Welcome...

To the realm where the madness runs free; intercut with the occasional spot of tea with heartbreak and weekly squash games which pave the way for murder and mayhem. The purple prose will be sure to strangle you to life if you're not quick on your feet. Don't trust anything you see; don't trust anything you read. From here on in, there are no certainties. There is no familiarity. If not rated M, then all things are rated T. Nothing here is not taken, given, or written seriously. If you're here to look upon a reflection of the widely accepted psychological concept known as 'reality', run. Because here, where the Flywheels lay slain in a pool of kinetic energy, there is only one truth.

There is only madness.

Hello there.

Words of warning, I specialize in sentences that never end, words that weave in and out of themselves like a drunk driver swerving around on an electric scooter in a toy store and I've come to embrace the fact that I write slice-of-life stories that are either melodramatic Oscar bait or essentially lists of sarcastic quips.

At the time of writing this, ten years will have passed since I first joined this website.

That is a ridiculous amount of time.

Not all of them spent writing, of course; a lot of time spent whinging about whether or not I should keep writing. Which I do. Just not here. Case in point, any story that isn't marked 'Complete' was probably planned to be this magnificent, 50 chapter long epic saga that would warrant a potential sequel.

There are reasons for this; some chapters were lost because saving things is definitely always on my mind, some are stuck on inaccessible hard drives. But the simplest explanation of them all? That ain't me. Case in point, any story that-

Either case, I loved my time here, I truly did, and I'll always be grateful for it. Should I end up posting something else (mostly because of how this place actually lets me get most of the nonsense out of my system), I will see you then.

If you are however stumbling across this absolute gem of a profile for unfinished business for the very first time, or returning to see what other mad ramblings has been posted throughout these ten years, let me direct you towards the section I like to call...

... "Some things I wrote that aren't overly terrible, that I quite like and, you know, might be worth mentioning in passing conversation".

MOTHERFLIPPING MAGNUM OPUS RIGHT HERE - THE HIGH SCHOOL SERIES

Quite simple: The Cul-de-Sac kids attend high school. It is made up of one core story and several one-shots connected to it.

High School Never Ends: The core of the series. Four chapters, each representing a year of high school where the twelve kids all gets a moment in the spotlight for the year's twelve months.

Except that it totally has a fifth chapter with the same setup concerning life after high school.

Mixes serious with hilarity. Hell, even BarthVader thought this was good. Finished. Words cannot describe how overjoyed I was at finishing this, never having finished anything intended to be multi-chapter.

Alone in the Universe: Takes place a couple of months after The Big Picture Show; Jonny tries to cope with having to leave behind Plank, May wonders about her life. First challenge I've had in years since I've never really explored either character. Part 1 of the one-shots.

Float Away: Ed thinks of ways he can confess his growing emotions for May during their junior year. Part 2 of the one-shots.

Mechanics of a Friendship: Rolf, Kevin and Double-D hang out while trying to repair Rolf's tractor, discussing everything under the moon. Love it because it felt so different from other things I've written. Part 3 of the one-shots.

Reservoir Eds: The sequel to all of the above. The kids of the Cul-de-Sac return home to Peach Creek for the summer after their first year of college.

SONGS OF LOVE

Summary: Song based stories revolving around the relationships of the Eds and their respective Kanker sister where each pairing received stories based on the works of a single artist or a group.

Ed/May - Seth Sentry

Float Away: Ed thinks of ways he can confess his growing emotions for May. Loved writing this.

Double-D/Marie - Blink-182

I Miss You: The ups and downs of Double-D's and Marie's relationship unravel themselves into a sad ending. Part 1.

Always: The ups and downs of Double-D's and Marie's relationship unravel themselves into a hopeful ending. Really got out of hand with the length. Part 2.

Eddy/Lee - Eminem

Love the Way You Lie: A look into the dysfunctions and troubles that plague Eddy's and Lee's relationship and how they may or may not solve them. Darker than intended.

