Thought: This was originally a oneshot but I've decided to do more with this. Not really sure WHERE this will EVER end up, but it's always on my mind, so I've just got to write about it. I changed the ending a bit. Yeah.
I never thought I'd go back.
Jackson, Minnesota, the town I spent some time in, the town that hated me, the town that I hated. I was a military brat growing up and for whatever reason, when my parents divorced, my mom decided to stay in Jackson, Minnesota. I didn't want to live there - I wanted to go stay in Texas, where I had friends, and a job, and where I was happy and content. My home in Dallas, where I had spent the best three years of my life, Texas, the place, besides Jackson Minnesota, where I had spent the most time.
Mom loved Jackson, though, she honestly did. That's where her parents were buried, that's where she was raised, and that's where she wanted to raise me. "I don't understand your hatred for Jackson, Doll," she said to me the day we moved back.
"Jackson hasn't always been kind to me. You know that." I tried to explain but it wasn't really working. As aforementioned, we had found ourselves in Jackson more than once, and what I knew that my mother didn't was that my father's mistress resided a town away. There were many things about Jackson that I didn't like. The weather, for one. It was the place I almost drowned in a frozen lake because of Kendall Knight. It was the place where I got jumped, and beaten up, and robbed, gunned down and stabbed. It was the place I learned I was gay. It was the place I discovered my hidden talent. It was the place I despised, and I didn't want to spend the remainder of my senior year there.
But, it was either go to Jackson or live on a Navy boat with my promiscuous, irresponsible father. I basically didn't have a choice if I were to finish high school, and obviously, to get into Med School, I had to finish high school first. So, I found myself driving my mother's Vista Cruiser to Jackson Minnesota, packed with boxes of various household items.
"Come on, Doll, cheer up. This is your home."
"This is your home."
"It's yours too."
"This place tried to kill me like, ten times!"
"You always do that. Just think of all the good things that have happened here, Doll. Don't let yourself be blinded by negative thoughts."
"I was stabbed, and robbed!" I reminded.
"You found music here."
"They held a gun to my head."
"You learned to drive. You love to drive."
"I was chased onto a frozen lake and fell through the ice!"
"You fell in love."
I shook my head. "I didn't. but I was jumped by the person I thought I loved. He broke my ribs, remember?"
"You were in love with him, Logan. I know you were. Love like that has no age."
"I didn't know what love was. I still don't. I didn't love him. Now shut the hell up."
I rolled my eyes and went back outside to get more boxes. I was bringing them in, she was unpacking, and we were hoping to get this done as quickly as possible. We had a first floor apartment in the lower Eastern part of Jackson. It was getting darker, and I grabbed a box out of the Cruiser. My heart pounded hard in my chest as I saw a familiar figure approaching.
I watched him as he walked to me, taking his time, keeping his pace. I put the box down and stepped in front of it.
"Well, well, looks like I'm seeing a ghost," he said casually.
He towered over me. "What do you want, James?"
"Now, now, is that a way to talk to an old friend? No? You know what Kendall's gonna say when he sees you back around here?"
I didn't care, so I said nothing.
"He's gonna say, 'Logan Mitchell? Like a fucking boomerang, just comes right back.' That's what he'll say, yep. Ya know what I say? It's good to have you back, Doll."
"Oh? Need to stab somebody again?" I questioned.
James laughed. "You know I didn't have a choice, Logie."
"Right," I said. "Being Kendall's pet is more important than doing the right thing."
"It was right at the time and you know it. You were asking for it, Logan."
"Oh, just begging, I was. 'James, chase me down and stab me, please. Carlos trying to shoot me just wasn't enough' is exactly what I said. Oh, yes."
James laughed again. "Oh, you're so funny, just as I remember you. Always keeping us amused."
"Yeah. That's exactly what I was doing. Keeping you amused."
"Don't sound so down about it, Doll," said James. Kendall and his minions had starting calling me 'Doll' after hearing my mother use it. I was six. I didn't mind it, honestly. It used to bother me, but my whole life, everyone had called me, 'Doll'. My grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, classmates. I wasn't even sure if half my family knew my real name was Logan. I was just, 'Doll.' "Those were the best days of your life."
Now it was my turn to laugh. "You keep telling yourself that. You people made my life miserable. This is the last place I want to be."
"Yet, here you are."
"Yeah, here I am." I glared at him quickly as I said it.
He studied me before quickly chuckling. "You were fun for us, Logie. I'm glad to have you back. I know Carlos and Kendall will be too."
"I'm not thirteen anymore, James. I'm not going to run any more, from you, or Carlos, or especially Kendall."
James smirked. "Logie, that's good, 'cause we don't want to chase you."
