WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY

Hi and hello, SJShark23 here!

Explain your pen-name: I'm a fan of the NHL's San Jose Sharks, even though I'm originally from New York City, not California

Explain your avatar: a Pokémonified (is that even a word?) Sharks insignia

Age?: I'm a 28-year-old overnight stocker with an MA in linguistics (it's more common than you think)

Why are you here?: to write stuff

What song is playing in the background?: No Shelter by Rage Against the Machine

Favorite Pokémon version?: Gold & HeartGold by far

If you want to know anything else about me, don't hesitate to PM or email me!

AdvanceShippers can head here for a more interactive discussion of Inconceivable or any of my other stuff: http:///

MISCELLANEOUS INFO

Favorite books: SE Hinton's The Outsiders, just about any Star Wars novel, Treasure Island (a classic), Ian Fleming's James Bond, Michael Crichton's Jurassic Park and The Lost World, The Lord of the Rings

Favorite movies: The Outsiders: The Complete Novel, all six Star Wars films, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, Ferris Bueller's Day Off, all three Ocean movies, Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie, I, Robot, both Transformers films, GoldenEye, The World is Not Enough, Jurassic Park series, Dark Knight trilogy (Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and The Dark Knight Rises), Grown Ups, The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Ghostbusters

Favorite video games: Pokémon, The Legend of Zelda series, Mario series, Donkey Kong series, Super Smash Bros., Star Fox 64, South Park, Banjo-Kazooie series, LEGO Rock Raiders, Madden series, FIFA series, Batman: Arkham series

Favorite TV shows/cartoons: My Hero, SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron, The Muppet Show, Pokémon, Mighty Ducks, Robot Wars, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Jeopardy!, MythBusters, American Chopper, TMNT (1987 series), Medabots, 爆転シュートベイブレード/Bakuten Shoot Beyblade, Duck Dynasty, The Big Bang Theory, Top Gear, Dilbert

Favorite newspaper comics: Garfield, Dilbert, Calvin & Hobbes, Zits

Favorite actors/actresses: Natalie Portman (I sorta have a crush on her), Emilio Estevez, Matt Dillon, Patrick Swayze, Diane Lane, Ralph Macchio, C. Thomas Howell, Rob Lowe, Tom Cruise, Liam Neeson, Ian McDiarmid, Johnny Yong Bosch, David Yost, Heath Ledger, Christian Bale, Tom Hardy, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, Sean Bean

Favorite voice actors: Rob Paulsen (too many to list), Barry Gordon (TMNT, SWAT Kats), Jim Henson (Muppets), Richard Hunt (Muppets), Frank Oz (Muppets), David Goelz (Muppets), Jerry Nelson (Muppets), Charlie Adler (SWAT Kats), Gary Owens (SWAT Kats), Candi Milo (SWAT Kats), Veronica Taylor (Pokémon), Townsend Coleman (TMNT), Cam Clarke (TMNT), James Earl Jones (various), John Ratzenberger (PIXAR movies), Jeff Dunham (comedian/ventriloquist), Motoko Kumai (Beyblade), Paul Winchell (various), Jim Cummings (various)

Favorite sports teams (US only): New York Yankees (MLB), Philadelphia Eagles (NFL), Minnesota Timberwolves (NBA), San Jose Sharks (NHL), New York Red Bulls (MLS), Notre Dame Fighting Irish (NCAAF), Princeton Tigers (NCAAB/NCAAL)

Favorite sports teams (non-US): Hanshin Tigers (Nippon Professional Baseball), Guildford Flames (English Premier Ice Hockey League), England national rugby union team, Ireland national rugby union team

Favorite soccer teams: Arsenal (England), Celtic (Scotland), Derry City (Ireland), FC Porto (Portugal), Real Madrid (Spain), Paris Saint-Germain (France), Bayern Munich (Germany), Feyenoord (Netherlands), Inter Milan (Italy), FC Basel (Switzerland) Panathinaikos FC (Greece), Shakhtar Donetsk (Ukraine), Beitar Jerusalem (Israel), Gamba Osaka (Japan), River Plate (Argentina), England national team, United States men's national team, Republic of Ireland national team

Pairings I support

AdvanceShipping AshXMay: Just the way those two went out of their way to help each other makes it probable. None of the other girls Ash has traveled with have really shown that much concern for him (take for example the scene from the 9th film, where May is devastated by the fact that Ash may have died.)

