Oh! so this is how you do profiles. hmmm.

COWER IN FEAR OF MY SHITTY ART!!: http://

5/17/09:TO ANY DUMB SLUTS READING MY FICS: NOTE THE FUCKING TIME. Yeah, so in some of my earlier fics, I used the, AT THE TIME, common name for Minato. This being Kazama Arashi. Or whatever. You know why? BECAUSE WE DIDN'T KNOW HIS FUCKING NAME YOU STUPID FUCKS. Sorry if I've been a fan longer than you and I was around when that was still a mystery. But I'm not gonna change the set up of MY story because Kishimoto didn't give the Fourth a name until a few years after he introduced the character. So before you fly off, and call me fucking lazy. I suggest you READ and keep your head out of your ass. Seriously, like, is it so hard to be curtious? Think before you open your stupid mouth. Okay, now that that awkward "homeless person stabbing a stranger" moment is over, we can get on with the stories.

2/07/09: SORT OF IMPORTANT: Okay, so, like, I’ve not updated any of my stories in forever…derp. So, that’s sort of gay of me. I know it is. But I can’t work up the will to write for those stories. Which is why it is my sorrow to announce that all my stories aside from Mirror Image will be on hiatus. Until I get my juu-juu back, at least. Until then I’ll be working on this story solely. It’s been under my hat for awhile now and I think its time to let this rabbit out. I think that it will help me get my groove back.

7/3/08: Dude...Seriously? Dammit. I've gotten lazy...shit. I know, i know. I'm an asshole. I just...I dunno...lost my zing and my influence. I don't really know how to put it, I just...can't bring myself to write. I WANT to, wicked bad. I just...can't. I really lost my muse and I need to find it again. I'm sorry, though. I really am. I'm gonna work on it though...I mean, I've got time now. I bet if I head a laptop I'd be more proactive about this seeing as I'd be able to write, whenever. Another part is, even though the fans support me, and that means a lot, it really does, but I don't have any support from my real friends and family because I know that they'd just think this was stupid as hell, and I'd never hear the end of it. But, that's no reason to quit! So Imma get my shit in gear! I promise, I'll be back.

3/23/07: It has come to my attention that my gender may be a little ambiguous. I am a man. ALL MAN. Possibly manlier than Chuck Norris. In fact, it has come to my attention that said Norris has a man-crush on me. Don't tell him I said that. Please.

Well, I like Naruto fanfics a lot for some reason and I finally had an idea good enough (for me anyway) (as well as getting the balls to post my work) to write.

I like video games and sugar so I get crazy Ideas that apparently make good stories.

I also like perverted jokes and swearing...a lot.

I'd also like to say I'm a fan of porn. My friends tell me I have a "Problem", pfft. What do they know. Maybe I'll go watch some porn.

I'm just gonna say, if you're here give my stories(plural, awesome) a try. If you don't like them(more plural, sweet), whatever, fuck you, I can live my life the way I want.(-Monty Python and the meaning of life.)

I hate yaoi. It pisses me off. I'm reading a good story then WHAM, BAM, BUTTFUCKERY, fucking gay Naruto. What the fuck is up with that!? At the VERY LEAST put a warning. A vibrant and easily noticable warning.

STORY LIST:

Hawk Eyes: My first story and possibly the crowning achievment of my short and awesome life. I don't really know what to say other than...chapter seven isn't gonna be out for awhile...sorry. I hope you enjoy my other stories though.

Okay I changed my story From Eagle eyes to Hawk Eyes on the premis that Takagan(Hawk eyes) sounds waaaay cooler than Washigan(Eagle eyes).

Motherfing Invitation: a challenge from Delta16669...I think. Anyway, I like rare pairings and Naruto Hana is one of 'em. I hope this turns out okay for you Naru/Hana fans. Also, it's silly and not actiony, more like one of those Day in the life fics. Because I like those a lot, they're just plain fun.