"Well, kill me now, then," I urged, rather being dead than being tortured.
James laughed. "We don't want to kill you either. Kendall and Carlos don't even know you're here. I just happened to be related to the owner of this apartment complex and had to see for myself. Let me tell you, we never wanted to kill you."
"Right, that's why Kendall waited till I was hypothermic and nearly in shock to pull me out of that lake, gotcha."
"Oh Logie," he sighed. "We just like to fuck with you. You're an easy target."
I picked up the box, sick of hearing his voice. "It was nice talking to you."
"Wait."
I stopped, sighed, turned around and waited. I'll never know why I did. Instinct, I guess.
"I want you to know that I'm not telling Kendall you're back. I don't want to be that guy. So for now it's our secret. Because he won't be too happy…"
"I don't get it. He is the one who tried to kill me for no reason-"
"Oh, there was a reason, Doll."
"One that I never knew of, then."
James smirked. "Nah, you never knew. But, I'll tell ya this - you may have left Jackson, but you never left Kendall's mind. Goodnight, Doll."
I didn't question him, instead, I took off for the house, letting him go, putting the box in the kitchen with my mother.
"You alright, Doll? You seen a ghost? You were outside for a bit…"
"Yeah, fine," I said shortly, not wanting to have this conversation. I was still angry with her for having made me move to this freaking god-awful place in the first place.
"Doll, I know you don't want to be here, but this will be good for us. Even you. I know you don't believe me but…people change. You know this."
I shook my head, rolled my eyes, and locked myself in the bedroom designated to me. I closed the door hard behind me, not forgetting to lock it.
I was sweating when I woke up. It'd been two weeks since I'd moved in, and my first day as a senior in the High School that Kendall, James and Carlos went to started in a few hours.
I'd slept uneasily since I had gotten there, so I was used to waking up in a pool of sweat. I looked at my locked window, wanting to open it and let cool air splash against my hot face. I stood up and did just that, wondering exactly what James had meant about me leaving Jackson, but not Kendall's mind. It was a creepy thought, but Kendall wasn't leaving my mind, either.
The first time I met Kendall, I was six. It was my second time living in Minnesota, but my first time in Jackson. This beastly kid named Billy was beating on me in the playground and Kendall came over and stopped him. Then, as I was down, and Billy was gone, Kendall kicked me hard in the face, breaking my nose for the first time. Since then, all he had ever done was beat on me, or order his pets to beat on me. I'd left and returned to Jackson four times. At ages 5-6, 9-10, 12-14, and then 17. The 12-14 was by far the worst. The last time I saw Kendall, he was pulling me out of the same lake he let me almost die in.
I sighed and yawned. I was tired but I knew sleep would never encumber me. I wasn't sure what the day had in store for me, and I was worried about what was going to happen. I didn't have a good feeling about it. I knew I was going to come across Kendall at some point during that day, and I knew the past was going to resurface. The worst part about all of that, I still had a crush on Kendall.
I left the house before my mother even woke up. I didn't want to see her, or talk to her, or hear her tell me to 'have a good day, Doll' because I knew that was impossible.
I kept my head up, along with my guard, as I made my way toward the school. I had spent two months at that school as a freshman, and I remembered where it was and how it operated. I wasn't thrilled about going back, but I was going to bitch out.
There weren't many people there when I arrived, and as instructed, I went to the principal's office to get my schedule. I had a lot of honors and advanced classes, so I was pretty confident I wouldn't have many classes with Kendall and his followers.
I ran through my rout, finding each one of my classrooms before the hallways filled with students. A girl bumped into me, and her books went flying all over the hallway.
"Gees!" I shouted, "What was that for!"
She slapped her head hard. "I'm sorry! It was an accident…I wasn't paying attention!"
I grabbed a book and handed it to her. "Well, watch the fuck out. You're not the only one in the halls."
"Chill out, dude, I said I was sorry. Who the hell do you thi..-Doll?"
"Stalker?" I questioned.
"Holy shit!" She said. "It IS you! Where have you been, you mother fucker!"
"I still don't know who you are!"
"It's me! Camille!" She hugged me tightly, so I just hugged back.
"Oh, Camille. Right. Yeah, of course I remember you! What's been going on in this crazy town?"
"Oh, nothing ever changes in a town like Jackson," said Camille.
I bit my lip, not wanting to ask, but wanting to know the answer. "Even Kendall?"
She faintly faked a smile but her voice was full of disappointment. "Yeah. Even Kendall. He's just gotten…better. Or worse, depending on how you look at it….everybody was wondering when you'd come back, Doll. We thought you were honestly done…"
"I thought I was too. But I'm not afraid this time, Camille."
