"This is a continuation of a document entitled 'Rusty Worn Nut'. It is not imperative that you partake in the reading of that story before beginning this, but if you reach the end and find that your life is a bit more confusing than when you started, you should most likely have read that one first. If you are one of our returning travelers, or have just returned from reading 'Rusty Worn Nut', you must by now know the safety procedure of keeping a firm hold of your mind as it can easily get lost in the following journey. Have a pleasant trip."

"So she said 'Ain't nothin' to it but to do it'!" Marie finished her anecdote and the table shook as she and Kevin exploded into a roaring fit of laughter. Double-D tried his hardest to swallow the mortified emotions the story had stirred up but failed to contain them completely as his face contorted in disgust.

"Come on, Babe; it's a little funny." Kevin elbowed his boyfriend playfully and threw a loving arm around his shoulders, nuzzling against the brainy Ed's neck. "I can think of a time or two when you wanted to get freaky in a similar way..."

"Kevin!" Double-D pushed the jock away, blushing furiously. "We have talked about discussing the more... Intimate parts of our relationship in public!"

"Oh, loosen up." Marie leaned back in her chair and laughed. "I just told you how Nazz Leroy Jenkins'd me last week after Eddy's party!"

"Vividly so." Double-D looked down into his coffee cup; even being comfortable talking about sexual relations and such in private had been a long, strenuous journey for him and he felt that speaking of it in public would be a completely different ballpark on a completely different mountain to climb.

"Aight, aight; we won't talk about how you rock my world every week then." Kevin leaned in and kissed his boyfriend's temple, snickering softly. He loved it when his lover became all flustered. "So, Marie, things with Nazz going good?"

"Fuck. Yes." The blue-haired Kanker's face shone up in a bright grin. "If you told me six months ago that I'd be bumping uglies with the most popular girl in school, I would've socked you and laughed my ass off."

"Quite a left-fielder that one, I'll agree." Double-D nodded. Amazing what six friends, a bottle of tequila and Seven Minutes In Heaven can do to shake up your life. He did miss being able to use that closet though; twelve bouts of sanitizing later and he could still hear the moaning. Oh, the moaning.

"Gotta admit though, it looks good on you." Kevin said. He wasn't wrong; both Marie and Nazz had been looking and acting happier since they got together than he had ever seen them, something Double-D certainly agreed with.

"Yep, nothing makes you look better than a beautiful blonde draped around your shoulders." Marie said and stretched out.

"Hey, maybe you should go blon-"

"We're not having that discussion again, Kevin."

"I'm just saying, you'd look really cute if you-"

"I am no more inclined to change my hair style now than I was when you slobbered the suggestion into my ear the first time."

"Slobbered into your ear?" Marie interjected, half disgusted, half amused.

"He was drunk." Double-D stated flatly.

"He looked hot." Kevin countered teasingly.

"Are you incapable of a rational thought that doesn't concern my appearance?"

"Not for years, baby. Not for years." Kevin turned the brainy Ed's head and crashed their lips together, savoring the taste he'd come to know and love so much.

"Holy- Get a room." Marie stuck out her tongue in disgust and proceeded to look over her shoulder; where the hell was Nazz when she needed her?

"We have two as a matter of fact." Double-D said once he'd separated himself from his boyfriend, a shade of crimson decorating his face.

"We use them regularly too." The jock smirked and winked at Marie who responded by moving two fingers towards her mouth.

"Don't make me do it, guys."

"Aight, aight." Kevin laughed. Looking into his cup, he frowned slightly at its empty state and stood up. "I'm gonna hit the can and get another coffee; you guys want anything?"

"Yeah, I'll take a cup." Marie said.

"If the conversation continues down this path upon your return, bleach." Double-D deadpanned. Kevin punched his shoulder lightly and smiled.

"Two cups, coming right up."

Marie followed the red-head's back until he disappeared into the cafe's toilet at which she turned her attention to Double-D. "Hey."

"Yes?" Double-D looked up from the table; a sudden bout of exhaustion had hit him. Not surprising, really; half the night had been spent trying to dissuade Kevin from hot, steamy action and the other half had been spent being engaged in hot, steamy action.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"I can't see why not."

"Would you say you're a giver or a taker?"

"I would say the roles are very much- MARIE!" Double-D spluttered when he realized the information he was about to indulge her in.

"What?" Marie smiled slyly. "I can tell you how Nazz and I like to do the roles."

"I would very much be happier without knowing such a thing, thank you!" A loud buzz escaped Double-D's pocket and he sighed in relief when he could take out his phone. "Excuse me."

