if your a fan of transformers also known as a transfan then you have to read stolethespider's Rules for NOT Getting Squished and if you haven't, you must. This story would make even Megatron laugh.

If fanfiction shut down I would be sad and I do use fanfiction to relax after something stressful.

I only do transformers. I will never do romance or much torture, (unless it's funny torture like a annoying song or other slag like that) I do use some ideas from other stories but I do not lay claim any of them. I do put my own twist to some. some I don't know i'm using from other stories and yes it annoying to me to so if you see something in one of my stories that is yours then put a review on the offending story and I will take it off ASAP

Name: sticks tongue out at you. never in 1 billion solarcycles.

age: 16 solarcycles.

gender: you can pretty much tell what by who I write about.

(this is real) pets: 5 chickens, 2 dogs, 1 cat, and lots of live bearing fish.

WTF for me means what the frag.

i love animals except for bugs and monkeys and apes and spiders (tough do not scream my head off like some people).

If you hate mosquitoes that give you mosquito bites them copy and paste this onto your profile.

You know you live in Alaska when you can relate to 5 or more of these things...

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is 10 cars waiting... to pass a motor home on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going to Anchorage for the weekend (or the day).

3. You measure distance in hours.

4. You know several people who have hit moose more than once.

5. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day (mid winter).

6. You use a down comforter in the summer.

7. Your grandparents drive at 65 mph through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

8. You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.

9. You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked (forget the lights we have dogs).

10. You think of the major food groups as: deer meat, beer, fish, and berries.

11. You carry jumper cables in your car, and your girlorboy-friend knows how to use them.

12. There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at the grocery store at any given time.

13. You know what Bunny Boots are.

14. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

15. You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and flannel pajamas.

16. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.

17. It takes you 3 hours to go to the store for one item, even when you're in a rush, because you have to stop and talk to everyone in town.

18. You didn't know what the word "county" meant, and we were never taught about "area codes"... 907 is all you had to know

19. You think bald eagles aren't that great (especially when you have chickens).

20. You know to go to Best Buy a month after a CD release because that’s when it will FINALLY arrive in Alaska

21. You wish seagulls came with a mute button

22. You can go to McDonalds and order off the $1.50 menu which they feel is equivalent to the $0.99 menu.

23. You were appalled by the "Carrs-Safeway" merge a few years ago (they made it feel not so friendly).

24. You have to have a raven cage around your trash to keep them out

25. You go to school, work, or both in the dark and come out in the dark (except for summer when it only gets dark for maybe an hour… maybe).

26. 30 degrees is shorts weather (it’s 20 and i’m have no plans to ware anything but).

27. -10 is a bit nippy

28. Buses leaving school are delayed because a bear is in the parking lot

29. You tell people you live in an igloo for kicks (we have a full size house next door that looks like one)

30. You don’t swim in natural bodies of water for fear of swimmers itch or beaver fever...or leeches (those things don’t bother me much it’s the seaweed and bigger fish that gets me).

31. Having a moose in your front yard is a legitimate excuse for being late to school

32. There is nothing like Matanuska Maid...who cares about Meadowgold, Dairyland and Viva!!

33. You only go to the fair for turkey legs and a husky burger (and huge $7 homemade cream puffs)

34. You refer to the continental US as the "lower 48"

35. You get an attitude when you have to pay tax in the lower 48

36. There is 4 feet of snow the night before school and you STILL have to go (i’m homeschooled so even if there is no public school [which takes a severe blizzard] I still have to).

37. If you don’t like the weather wait for 5 minutes and then go back out outside.

38. You sleep through an earthquake like nothing ever happened; the only way you know is because the clock fell off the wall (i can sleep though a 4.5 or more)

39. Salmon isn’t a delicacy, it's a staple

40. Halibut is beer battered rather than cooked some fancy way (or battered in a special batter that makes it as special of a treat as going to the fair every time you take a bite).

41. 70 degrees is equivalent to 90 degrees in the lower 48 (I try to sleep at no more then 65)

42. You know who "Sleeping Lady" is

43. During the winter you rarely use your freezer (also works to rapid cool a fresh-out-of-the-oven cake).

44. You think $4 for a loaf of bread is cheap

45. A "cookout" is not all the time outside because it’s entirely too cold for all of that

46. You don't sleep in the summer because it’s too short to miss a minute of it (bedtime is usually 2-4AM)

47. Half your friends own a sled (snow machine) and you think people that call them snow mobiles are idiots (I have no friends but agree with the second part of this statement).