Blood Harvest: I have high hopes for this. Not a Dark Naruto fic, although I will slait my own bloodlust with this story...which is alramingly high. (I think I might kill people in my sleep(not really so don't freak)) MASSIVE cross over action going on here. There will be interaction with characters from any anime, video game or (american) cartoon I want. Also, harem: Anko, Temari, Tenten and then one or two more girls THAT ARE NOT, REPEAT: ARE NOT from Naruto. I sware to Odin, If i get one more "I vote Isirabi, hee hee, kthnxbi" I'm gonna curb stomp you and make your parents lick up the mess before if kill them too; Isirabi will get her time to shine eventually, trust me. So suggestions for the first and/or possibly second girl would be nice. requirements: Not from Naruto. that's it. Also, if you suggest two girls, they don't have to be from the same anime or game. Oh yeah, they should be from an anime or game cause an american character would clash really hard I'm only a level 2 writer, I can't handle it. I don't even have The Scribe's Quill Of Ultimate Awkward Situations yet for crying out loud.

wow that was long...sorry.

HAREM UPDATE: ANKO, TENTEN, TEMARI, SERAS(Hellsing) TATSUKI(Bleach) AND ORIHIME(Bleach). THIS IS A FINAL LIST. SORRY IF YOUR GIRL AINT IN HERE.

As an after thought: updates for this story will take longer because I'll have to do research on the girls as well as the different animes and games he'll be going to...that will take awhile. And yes, I did mean research as in Jiraiya's idea of research and REAL research.

New Fic: It doesn't have a title yet but I thought of the plot after someone asked for a Tayuya/Kin/Naru pairing in Blood Harvest. Sorry someone, as I'm writing this I didn't want to go find your review to find your name. I didn't want to add anymore Naruto girls to the Blood Harvest line up and thought that this would make a good story. A series of events cause Kin and Tayuya to live but it also leads to Naruto's capture at the hands of Orochimaru. He is held for seven years before a rescue attempt is made, but Orochimaru is too strong for the leaf. But what's this? A rebellion in the Sound!? Who's behind the wheel and how did they get so strong? When I write this you'll find out. I will only begin this after Motherfing Invitation is done. Three simultanious stories is my max right now. Please, tell me what you think in a PM... or you could weasle it into a review. You bastard.

Naruto and Sasuke(tenative title): This idea came to me when I was half asleep so everything I thought and said was hilarious. The girls talk about Naruto and Sasuke's friendship. Apparently they have started doing challenges in a fashion similar to Kakashi and Gai. Only worse. THIS IS NOT YAOI. GOD NO. GOOD LORD NO. This is merely a silly fic were silly things will happen. It is meant to make my readers laugh. No pairings. Maybe a one-shot.

Oh and if anyone else needs a translation site here is a good one. http:///onldict/jap.html, this one is also very good http:///f_nih.htm.

Just to let you know, ask me anything in a review or PM. I will answer EVERY review. Even if it is just a one word one like "cool" or "interesting". Just letting me know you enjoy my story really fuels me to write. Hell, even if no one ever reviewed I'd write. I think the only time I'd stop is when people started telling me my story was completelly uninteresting or just plain terrible, I'd need a reason of course.

That reminds me. If you have the audacity to ask for reviews the least you could do is reckognise us for writing them. Even if they are only a word or two long, respond. It's just common curtesy. What, you think just because you write a story that a lot of people like you think that you don't have to acknowledge those fans? Asshole. Seriously, I've written well over 700 reviews and probably gotten about 50 review replies.

Hmm, some mother fucker decided to change my pen name. Very cute asshole. Try it again, I dare you. You fuckin queer.

Johnmasta and The Rogue Stallion both very cool dudes. Check out their stories sometime.

P.S. If anything is misspelled in my profile I appologise. There's no spellcheck and I don't care enough to check.

P.P.S. If you think something I say is funny and want to put it in a story or profile...or just tell your friends...just give me credit and let me know that you are doing it. I'd like to go to your profile/story/school to see/hear what you thought was funny. If you don't want me to hunt you down you could just send me a video...if you are a girl do it naked...please? If by now you haven't cought on that the whole, "I'll find you/ send me videos/ If you cross me I'll kill you" thing is a joke please go seek a counselor or something. Ecept for the last part about killing you...that's not a joke. Seriously. Watch it. (That was a joke) (don't sue me)

Everybody else has cool quotes...I want some too. But I don't want ones that everybody has!

Death need not be the end of hope! -Drakengaurd...weird, weird, WEIRD, game...slightly entertaining.

