WARNING!

LAZY WRITER

ANY PROBLEMS?

NOT MY PROBLEM, DEAL WITH IT!

I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested.

I'm not crazy. I just adapt to my surrounding.

I'm not crazy. Now get away from my unicorn.

I'm not crazy. Just ask my toaster.

I'm not crazy. I prefer the term mentally hilarious.

I'm not crazy. I'm limited edition.

101 Reasons why friends are like potatoes

001. Friends are like potatoes, when you eat them, they die.

002. Leave them in the fridge too long and weird * starts growing out of them

003. They make a hell of a mess when you throw them out the window

004. You can cut them up into all sorts of shapes

005. You can paint with them

006. Each one is unique

007. They both look different with the skin removed

008. They make high pitched screaming noises when you put them in a bowl of water for 3 minutes

009. You can fit quite a few in a burlap sack

010. Some of them could really do with a wash

011. Most people don’t cook them with the skin on

012. But cooking them with the skin on makes them extra crispy

013. If you soak them in water and ferment, you get a delicious fluid

014. There was a massive shortage of them in Ireland

015. You can eat them in many different styles

016. You can buy a sack full at the supermarket

017. The larger ones tend to be more expensive

018. You wouldn’t bit them raw

019. They’re better covered in mint sauce

020. They don’t bounce and make a rather disturbing thud when you throw them downstairs

021. They’re good for target practice with an Air rifle

022. If you slice them thin enough they make good crisps

023. Some people like them chunky, others prefer the baby sized ones

024. You can never eat just one

025. Most people only have the walkers if there’s no other ones available

026. There’s always the odd one that smells of cheese and onion

027. Every now and then there’s one that tries to be “different”

028. You sometimes encounter one that’s a different color and try to treat it differently

029. They both have eyes that are rather satisfying to remove

030. Most of them are kind of oddly shaped

031. They hurt pretty bad when you’re hit in the head by one

032. People look at you weird when you stuff them down your pants in public

033. It’s pretty common to have 20 or so stuffed in your fridge or cupboard

034. Both of them dislike having their skin removed with a potato peeler

035. They don’t defrost very well after being shoved in the freezer for a month

036. They can be found buried in dirt at some point in time

037. It’s pretty fun to use them to grow your own

038. It’s fun to glue googly eyes to them and leave them in stupid places

039. They’re pretty tasty after being chopped into thin chips and marinated in boiling oil for a few minutes, but have a tendency to burn down the house as revenge

040. They travel quite a bit if you put them in a cannon

041. They go really well with fish

042. They turn into a fine paste when you put them into a blender

043. Peeling them is oddly satisfying

044. Some people like them covered in grated cheese and/or beans

045. You frequently see them revolving on a plate in MarksSpencer Adverts

046. “How many can you fit in your mouth at once” competitions tend to end with embarrassment

047. Enough of them can protect you from a bullet

048. They don’t make good wheels after an axel has been shove in them

049. When buying them, check to see if they’ve been infected

050. If they have something growing, it’s best to get rid of them

051. Occasionally you get a perfectly spherical one and have the sudden urge to take pictures of it.

052. You will have at least one that looks vaguely human

053. So many people claim to have one or more that look like Jesus

054. You get annoyed when you wake up to find one on your bedroom floor

055. Some of them are vegetarian. Some have meat in them.

056. You have to keep an eye on the quiet ones

057. People think you’re crazy if you constantly talk to one

058. People think they’re crazy if they keep finding them in their bed

059. They sometimes have their own spot in the fridge

060. They’re best kept in the dark

061. You always seem to find an old one in the back of a cupboard

062. You’re confused as * when they turn up in a pan of pasta

063. There are so many different stamps you could make with them

064. They’re a convenient place to leave a sharp knife

065. In the war, British people were told to stockpile them as they are one of our few remaining exports

066. You look at them funny if you see them in fetish gear

067. You always have a favorite one

068. You might have to get help burying one

069. A lot of them are really curvy

070. People aren’t impressed when you try showing them off

071. Everyone seems to find more uses for them than you

072. After cooking them they are slow to cool down

073. They explode when you stuff them full of Thermite and ignite it

074. They’re fun to kick

075. When they explode it takes forever to clean up all the giblets

076. You swear when you realize there’s a hole in the sack and one escaped

077. They’re chock full of nutrients

078. They’re not very good at stopping buckshot

079. A sack full of them can get really heavy

080. You have a choice of mashing them together manually or adding water to a fine powder of them

081. It hurts when you slice your finger whilst removing their skin

082. There’s no sadder sight than one rotting

083. Sometimes you forget about one until you clean behind the oven and it’s leaking strange fluids in the corner

084. You hesitate to ask where it got that bite mark from

085. You get jealous when you catch your boyfriend masturbating with one

086. They silently judge you

087. Your boyfriend gets worried if he catches you masturbating with one

088. They don’t fit in your shoes

089. The ones in the tins aren’t as good as fresh ones

090. You sometimes see one rolling on the floor of the supermarket and ignore it

091. They’re great for making neat carvings

092. You can’t help feeling happy seeing one stuck in a tree

093. They’re nice to scoop out the inside, fill with cream and chives and shove back in the skin

094. People look at you funny when you’re sat on a bench with one

095. It’s really annoying when one keeps kicking you in the teeth

096. They make funny noises when you inject them with butter

097. Like everything, Chilli makes them taste awesome

098. There’s always one that keeps it’s jacket on

099. It’s pretty hard to juggle them

100. They’re always found on the phone

101. Some people have managed to make clothing from their skin

My fics

A girl with hazel eyes

(Blue exorcist)

status: 9 chapters, in progress

Blue rose of Hell

(Blue exorcist)

status: one-shot

Broken glasses

(Blue exorcist)

status: 7 chapters, in progress

Silver wolf

(Teen wolf)

status: 4 chapters, on hiatus

The Serpent and the Phantom

(Kuroko no Basuke/Assassination classroom)

status: 4 chapters, in progress

Water castle, demon boy and little princess

(Blue exorcist)

status: one-shot

My OCs