48. You have been chased or know someone who has been chased by a moose at least once.

49. You’ve seen the northern lights, and you know why they are such a "big deal"

50. You know its all about the snow, DUH.

51. You know that Cattle Company has the best potato soup there is.

52. Your bedroom windows are covered in aluminum foil or black blankets (not really it would be to hot in my room if I did that).

53. You know the two speed limits in Alaska: the ‘get outta my way limit’ and ‘taking cover limit’

54. You only watch the news when they announce the amount of the year’s dividend

55. Your school classes were never canceled because of ice (especially since i’m homeschooled).

56. You have to start your car at least an hour before you leave so most of the ice and snow will melt off by the time you leave (we start it 20 minutes before because I and my Sibling scrape the ice and snow off while the car is running [we developed a method]).

57. You wear flips flops all year without getting sick (crocs count as well).

58. You've never seen cotton or tobacco growing, but your neighbor has a 30 acre pot field

59. You literally can’t leave the house without seeing some one you know.

60. You know the term "studs" isn’t referring to hot guys.

61. You have to ski in gym class

62. You know who "Binki" was, made fun of that stupid Australian tourist, and was so sad when he died.

63. You expect to see a moose crossing Tudor every time you drive down.

64. You give up and tell people in the lower 48 that you DO live in an igloo and you DO have a pet polar bear named Mishka when they refuse to believe otherwise.

65. You call someone without a crack in there windshield a tourist

66. You remember what Showboats was and you’re little sad it's gone.

67. When you go to the lower 48 you wonder where everybody's block heater cable is

68. You've been to the Peanut Farm for a drink but refuse to tell anyone...ever

69. Combat fishing isn't a joke, it's a religion.

70. You've seen a 2-month old moose get hit by a full-size van at 65 MPH, then get up and run off

71. Two words "Korn Fritters"

72. Your parents taking you trick-or-treating involves riding door-to-door in the car

73. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

74. You drive your convertible in the cold with the top down and the heater on full blast.

75. You know that someone made a mistake when they named the Ptarmigan the Alaska state bird and not the Mosquito.

76. You know why the Mosquito is called the unofficial Alaska state bird.

77. You know the true meaning of the word itch and that Mosquito repellent is life saver (the circumference is like an inch or more of pure itchy agony).

78. You know that when someone says “have your dope” they are not always talking about pot.

TRANSFORMERS! If you like transformers copy and paste this into your profile!

AUTOBOTS! If you are on the side if the rightous autobots paste this on your profile!

DEATH TO ALL DECEPTICONS! if you on the Autobot's side then copy and paste this onto your profile!

If you are insane but intelligent put this on your profile!

If you know somone that should be squashed by Megatron! Copy and paste this on your profile

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.

If you stare at a car whenever it passes until you can't see it anymore, and it's a car from the 07,09,and 11,15 transformers movies copy & and paste this to your profile

97% of adults only see the transformers franchise because of Shia La Boeuf or Meagan Fox. copy and paste this on your profile with your signature at the end if your the other 3% that goes to see things explode and robots beating the slag out of each-other.

If you think being unique is better than being cool! Copy and paste this onto your profile.

If FanFiction ever shut down you would go crazy because of it, copy and paste this on your profile

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this on your profile

If you like to annoy people just for the heck if it then copy this onto your profile

If you have been on your computer For hours reading FanFiction copy this onto your profile

If you have ever been so wrapped up thinking about transformers anything and snap out of it 5 minutes or later paste this on your profile

98% of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot if you are the 2% that hasn't paste this on your profile.

90% of teens today would die in Myspace was completely destroyed, if you are the 10% that would be laughing, copy and paste this on your profile. Autobot Mechanical-Operations, Nightbird1001

If you didn't know that the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star had the same tune, paste this on or profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. it's when you argue with yourself and you LOSE that's when it weird. if you agree paste this on your profile. (I've done that on mutable occasions)

If you've ever forgotten what your talking about in a conversation. copy and paste onto your profile.