"Come on, Double-D; you gotta engage in a little girl talk every now and then, switch sex tips and such!" An elderly couple walking by threw her a mortified look and began to walk faster.

"I just don't feel comfortable sharing the most intimate parts of my relationship, Marie." He looked down and smiled when he read the text.

'Meet me in the bathroom'

"It took quite some time before I was even comfortable speaking with Kevin about these sort of matters." Before Marie could open her mouth, Double-D had stood up. "If you would excuse me, Marie."

"Gonna get down and dirty in the can? Been there, done that." Marie shot him a wink and laughed. Double-D didn't answer, mostly because he couldn't think up a witty response fast enough for it to be effective, and walked in through the cafe, trying to look as casual as possible before ending up outside of the bathroom door. Finding it unlocked, he pulled the door open and stepped inside.

"You may shower three times a day but you are just a dirty little boy, aren't you?" A shiver ran down his spine when Kevin's voice appeared near his ear and the latter's hands began to roam all over his lanky frame.

"Well, if the last few years has taught me anything-"

"Shut up, Dork." Kevin growled and sank his teeth into the soft, delicate flesh of Double-D's neck. Double-D moaned. "I said shut up!" A hand stopped just short of the hem of Double-D's pants as a punishment and he whimpered.

"Please."

"What was that?" The hot breath of the whisper crashed against Double-D's shoulder.

"P-Please, continue; I'll be quiet."

"Are you sure?" A finger sneaked up Double-D's shirt and began to circle his belly button.

"Y-Yes."

"Even if I do... This?" Double-D forced himself to stifle a gasp when Kevin's hand shoved itself down the front of his pants. The unexpected skin-on-skin contact made him dizzy with anticipation which could simply be because all of the blood in his head went to hang out in another place.

"Oh, my..." Double-D licked his lips; they had done many a things, sexually, but this was the first time they had done it in such a public place. In a bathroom nonetheless; his younger self would have experienced an aneurysm if he were to see this.

"You like this, don't you? You like getting touched in this filthy place?" Kevin hissed, his other hand squeezing Double-D's ass.

"I have to admit-" Squeezes. "Oh-" Touches. "My-" Kisses. "God-" Forbidden. "Fuck-" Dirty. "Yessssss-"

"Good." He could almost feel Kevin's smile against his shoulder before the redhead removed his hands, flipped him around and shoved his tongue into his mouth. A sword fight was taking place as they pressed themselves against each other, the heat against their bodies being unbearable. Kevin moved back and grinned deviously. "Do something for me."

"Anything." Double-D whispered lustfully.

"..." Kevin growled and circled his lover, never breaking eye contact, before gently sitting down on the closed toilet lid. Double-D instantly got the hint but found himself cooling off when he saw the state of the floor. He quickly turned around to get a whole armful of paper towels from the dispenser behind him. Gurgling from the pipes was heard underneath him.

'I can't believe we're doing this; the spell that boy has over me...' Smiling to himself over how out of his comfort zone Kevin had taken him, he turned around and frowned. Kevin was gone.

"Kevin?" Double-D asked. The bathroom was quite small, and he had been standing in front of the door this whole time, so there weren't many places the jock could have hidden in. None even. The toilet rumbled, unnaturally so. "Kevin?" Double-D took a frightened leap back when the toilet lid sprang open and a familiar looking piece of headgear flew out, landing on the floor with a wet *SPLAT*.

"'Scuse me." Came an almost gurgling voice from inside the lavatory pipes. Double-D stared dumbstruck at the toilet, mostly because he didn't have much else to actually be dumbstruck about. "Say, Eddward; you're looking a bit... flushed." The toilet lid flapped up and down wildly and the rushing sound of water coming from inside could, if one had taken a complete leave of senses, be misconstrued as laughter. Considering the possibility that he had had one cup of coffee too many and actually had taken a leave of his senses, Double-D spun around and began to frantically tug at the door handle.

Had the door actually opened in the inwards direction he was attempting to force the door into, it wouldn't have made much of a difference to the story in general apart from the fact that a lot more customers to the cafe feeling the urge to answer nature's call wouldn't get the door slammed into their faces. So, it's not much worth mentioning. What is worth mentioning is the fact that Double-D stopped his attempted escape when he heard his beloved's voice.

"Well? You're not thinking of backing out on me now, are you?" Double-D blinked twice and spun around. There was no armful of paper towels, no familiar red cap laying in a puddle of toilet water on the floor and there was a very much present young man, from whom the charged question had originated, sitting expectantly on the closed toilet seat, staring at him with famished eyes.

