![]() Author has written 9 stories for Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Avengers, and Harry Potter. Name: Call me Jay Age: 18 Fandoms: whole ton. The list just grows over the years. The usual suspects: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, MCU/Avengers, LotR, etc. Lots of independent books as well. Hit me up, I've either read your favourite or it's on my list. About me: I used to have a whole paragraph on here but really I used to be an asshole. Now all you need to know is that I love reading, writing, and meeting new people. When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand for Percy Jackson. Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns Dear Impossible, Screw you. I just made a campfire underwater. Sincerely, Spongebob Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay." "I dont suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it." 1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. Always forgive your enemies: Nothing annoys them more Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then! Normal is just a setting on washing machines. "I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?" My friends used to be semi-normal. Then they met me. FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you. BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you. BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall. BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dummy?" FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince. BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you. FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!" FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda. BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you. FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain. BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!" FRIENDS: Will help you move. BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies. FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!" FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS! FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you saying "DANG!" we messed up! FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. BEST FRIENDS: Won't tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue." FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story... FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowd's ass that left you FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME." FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell. FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies) BEST FRIENDS: Are for life. FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste! FRIENDS: Would read ignore this. BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this! Dear math I don't want to solve your problems I have my own to solve." "Some people need a high five... in the face... with a chair." "It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up." "Algebra I'm not going to find your X she's not coming back!" When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Please note: Christmas is canceled - apparently you told Santa you were good this year ... and he died laughing "It's always in the last place you look" Duh! If you had already found it, why would you keep looking? Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. Dear Voldemort, So they screwed up your nose too? Sincerely, Michael Jackson Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying... Sincerely, Google Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things. Sincerely, 7 Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns "I dont suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it." You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder "Diamonds are like girls best friend...because they're shaper then knives." If you wish on a falling star it might come true... Unless it's a meteor hurdling to earth... Then no wishes come true... Unless your wish was to be killed a meteor hurdling to earth. I'm going on a quest, to the deepest, darkest corners of my room, in search of what some would call a "floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me my friends, wish me luck, for I may not return alive Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls "I didn't lose my mind, I sold it on eBay." I got you a present. It's a CD. I hope you don't have it already coz I don't have the receipt. i didn't exactly buy it. I took the road less traveled... NOW, WHERE THE HECK AM I? "I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do, kill me?" I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?" "Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that." Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world? What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drinking my water! "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass it's about learning to dance in the rain" - Unknown "Sometimes you just really have to punch someone, you know?"- Unknown "Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously hasn't tried slamming a revolving door"-Unknown Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun! A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?" Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with a pissed off me, I'll drag you down to the floor and beat you with a baseball bat. When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets. I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not. You Know You're a Book Nerd If: You can randomly open to a page and know exactly what's going on. You stay up to read a book until 4 A.M., then get back up at 7 to continue reading. Just about everything you do revolves around reading. If you're not reading, you're probably on fanfiction.net, drawing fan art, etc. You try to get all of your friends to read your favorite books. Everything reminds you of the book. You quote random lines all the time. You try to do things that the characters do, even though you know you can't. You've gotten incredibly bored in class, and debated on doing something your favorite character can do to escape the class. You have pictures of your favorite characters on your computer. You've got a book memorized. You've read a specific book more than five times. (lots...) You've planned and prepared a siege on a writer's house because he/she killed a character you like. You blatantly deny it when someone calls a character fictional. IF YOU ARE A BOOK NERD AND PROUD OF IT, COPY AND PASTE ONTO YOUR PROFILE!!!!!! NORMAL PEOPLE: Rely on their local weatherman for the weather forecast PJO FANS: Will tell Zeus to make it rain NORMAL PEOPLE: Say OMG! PJO FANS: Say OH MY GODS! NORMAL PEOPLE: Go to a psychiatrist to tell their feelings PJO FANS: Won't go to one because they will take away their awesome demigod powers