"Nobody blamed you for being for being scared the last time, Doll. They -"
"I didn't run away. I know that's what they thought. My dad was moved back to Dallas after the accident. That's why I didn't come back. I wasn't afraid of Kendall then, either. Like many other aspects of my life, I just didn't have a choice."
"So, why are you back?"
"…I didn't have a choice."
She smiled. "Your mom, huh? Well…it's nice to have you back, Doll. Oh, and just so you know, I never thought you ran away."
She turned and started walking, and the hallways were filling up now that the buses had let the students off. I found my way back to my first class, and sat there quietly while waiting to see anyone I knew. Once I introduced myself, half of the class gasped.
I guess they remembered me.
I just heard, "Doll this," and "Doll that," and "Where the hell have you been, Doll?" "Oh, wow, I didn't think you'd ever come back, Doll," and "Like seeing that ghost."
James was in my first block class, English 12 Honors, which surprised me.
James smirked in his corner and the teacher wanted everyone to settle down, welcomed me back even though he had never met me before that day.
At the end of that class, James said, "He's here today, Logie. You'll be seeing him, I promise you."
"I'm not afraid, Jamie," I said. "I don't really care if Kendall is here."
He smirked. "Oh, you care, Doll. That's why you've got this tough act going on."
"People change, James."
"No they don't, Logan."
It took me about half the day before I saw him. He had seen me first, I knew. We were in the lunch room, I sat at a round table by myself, obviously drawing attention. Carlos, Kendall, and James all approached me, slammed trays down on the table, and Kendall smirked, and James and Carlos glared.
"Well, well," said Kendall. "The rumors are true. 'Doll's back, Doll's back'. Well, Doll, you're like a boomerang. Ya just keep coming back, don't you? I thought you'd learn your lesson the last time."
"Oh, you mean the time you left me to die in a frozen lake?"
Kendall smiled, nodded, and helped himself to a seat. "Yeah. That time. I came back for ya, though, Doll, don't forget about that."
"Oh, I won't forget about that. Nor will I forget the times you had James stab me and Carlos try to shoot me. Ya missed, by the way," I said snobbishly, glaring at Carlos, then moving my glare to Kendall, waiting for a response.
He was still smirking. "Oh, lookie here, boys, The Little Dolly has grown some balls. I never thought that was possible. Ya know, Doll, this is going to be one unforgettable year for ya."
"Well, I'm waiting."
"What are ya waiting for exactly?"
"For this unforgettable year. What are you going to do this year, Kendall? Lock me in a tub of poisonous spiders and snakes? Tie me up and throw me in shark infested waters? Beat me in an alley and leave me to die?"
"We already tried that last one and it didn't work because I saved ya after that, too Doll. If ya can't remember, I have a hard time letting ya go."
"Oh, I remember. You like to make me suffer before you take me to the hospital. So I can't die. I can just come back like - what was it? - a boomerang, so you can make me suffer and save me some more."
"Well, I rather it be me making ya suffer than someone else, Doll."
"You say my name too much," I noticed.
"I just like the way it sounds. Doll. Doll. Doll."
I took in a deep breath and studied them. These three, arrogant airheads. Other students were watching us like hawks, clearly trying to make sure I wasn't going to run away again after Kendall and his posse beat the shit out of me. Kendall, however, looked at his pets, and they grabbed their trays and dispersed, leaving it just the two of us.
"I ain't gonna beat ya up, Doll," said Kendall, "I know that's what you're thinking. I don't want to beat ya up. I want to talk to ya, know what happened. I want to know why ya left, and why ya back."
I didn't want to question him, or argue with him. I just wanted to get this day over with. "I left for the same reason I always leave. I wasn't afraid of you, Kendall. I was afraid of getting hurt, that's why I ran. But I'm not afraid now, either. I came back because of my mother. No other reason."
He smiled. "I think ya missed me, Doll."
"None in the slightest."
He shook his head. "Ya always look to the left when ya lie."
My eyes shifted.
"Well, I have to say, I missed you, Doll. Jackson is never the same without ya. Ya belong here, I know ya do."
"I belong in Dallas."
"Nah. You're too much like that boomerang, Doll. Ya just keep coming back to me. Ya know why? Cas you belong with me."
"Keep telling yourself that."
"Oh, I do, every day. Ya'll never know how much I missed having ya around, Doll. Ya don't know how much I thought about ya. Ya ran through my mind constantly -"
"You're borderline creeper, now, Kendall," I told him. "You beat me the fuck up, you tell me I'm pathetic, useless, worthless, and now, I'm back, and you're telling me you missed me? What? Do you need to be recommended to a loony bin? Because I can pull some strings. I know the Chief of Medicines."