"I-" Finding himself at a loss of words and ridiculous confusion, Double-D opened and closed his mouth a few times. Should he inform Kevin of the fact that the redhead was for a brief second unreachable and essentially invisible? No, heavens no; the brainy Ed could likely be admitted to some form of institution solely on the count that he had seen the toilet spit up his boyfriend's red cap. Had it all been his imagination then? Possibly, possibly. Truthfully, he quite preferred the idea that he had simply drifted off into distant thoughts than to have lost his mind. Perhaps it was simply an excessive amount of caffeine causing this sudden lapse in judgement of reality? The thought would not be impossible.

Double-D sighed heavily, hanging his head with his eyes closed for the briefest of seconds before looking up. "I don't think that I should really-"

"Don't hit me, please!" A fearful plea got his full attention and he stared at the lavatory in absolute amazement. Kevin, whom had called Eddward into the bathroom, clamored to the toilet tank frantically, staring at him with confused and fearful eyes; not to mention the fact that this Kevin had braces, a pair of glasses and a book containing his favorite Shakespearean sonnets under his arm when he showed up to school.

"Kevin, I'm-"

"I'm not gonna hit you. Dork." A muffled voice, not completely and entirely unlike that of Double-D's own, echoed throughout the enclosed space. As a matter of fact, had it not been for the fact that Kevin, the suddenly meek and frightfully shivering one, had flinched, Double-D would once again have summed it up to caffeine induced hallucinations. He would especially have considered this a possibility when the toilet in front of him spouted legs and stood up, sending Kevin sliding to the floor in a panicky little pile.

Arms soon sprung out on both sides of the cistern, arms that were quick to envelop the quivering Kevin. Hands grew as well, hands that began to snake around the redhead's body which squirmed uncomfortably in an almost silent and meek protest. Very soon, the only thing that remained made of porcelain was the toilet bowl itself and even that wasn't left untouched as it quickly turned into a head Double-D had seen in his dreams or, quite possibly, in a mirror while watching it from the right angle. A slightly taller, much fitter and more handsome version of himself, who had up until recently decided to stay an innocent toilet, shot him a smug smile before leaning down over the heavily bothered, nerdy Kevin who lay on the floor rocking back and forth in mortified panic.

"Hey there, Dork." The quite impossible mix of sheer disgust and sickening love Double-D found in his doppelganger's tone sent him scrambling up to the door of the bathroom, as if a complete reversal of his and Kevin's personalities was the weirdest thing that had occurred so far.

Just as the tall, dark and handsome Eddward looked to be reaching out for Kevin's groin, Double-D found the door handle and twisted it violently, sending the whole door flying into the face of an innocent bystander as he hadn't really expected to succeed in opening the door with even the slightest of force. The department of illogical problems in Double-D's brain kicked itself into a higher gear and began to churn out ideas, one of which was to quite simply make his way to the exit and run as far as possible. Of course, after making sure that the bathroom door was closed firmly behind him, he realized a very simple, though often thought of, truth; this was all feeling rather familiar.

The feeling in question only grew once he stumbled into the indoors area of the cafe in his pursuit for people who could help him understand his unorthodox problem. Articulation for assistance, an ambulance, academics; anything to alleviate the- Alliteration? He shook his head to clear his racing thoughts and stared around the room, manically looking for the most helpful looking person with a cell phone. A young mother, no older than thirty-five by the looks of her clothes, would do.

"Ex-Excuse me; I am in dire need of-" Whatever Double-D was in dire need of, we'll never know, because his mouth quickly closed when the mother he had approached turned and showed her face.

"Hey, Sockhead; can't you see I'm feeding here?!" The annoyed, squinting eyes of his friend Eddy shot him a look before turning back to the baby and tilting the rest of his head forwards, releasing a stream of brownish liquid from the spout in the middle of his face. The baby accepted the nutritional beverage happily, gurgling as it drank.

"Oh, dear..." Double-D backed away slowly from the unholy female fusion of Eddy McGee and a teapot, reconsidering his mental state quite severely.

"Why, I never!" A snobbish looking woman a few tables over raised her shaded monocle to her eye and squinted menacingly. "In a public place!"

"Calm down now, dear; it's a natural thing." The table in front of her patted her reassuringly on the arm with one of its legs.

"I have- I have to-"

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?!" The frightened tone in Marie's voice snapped him out of it and he darted towards the exit, ignoring the increasing strangeness of the interior.