95 percent of teen & pre-teen girls would have a nervous breakdown if Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers were standing on the edge of a tower, ready to jump. Copy and paste this onto your profile if you're part of the 5 percent of people yelling "Jump! Throw in a backflip!"

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or visa versa copy this into your profile

If you talk back to the TV, copy this into your profile. (I do that a lot)

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Orlando Bloom said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. Put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing.

.eliforp ruoy otno etsap dna ypoc ,sdrawkcab siht daer ot hguone trams era uoy fI

If you've ever threatened your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you get a kick out of explosions, copy and paste this to your profile. :-)

If you love the music you listen to, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a story in your head, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile. (I get very very excited)

If you aren't me, paste this on your profile.

If you have a profile, paste this on your profile.

If you have any secrets, paste this on your profile.

If you're on the computer, paste this on your profile.

If you hear the characters voices in your head, paste this onto your profile.

If your obsessed with FanFiction, copy This on your profile

Sayings I like:

What's this thing you call normal? Is it contagious?! OMG!! Don't touch me I might catch your NORMAL!!!!

I'm inspired. interrupt my train of thought and I'll kick your sorry aft all the way to Ratchet's med bay.

Nobody move! I dropped my brain.

Don't knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

I ran with scissors, and lived!

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried slamming a revolving door.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better then that" and made woman.

God created boys before girls because every true artist creates a rough draft before a masterpiece.

They say, guns don't kill people, people kill people. well I think the gun helps. if you stood there and yelled, BANG! I don't think you'd kill to many people.

Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.

What doesn't kill me better run pretty slaggen fast.

1- WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE TRANSFORMER?

Ratchet: prime personality, Optimus prime: G1 look

2- WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU MET YOUR FAVORITE TRANSFORMER?

scream, stare a lot, after the shock was over ask millions of questions.

3- WHAT WOULD YOUR FAVORITE TRANSFORMER DO IF HE/SHE MET YOU?

Ratchet: not care. Oprtimus prime: look at me strangely.

4- WHAT MUSIC DOES HE/SHE LISTEN TO?

Ratchet: destroy the thing that responsible for interrupting him. Optimus prime: something soft and classical.

5- DO YOU HAVE AN OC?

Oh ya

6- WHAT WOULD YOUR OC DO IF HE/SHE MET YOUR FAVORITE TRANSFORMER?

read my stories to find out*

7- WHO IS YOU FAVORITE AUTOBOT?

Ratchet. Optimus Prime. Jazz.

8- WHAT CRAZY THING COULD YOU IMAGINE HE/SHE DOING?

Ratchet: smiling (that's a scary thought). Optimus Prime: yelling at one of his mechs.

9- WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE DECEPTICON?

Soundwave: voice G1, Starscream: personality armada, Starscream: look prime.

10- WHAT CRAZY THING COULD YOU IMAGINE HE/SHE DOING?

Soundwave: changing his voice (I think he likes it to). StarscreamA: leaving alexis to die. StarscreamG1: changing his color.

11- WHAT WOULD YOUR FAVORITE AUTOBOT AND DECEPTICON DO IF THEY MET EACH OTHER?

beat the living slag out of each other.

12- WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE AUTOBOT?

sentinel prime animated and bay verse

13- WHO IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE DECEPTICON?

Megatron

14- IF YOU COULD MARRY YOUR FAVORITE TRANSFORMER, HOW MANY KIDS WOULD YOU HAVE?

My OC: Jazz, #5.

15- WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TRANSFORMERS PAIRING?

Optimus and Elita 1

17- IF YOU COULD TRANSFORM INTO A CAR, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

a hummer black base and white trim

18- WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE FEMALE AUTOBOT?

chromia

19- WHAT SIDE WOULD YOU JOIN?

lets see join with the decepticons and die or join with the Autobots and not die, such a hard decision hmm, I think I would like to live please, so the Autobots it is

I WILL KILL SENTINEL PRIME!!!!!!!!!! copy and paste if you wanna help. Add your name :D. Serenity Prime. Feylin Merisel Pax. itachigirl250. Prowls-little-angle. Starscream-little-devil, Jazz's lil ninja, DuskMoon15, Elhíni Prime, Death Knight of Camelot, Nightbird1001

WARNING!! 30 SIGNS OF A RABID TRANSFORMERS FANGIRL/FANGUY!!