NORMAL PEOPLE: Say shut up or I'll tell on you! PJO FANS: Say shut up or my godly parent will vaporize you! NORMAL PEOPLE: Think that PJO fans are stupid PJO FANS: Know that normal people are stupid NORMAL PEOPLE: When being chased yell HELP ME, SOMEBODY! PJO FANS: When being chased use their demigod powers NORMAL PEOPLE: Get nervous/scared during thunderstorms PJO FANS: Yell at Zeus to calm down NORMAL PEOPLE: Would choose somewhere sunny to go for vacation PJO FANS: Would try and find Camp Half Blood NORMAL PEOPLE: would run if the were being chased PJO FANS: would say 'I have a pen!' NORMAL PEOPLE: Don't have this on their profile PJO FANS: Would have this on their profile already!!!!! You Know You’re Obsessed With Percy Jackson When… There’s a thunderstorm going on and you scream, “CALM DOWN, ZEUS!” Every time you use the Internet, you thank Hermes. When you see Harry Potter, you think of Percy with glasses. You burn food to see if it smells good. You see an owl, you go, “Hi Athena!” Everyone else is creating a Twilight family and you create a PJO family. You go on a cruise and you hope the boat isn't The Princess Andromeda… You sometimes try to control water. You don't read anything but PJO for 3 months. You've gone to Google maps and looked up Camp Half-Blood’s address. Even though not diagnosed, you claim you have ADHD or dyslexia and blame it on your God parent. You yell "Annabeth!" every time you see an NY Yankees hat. You make the PJO characters on Sims, as Miis on the Wii, and other video games. Anytime you see an orange shirt, you look at the front of it to see if it is a Camp shirt. You are a PJO character for Halloween. Recite lines randomly from the books. When you see/hear about anything mythology-related, you talk about how it was in PJO (what page, book, etc.) and what happened to it. Buy anything New York or San Francisco-related. You are suddenly obsessed with Adidas shoes because they have the Hermes symbol. You claim that Percy IS real and lives in New York no matter how much your friends argue with you.(yes) You have dreams about PJO characters/events. (yeah, loads. I once dreamt that I was Annabeth and I was on the run with Luke and Thalia...) You carry a ballpoint pen in your pocket. That every time you pick up a pen, you think it'll turn into a sword. In the beginning of your first History class, you burst out "Will we be studying Greek mythology?!" You pretend (or actually) faint when someone asks "Who's Percy?" (pretend, but yes) When someone mentions the name Percy (like Percy Weasley) you scream "JACKSON!" (yep) You are known to scream names of the characters at random times. (yep) You've got any copy of any book in all your backpacks/binders in case of emergencies. You make a list of characters never to anger, like this one and why: Copy and paste this acronym if you love Percy Jackson: Jason Grace. Thalia's "lost" "little" brother (he's technically older than her . . . maybe). Atlas. Zoë's father. Thalia Grace. Hunter and Lieutenant of Artemis and daughter of Zeus. Officers. The immortal skeletons dressed up as officers (Nico should give 'em a new uniform). You Know You’re A Percy Jackson Fan When… Most of your fics are PJO related, even if it is a cross over You have taken every test you can find about what demigodly parent you would/do/should have, and your trying to get your friends to You make sure all of your friends (Or most of them), have an idea about what you say when talking about PJO Your friends (At least one), think you are obbsessed with PJO, and you agree You have one or more things related to PJO on your school stuff, and if someone asks you why, you tell them You have something on your school things (Or home things), that says 'Daughter (Or son if you're a guy) of God/goddess', and you don't even try to hide it, even if it says daughter of Name of unliked god.goddess You’re nodding and smiling when you read this You own every single book You are planning on adding a lot more things to this list You call yourself a demigod You wish with every fiber of your being that the first page of The Lightning Theif told the truth, and the PJO series is real You plan to study Greek mythology in college You find yourself praying to a random god when you didn't study for a math test because you were too busy reading PJO Youv'e called someone you know a satyr. And thats how you know your obsessed with PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS! Your One and Only Wish Do it one by one, don't look ahead! 1. Write the name of a person of the opposite sex. 2. Which is your favorite color out of red, black, blue, green, yellow? 3. Your first initial? 4. Your month of birth? 5. Which color do you like more, black or white? 6. Name of a person of the same sex as yours. 7. Your favorite number? 8. Do you like California or Florida more? 9. Do you like the lake or the ocean more? 10. Write down a wish (a realistic one). Are you done? If so, scroll down (don't cheat--) THE ANSWERS 1. You are completely in love with this person. 2. If you choose: Red: You are alert and your life is full of love. Black: You are conservative and aggressive. Green: Your soul is relaxed and you are laid back. Blue: You are spontaneous and love kisses and affection from the ones you love. Yellow: You are a very happy person and give good advice to those who are down. 3. If your initial is: A-K: You have a lot of love and friendships in your life. L-R: You try to enjoy life to the maximum and your love life is soon to blossom. S-Z: You like to help others and your future love life looks very good. 4. If you were born in: Jan.-Mar.: The year will go very well for you and you will discover that you fall in love with someone totally unexpected. Apr.-June: You will have a strong love relationship that will not last long but the memories will last forever. July-Sept.: You will have a great year and will experience a major life changing experience for the good. Oct.-Dec.: Your love life will not be too great, but eventually you will find your soulmate. 5. If you choose... Black: Your life will take on a different direction, it will seem hard at the time but will be the best thing for you, and you will be glad for the change. White: You will have a friend who completely confides in you and would do anything for you, but you may not realize it. 6. This person is your best friend. 7. This is how many close friends you have in a lifetime. 8. If you choose... 9. If you choose... 10. This wish will come true only if you RE-POST THIS BULLETIN in one hour and it will come true before your next birthday