OrangeShipping TraceyXMisty: It just seems more plausible than PokeShipping, since I always thought of Misty being a few years older than Ash.

Pairings I don't support

ContestShipping DrewXMay: Drew is basically Advanced Generation's answer to Gary. The roses might seem romantic, but May wouldn't benefit from being with him in any way due to his constant taunting and put-downs (in my opinion, most people ignore Drew's taunts and only see the roses). It's just no way to treat a woman, period.

PearlShipping AshXDawn: She's just too young for him, if the anime's ages are correct. They seem to have more of a brother-sister relationship than a romantic one.

PokéShipping AshXMisty: If Misty does like Ash, she's got a funny way of showing it. Plus, Ash has shown very few hints that convinced me. As for stories about it, I don't mind it on its own, but if it involves any ContestShipping I'll probably give it a miss.

On the fence

AmourShipping AshXSerena: I haven't seen much of the X&Y anime to this point, but this seems like an interesting case because of the built-in backstory and Serena's obvious (to me at least) crush on Ash.

AgainstShipping PaulXZoey: Zoey hates his guts, although it provides an interesting alternative to IkariShipping.

CavalierShipping GaryXDawn: Seems one-sided to me, since most of the hints came from Dawn fangirling over Gary.

IkariShipping PaulXDawn: The old adage "opposites attract" comes into play here. Ironically, most of the hints seem to have come from Paul (just look at the annoyed glances he shoots her whenever she shows concern for Ash. Jealous much, Paul?).

CURRENT STORIES:

Gold & Co. vs the World: a Pokemon version of SE Hinton's "The Outsiders" (it's not very good). STORY COMPLETED

Gold & Co.: Tales from the Prime Cup: the sequel to "Gold & Co. vs the world" (also awful). STORY DISCONTINUED

Full Battle Rematch! Shinji vs Satoshi!: a fic depicting a rematch between Ash and Paul. STORY COMPLETED.

Figure It Out: May likes Ash, but wants him to find out for himself. Meanwhile, Paul and Gary wage a silent but furious battle for Dawn's heart. The result? Only they can figure that out. AdvanceShipping and VERY minor Cavalier- and Against/IkariShipping. STORY COMPLETED

Another Full Battle: a full battle between my OCs. STORY DISCONTINUED.

The Silph Tournament: On a remote island, Silph Co. is hosting a grand tournament. But one of the attractions is particularly sinister...and dangerous. What could it be? Only time will tell. OC submissions locked. STORY DISCONTINUED

Pokémon Double-J Adventures V1: Johto: First in a five-part series. James Curtis and Jen Richards set off across the Johto region, aiming for the top. They'll tackle fierce battles, heated rivalries, and their own inexperience, as well as the rising threat of Team Triassic. It sure as heck won't be easy, but they plan to win anyway.

Remembering Her: A Danny Phantom story about Ember McLain and her death, told through the lens of a friend of hers. STORY COMPLETED

Warrior, Hero, Saviour: a novelization of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

Inconceivable: Ash and May run away from their respective homes after they discover that May is pregnant with Ash's child.

Future Stories (may or may not be posted)

Hell on Earth (Batman) [working title]: an inmate's-eye view of life in the Arkham City prison facility

DOUBLE-J ADVENTURES (planned as a 5-part series)

Pokémon Double-J Adventures Volume 1: Johto: James Curtis and Jen Richards set off across the Johto region, aiming for the top. They'll tackle fierce battles, heated rivalries, and their own inexperience, as well as the rising threat of Team Triassic. It sure as heck won't be easy, but they plan to win anyway.

Pokémon Double-J Adventures Volume 2: Kanto: The Kanto region awaits for James Curtis and Jen Richards. New opponents, new challenges and a persistent villainous team are just a sampling of what they can come to expect in their second regional adventure. That won't stop them from trying their best, though.

Pokémon Double-J Adventures Volume 3: Hoenn: Coming off a devastating tragedy, James and Jen begin their trek through the mysterious Hoenn region. More than just battles will test their mettle, and Team Triassic's increasing activity will spell danger if they're not stopped. All in a journey's work for these two.

