The following presentation has been brought to you in part by the letters 13 and red, and support from FFN readers like you!

Warning: These stunts are dangerous and are done by professionals with adult supervision. They should not be attempted by anyone else but me because I am god.

Thank you.

"It is my belief that we are unreasonably forced to read boring profiles. They say absolutely nothing about the author in question, and instead make you feel as though you have wasted your valueable time--you could have been watching television or spinning in your computer chair for pity's sake! Vague details about their personal life are usually given and they most certainly don't answer the questions that you care about. Well, I feel that as a fanfiction author myself, it is my duty to bring the people exactly what they want: more useless crap that doesn't answer any of their questions!"
-2006

The author lives somewhere in the state of Pennsylvania. She is between 4 and 7 feet tall. She may have blonde, red or brown hair. Her eyes may or may not be brown-green. Her age ranges from 11 to 85 depending on the time, place, weather, direction of the wind, the way she is spinning, which hand is up, whether or not her chores are done, and with whom she is currently standing near and/or associating with.

Announcement!

It seems as though I've returned. Congratulations, your dry spell has come to an end.