THE KEVEDD TRILOGY

The stories that constantly asks: "Has this sentence ever been thought up before?"

Once upon a time, I returned from a year-long hiatus to find that the EEnE fandom overrun with this new coupling called 'KevEdd'. Having seen fads come and go over the years, this definitely fell into the more persistent and long lived category. So I wrote...

Rusty Worn Nut: Which was to be a biting satire of the pairing. Reading only the first chapter, one can wonder how in the heavens I thought it was ever that. So I returned a year later to write a second and third chapter which, well, people would surely argue is where I had truly lost it. If that wasn't enough, I then followed this up with...

KevEdd: The Beginning of the End: Which was written during a period when I seriously considered quitting writing here altogether, feelings that are reflected throughout the story. It essentially uses the same basis and stepping stones as Rusty Worn Nut but amped up to 11 and then some and then some more.

I loved writing this series because I can just imagine the number of people who clicked them thinking it was a normal, straight up love story and end up with... Well, read them yourself and find out.

CHRISTMAS FLUFF

B-Edtime Stories: Where my sanity slip first showed. The Eds tell Jimmy an assortment of bedtime stories with disastrous, and often hilarious, results. Regular chapters intertwined with the most ridiculous of Christmas based premises. Here is where the incredibly overused "Twas, what was it?" joke originated and it wasn't even original back then. Ah, good times.

Twas One More Sleep Til Christmas: Jimmy encounters what might be burglars on Christmas and decides to fight back Home Alone style. Just your regular sweet, weird and wonderful little slice of the X-Mas pie.

Miracle on Rethink Avenue: Kevin enlists the help of the Eds to solve a mystery but they all get wrapped up in something even bigger that eventually reaches everyone in the neighborhood. Absolutely ridiculous.

THINGS THAT AREN'T COMPLETELY TERRIBLE, ACCORDING TO SOME PEOPLE

21 Questions: It's supposed to be twenty-one chapters; I wrote three.

... Oops.

Age of Edtron: The Cul-de-Sac kids suit up as the Avengers, and later Guardians of the Galaxy, to fight off something which isn't necessarily totally evil. At first. Enjoyed writing this more than I still do watching Age of Ultron.

Chronomentrophobia: I had a phase, you might not have noticed it, barely got over it, where absolutely everything I wrote was inspired by music, this included. Some say it's good and it probably is, you be the judge.

Digimon Ed: Brave New World: The first story I ever posted; rewritten and barely begun before it met the same fate as the first time around.

Doctor What: Edd as the Doctor from Doctor Who. Yeah, that's about it.

Float Away: Right, why is this an odd duck? It doesn't matter which of the series it's included in because it fits both. Reading the Trilogy of Trilogies? It's a part of that canon! Reading about the High School adventures? It's a part of that canon! Like magic!

Mechanics of a Friendship: Just like Float Away, this has more than one home. It fits into the bigger picture of the High School series, the Trilogy of Trilogies and The Choices Saga. Tadaa!

Movie Night at Ed's: The Eds watch movies at Ed's place. Short little slice-of-life thing I wrote to commemorate having published 300,000 words here.

Patience: In all actuality a prequel to The Choices Saga but right now, it's too good to be.

SpeakEdboxxx/The Ed Below: This deserved more love.

The Black Parade: People die. That's the whole premise. It's not really supposed to be such a horrible scarring story but the first chapter could definitely have you fooled. Took one week before I just up and left this depressing thing alone, Jesus.

The Love, Life and Death Trilogy: a.k.a The Author's Mindset Was Dark and Disturbed In Writing These Pieces. I mean, it isn't the most horrifying thing I've ever read but in comparison to the next entry on this list... Oy vey, it's horrifying.

Yellow Submarine: The Eds in a submarine, lots of random things happen, flippin' load of Beatles references. I love this.

So, that's a glimpse into my thoughts concerning my stories. Thanks for the visit, hope you found something you like.

Have an odd and lovely mad day,

John