"Marie, what's-" Double-D stopped dead in his tracks and contemplated going back inside. Marie had jumped up on the table and looked on in astonishment a thousand cats, all wearing matching tanktops, were jogging through the cafe's outdoor area on their hind legs. The thing that caught his attention however was that half of them were wearing beanies very similar to his own while the other half were wearing red caps.

"MEOOOOOWWW!" He caught the glimpse of a teal paw that slowly sank down in between the masses of exercising cats. Once more he experienced the sensation that it was all very familiar.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Marie yelled, staring down at the felines in horrified amazement.

"I'M NOT QUITE-" Double-D interrupted himself when he felt like the world had stopped. "Sure." 572 cats had slowed down to a complete halt and they were all staring at him with saucer sized eyes.

"Why, I never!" The snobbish woman let out an offended harrumph and moved her chair so she wouldn't have to watch such a surreal display and talk to her table in peace.

"What are they staring at?" Double-D's eyes darted back and forth across the sea of cats, unsure whether he would really escape all of this unscathed.

"... You've got a penguin on your head, Double-D."

"I have a what?" Double-D looked up at Marie, both looking equally bewildered.

"A penguin. One of those arctic fuckers."

"On my head?"

"On your head."

"How about that?"

A moment passed.

"I believe the cats are quite interested in the penguin."

"You think?"

"Yes." Another moment passed. In the blink of an eye, Double-D had scooped up the arctic bird from his head, noticed, processed and not cared that it was midnight blue, and thrown it with all his might. It soared through the air with the majestic grace a frying pan does February 15th and the horde of cats decided to collectively ignore the rules of whatever race they were running and chased after it on all four. Soon the area was deserted, sans one straggler pulling a fish shaped oxygen tank.

"What the hell was that about?" Marie jumped down from the table and laughed uncertainly, not knowing whether the situation was supposed to be funny or not.

"I have a sort of vague, nagging idea, but I can't really place it..."

"You know what I do in times like these?" A dapper young fellow piped up from behind a newspaper which he lowered and smiled at them. "I have a cup of tea to calm the nerves."

"Yeah, I'm gonna need some gin or something after whatever that was." Marie scratched the back of her head as she surveyed the destruction the cats had brought about. Chairs, tables, plants, elders; everything had been tossed about in the furry kerfuffle. Several cigarettes were lit.

"Trust me." The fellow winked. "You're going to need it." He gulped down the rest of his tea and took a firm hold of his newspaper. "Oh, and Eddward? Nice to finally meet you; the boss and Joe worked around the clock to create the new place. You're quite something." With that, he stepped smilingly into an article about obscure knitting patterns for violin warmers, leaving only the paper itself and his cup to prove he had ever been there in the first place.

"I'm missing something, something very..." Double-D grabbed at his beanie in frustration; the answer to what was going on seemed just out of his grasp. It was all so familiar, yet so far away. The cats running, seeing himself, or someone very similar, harass a meager Kevin, the tea, Joe; all pieces of a puzzle that just didn't add up.

"Did that guy just- Okay, that guy just disappeared." The blue-haired young woman began to calculate the amount of bars in a four-mile radius and how many would be open at this hour.

"Tea, we need tea. I'm not sure why, but we need it." Double-D mumbled to himself as he went back inside and waddled up to the counter, a small part of him grateful that the barista was still looking just as miserable as one would expect. "Could we have two cups of tea, please? Earl Grey will be just fine."

"Sure." The barista said unimpressed but nonetheless went on to prepare the order.

"Hey." Marie leaned in, completely ignoring Double-D's muttering. "You know any bars that're open?"

"What, now?" The barista shot her a disapproving look and Marie shrugged.

"Rough day."

"Ooookay." Placing the two cups and a small container of milk on the counter, she too leaned in and began pointing sluggishly with a pen. "There's The Apple, but I think that's closed for renovations... Yeah, I think your best bet's the dive bar over on 34th, opens around five-ish."

Double-D's eyes went wide as the box of the puzzle finally came into view and he tried to maintain his calm demeanor best he could. "Pardon, what time do they open?"

"Around five-ish."

"Of course. How could I forget?" The intelligent Ed cursed himself silently and shoved a panicked hand into his pocket and slammed the money down on the counter.

"Why, I never!"

"Come on, Marie; we need to go." Double-D grabbed both cups and walked out of the doors with a strained smile, Marie following with a confused demeanor.

"Yo, what's up?"

