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Welcome to Rizember’s profile… A place of wonder, pointlessness and the occasional psychotic tendency.

27/11/2015: FALLING FOR HIM IS UP AND FREE ON AMAZON! Get yourself a free copy :)

LINK HERE: Falling for Him

QUICK ANNOUNCEMENT (03/06/15): DARN. Been years, huh? Blame ReyaKinght.

To those sending PMs and reviews asking about my absence, thanks so much! Y'all are (still) sweet.

11/11/2015: Hey guys, I'm halfway done with my Masters. I was highest in my class (Yay me) and I'm the only girl (double yay).

Anyway, like I've said before, I write original stories as well and I modified a lot of them for fanfiction e.g. Falling for him, The four seasons, paradise lost, destined, kda

I will be publishing these as time goes by. What's okay for fanfiction isn't necessarily okay for the world and I feel really bad about how I haven't improved the stories as I've grown and I apologize for that.

For anyone interested in reading the books and maybe leaving reviews on Amazon (where I will be putting them up), please PM me and I will send you a free copy as soon as it's done. If you prefer the fanfic version, I can send it once my KDP select days are up.

If you're also interested in being a Beta for the original fics (TFS Origin story), see above (the bit about the PM).

Wish me luck.

(I am a spy page break. I saw you poking your nose)

Name: Refer to pen name.

Age: Getting ancient.

Political Views: None whatsoever.

Religion: Christian. I won't judge your religion. I won't judge your beliefs. I won't judge you.

Quotes by My family and Friends (Updated 27/02/2012)

Dad *in elevator, sees his colleagues yelling for him to hold the elevator. He quickly pushes the 'close-door' button, smiles and waves: Bye guys!
Me: That's mean.
Dad: The stairs will do them some good.

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Dad: Its really bad.
Me: What happened?
Dad: Shit happened.

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Suwi: how do you ride a bike at night?
Dad: you climb on and start peddling...and then you fall into a ditch. It's easy.
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Dad: you unruly children.
Me: I resent that. I'm ruly.

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Me: I want him to get struck by lightning. We should do a rain dance.

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Kazya *trying to make sure I don't upload any new fics seeing as how I haven't finished most of the ones I already have up yet: Don't. Do. It.
Me: But I can't help it! Every time something happens, I wanna write a new fic!
Kazya: Dude, your life isn't as interesting as you'd like to think it is. WHAT things happen? Breezes blowing by?
Me: I hate you.
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Dad: I'll make you my friends on Facebook so I see what you write.
Me: Er, I just deactivated mine.
Dad: when?
Suwi: just now.
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Bow: How can I make it up to you.

