My favourite sayings in the world.

The best defence against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.

I love how in scary movies the person says, “Hello?” as if the murderer’s gonna be like, “Yeah, I’m in the kitchen. Want a sandwich?”

Life without laughter is merely a joke.

Being a good writer is 3% talent and 97% not being distracted by the internet.

Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working.

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.

Constipated people don't give a crap.

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's ether my mum or dad or my older brother Colin or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu, but I think it's Colin.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

I'm so gay I can't even think straight.

Efficiency is intelligent laziness.

Be optimistic. All the people you hate are going to eventually die.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

I’d slap you, but that would be animal abuse.

I hate it when its dark and I think to myself, “You know what I haven’t thought about in a while? Demons.”

Iron has nothing to do with irony, which, given the name, is rather ironic.

Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.

Bite off more than you can chew, then chew it. Plan more than you can do, then do it.

Never apologize for being nerdy, because unnerdy people never apologize for being assholes.

Art is a deliberate recreation of a new and special reality that grows from your response to life. It cannot be copied; it must be created.

Don't refuse to go on an occasional wild goose chase -- that's what wild geese are for.

It usually takes a long time to find a shorter way.

Someday is not a day of the week.

I keep some people's phone numbers in my contacts just so I know not to answer when they call.

If it weren't for caffeine I'd have no personality whatsoever!

Change is good, but notes are better.

You can’t say happiness without saying “ha, penis”

There comes a time in every girls life when they stop and think "I read some fucking weird fanfiction."

There are no traffic jams when you go the extra mile.

Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.

If a tree falls in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it, how will the Environmentalists react?

The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.

Dare to be wise. (Sapere Aude)

A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

If everything is coming your way then you're in the wrong lane.

Tis the advisor who suffers from bad advice.

Irony is the opposite of wrinkly.

The future belongs to those who dare.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.

Has anyone else noticed that the symbol “&” looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor?

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others.

A dreamer lives for eternity.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail.

When money talks, nobody notices what grammar it uses.

A friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

A good exercise for the heart is to bend down and help another up.

If you chase two rabbits, both will escape.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Good friends are hard to find, harder to leave, and impossible to forget.

If you enjoy the fruit, pluck not the flower.

Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you're shit.

Just remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

Don't tell me that the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

I didn’t fall. The floor just needed a hug.

Everybody lies, but it doesn’t matter since nobody listens.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first. And, whatever you hit, call it the target.

You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 today and we don’t know where the hell she is.

They’ve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.

Graduation Speech: I’d like to thank the internet, Google, Wikipedia, Microsoft Word, and Copy & Paste.

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.

"Let's eat, Grandma!" "Let's eat Grandma!" Help save lives. Use correct grammar.

I could agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

It takes 8,460 bolts to assemble an automobile, and one nut to scatter it all over the road.

If it weren't for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

Arguing about whether the glass is half full or half empty misses the point, which is this: the bartender cheated you.

Thank you Facebook, I can now farm without going outside, cook without being in my kitchen, feed fish I don’t have & waste an entire day without having a life.

What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car

In the primary school, I was an outstanding student. My teacher would send me to stand outside of the class as a punishment.

Don’t let your mind wander; it’s too little to be let out alone.

If you are talking behind my back, you are in a good position to kiss my ass.

Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts, while others come into our lives and make us wanna leave footprints on their face.

One day, I will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!

Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.

God grant me the serenity to accept that people are ignorant, the courage to uphold the law when I’m hostile, and the wisdom to realize that murder is illegal.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.

I don’t exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.

Even when fully awake, we still have trouble locating car keys in our pockets, finding cell phones, and pinning the tail on the donkey, but I'll bet you anything anyone can locate and push the snooze button from 5 feet away, in the dark, while half-asleep, every time.

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

You shouldn't wait for your prince charming. With your luck, he's probably stuck up a tree somewhere.

Don’t be so humble—you are not that great.

Robbers stab you in the stomach. Boyfriends stab you in the heart. Friends stab you in the back. Best friends don't carry knives

Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I’ve never tried.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

There is nothing worse than that moment in which you are sure you're going to die after leaning back in a chair a little too far.

I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.

A closed mind is a good thing to lose.

It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide.

Everything here is edible. I'm edible, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

I hate it when you miss a call by like two seconds, but when you call back immediately after, no one answers. What did they do, leave a message, drop the phone, and sprint as far away as possible?

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?

You can also read my stories on AO3 if you prefer the format. My username there is Derek_the_Dalek

Tiger, Tiger.
Draco's chest tattoo/carving thing: http:///images/68/awesome-celtic-bear-paw-tattoo-on-chest.jpg

Draco’s ring/Prospers collar (1): http:///images/cf/236961c.jpg

Prosper’s paw tattoo: http:///2013/02/6e1ed90b1a63b566393a732dbde14632_d4p9fki_by_deathshiva-d5w4x8x.jpg