Pokémon Double-J Adventures Volume 4: The Sevii Battle Frontier: James is invited to compete in the prestigious Battle Frontier, located in the Sevii Islands. Seven facilities provide seven unique challenges, but he and Jen will battle on and overcome them all.

Pokémon Double-J Adventures Volume 5: Sinnoh: A final regional challenge is presented to James and Jen beneath the red skies of the Sinnoh region. Along with their rivals, they'll confront their intensifying feelings toward one another, and try to put a stop to Team Triassic's threat once and for all. Oh, and they'll go for the Sinnoh League title too.

Random thought: if my OC's were voiced by actual people, here's who they'd be done by:

James: Julián Rebolledo (EN, older, voice of Paul); Sarah Natochenny (EN, younger, voice of Ash Ketchum); Motoko Kumai (JP, voices Takao Kinomiya/Tyson Granger in the original Beyblade series)

Jen: Emily Williams (EN, voice of Zoey); KAORI (JP, voice of May)

Hunter: Bill Rogers (EN, older, voice of Brock); Yūji Ueda (JP, older, voice of Brock); Rica Matsumoto (JP, younger, voice of Ash Ketchum)

Stephanie: Lisa Ortiz (EN, voice of Mars/Flannery); Megumi Toyoguchi (JP, voice of Dawn)

Official Camp Catchem'all Forum: http://www.fanfiction.ws/myforums/moscowmoocow/1658899/; for readers and/or contributors to this awesome story!

RANTING SECTION

Random Quotations from TV shows and such...

Muppet Show and Film Quotes

Sam the Eagle: You are all weirdos!

Statler: (shaking Waldorf) Hey, you old fool! You slept through the show!
Waldorf: Who's a fool? You watched it!

Statler: This show is awful!
Waldorf: Terrible!
Statler: Disgusting!
Waldorf: See you next week?
Statler: Of course.

Scooter: (pushing a crate) Hey Kermit!
Kermit: Scooter, what's this?
Scooter: Well, it's a crate.
Kermit: I know it's a crate! Who's responsible for it?
Scooter: Oh, I am.
Kermit: (incredulously) Scooter! What makes you think you can bring a crate into the Backstage?
Scooter: Um, my uncle owns the theatre?
Kermit: And a nice crate it is, too.

Kermit: Ladies and gentlemen, Statler and Waldorf, the two old gentlemen who usually sit up here, have...
Fozzie: Died!
Kermit: (shocked) Fozzie, they have not!
Fozzie: Hahahahaha!

Statler: Well, he's actually gone. Will we ever forget him?
Waldorf: Who?
Statler: You know, uh, uh, what's his name? (laughter)

SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron quotes

Razor: Keep him in that insulated missile, commander.
T-Bone: Yeah, this guy gets a real charge outta zippin' through wires.
Feral: What do you think I am, stupid?
Razor & T-Bone: (together) Bingo!

Razor: Looks like Callie's safe.
T-Bone: Not the way Feral flies...
Feral: Back off you vigilantes! The authorities are handling this!

Spaceballs quotes

Dark Helmet: When will then be now?
Kernel Sandurz:Soon.

Dot Matrix: Who're you?
Barf: Barf!
Dot Matrix: Not in here, mister! This is a Mercedes!

Star Wars quotes

Obi-Wan: Can you fly a cruiser like this?
Anakin: You mean, do I know how to land what's left of this thing?
Obi-Wan: Well?
Anakin: Well, considering the circumstances, I'd say the ability to pilot this thing is irrelevant. Strap yourselves in.

James Bond quotes

GoldenEye

Bond: It's too easy.
Trevelyan: Half of everything is luck, James.
Bond: And the other half?
Trevelyan: (as alarm sounds) Fate.

Bond: Are these pictures live?
M: Unlike the American government, we prefer not to get our bad news from CNN.