I couldn't help but overhear, mostly because I was thinking of killing you and taking your cloak.

Insted of helping an aged dwarf woman across the street you should be shooting her in the face with arrows until it stops being funny.-LFG

"Is there any chance that he was the one who killed your father and you were seeking justice so your beloved and missed parent could be at peace in the afterlife?"

"No but that does bring to mind the amusing tale of the time I killed my father."-LFG

"I am RICHARD chief warlock of the brothers of darkness, lord of the thirteen hells, master of bones, emporer of the black, lord of the undead, and mayor of a little village up the coast...very scenic during springtime, you should visit sometime."

"Your name is Richard?"

"You were supposed to pay more attention to everything after that part." -LFG

"It seems as though I've been turned into a pile of ash and require the services of a healer."

"Walk it off pussy."-LFG

"Listen, like I told your captain, that orphanage attacked me. It was self-defense!"-LFG

"We were told to kill you on sight."

"I was told where your mate and offspring reside."

"Welcome to Nestorep. Enjoy your stay."-LFG

"I'm more likely to revive your friend as a disfigured, rabid, souless, beast than anything else."

"My gut tells me that we should trust her with this task."

"I missed that last part. What did she say?"-LFG

I'm no physician, but there appears to be a dagger through my chest. -LFG

Remember the fellow who threw daggers at me? These are his teeth.-LFG

Bad news Cale. I'm afraid your position as my closest and dearest companion is being replaced by the fellow who just tackled a dragon -LFG

A mountain that eats people...I wamt one.-LFG

I wanted to lose some baby weight. Cause from the baby I ate.-LFG

"Would you help me xplain how much quicker and easier killing is?"

"I'm still trying to figure out what "conscience" means."-LFG

BEHOLD! For I have discovered the fork of truth! Who would dare oppose me now? Now that I am armed with my anger...and my fork. -LFG

"By the gods! They look like children!"

"I know. It's hard to kill just one."-LFG

I don't do well with authority. Is that going to be a problem?-LFG

"We are not the gods who get to decide who lives or dies."

"I disagree fully with your previous statement."-LFG

"STOP!"

"We're not moving."

"Who's side you on?"

"Yours?"-LFG

"Get ready to fire it up."

"My pleasure." (grunts)

"What's wrong?"

"There's no fwoosh."

"Our shamans may have something to do with that."

"Well can you ask them to stop so that I may lay waiste to your army?"-LFG

"I've never seen a warlock do that without the use of their magic!"

"I drained the soul of a monk once. It tasted like chocolate."-LFG

"RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!" (Collapses)

"What's happening to you!? RICHARD!?"

"Curse...Shammies...Slightly uncomfortable..."-LFG

TIP: DON'T STEP THROUGH PORTALS THAT WERE CREATED BY A SCREAMING GHOST AND A CREEPY LITTLE GIRL. ESPECIALLY BY YOURSELF. SERIOUSLY, IT'S NOT SMART.-LFG

Worst. Portal. Ever.-LFG

Quotes from my friend Delta16669:

If I had no sense of humor then I would have commited suicide long ago - Mahatma
Ghandi

Do not argue with an idiot, he will drag you down to his level and beat you with
experiance

If ignorance is bliss then you must be orgasmic

Why do they put Braille on the drive through bank machines?

Do good S&M fans go to hell?

If you choke a Smurf what color does it turn?

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day,
nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

There’s a reason why Claymores say ‘This side towards enemy’

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car

This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they'll be when you kill
them

Some people say 'if you can't beat them, join them'. I say 'If you can't beat
them, beat them', because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will
have the element of surprise

If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun

Warning: Trespassers will be shot
Warning: Survivors will be shot again

Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat

There are few problems that can’t be solved with high explosives

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three

When I was in the military they gave me a medal for killing two men and a
discharge for loving one

If it's stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid

Shoot first, shoot later, shoot again, then when everyone's dead, try to ask a
question or two

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Light a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. -Jetflash

"I like to watch Hentai, because if I watch normal porn, then I feel sorry
not only for the woman, but the horse as well."-FlamingCheese

"Dumbledore returns from the dead and declares it to be hammertime, Harry
proceeds to break it down, and Voldemort is unable to touch this."-FlamingCheese