Me: Pass me the knife.
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My Cousin's Facebook status: OMG! LOL!
Me: ABC!
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Me: it was equivalent to desperately holding pee in only for someone to teleport you into an ocean surrounded by rumbling waterfalls and trickling fountains...and then tell you that you STILL can't pee.
Kazya: That metaphor was highly unnecessary.
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Dad *finding me on my iPad, online, at 6 in the morning: What you have is an addiction to the Internet. Google "internet addiction".
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Monty Python (Frenchman): I fart in your general direction.
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Me: I carry in my hands an invitation to go fuck yourself. Have fun.
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Suwi*playing splinter cell: what do I do?
Me: get the gun.
Suwi: then what?
Me: go shoot someone.
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Mwansa *after being told not to put a plastic bowl in the microwave: I know! do you really think I'm that stupid?
Ashen: you underestimate just how stupid I think you really are.
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Me: the cops? Please. They couldn't find their pricks with both hands and GPS, the bums.
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Mum *when I was sick: I'll give you a pen and paper to write down every time you go to the bathroom so I know you took your medication each time.
Me: Don't you think recording my bowel movements is abit much?
Mum: I'll go get you a pen.
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Mwansa: I had a dream. And it was horrible. What if Martin Luther King said that?
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I will love you genuinely.
I will love you deeply.
I will love you forever.
I am doing it right now.- Riz poems extract, 2010
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Mwansa *my friend, a guy, talking about prison rape: if a man wanted to try to rape me, he'd be amazed how tightly I'd clench my butt cheeks. I'd be like, sorry man, no through way.
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Me: I go where the chocolate goes.
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Gene: If it has tits or tires, it's bound to give you trouble.
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Mwape: we should really thank toilets. We should have World Toilet Appreciation day.
Me: isn't that like every day?
Mwape *ignoring me: they take a lot of shit from us and never complain. They just deal with it and wait for the next person...
Me: Why am I still listening to you?
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Me *at breakfast, talking to myself: As she ate the bread, she prayed to the dieting gods to forgive her.
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Charity *showing me a drawing: See?
Me: A duck?
Char: it's a cow!
Me: are you sure?
Char *moves to show her roommate Chichi: what's this?
Chichi: a chicken.
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Lusaka Radio DJ: I hate winter. Especially when I'm walking and someone asks me for the time. Then I have to remove my hands from my warm pockets for them. I hate it.
Radio DJ 2: oh come on-
Radio DJ 1: no, I mean it. Besides, if you don't have a watch, then you're not going anywhere. Take your time.
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Me *giving lecture to cat who's staring at my door, trying to get out: Next time, don't enter my room without asking, okay?
Cat *still staring at door: Meow.
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Terrance: Any bright ideas?
Kazya: bulb's over there. *points*
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If I love you enough to die for you, you should love me enough to stop me-
extract, Riz poetry collection, 2010
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If, going up to heaven's gates
I miss you on the way,
I'll stubbornly defy the fates
And still this very day- Riz poetry extract, 2011

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Me: some people could care less. I am not one of those people. I have reached the lowest possible level of caring there is.
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Ashen: I'm not sure you understand how stupid you sound.
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Mwansa: I’m not lazy. I'm harnessing my chi.
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Me: slow down, you'll run over someone.
Dad: that's okay.
Me: you'll end up in jail.
Dad: at least it'll be a break from you kids.
Me: people get raped in jail...
Dad: people get raped everywhere.

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Me: that's cheating and it's just unfair to everyone else.
Dad: it's called being smart. Everyone else is just stupid.
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Me *stuck in traffic with my dad: You should get a siren on your car and we could pretend to be an ambulance. People would let us through.
Dad: That's illegal… But a great idea.
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Kazya: I'm not sure but ever since we broke up, every time she says my name she manages to make it sound like an insult.
Mwape: you mean it's not?
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Me *late at night, sleepy & on fb: have you seen the time?!
Ashen: No why? Did it get a new dress?
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Me: What are you watching?
Becky: Harry Potter and the prisoner in that Cabana. Or something.
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Mom *after she bought a rabbit and a chicken: I forgot to tell your father that it laid an egg this morning.
Suwi: the rabbit?
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Mom: I hope you're not sitting on the loaf bread of bread. Bread doesnt taste nice when it loses shape.
Me: huh?
Mom: the butter refuses to stick to it.
Me: Uh...I don't think so...
Mom: but it's true.
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Becky *when Harry kissed Cho: When did this wizard learn how to kiss?
Me: Thats what I said!
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Me: I'm gluing my ass to that seat and no one is gonna move me!
Michelle: what happens when nature calls?
Me: I'll ignore it. How did it get my number anyway?
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Kapelwa: if a black man had been first on the moon, those first words would have been different. I'd have been like: SUCK IT, BITCHES! I'M MOONWALKING!
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Becky: I wonder what my night will be like...
Me: Full of darkness and a general lack of sun.
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Tilly *to Becky: For your sake I hope Jesus has a sense of humour.
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Bubala: why are you packing your books on my bum?
Me: it's the flattest piece of furniture here.
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"To err is human, but when the eraser wears out ahead of the
pencil, you're overdoing it."
-- Josh Jenkins
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What did you find if you found a Blonde skeleton in a crawl space??
1968 Hide & seek champion
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Isaac *Facebook status: Let's watch a scary movie *several hours later* dude, walk me to the kitchen.
Me: the scary movie...Avatar.
Isaac: You and blue movies...
Me: Pervert. I meant the last airbender.
Isaac: you and farting...
Me: I can't win with you...*rolls eyes*
Isaac: you and modesty
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Me *to Ashen: In the NarutoVerse, the Uchiha version of FaceBook would be SmirkBook.
Ashen: That's given me an idea for a fic.
Me: MINE! *proceeds to write new fic*

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Me *frequently: Dude, you suck.