Kendall laughed. "Oh, Logie. Ya were blind then, and ya blind now."
"Don't even tell me this is one of those be-mean-to-your-crush-things, Kendall Knight, I swear to god, you left me to die."
"I liked to torture ya Logie because I wanted to be the one that saved ya. I wasn't sure what it was, hell I still ain't, but I'm pretty sure I just wanted to play super hero. But I was the villain. And I'm sorry."
"Are you crazy! This isn't happening…after all that? All these years of torture you just decide to tell me you had a crush on me the whole time? How do you do that and expect me to just forgive you?"
He smirked. "'Cas I'm Ken, and your Doll, and that's how it's supposed to be."
I shook my head. "I don't know about that. How can I trust you? You chased me onto a frozen lake! I was stabbed!" I lifted up my shirt to show him the scar, which looked raw and gross, and I hated it. "Carlos shot at me! You jumped me and left me in an alley to die and you stole my wallet."
"I went back for ya," Kendall said, his eyes suddenly looking pleading. I was so confused. This was so random. People didn't change. Kendall didn't change. He was luring me in, trying to get close to me so he could attack. That's what I felt like. But part of me trusted him. He did go back for me…but he initiated it! He started all of this. He was the reason I hated Jackson, Minnesota. And here he was, calling me by my pet names, sucking me in, being irresistible. What was I supposed to do? Here was the guy who tortured me every time I saw him. And I never wanted him more. He was so stunning, his face, his features...I couldn't resist him. When we were kids, it was like we were playing tag. Now, it's like he's finally caught me.
I nodded, agreeing. "Yeah. You came back for me."
"Just like you came back for me. Ya didn't come back to Jackson for just anybody."
I laughed. "You're right. I came back because my mom wanted me to."
"Are ya regretting it?"
"Not thus far."
"Are ya scared now?"
I studied his eyes. "None in the slightest."
He smirked. "Good. 'Cas I need to have ya around, Doll. Ya like my heart or something, ya make my blood actually go."
My heart beat hard in my chest and for a second I thought I was going to puke, I thought I was dreaming, something. I just didn't feel like I was in Jackson, with Kendall Knight. I felt like I was in Dallas, with the guy of my dreams, who happened to look exactly like Kendall, but wasn't Kendall.
But, this was Kendall.
I was in Jackson.
And the crush I'd had on him all those years ago, the one I thought I'd never lost, I knew then, I didn't. "How is this happening? This isn't…"
"Oh, but it is. Don't forget, people change."
"I thought they didn't?"
"I haven't seen you in three years. I've matured. I've changed. You've changed, clearly, you've changed. Ya grew up…I've grown up. We've all grown up."
"I saw Camille today. She said you didn't change."
He smirked. "Ratting out ya friends so quickly, there, Doll, I like it. Camille doesn't know me. She knows of me, yeah, but she could never get on my level."
I blinked, not really believing he'd just said that. "She can't get on your level?" I repeated.
"Nah. She can't in my head. She'd never understand. She doesn't know what it's like."
"And I do?"
He gave a quick, subtle nod. "Yeah. Because I spent a lot of time trying to teach ya."
I was so confused. "What are you talking about -"
He lifted up his shirt and showed me a scar, matching the one I had. He rolled up his sleeve, and showed me a circular scar. "I knew ya had it bad, Doll. But ya didn't know I had it bad. I just did to ya what was done to me, so ya would know. I just wanted ya to know…"
My heart was in my stomach at this point. "…you did to me what was done to you?" I questioned.
"Yeah."
"…because you wanted me on your level?"
He looked crushed, but nodded. "Yeah. It sounds really bad now that ya lay it out…"
"Because it is really bad!" I said.
He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it is."
"It's not funny. I could have-"
"I wouldn't have let ya die, Doll," he said. "I knew what I was doing cause it was all done to me. I knew how to handle the situations I threw at ya, and I made ya stronger person. Granted, I didn't do it in a good way, but I did it in the only way I knew how. Do you blame me?"
"…yes. Yes I do. Who else am I going to blame? Myself? My mom? I just don't…I'll never understand why you did what you did. You literally attempted to murder me. Why are you even talking to me right now?"
Kendall shrugged and got up. "I have no idea."
I watched his back as he walked out the cafeteria doors.
Note: I am addicted to it. I don't know what the reason is. But Days & TWDTA are still my priorties, and a lot of people have quit at my job and I've been getting a lot more hours lately which I'm not happy about. I even got burned by coffee and my hand is still red ): I hate working so much because I love writing a LOT. lol. anyway. thanks for reading! (: