't fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)

jokes from jeff foxwrothy

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your 'huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves shoes and a flashlight.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income

You might be a REDNECK if...
...an expired license plate means another decoration for your living room wall.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you've ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...the FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...every electrical outlet in your house is a fire hazard.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your home has more miles on it than your car.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...one hole in the Ozone Layer has been traced to your car.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...the Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?'

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your Christmas ornaments are made out of spent shot-gun shells.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

You might be a REDNECK if...
...you have more guns than things worth stealing in your house.

You know you live in the year 2010 when...

1) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years.

4) You send a text to your friend when they're right next to you.

3) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have MSN or Myspace.

5) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

6) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7) You look at a CD and think of it as an antique.

9) The only friends you have only know you by your screen name.

10) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

11) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

12) You were too busy to notice number 8.

13) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 8.

14) Now you're laughing at your stupidity.

15) You never noticed 4 was before 3.

16) You scrolled back up again to check to see.

17) You're now laughing even more at your own stupidity.

18) You didn't notice that there are 6 was listed twice.

19) You fell for that trick.

1) your home computer is smaller the the one at you office

20) Now you're thinking, "I have to put this on my profile!"

1. People Who Point At Their Wrist While Asking For The Time... I Know Where My Watch Is Pal, Where The Hell Is Yours? Do I Point At My Crotch When I Ask Where The Toilet Is?

2. People Who Are Willing To Get Off Their Ass To Search The Entire Room To Find The TV Remote Because They Refuse To Get Up And Change The Channel Manually.

3. When People Say, 'Oh You Just Want To Have Your Cake And Eat It Too.' Damn Right! What Good Is Cake If You Can't Eat It?

4. When People Say, 'It's Always The Last Place You Look.' Of Course It Is. Why The Hell Would You Keep Looking After You Found It? Do People Do This? Who And Where Are They? I'm Gonna Kick Their Asses!

5. When People Say While Watching A Film, 'Did You See That?' No Loser, I Spent 12 Dollars To Come To The Cinema And Stare At The Damn Floor.

6. People Who Ask, 'Can I Ask You A Question?' Didn't Really Give Me A Choice There, Did Ya Sunshine?

7. When Something Is 'New And Improved.' Which Is It? If Its New, Then There Has Never Been Anything Before It. If Its An Improvement, Then There Must Have Been Something Before It, So It Can't Be New.

8. When People Say, 'Life Is Too Short.' What The Hell? Life Is The Longest Damn Thing Anyone Ever Does! What Can You Do Thats Longer?

9. When You're Waiting For The Bus And Someone Asks, 'Has The Bus Come Yet?' If The Bus Came, Would I Be Standing Here Dumbass?

10 Ways To Annoy People

1. Go Into A Grocery Store And Follow Someone Around Asking, "Guess What?"

2. Go Into A Department Store And Sneak Up On Somebody Who Is Talking On A Cell Phone And Whisper, "Who're Ya Talkin' To?" And When They Say, "Hey Dude, Can I Have A Little Privacy Please?" You Say, "No, 'Cause You're In Pubic, Bud. You Can't Have Privacy In Public!"

3. Do The Old Trick When You Put Dog Crap In A Bag Then Set It On Fire, And Leave It On Somebody's Doorstep. So If They're Going To Try To Stomp It Out, They Have To Get Dog Crap All Over Their Shoe.

4. Prank Call The Same Person Over And Over Asking Them What Color Their Underwear Is.

5. If You're A Guy, You'll Love This One. Go Into Hot Topic And Pretend To Have A Heart-attack, And When A Hot Blonde Does CPR, Start Kissing Her. (Warning: This One Can Get You Slapped And Maybe A Butt-whooping From Her Boyfriend)

6. Go Into A Public Restroom And Use The Toilet Paper As A Mummy Wrap, And Jump Out Screaming, "Boo!"

7. Come Running Out Of A Restroom Saying To Random People, "Whoa Dude! Come See The Size Of The One I Just Made!"

8. Noisily Chew Gum Behind Someone Who Is Trying To Read, And When They Turn Around, Spit It Out And Hold It Out To Them And Say, "Hey, Want Some? It's Watermelon!"

