Imitating Myself

By: Late-Sleeper

UNBETA

Disclaimer: I don't own a thing…or else Naruto would be rated NC-17

UNBETA…

Chapter 14: Dating

"So how did the date go, Uchiha?" Shikamaru asked as he made himself comfortable on his seat inside the quiet café. He saw the raven frowned.

"Fine."

"Fine? Just fine?" Kiba frowned. "Come on spill the beans Uchiha, I'm losing a lot on money on you and I need to know if you're taking your job seriously!"

"It went well. Satisfied?" Sasuke growled ready to pounce on the dog-man if he was provoked more. Morals and social status be damn! The dog breath was asking for it.

"You two did kiss at least, right?" Kiba wiggled his brow at the raven whose face suddenly contorted with disgust.

"Oh come on. It wouldn't be that bad?" Kiba chided.

Sasuke glared daggers at Kiba and hoped that it would actually, physically hurt the man even just the slightest.

Where was Naruto when he needed him?

Shikamaru shook his head and made a sidelong glance at his seatmate on his right. The man hadn't said anything which is actually normal for him but still the red head was actually very attentive on their current conversation; he could feel it with the red haired eyes twinkle and movement.

"You should at least kiss him Sasuke." Shikamaru sighed. "That was the whole point in all of these; that Sakura would fall madly in love with you."

Sasuke rolled his eyes at him.

"Fuck! Don't tell me you're still a virgin?" Kiba suddenly exclaimed disrupting the stillness of the whole café. Some patrons threw glares his way and some shook their head. The sudden feeling of eyes on him made Kiba leaned forward and talked in small voice. "You do know how to kiss, right?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes at the dog breath and slump his body on the comfortable chair. He was getting a huge migraine talking to Kiba like this. "Of course I do."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." A hiss escaped his lips.

"Then what about sex? You have some experienced right, and I'm not talking about Ms. Mary-the-right-hand sex."

Sasuke felt a vein twitched on his temple uncontrollably. "…"

Sasuke's silence gave a resounding 'No' to Kiba's ears. He snickered a bit at how pathetic the ice princess was. "What? Then you are really a virgin! Oh may god. I can't believe that the mighty Uchiha is still a fucking virgin."

Kiba's boisterous laugh echoed throughout the room and gain perverted eavesdropper tuning into their conversation. Some girls went all ears as they heard the name Uchiha.

"Shut up Kiba. You're drawing too much attention." Shikamaru grunted and added 'troublesome'.

"Sorry, sorry." Kiba grinned and whispered. "But come on, it was funny as hell! This guy…" Pointing at the irritated Sasuke. "…is still a fucking virgin."

"…"

"Is it because the 'jr.' couldn't stand up alone? Do you need some meds? I can buy you some." A snickered escaped Kiba's lips while Shikamaru rolled his eyes at his friend's antic. Gaara on the other hand was watching them, way too intently.

"Fuck you dog-breath." Sasuke growled back.

"Oh my god. Is it because you're gay?" Kiba feigned shock then laughed out again.

"So what if I am." That made Kiba stops his uncontrollable sniggers.

"What?"

"I'm gay. So what about it?"

Kiba gaped at Sasuke for a whole minute or two. He actually didn't peg Sasuke to be gay because…well because he was cool, mysterious, and…well mostly cool. Not that he would admit that to the Uchiha, but come on a cool guy like him wouldn't be suited to be gay. "Are you serious?"

"…"

"Oh my god! You are! Shit! Don't take this wrongly Uchiha but you…you'll never look good in a dress." Kiba shudders as he imagines the Uchiha in a frilly dress dancing and singing Britney's song 'I'm not a girl'.

"…ever." He added and shudder some more.

"Stupid. I have no intention doing drag. I'm not like you."

"What did you say? Come here you fucking ass-face…" Kiba launched himself towards Sasuke but he was stop by Gaara's death glare.

Oppsss he forgot Gaara's here. He took his seat once more and grumbled. "Your lucky we're in a public place." Heh, he'd die first before he admitted that he stopped because he was afraid of Gaara. Which he is not!

"Troublesome." Shikamaru shook his head. "You really need to learn how to do it you know. To please Sakura."

Sasuke frowned, disgusted at Shikamaru's suggestion. "I'm only going to do it with the one I'll spend the life with." 'And as if I'll get hard with anyone other than the dobe'. Sasuke added thoughtfully.

He remembered how hard he tried to have sex with different girls and even (insert collected gasps here) boys just to check if he was straight or gay.

…but sadly he came with one answer…he was partially impotent…yes, Sasuke at the age of twenty-five had no sexual desire for both sexes…unless that certain someone is by the name of Uzumaki Naruto, age 25, nice ass, big blue eyes and blond hair.

So, in conclusion he was gay for his dobe, and he'd be damn stupid if he let the dobe slip away. He wants to have sex and he'll going to get it.

"Fuck! I can't believe I'm hearing that from you. Shit! You're such a girl. Come on this is year 2000 and you're still acting like a virgin from the 16th century. People fuck and go. No one is still virgin anymore." Kiba tried to explained the concept of 'sex and play' to Sasuke and tried to wake the damn Uchiha from his 'fairytale romance'.

"Naruto still is."