1. Can recite the entire movies from memory (at certain key locations and events yes).

2. Can tell you what Decepticon and Autobot is fastest, toughest and smartest and can give you exact specs (mostly).

3. Always has tabs on the best Decepticon and Autobot FanFiction, wallpaper and apparel. (mostly FF the other stuff is too expensive).

4. Gets into accidents on the off chance Ratchet might pick you up.

5. Whenever she leaves home yells ROLL OUT!!

6. Will stare out their car window as a Camaro, Peterbuilt Semi, Pontiac Solstice, GMC Topkick, or Hummer drives by.

7. Dreams transformer pairings (not pairings but I do dream transformers).

8. Wishes that her phone was an Autobot and would name it after a fallen Autobot.

9. Has used movie quotes to finish her sentences.

10. Cusses like Ironhide, Ratchet, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Rumble, or Frenzy (in my head maybe, haven't tried it out loud, i'm not sure if my parents would approve).

11. Makes references to Transformers in every school subject.

12. Wishes that Wheeljack could help blow up some certain people.

13. Immediately snaps awake from sleep when someone says something about Transformers.

14. Sings the Transformers theme in the shower, on the way to school, and on the way home.

15. Gives her friends labels as some of the Autobots.

16. Gives her enemies labels as some of the Decepticons

17. Wishes she could use a double plasma cannon on their siblings.

18. Has posters of her favorite Transformers.

19. Reads wayyyyyyyyyyyy too many fan-fictions about these guys.

20. Has her username having to deal with Transformers (cross-reference G1 and nightbird and what do you get... a ninja femme made by humans! only I have an femme OC

that has that name but not the same in any way but the name)

21. Listens to a song and then immediately thinks of a possible Transformers story.

22. Pairs the TFs with other TFs because it's fun.

23. Squeals at the sight of a Police car and thinks of Prowl and Barricade.

24. acts and pretends to be a transformer constantly.

25. When she sees 2 or 3 jets automatically knows it's the Sexy Seekers and screams, 'OH MY PRIMUS! IT'S STARSCREAM, THUNDERCRACKER, AND SKYWARP!!

26. Will do anything to get her hands on G1 models.

27. Screams out the names of random transformers.

28. Can't help but cosplay as them constantly.

29. Talk to electronic devices, saying that they are Autobots or Decepticons (in my head yes).

30. Thinks every electronic device she owns is a Transformer.

You know you are obsessed with Transformers when...

1) You know exactly what the characters are going to say before they say it.

2) When you watch the movie with your friends, you pick characters and act like them (I’ll say the names before the show does).

3) When you see a picture of your favorite characters you start screaming.

4) Your friends are scared of you because of your obsession.

5) People call you weird because you talk about it all the time.

6) You have seen the first movie 10 times or more.

7) Even though you have seen the movie before, you are still amazed when the robots transform (yes).

8) You scream when you see a car that looks like one of the robots.

9) You wish that your first car transforms into a super cool robot like Bumblebee.

10) Last of all... You are in love with Blitzwing!! (love his smart voice but otherwise, DEATH TO ALL DECEPICONS!)

How to tell your a Transformers Fan

1. You swear at Decepticons in the movies.

2. You find something amusing or cute and you still mention it over and over.

3. You try to remember quotes (yes).

4. You have annoyance burning inside for humans in the movies (yes except Lennox and Epps their awesome).

5. You dream about Transformers.

6. You think of Transformers 70% of the day (yes. it is stories that will never be put down on paper)

7. Your friends/comrades get weirded out when you talk about Transformers non-stop.

8. You're late for class and your excuse is because you were helping the NEST team and the Autobots take down Decepticons, then stretch and "accidentally" show an Autobot symbol that you've drawn on your arm. (nope. homeschooled. doesn't work so well)

You know you are a serious Transformers fan when

-You don’t trust black cop cars for fear that it is Barricade.

-You mistake Auto body Repair with Autobot Repair (absolutely)

-You can talk about the Transformers all day and list off every last reason why.

-You see a red and white ambulance and you automatically think it's Ratchet.