9. Go Into The Toy Section And Leave A 'Used Diaper' On The Ground And Say, "The Dolly Had An Accident."

10. Go Into A Mall At Christmas Time And Pull Off Santa's Beard Screaming, "Holy Cow! It's A Fake! He Ain't Real!"

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(No! Really? We're supposed to eat food?!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with colds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On artificial bacon:
"Real artificial bacon bits".
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief)

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY

#1 - Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
#2 - This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
#3 - Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad dog!
#4 - Ya' know...there's big money in kidneys...and this guy's got two of 'em.
#5 - OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature
#6 - now where did this thing go again
#7 - does that got this way or this way
#8 - oops wrong one.
#9 -oooo shit not good
#10 -shifts over his problem
#11 -is it good if the line is straight
#12 - hey i found i nickel
#13 i don't know what that is maybe it's best i take it out

Copy and Paste this into your profile if you believe not all stories should have a happy ending.

This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murderer chanted," Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read the chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded.

2 months ago, 16 year old David Gregory read this post and didn’t repost it. When he went to take a shower he heard laughter from his shower, he started freaking out and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep. 5 hours later his mom woke up in the middle of the night cause of a loud noise. David was gone. That morning a few hours later the police found him in the sewer, his neck broken and his face skin peeled off. Even google her name- you’ll find this to be true If you don’t repost this saying They hurt her then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep you’ll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill YOU.

Y BOIZ SHOULDN'T CHEAT
There was once a girl named Ashley who
had a boyfriend named Jack.

Jack was the most popular guy in school.
The three most popular girls were Courtney, ASHLEY, and Emma. Jack
thought of Ashley as OKAY,but he REALLy
liked Courtney. Courtney liked jack also. Well of course
she did, everyone did!

Ashley and Courtney were worst enemies.
Courtney tried to steal Jack away
everytime she had a chance to. One day,Courtney asked
Jack if he wanted to go to the movies. Ashley heard
everything...what movie theatre and what
time.

Ashley approached the movies that night
and followed Jack and Courtney.
Ashley sat right behind them. she watched them
get close to each other and kiss...not only kiss, but practically get it
on in the theatre.
Courtney told jack "Do you want to come to my
place and skip this boring movie?"

He replied "hell yes."

Ashley had peeked through Courtney's
and her were messing
around and Ashley watched the whole
thing.

The next day at school Ashley wasn't
there. For the next few days Ashley wasn't there. A week later her mother
found her in her closet
dead... she commited suicide because she had loved
Jack so much.
Next to ashley's dead
body was a note.

A note that read: My dearest Jack, I
watched you at the movie and at Courtney's house and I will continue to watch you.
I never thought you would do something like this to me. I really
loved you jack. I died for you just like Jesus died for us.

Always with you, Ashley

Please foward this or Ashley will
haunt you and try
to kill you because she wants everyone to
know about Courtney.

Love vs. Sex

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared
their various experiences of the past year.

She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid
because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger.

When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it.

However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her.

She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection.

Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her.

When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there.

Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep.

Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station.

She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story.

The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him.

She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before.

When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed.

The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her.

She asked if they would ask the man one question.

Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her.

When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her."

Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God?

Repost this as Love vs. Sex if you truly believe in God..

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you
no matter what...and if you stand up for him he will
stand up for you.
I bet most of you people that read this won't repost...so you gonna prove me wrong? Go ahead then!

REPOST THIS!!!

The source of the purge has been found. A group of regular FF users, Critics United, will post any story they don't like on their forum. Then they have

all

their members mass report it until the story is deleted. In their forum they say they hope to cause another purge soon.

They are not critics; they are bullies. They do not offer constructive criticism; they flame and poke fun. They like to call stories sh¡tfics, and call authors whose story they got deleted 'immature' and 'likely to b¡tch at them.' They often use heavy sarcasm and condescension in their supposed 'constructive criticism.' The head of Critics United has MA sex scenes in her stories. Copy and Paste Spread the word.

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.

The chief tells them, "The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."

The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison; the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down.

The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol; the Brit points it at his head, says, "God save the Queen!" and blows his brains out.

The New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and jabs himself all over -- the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes from every hole.

The chief screams, "What are you doing?"

The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, a*hole!"