Kiba grinned at Sasuke. "Oh but Naruto didn't plan on it. It just that no one wants to have sex with him. It's not like he have a choice." He snickered a bit.

Shikamaru only rolled his eyes at Kiba…He wondered a bit if Kiba was talking about the 'Naruto' as in 'Naruto-their-friends-who's-ass-was pinched-by-too-many-perverts-he could-think-of', seriously ignorance was really a bliss, then Kiba must be really in paradise.

Though then again Gaara was always looking like he was going on a mass murder if someone did came near the blond.

…so yeah, maybe it was partially true that it was not Naruto's fault he's still a virgin…it was mainly Gaara's and his fault…

"Anyway…at least have sex with the one you got hots on for god sake." Kiba frowned; he can't believe he was giving advice to a gay man about homo relationship.

"As if that is so easy. I've been crushing on him like forever and we're still 'just friends'." Sasuke rolled his eyes in annoyance. Why the hell is he even listening to Kiba?

"Then you must be doing it wrong. Or maybe you're not even doing anything at all?"

"Che, so what?"

"So what? You need to lure him in. You need to at least do something!" Kiba screeched.

"I agree with Kiba." Gaara suddenly spoke making Shikamaru fall off his chair in shock while Kiba gaped at the red head. "If you want somebody, don't expect that person would just fly to you…you should at least put an effort to win that person over…"

Kiba mouth imitated a gold fish as he stared at Gaara with horror. He couldn't figure out what shock him the most…Gaara saying something audible or Gaara talking about 'love'. Whatever it is, it was still a huge phenomenon.

Shit! Is it the end of the world? Was Gaara abducted by aliens? Or was he just going crazy? NOOOOO!

Gaara smirked at his three gaping companion and continued. "If it doesn't work…well, you just have to do it the hard way. There are words such as: KIDNAP, RAPE, BLACKMAIL, and TORTURE. Be creative." He grinned as he counted the many ways to do it with his fingers.

"…"

"But I like to mix and match. So, my top favorite would be kidnap, rape then torture. It works like a charm."

Kiba gasped a bit and squirm on his seat. Gaara frown at it. "What? I think it is a very good idea."

Kiba just looked at him horrified. "Come on admit it, so did you."

"…"

"It's okay. Don't worry it doesn't actually make you a horrible person. It just means you have a good taste for the finer things in life — chaos, gore, pain, suffering, and outright humiliation. That's why we get along so well, you and I…" Gaara lifted Kiba's chin to close the dog-breath gaping mouth with his finger.

Shikamaru shook his head as he snapped out of his bewilderment at Gaara's sudden bout of insanity. He shudder a bit at how insanely Gaara could be sometimes.

"Troublesome. You do realize who Sasuke is talking about?" He asked the red head who was suddenly returned back to his old creepy brooding self again.

"Yes."

Sasuke felt Gaara's heated glare thrown at him which he matched with the same intensity.

"I Know. Who. And I'm. Not. Happy. With. It." Gaara spoke slowly and punctuated every word threateningly. Sasuke though was not unfazed at Gaara's threatening voice. He already lived with the devil for all his life, a little spawn of hell like Gaara is just a piece of cake to him.

"Though I'm still his friend. Even though I don't like you…" Gaara eyes pointed daggers at Sasuke. "I still want his happiness."

"Tsk." Shikamaru clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes, seems like Gaara and him have the same view and thoughts on this matter.

"Wait? I don't get a thing?" Kiba suddenly piped out which lessened the tension between the three. "Who the hell are you talking about?"

Gaara frowned a bit and slightly shook his head.

"He said you're an idiot and idiot should just die." Kiba suddenly jumped off his seat in fright as someone suddenly spoke behind him. He turned around and saw the snickering Naruto.

"Hell! Blondie! Don't fucking sneak on me like that!"

"Geez, someone overdose on caffeine again. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Do we need to take you again to rehab dog-breath."

"Fuck you!"

"Now you're a sex addict! NOOO! What have you done to your life?" Naruto hugged Kiba and mock-cried while Kiba squirm a bit to punch the blond. "Get off! I'm fucking going to kill you."

"Heh, you love me too much to go through with your threat." Naruto grinned at Kiba.

"Hi guys! What are you three girls, gossiping about? Is it the sexy, most eligible bachelor voted by cosmo mag, cutest as hell me?"

"Dream on Naruto." Sasuke sneered at Naruto while offering him his drink.

"Well dreams are free anyway." Naruto grin back at Sasuke as he reached out to take the offered drink. "So what are you three talking about?"

"Sasuke and his long time cr…" Shikamru cleared his throat stopping Kiba from spilling the beans which Kiba only frown in confusion from being interrupted. Heh, Kiba still had no idea what's really going on. "Naruto, how did it go?"

"Oh that? Well it was actually a success."

"What is?" Sasuke frown. He actually didn't know where the blond went and why.

Naruto grin at Sasuke and walked towards the raven's seat and sat down on the raven's armchair. He snaked his hand on Sasuke's shoulder and his grin went wider. "You my friend are going to a whore house!"

"WHAT?"

To be continued…somehow

Late_Sleeper: As I was reading this…I really thought I already uploaded this chapter somewhere…the content was the same and I know I already posted it…or was it de javu…or I'm just stupid. Must be the latter. Anyway review away if you think so too…