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You guys are so sweet! My inbox is flooded with Favorite Author, Favorite Story, Story Alerts, and reviews! Thank you all! Hugs~

My writing style is very down-to -earth and sometimes lyrical. Romances are not my cup of tea, although I did write one. Mature Rated Fiction is of no interest to me. I will not write it or read it. Except in EXTREME cases (as in, "Rated to be safe," no explicit content, yadda yadda. ) I like telling parts of stories though third-party characters, and the rest through third-person omniscient. (If you don't know what that is, ask an English teacher. :P )

I own no copyrights. I write these stories as a labor of love and adoration (and preservation of my own sanity) for the people who do own the copyrights. I'm making no money from these. It would be nice, but illegal. :/ So, no, no money. No ownership. Okay? Okay. :D

RANDOM STUFF:

I joined Jello-forever! I kept me name, Habeous Corpus.

A story alert/favorite alert says a thousand words. (Okay, okay, not in the alert email. You know what I mean. Thousand word emails are a little cumbersome.)

I really don't believe in ghosts, but they're fun to play with in stories! I am also highly opposed to violence, drugs, and crime. (Yet I write murder/crime fics. I don't understand me sometimes. Oh well.)

I hate it when people say, "there was a pregnant pause." LAME! What, that pause is going to start having little "Pause, Jr"s? Does that make all pauses female? So many questions...

If you start expecting the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected the expected?

I’m into THEATER AND ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be a prude.
I'm BI, so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly or crazy.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a jerk.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm WICCAN, so I MUST be a devil-worshipping baby killer.
I SUCK MY OWN BLOOD FROM WOUNDS, so I MUST have a vampire fetish. (That's called instinct. "Ow!" [stick body part in pain in your mouth])
I'm a GOOD LIAR, so I MUST be an actor/actress.
I'm a BLACK BELT, so I MUST always want to kick someone's butt.
I'm a FEMALE BLACK BELT, so I MUST be a tomboy.
I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant.
I'm FRENCH, so I MUST be homosexual.
I'm a BOHEMIAN, so I MUST be a lazy drug addict.
I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian.
I'm a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug-addicted hippie.
I'm INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs.
I'm a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life.
I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up.
I have GREEN SKIN, so I MUST be a wicked witch. (He-he, Wicked fans unite!)
I'm DIFFERENT, so I MUST just want attention.
I'm an ACTOR/ACTRESS, so I MUST be mean.
I'm THIN, so I MUST have an eating disorder.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a stupid ditz.
I HAVE A LOT OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be dating them all.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST love math.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST be on welfare.
I'm PUNK, so I MUST slit my wrists.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST be an alcoholic.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore with a jock boyfriend.
I'm a JEW, so I MUST be greedy.
I LOVE RENT, so I MUST be an emo homosexual with AIDS.
I'm a CHRISTIAN, so I MUST hear crazy God voices in my head.
I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries.
I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports.
I like CATS, so I MUST dance like a cat in my spare time.
I SPEAK GERMAN, so I MUST be a psycho Nazi.
I'm IN BAND, so I MUST be a geek.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
I'm an OVER 16 YEAR OLD TEEN MALE signed with DISNEY, so I MUST be a GAY, CHILDISH IDIOT.
I'm a DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a DANCER, so I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.
I'm a TEEN GIRL who likes to HAVE GOOD NATURED FUN with my FRIENDS, so I MUST be a WHORE, SLUT, and a LESBIAN.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be gay too.
I COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist. (LOL, public License. No copyright, no ownership. :3)
I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd.
I FROWN a lot, so I MUST be a nerd.
I get BAD GRADES, so I MUST be a slacker who doesn't try.
I like the JONAS BROTHERS, so I MUST be a TEENIE BOPPER, OBSESSED FAN GIRL.
I'm a JEW, so I MUST hate all Germans.
I'm a HANNAH MONTANA FAN, so I MUST be childish and immature.
I'm POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet.
I'm a TEENAGER who still likes the DISNEY CHANNEL, so I MUST be immature and childish
I don't have many friends, so I MUST be an emo goth who hates the world
I like sunlight, so I MUST be a vampire/werewolf slayer
I like the opera, so I MUST be an egotistical snob with way too much money (Ha! I wish...)
I have more than 5 friends, so I MUST be a prep
I wear pink, so I MUST be a rich preppy snob with family money
I like diamonds and pearls, so I MUST be controlling
I wear perfume/cologne, I MUST be a flirt ( I just wanna smell good... D:)

---

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile. (So true.)

