- I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.

- Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

- They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, 'cause if you just stood ther and yelled BANG, I dont think you'd kill too many people.

- So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

- People are like slinkies; basically useless, but so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

- Yeah, I'm a loser, but the coolest loser you'll ever meet.

- I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms. (especially on Monday)

- No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

- 'It's always the last place you look'. Well of course it is! Why the heck would I keep looking after I found it!

- When Life gives you lemons, throw them back, because I mean really, who likes lemons?

- When Life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

- When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eye, and see how much Life likes lemons then.

- When Life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!

- I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me.

- I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

- Life is all about ass. Everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.

- Why do people always say life is short. Life is the longest damn thing you can do.

- Love your enemies. It pisses them off.

- Oops! Did my sarcasm hurt your feelings?

- Practice makes perfect. But nobody's perfect, so why practice?

- Nobody is perfect. I am nobody.

- Life isnt passing me by; it's trying to run me over.

- I talk to myself because my answers are the only ones I accept!

- Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide.

- I was uncool before uncool was cool.

- Why get high when there are other ways to achieve a smug sense of superiority- sarcasm: my anti-drug.

- I used to see a shrink... until she said life isn't for everyone.

- Excuse me, have you seen my sanity? I think I lost it.

- All those who have telekenesis, raise my hand.

- Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

- Three wise women would have stopped to ask for directions, got to the stable on time, helped deliver the baby, cleaned the stable, cooked the dinner, and then there would have been peace on earth.

- I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.

- Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

- Tell the truth and run.

- Education is important. school however, is another matter.

- I used to be normal... until I met those freaks i call my friends.

- Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

- It's not just your family. It's the whole idea of... you know. They're always telling you what to do and what not to do, and it's not conductive to a creative atmosphere!

- Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.

- Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

- I was born intelligent. Education ruined me.

- How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?

- There should be a better way to start the day than waking up every morning.

- The more you learn, the more you know. The more you know, the more you forget. The more you forget, the less you know... so why learn in the first place?

- Oh, I have a photographic memory... it just hasn't developed yet

- Life is a test- I didn't take very good notes

- I asked my teacher if I'd get in trouble for something I didn't do. She said of course not, so I told her I didn't do my homework

- I'm not crazy, my reality is just different than yours

- I intend to live forever... so far so good

- So what's the speed of dark?

- Old enough to know better, young enough to do it again

- Embrace the inner rebel- don't sit up straight

- Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk. The rest of our lives they tell us to just sit down and shut up

- A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it annoys enough people to make it worth while

- Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice? ... oooh the possibilities