-You see a yellow Chevy Camaro with black racing stripes and think 'OMG IT'S BUMBLEBEEEE!

-You say you will unleash Ironhide on someone if they are being annoying.

-You dream you are your favorite Transformer (my OC Nightbird)

-You can point out a Peterbilt 379 even if you only see the smokestacks.

-You can get people to do what you want by saying, 'Fate rarely calls upon us at a moment of our choosing.'

-You see a police car patrolling down your street and wonder if it's Prowl looking for Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

-You call your cat Ravage (pros: sharp claws, can slink around, silent. cons: female, has hair. 3-2 yes she is a Ravage)

-You curse in Cybertronian so much you'd make Ironhide cringe (though I only know three base words)

-You see a mountain and wonder if there's Energon is it.

-You say 'We all work for the Decepticons now' when you are talking about your boss

Things to Think About

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

The golfer goes (Whack) "Dang!" The skydiver goes, "Dang!" (Whack)

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Why do our noses run and our feet smell?

Why don't we ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Why do doctors call what they do "practice"? (that's a very scary thought)

Why is the man that invests all your money called a broker?

Why can't they make the plane out of the same substance that indestructible little black box is?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

So what's the speed of dark?

Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

EMO= Extravagantly Made Origami

If the sky is the limit then what is space, over the limit?

Why is it called a TV set if you only get one?

Why is it we say "can you hand me that pare of glasses" when there's only one?

The Insanity Test

have screamed at an inanimate object for 'hurting you.

have run into a glass/screen door.

have jumped out of a moving vehicle.

have thought of something funny and laughed, and then people gave you weird looks.

have run into a tree/bush.

have been called a blonde.

TOTAL: 3/6

know that it IS possible to lick your elbow.

just tried to lick your elbow.

never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star had the same melody.

just sang them to make sure.

have tripped on your own feet and fallen.

have choked on your own spit.

TOTAL: 6/6

have seen the Matrix and still don't get it.

type with three fingers or less.

have accidentally caught something on fire.

tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose.

have caught yourself drooling.

TOTAL: 2/5

have fallen asleep in class.

2.Sometimes you just stop thinking.

3.Sometimes when you are telling a story you forget what you are talking about.

4.People often shake their heads and walk away from you.

are often told to use your 'inside voice.'

TOTAL: 1/5

use your fingers to do simple math.

have eaten a bug accidentally.

are\were taking this test when you should be doing something more important.

have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn't realize it.

’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand/pocket the whole time.

TOTAL: 3/5

have posted bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen if you don't.

break a lot of things.

tilt your head when you're confused.

have fallen out of your chair before.

5.When you're lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture on the ceiling.

6.The word "um" is used frequently.

don't know what "um" means.

plan to use a calculator to multiply your score for this bulletin.

TOTAL: 2/8

Now divide it by thirty-six and times by 100 (47%)

TF. Pick your birth month and birth day out to find out what happens!

Killed by Breakdown (prime)

Month

January: Bonded to

February: Arrested by

March: Traded lives with

April: Dating

May: Killed by

June: Child of

July: In love with

August: Captured by

September: Sharing a prison cell with

October: Handcuffed to

November: Became the pet of

December: Saved by

Day

1: Megatron (prime)

2: Bumblebee (animated)

3: Knockout (prime)

4: The Fallen (bay verse)

5: Barricade (bay verse)

6: Soundwave (G1)

7: Ratchet (prime)

8: Dreadwing (prime)

9: Ironhide (bay verse)

10: Optimus Prime (prime)

11: Sunstreaker and Sideswipe (G1)

12: The Aerialbots (G1)

13: Breakdown (prime)

14: Wheeljack (G1)

15: Jazz (G1)

16: Cliffjumper (prime)

17: Shockwave (G1)

18: Starscream (G1)

19: Blaster (G1)

20: The Stunticons (G1)

21: Scalpel (bay verse)

22: Gears (G1)

23: Mirage (G1)

24: Thundercracker (cybertron)

25: Blurr (G1)

26: Sentinel Prime (animated)

27: Sideways (armada)

28: Skywarp (G1)

29: Skidz and Mudflap (bay verse)

30: Prowl (G1)

31: Bulkhead (prime)