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur pro!

If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile. (oops)

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile.

~pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you generally crash on your couch even when your bed is free, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If random songs just pop into your head at any given momet, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song (I hate you, you hate me, we're an alien family ect. Personally, I like this version better) to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you can't figure out if these copy and paste things bug you or if you love them, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the frick'n trix, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her/his fictional boyfriend/girlfriend, copy this into your profile

IF YOU'VE EVER LEAPED DOWN THE HALLWAY OF A HOTEL AND TURNED THE CORNER AND SAW PEOPLE STARING AT YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you don’t dance to avoid injury to yourself and those around you, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have a ridiculously long profile, copy and paste this onto your profile to make it longer.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are that person who, after they post a story, check their stats minute after minute and shout for joy when you get ONE review... copy and paste this on your profile!

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach, the O.C., or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile

if you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

---

One of my best friends died recently; I'm really upset. He was such a great guy and I miss him. Maybe you knew of him. Most people did. I hope it wasn't you who contributed to his death, otherwise I shall dispatch a vicious band of lions to disembowel you. Okay, I don't have a troupe of lions at my disposal, but I can find one, trust me. My friend was a paragon of amazing. His name was Common Sense. I am sorry to inform you of his demise. Mourn with me.

Dearly beloved…we gather here to say our goodbyes. Here he lies…

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.

Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate and teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a sticky plaster to a student; but, could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

Rest In Peace, my old friend.

---

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. And feet are for finding earrings you drop.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well..

One bright morning...
in the middle of the night,
two dead boys went out to fight
there they stood back to back
and faced each other
drew their swords
and shot each other.
the deaf policeman heard the noise
and came running to kill
the two dead boys.
If u dont believe my tale
i swear its true
ask the blind lady she saw it too!

FUN THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1) When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "open") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker"

2) When the elevator doors shut, assuringly say, "It's ok, they will open up again!"

3)Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"

4) Whistle the first seven notes of "Its a Small World" incessantly.

5) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"

6) Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

7) Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

8) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

9) Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

10) Stare, grinning, at another passenger for awhile, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

11) Meow occasionally.

12) Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

13) Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

14) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

15) Stare at another passenger for awhile, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.

16) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

17) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

18) Say "Ding!" at each floor.

19) Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

20) Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.

21) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."

22) Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

23) Put a box on the floor and whenever somebody comes in, say "Do you hear clicking?"

---

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit and shut up.” ~ Anonymous

"Ever stopped to think and forgot to start again?" ~ Anonymous

"My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil." ~ Anonymous

"When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade" ~ Anonymous

Don't skip alone. (Try walking up to someone and saying that with a straight face. Its hard.) Tallulah Pineapple

Geniuses can run into doors too.- Random Sticker

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you DO criticize them, you are a mile away and have their shoes. -Petunia Rose-Daisy

Why be nice to each other? Really? Well, try this: Wisdom 11&12:

22 4 Indeed, before you the whole universe is as a grain from a balance, or a drop of morning dew come down upon the earth. 23 But you have mercy on all, because you can do all things; and you overlook the sins of men that they may repent. 24 For you love all things that are and loathe nothing that you have made; for what you hated, you would not have fashioned. 25 And how could a thing remain, unless you willed it; or be preserved, had it not been called forth by you? 26 But you spare all things, because they are yours, O LORD and lover of souls,
1 for your imperishable spirit is in all things! 2 Therefore you rebuke offenders little by little, warn them, and remind them of the sins they are committing, that they may abandon their wickedness and believe in you, O LORD!
That isn't so hard to understand, now is it?