"Five-ish."

"Yeah? You need a drink that bad?"

"Yes, that's what the tea is for." Double-D blew cautiously on his beverage as he sped up, leaving the perimeters of the cafe.

"Hey, where are you going?"

"I- It's- Tea." Double-D decided that an explanation would be best left for later. Providing there would be a later. He gave her a cup and wondered briefly if ice tea would have been just as acceptable.

"But what about Nazz and Kev- Did it just get brighter here?" Marie noticed that Double-D had taken on a yellowish glow and looked around curiously; everything was positively bathing in light.

"I think I know why." Double-D nodded towards the sky and Marie gasped.

"Whoa." In the middle of the sky hung the smiling, disembodied head of Nazz van Bartonschmeer, her twinkling eyes and bright smile illuminating the whole world in a way the sun would be jealous of. Half of Italy spontaneously combusted as she parted her lips to speak.

"Hey, guys!" The tremors that followed her cheery greeting split the sky in twain and grape flavored ink gushed out. Enormous rays showered the countrysides, sprayed the cities and stopped at the local libraries to recruit for their cause. Nazz however went on, completely oblivious of the inbound catastrophe. "I'm almost done so I'll be right there, you guys can order meanwhile!" With that, her head bobbed happily off into the horizon, leaving the sky a dark purple as the sky-bound crevice widened considerably and the ink flowed on to stain everything in its path.

"We should probably drink the tea." Double-D flung the teabag out of his cup, and into a brick wall that crumbled under the embarrassment of having been slapped with a bag of herbs. "I think it's our best bet."

"Our best- Dude, are you not seeing this?!" Waves of ink ebbed in and covered up the whole street, rising with the average speed of a purebred Terrier name Paul from Portsmouth when there's codliver on the menu, and people were panicking; either impoverished writers getting into their cars to drive off in search of quills and parchment or the single men and women praying that the gorgeous sun goddess would return and at the very least show some leg. "I don't know what the hell is going on, but I don't think tea's the way to go! I still vote for 34th Street!"

"The only miracle we will find today will be the tea!" Double-D hissed through his teeth and drank down another mouthful.

"Hey, nice reference!" A dolphin swimming past on his way to hit up the beach jumped up and waved his flipper around approvingly.

"Marie, please." Double-D's free hand found hers and he looked pleadingly into her eyes. "I don't quite know myself what's going on, but if my suspicions are correct then the end of the world as we know it is imminent." Marie's eyes widened considerably in confusion and shock at this. "What I do know is that we will be better off drinking the tea than by not doing it. So please; trust me." The ink pooled around their knees as they both stood frozen, staring at each other. Marie sighed helplessly and shook her head sullenly; even if she wanted to, she surely wouldn't be able to reach 34th Street before the ink would be too high to wade through.

"You know I left my wallet and cigarettes at the cafe."

"... I'll buy you new cigarettes."

"You sure about this? The tea?"

"No."

"... Alright, fine. But if this doesn't work-"

"Hopefully it will."

"I'll kill you."

"Which I'm sure would be much more painful than whatever that rip in the sky has in store for us. Cheers." The two cups collided in a half-enthusiastic toast and they commenced with chugging their overpriced beverages. They were halfway through when the ink reached their chests. They had finished when Marie's head was the only part of her body not submerged. They were no longer concerned with the ink by the time their cups had hit the building behind them which crumbled to the ground in a blubbering mess, wailing about meanies and their habits of throwing things at you and disappearing without a word.

Fortunately, this was not the definitive end of humanity as the impoverished writers soon returned in huge ships of parchments when they had discovered that the reason they were hungry in the first place was that they were in the completely wrong trade. Soon, all the animals and humans of the world were brought aboard these finely constructed paper boats with manic scribbles about magical tea and running cats and all beings pondered on the meaning of these events. Was this karmic retribution for not taking better care of the planet? The wrath of a benevolent god of creativity who was not particularly keen of how music had been developing? Was it because of the shape shifting aliens which favored the form of badly made wigs for men of power? Nobody knew.

Whatever and whoever had caused this catastrophe had at the very least been kind enough to leave a message and as the sun rose over this newly formed ink blot on the cosmic canvas , and accidentally combusting a few ships when asking if anyone had seen a hairbrush the size of Jupiter, the crew of the International Space Station could make out a final, comforting message in the mountain tops of the world still visible that maybe someone, somewhere, was thinking about them.

WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE... AGAIN

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Welcome to the latest version of the program. We had a feeling you would come back. Git.