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Shadow’s cat: Way to go, riz. Like a boss.

Me: I’m tha bowss.

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Gene: Look, it doesn’t matter who beeped who…what matters is that beeping occurred.

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Ashen *email to shadow’s cat: We will rob from the rich and rob from the poor and just when the middle class are feeling safe, we’ll rob from them too.

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Dad: It's really bad.

Me: What happened?

Dad: Shit happened.

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Aggy: Don’t panic. The test is tomorrow.

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Ashen: It took alot of balls to do what he did.

Me: If only he’d kept a pair for himself.

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Lawliet S: Whatever it is, he looks hot doing it.

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Me: That cloud’s pretty special huh?

Ashen: Have we run out of things to talk about?

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Aggy: You mean now?

Me: Anything wrong with this particular time of day?

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Ashen: That’s a half-assed idea.

Me: The other half will be in tomorrow.

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Me: Are you still thinking about it?

Ashen: No, I gave my brain the day off.

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Ashen: Soon he’ll surpass even your level of idiocy.

Me: And then he’ll try catch up to yours.

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Kapelwa *to Seche: Dude! You're using my fork!

Seche: Fork you.

Kapelwa: ...

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Me: I’m a shy person. Everyone knows that.

Muyembe: You sure talk a lot of smack for a shy person.

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Trevor *retelling twilight to his niece: And then the wolves phased and there was glitter, hair gel and rainbow vampire ass flying all over the place...

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Gene: Lemme guess...you're awesome?

Me: Wow. It's like you're psychic.

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Me*to Char about our coming exam: We’ll burn that bridge when we get to it.

Charity *laughing: You mean we’ll –cross- it.

Me: No.

(I am a profile page break. Yeah, I am.)

I AM THE AUTHOR WHO CAME UP WITH THE PERSONALIZED PAGE BREAKS

e.g. (I am a Deidara page break. Me go boom.)

The only people allowed to use them are:

-SHADOW’S CAT (cause I beta for her. (-cough- or used to) She’s sweet.)

-SILVABLAZE and

-ALECKSANDER92

IF YOU ARE NOT ANY OF THE ABOVE, I WILL DESTROY YOU...okay...maybe not but...YOU'RE A DOODOOHEAD SO THERE!

DAMMIT, AT LEAST GET PERMISSION OR SOMETHING! I will probably say yes.

ALSO: Personalised review prompts are mine

e.g:

For pictures of Sasuke doing the macarena, press 1

For digital proof of Naruto's sordid affair with ramen, press 2

For world domination and a smoothie, press 3

For "why the hell aren't the above buttons working", click the review button below and leave a message.

My mate, Ashen Warrior, has a community purely for people who want to review. This comm is for fics we think are awesome and deserve more reviews. If you think your story falls under this category, we will read AND review it but I suggest you do the same and well, join the comm so you can help other people get what they deserve (and shamelessly get more reviews for your own work too, hehe). We keep it mature, no flames...

It's called "Wraith's Reviews" and I'm not sure of the limit of staff but think: if we have 100 staff members and all of them review a story, won't that make the author feel all good and teary inside? Sure, we write cause we love it but we also want to know how we're doing

otherwise putting it up on the internet would be absolutely pointless...

If you wanna get in touch for whatever reason, be it death threats, greetings or even WTFs...just PM me.

Alright…that’s it with the profile for now. (That'll do pig. That'll do)

Later,

Riz.