25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why.

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck?"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”

My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

"Shut that door behind you, Were you born in a barn?

REMEMBER WHEN ..

getting HIGH meant swinging at a playground?

the worst thing you could get from a boy was COOTIES?

When 'Mom' (was your hero)

when your WORST ENEMIES were your siblings

and RACE ISSUES were about who ran fastest?

when -

WAR

- was a card game

and life was simple and care free?

remember when all you wanted to do

WAS GROW UP?

Put this in your profile if you wish you were still 5

Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don’t want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

A True Boyfriend

When she walks away from you mad
Follow her
When she stare's at your mouth
Kiss her
When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and dont let go
When she start's cussing at you
Kiss her and tell her you love her
When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong
When she ignore's you
Give her your attention
When she pull's away
Pull her back
When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful
When you see her start crying
Just hold her and dont say a word
When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind
When she's scared
Protect her
When she lay's her head on your shoulder
Tilt her head up and kiss her
When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night
When she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh
When she doesnt answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay
When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up
When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand
When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers
When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh
When she tell's you a secret
keep it safe and untold
When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does
When she misses you
she's hurting inside
When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away
When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers
When she repost this bulletin
she wants you to read it -
Stay on the phone with her even if shes not saying anything.-
When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go-
When she says she's ok dont believe it, talk with her-
because 10 yrs later she'll remember you-
Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her-
Call her before you sleep and after you wake up-
Treat her like she's all that matters to you.-
Tease her and let her tease you back.-
Stay up all night with her when she's sick.-
Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.-
Give her the world.-
Let her wear your clothes.-
When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.-
Let her know she's important.-
Kiss her in the pouring rain.-
When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is;
"Who's butt am I kicking, Sweet??"
If you post this in the next five minutes the one you love will :
Call you.
Kiss you.
Love you.
Text you.
Guys post as: "i'd be this boyfriend."
Girls post as: "A true boyfriend " or " what a boyfriend should do"

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God.

PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what,
and if you stand up 4 him he will stand up for you.

10 BEST THINGS ABOUT BEING A GIRL

10. We can wear guy clothes, but if they wear ours they get funny looks

9. At least one girl always survives in horror movies

8. We can put cotton between our toes and paint our nails without feeling the least bit silly

7. Our magazines have horiscopes

6. Girls with guy first names like Taylor sound cool, but it doesn't work the other way around

5. Our friends don't say "hi" by punching us in the arm

4. Yes PMS sucks, but at least we have an excuse to lay around eating chocolate once a month

3. Make-up covers any imperfections we may have

2. If we flirt with a cop, we can get out of a speeding ticket

1. Girl Talk... you know, the way we all just understand each other without having to explain a thing

RANDOM QUOTES:

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

If you think things can't get worse, it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never tried taking candy from a baby.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron.

Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again

"A positive attitude may not solve all of your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort." ~Herm Albright

When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Never hire a colorblind electrician.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.

SARCASM is just another free service I offer.

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Don't follow in my footsteps; I run into walls.

Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Sometimes I wonder 'why is the Frisbee getting bigger?' then I get hit in the face.

"I am sick of people having a near death experience and saying they saw the light. You know what the paramedics do when they first arrive? THEY SHINE A LIGHT IN YOUR EYE! That’s not GOD…it’s a MAGLIGHT!” ~Tony V.

I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties!

I ran with scissors, and lived!

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?

You don't have to be faster than the bear; you just have to be faster than the slowest guy running from the bear.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Forever isn't as long as it use to be.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny.

Practice makes perfect but nobody is perfect so whats the point of practicing?

Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is spent teaching them to sit down and shut up.

Everything here is eatable. Even me, but that my children is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.(Willy Wonka)

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it!

Never knock on Death’s door, ring the doorbell and run away, he hates that.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

People are like slinkies, basically useless, but it’s hilarious to watch them fall down stairs

I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive

My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.

If your heart was really broken...you'd be dead so shut up.

Did you just call me a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment.

My mother told me never to talk to strange people. I never talk to myself, parents, or friends anymore.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. Just drink it and get it over with!

You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail.

Beware the letter 'G'. It is the end of everything.

Forecast for tongiht: darkness

Never go to a docter whose office plants have died

On those restaraunt signs that say 'No shirt, no shoes, no service,' does that mean you can wear a shirt and shoes, but no pants, and they have to serve you?

I'm the kind of person who walks into a chair and apologizes

We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction!

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

You, you, and you panic. The rest of you follow me.