1. Grab the nearest book to you, turn to page 81, Line 4 (math book: mn)

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? (The cat)

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? (Petticoat Junction)

4. Without looking, guess what time it is. (12:00)

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? (12:09)

6. With the exception of the computer what else can you hear? (the tv)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? (5:00PM and I was putting my chickens away for the night)

8. Before you started this survey what did you look at? (stolethespider’s profile)

9. What are you wearing? (Alaska tourism shirt and shorts)

10. Did you dream last night? (transformers)

11. When did you last laugh? (a couple seconds ago)

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? (schleich animals on their custom made shelves)

13. Seen anything weird lately? (not really)

14. What do you think of this quiz? (good so far)

15. What is the last film you saw? (Pacific Rim)

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight. What would you buy? (100 aches of farm land so I can have all farm animals except pigs)

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know. (I am breeding Guppies, Platys, Mollies, and Endlers)

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? (I have not been permitted to post my opinion)

19. Do you like to dance? (no)

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? (I would have to see her face)

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? (I would have to see his face)

If you've ever cried when listening to Transformers music...

If you've ever sworn to be an Autobot/Decepticon...

If you've ever compared a guy to a Transformer...

If you still read fanfics and watch the films even when people call you a nerd...

If you broke your heart when your favorite one died...

... and cheered like pit itself had fallen when they returned to life...

... Post this, fellow Transfan, and know that we are more than meets the eye.

I will be buried in a spring loaded casket filled with confetti, and a future archeologist will have one awesome day at work.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

Twenty Ways to Insult a nose (According to Cyrano de Bergerac)

In an aggressive tone: "Sir, if I had a nose like that, I would amputate it!"

Friendly: "When you drink from a cup your nose must get wet. Why don't you drink from a bowl?"

Descriptive: "Tis a rock! A peak! A cape! No, it's a peninsula!"

Curious: "What is that large container for? To hold your pens and ink?"

Gracious: "How kind you are. You love the little birds so much you have given them a perch to roost upon."

Truculent: "When you light your pipe and puff smoke from your nose the neighbors must think the chimney's afire."

Considerate: "Be careful when you bow your head or you might lose your balance and fall over."

Thoughtful: "Place an umbrella over your nose to keep its color from fading in the sun."

Arcane: "Sir, only the beast that Aristophanes calls the hippocampelephantocamelos could have had such a solid lump of flesh and bone below its forehead."

Cavalier: "A hook to hang your hat upon."

Emphatic: "No breeze, O majestic nose, can give thee cold - save when the north winds blow."

Dramatic: "When it bleeds, it must be like the Red Sea."

Admiring: "What a fine sign for a perfume shop!"

Lyrical: "Is that a conch shell? And are you Triton risen from the ocean?"

Naïve: "Is that monument open to the public?"

Rustic: "That don't look like a nose. It's either a big cucumber or a little watermelon."

Military: "The enemy is charging! Aim your cannon!"

Practical: "A nose like that has one advantage: it keeps your feet dry in the rain."

If you wished you were a fighter on either the Autobots or Decepticons, copy & paste this to your profile and state whether you're on the Autobots or Decepticons after it in capital letters. AUTOBOTS!

(call me a Jesus Freak, Holy roller, bible thumper, what have you. I don't care. I believe in Christ and I will stand firm no matter what ANYONE tells me)

A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely. The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God? Repost this as if you truly believe in God. PS: God is always there in your heart and loves you no matter what...and if you stand up for him he will stand up for you. I bet 2/3s of you people that read this won't repost

The Candle Of Love, Hope & Friendship

If you've ever burst into song, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever made Prowl glitch, copy and paste this onto your potato

If you hate slash, copy and post this to your profile.

IF YOU DON'T HATE WHEELIE, COPY AND PASTE THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE!!!!

Jesus had no servants, yet they called him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared him...

He won no military battles, yet he conquered the Word...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today

Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in God and Jesus Christ his Son

then copy and paste this in your profile

If you can read this message, you are blessed, because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all:

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty

uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal

pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a

rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't

mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the

olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer

be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl

mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed

ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling

was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

I was visiting my daughter last night and asked if i could barrow a newspaper
"This is the 21st century" she said "here use my iPad"
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him.