Hi. Don't know what to say. I'm nineteen now. I love tea. I still want to be a vampire. I don't have any witty words. I adore the Volturi, and couldn't care less about the Pack or the Cullens. I own no characters save those you don't recognize. My disclaimer is here because I normally forget to put it on my stories until they've been posted already. I suck at updating, though everything will be finished eventually.

Thank you to Dani Jones for these:

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and lose, then it's strange.

My knight in shining amour turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

People who say anything is possible obviously haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

The road to success is always under construction.

If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the 'up' button.

Ideas don't stay in the mind very long, because they don't like solitary confinement.

Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?

No, I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

I live in my own little world, but it's okay; they know me there.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

Oh, I have a photographic memory... it just hasn't developed yet

Post on your own profile if you agree. :)

You pronounce “Aro” (Volturi; Twilight Saga) as “Ah-ro”; not “Aero”

Writing is one of your passions

When you need a good laugh, you watch "What About Bob?", the commentary for "Twilight", or "craig ferguson loses it live"

You love thunderstorms

You love rain

You watch movies and/or read books in other languages besides English

You have visited Europe

You have read “The Historian” by Elizabeth Kostova, and LOVE it

You are a Dracula fan

You love traditional vampires

You HATE werewolves

You love pillows, and resent anyone who tries to interfere with your sleeping schedule

You hate where you are living right now

You are an optimist

You are a pessimist

You love the Volturi, as they are the only reason for you liking Twilight

You know what day November 18th , 2011 is

You can speak more than two languages

You know who Vlad III of Wallachia was

You watch old movies

You read classical literature

You despise, detest, and loathe mathematics in any form

You are crazy enough to read this, but kind enough to follow the instructions

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
(Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
(and that would be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought??...)

On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time)?

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and...I'm taking this because??...)

On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
(as opposed to...what)?

On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious)

On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)

On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(Oh my ..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.

If it's not apparent by now, I love Paste and Posts.