Other random quotes

To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift.-Steve Prefontaine

There are no guarantees that because you're good one year doesn't mean you should be good the next. If everybody would quit working to get better and you were good, you could just not have to worry about it. You'd be good all the time. It just doesn't work that way.-Tony Stewart, NASCAR

Don't just learn the tricks of the trade; learn the trade.-Michael Jordan, SG, Chicago Bulls

Things turn out best for those who make the best of how things turn out.-John Wooden, UCLA men's basketball coach

Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.-Vince Lombardi, head coach, Green Bay Packers

Very simply. We're from Philadelphia and we fight. That's it. If there's a game on, we're playing, end of story. And all this stuff about backing in, not worrying about things, all these other things, I have no idea. So many different scenarios; could have been a tie. What if there's a tie when we go play Dallas next week, and then we gave a game away last week? If we're gonna line up and kick off, you tell us what time to show up and we'll be there.-Chip Kelly, head coach, Philadelphia Eagles

You cannot say that you are happy when you don't win.-Arsène Wenger, manager, Arsenal FC

I did not see the incident.-Arsène Wenger

Please don't call me arrogant, but I'm European champion and I think I'm a special one.-José Mourinho, manager, Chelsea FC (formerly of Inter Milan & Real Madrid CF)

I have never lost against Tottenham, I'm so happy to say that... [Deep sigh of satisfaction] So great.-Thierry Henry, forward, New York Red Bulls (formerly of Arsenal FC)

You need big shoulders to play for Arsenal. The cannon is heavy.-Thierry Henry

Toeval is logisch (coincidence is logical).-Johan Cruijff, forward, Netherlands national team

O futebol é como uma religião (football is like a religion).-Anonymous Brazilian

I can't really hear what Jeremy [Roenick] says, because I've got my two Stanley Cup rings plugging my ears.-Patrick Roy, goaltender, Montréal Canadiens/Colorado Avalanche

Never give up. Trust your instincts.-Peppy Hare, Star Fox

Raffiniert ist der Herrgott, aber boshaft ist er nicht./Subtle is the Lord, but malicious He is not.-Albert Einstein

I reject your reality and substitute my own.-Adam Savage, MythBusters

When in doubt...C4.-Jamie Hyneman, MythBusters

This has absolutely nothing to do with the myth. It's just a big boom.-Jamie Hyneman of the MythBusters, on annihilating a cement truck

Top Gear: ambitious, but rubbish.-Jeremy Clarkson

Anyway, big, fast, Shelby, American car thingy, your gauntlet has now been picked up by the one they call Der Langsamer: the Slow One...Captain Slow to you.-James May

In jail, no-one can hear you scream.-Jeremy Clarkson

My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.-Ronald Reagan

You turn if you want to. The lady's not for turning.-Margaret Thatcher

I'm a drinker with a writing problem.-Brendan Behan

An Irishman's heart is his nothing but his imagination.-George Bernard Shaw

Work hard, nap hard.-Si Robertson

Happy, happy, happy.-Phil Robertson

Let me put this in Spanish for you: NO.-Jase Robertson

Once you bring something with wheels that's enclosed, you're no longer camping. You're parking.-Jase Robertson

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.-John 8:7

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life.-John 3:16

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum ishi krimpatul.-Inscription on the One Ring, written in the Black Speech of Mordor

Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone,
Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them
In the land of Mordor where the Shadows lie.

For Cadia and the Emperor! For Home and the Throne!-battle cry of the Cadian Shock Troopers

Never fall, never surrender, never outnumbered, never outgunned!-battle cry, Kasr Vallock Kasrkin regiment

RIP JIM HENSON, RICHARD HUNT AND JERRY NELSON; THE MUPPETS WILL NEVER BEEN THE SAME WITHOUT YOU

Mariano Rivera #42: The Legend Ends (1995-2013)

Derek Jeter #2: A Captain's Farewell (1995-2014)

MURPHY'S LAW: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for a repairman, it will work perfectly.

The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.

If it jams: force it. If it breaks: it needed replacing anyway.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

You will always find something in the last place you look.

The other line always moves faster.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

Interchangeable parts: won't.

Leakproof seals: will.
Self-starters: will not.

A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet.

If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

The minute you become interested in someone is the minute they find someone else (story of my life).

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.

If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact centre.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Everything takes longer than you think.

If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
COROLLARY: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.

All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

Every solution breeds new problems.

There is always one more bug.

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no-one will be at fault.

Beauty is only skin-deep, ugly goes to the bone.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

If you perceive that there are four possible ways for something to go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Mother Nature is a bitch.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

A bird in the hand is better than one overhead.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

There's never time to do it right. But there's always time to do it over.

Smile: tomorrow will be worse!