Lately the only thing keeping me from becoming a serial killer is my dislike for manual labor.

PMS: Every woman's legal right to be a bitch.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Its always funny until someone gets hurt. Then its hysterical

If idiots could fly this place would be an airport.

I know KUNG-FU and 42 other dangerous words

I ran into my ex today. Then I put it in reverse and hit him again.

I burst laughing out in class today...I got that joke you told yesterday

Have you considered sueing your brain for non-support?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable; like a coma?

Stupid things! In bold are the thing's I've done... haha.

I walked on the street

A guy pulled me aside

stripped off my clothes

raped me

said you can' tell

otherwise he'd kill me

took a pregnancy test

positive

how will i tell my parents?

my life is screwed up

I am only 11. I got my period early.

need an abortion

when I got to the doctor?

no, he says.

WHAT?

I say, it's my body. MY decisions.

No, he says. It's god's body.

I cry

I can't raise a baby

I can't

my parents kicked me out.

they think I wanted this baby

i have no more options

i shot myself

in heaven, they ask

why didn't you get an abortion

it's a girl's right to have an abortion and the government shouldn't interfere.

My favorite Quotes:

"Your rhymes are weak! Mine fit like a glove! Gustavo's gotta face only a MOTHER could love!"-Kendall, Big Time Rush

"How you ever gonna reach the stars?... If you never get off the ground; & You'll always be where you are, if you let life knock you down..."-Big Time Rush,Halfway There

"I believe in the doo-doos in my pants!"- Logan,Big Time Rush

"I'm dreaming,You're not real, the concerts in 2 weeks! HAHAHAHAHA!"- James,Big Time Rush

"There no such thing as ghosts and Carlos is still stupid!"- Logan,Big Time Rush

" Bleep Blop Bloop"-Logan, Big Tme Rush

" The dogs want something called a Sebastian"-Gustavo,Big Time Rush

"You locked him in a supply closet?! (Kendall) "No, Bandana Man did."(James)- James and Kendall,Big Time Rush

"If you drink cold milk on a hot day, you die"-Logan, Big Time Rush

"Bad boys go where they want"-Kendall, Big Time Rush

"And you smellllleeeeeyellll like a tuuuurd"- James, Big Time Rush

" D-Don't go in there, he's satan. He's satan with Bug-eye sunglasses"-Logan, Big Time Rush

" Carlos you really are a super hero!"(James) "No I'm a popstar" (Carlos)- James and Carlos, Big Time

"If we never trap it, we will never really know"-Big Time Rush, This is Our Someday"

James: we haven't failed this bad since we lost to Luth East in Hockey 8-1
Carlos: right thats the game me and kendall ejected from for unsportsmanlike mooning
Kendall: wait a minute thats it
James: we should moon gustavo and the ghost?
Kendall: no we beat the luth east later in the finals cos we were all back on the ...ice together
Logan and James: as a team
Carlos: right we are gonna team moon them

Logan: Ow! What was that for?!
James: Number 11, SLAP A PHAROH!

Carlos: Step aside boys my uncle was a lock-smith you just place you hands between the cylinder and the central housing...AND THEN HIT IT WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER

Halloween Episode
Guys: What happened to Kendall?
FrankenCarlos: Kelly Shoot Him

Camille: And your not sad about that?
Logan: Yes but I'm going to mask my pain my buzz-cutting my hair, joining a gym and re-naming myself "The Island"

Kendall: (picks up horn and blows it)
Director: CUT!
Kendall: hah this isnt rootbeer

Carlos: I call the Jennifers!
James& Logan: Which one?
Carlos: Yup!

James: In Hollywood, if you can't tan with the big boys, don't even bother showing up at all!
Logan: I don't even know how to respond to that.

Kendall: Don't worry Jordin, Logan, a.k.a. big time brains, will soon come up with a plan to get us out of here.
(Logan falls)
Kendall: *cough* *cough* What plan was that?!
Logan: Oh! I'm fine! Thanks for asking!

Carlos: theres only one thing to do *jumps into the well*
Logan, James & Kendall: why did you do that for?
Carlos: i was lonely!

I'm a dude, he's a dude, she's a dude, we're all dudes!"-Good Burger

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of brake failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his brake wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(Why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(Alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Wal-Mart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(Destruction has a bigger effect)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(Everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Just start them)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(Just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "Just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(Just leave ‘em in the middle)

Gifset for You Of All People:http:///post/21366492404/

Tumblr:

Twitter: twitter.com/#!/Lovergirl793

Peace,

~souvenirsfaits