When she walks away from you mad When she stares at your mouth When she pushes you or hits you When she starts cussing at you When she's quiet When she ignores you When she pulls away When you see her at her worst When you see her start crying When you see her walking When she's scared When she lays her head on your shoulder When she steals your favorite hat When she teases you When she doesn't answer for a long time When she looks at you with doubt When she says that she likes you When she grabs at your hands When she bumps into you When she tells you a secret When she looks at you in your eyes When she misses you When you break her heart When she says its over When she repost this bulletin Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.- Tease her and let her tease you back.- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think its stupid.- Give her the world.- Let her wear your clothes.- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.- Let her know she's important.- Kiss her in the pouring rain.- When she runs up to you crying, the first thing you say is; ZEUS You like being in charge. 6/10 POSEIDON You feel at home in the water. 10/10 HADES You’re not that much of a people person. You experience bad moods on a regular basis. You like listening to loud, angry music. You spend most of your time alone. 2/10 DEMETER You own a garden. 9/10 ARES You often start fights. You’re a very aggressive type of person. You don’t take crap from anybody. 7/10 Athena You have an insatiable thirst for knowledge. 10/10 APOLLO You’re very creative and artistic. You like writing poetry. You like going to art museums. 7/10 HUNTER OF ARTEMIS You dislike boys in general. You like silver. 8/10 HEPHAESTUS You have a way with tools. You’re the best at Woodshop in your class. 1/10 APHRODITE Every guy/girl swoons for you. 6/10 HERMES You like pickpocketing your friends. 7/10
You’re the life of the party. You feel that you’re abundant in life. 2/10 HECATE Being called 'crazy' is a compliment 9/10 When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind. When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply. When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around. When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all. When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying. When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever. When a girl wants to see you everyday, she wants to be pampered. When a girl says "I love you." she means it. When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that. Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person. Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him. The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats. The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him. The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her.". When Drowning… Mortal: LIFEGUARD! PJO fan: PERCY! HP fan: “Eats Gillyweed” When rain suddenly come… Mortal: Damn it! PJO fan: Grab a tissue Zeus! HP fan: Accio umbrella! Exclaiming… Mortal: Oh My god! PJO fans: Di Immortales! HP fan: Merlin’s pants! When angry… Mortal: Shut up! PJO: Thalia: Shut up or my dad will zap you! Percy: Shut up or my dad will blast you into seawater! Annabeth: Shut up or my mom will kill you with wisdom! Nico: Shut up or I’ll bring you to my dad NOW! Beckendorf: Shut up or I’ll invent something to kill you! Travis/Conner: Shut up or you will be as poor as a beggar! Katie: Shut up or I'll make you eat cereal for the rest of your life! Silena: Shut up or my mom will mess up your love life! Castor: Shut up or my dad will wrap you with vines! Clarisse: Shut up. My dad's sharpening his knife. Chiron: Shut up or my dad will— Oh wait that doesn’t work. Shut up or I and my buddies will have a stampede on you! Did you know... kissing is healthy. it's good to cry. chicken soup actually makes you feel better. 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. lying is actually unhealthy. you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. chocolate will make you feel better. most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. a good friend never judges. boys aren't worth your tears. we all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard!! WISH WISH WISH WISH Your wish has just been received. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and... Your wish will be granted... PLEASE REPOST THIS IF YOU THINK HOMOPHOBIA IS WRONG. Do your part to end the hate and spread the love I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian. I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman. I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights. We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time. I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room. I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me. I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again. I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear. We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men. I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me. I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman. I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male. I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men. I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that. I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual. I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me. I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind. I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love. I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male. I'm the one who can't accept myself. I am the person who is ashamed to tell my own friends I am a lesbian because they constantly make fun of them. I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp, and left to die because two straight men wanted to 'teach me a lesson'. That was too horrible. Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving is NOT for you. If a man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? Sing as if no one were listening. Dance as if no one were watching. Live every day as if it was your last. Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars. Whoever said 'nothing is impossible' obviously never tried to slam a revolving door. Don't say 'the sky is the limit' when there are footprints on the moon. I didn't slap you; I high-fived your face. Dear Cool People: If you're so cool, why isn't there a candy named after you? Sincerely, the Nerds. My friend told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off of my pet unicorn in shock. Live like you'll die tomorrow. Because if you keep annoying me, you might. Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. When can we live in a world where chickens can cross the street without their motives being questioned? Don't follow me; I run into walls. Forget the risk, take the fall; if it's meant to be, it's worth it all. I'm not crazy, my reality is different than yours. Forget yesterday. Live for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder. Break the rules, stand apart. Ignore your head, follow your heart. Two things are infinite. The universe, and human stupidity. (And I'm not sure about the universe) To the world, you are one person. But to one person, you are the world. Women and cats will do as they please. Dogs and men simply have to sit back and get used to it. There are no accidents. If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you. If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it. A person who aims at nothing is sure to hit it. Outside of a dog, a book is probably man’s best friend, and inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read. The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it. If the opposite of pro is con, then, what's the opposite of progress? If electricity comes from electrons does morality come from morons? Well behaved women rarely make history. It's Me and You vs. The World. . . we attack at dawn. I'm smiling. That alone should scare you. Do NOT interrupt me when I am talking to myself! Hard work never killed anyone, but why take a chance? Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor. It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the heck would I keep looking after I found it? When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS! One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over. They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh, the fun I will have! If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. I don't obsess! I think intensely. They keep saying the right person will come along; I think a truck hit mine. A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, but you, my friend, can kiss my ass. A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station. If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you lack sufficient imagination. If you're going to criticize someone, first walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. Last night, I was lying on my bed, staring up at the stars and wondering 'Where the heck is my roof?' I want to do that thing when you put a map of the world on your wall and put pins in all the places you've been to. But first, I'll have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it doesn't fall down. How is it possible to have a civil war? The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Want a solution for being stressed? Then try spelling it backwards. A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. It's not cheating unless you get caught and if you get caught lie through your teeth. Someday your prince will come. Mine got lost, took a wrong turn, and is too stubborn to ask for directions. Fashion is a type of ugliness so intolerable, that we have to change it every 6 months. It's better to keep silent and be thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubts. My head may be cracked but my insanity is still intact! Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to. Skill is being able to walk across Niagara Falls on a tightrope. Intelligence is not trying. My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film! 42.7 of all statistics are made up on the spot. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. OK, so what's the speed of dark? If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Life's tough, get a helmet! A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking. You say psycho like it's a bad thing. Poop is poop spelled backwards. Racecar is racecar spelled backwards. But for some reason you can’t spell backwards forwards even when it’s backwards. Of course it doesn’t make sense. That’s what nonsense is! Most people would run if there was a fire. But I’m a fire whisperer, I try to talk it out of burning everything. You don’t find what you need until you don’t need it anymore. Crayons are fun. But flamethrowers are better. Few people notice that “war hero” is an oxymoron. If the person was a true hero, he or she would have stopped the war before it started. You say “crazy” like it’s a bad thing. “Having nothing to do” is what happens when you have things you could be doing but you decide they’re not interesting enough. Running around is always fun until you run into something. I can’t stop being unproductive! That would stop me from making progress! Mom said I could be anything when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a duck. I checked the Lost and Found for my Sanity but it wasn’t there. I guess I never had it to begin with. The secrecy of my job prevents me from knowing what I'm doing. Boys are like trees. They take 50 years to grow up. The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go. Never mess with rhyminess. It's positively unhealthy. I didn't trip! I was testing gravity...it still works. I'm not random, I just have many thougt- OH! A SQUIRREL! Vegetarian: Indian word for 'lousy hunter'. (not true, I'm Indian and I take offense to that!) Normality will be restored as soon as we figure out what it is. There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you. Who was the first person who looked at a cow and say "I think I will squeeze those dangly things here and drink what comes out"? What happens if you get scared half to death twice? I'm such a genious. (Only good spellers will get the joke)- I was in the Top 16 of my national spellbee, and I didn't. How does that make sense? Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. On a king size mattress: Warning, do not attempt to swallow. I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. Whose cruel idea was it for the word lisp to have an s in it? As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. I'm not littering...I'm donating to the Earth. Be insane... because well behaved girls never made history. Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner! Person #2: Too bad the world is round! Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words. Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick. Do people in England sit around and try to sound like Americans, like we try and have British accents? I ran with scissors and lived! One way to figure out how everything works. Push all the buttons! Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive. You hate when one string of you're hoodie is longer than the other. You push those little buttons on the lids of fast-food drinks. You hate it when parents get serious about something funny you tell them. You hate when you tell a guy to shut up and they copy you in a higher voice. You pretend to sleep when your parents come in. pɹıǝʍ ǝɹ,noʎ 'sıɥʇ ƃuıpɐǝɹ ǝɹɐ noʎ ɟı You should never let anything stop you. Except safety rails. They're there for a reason. The dinosaur’s extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide. Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"? Being weird is like being normal, only better. You always get whats coming to you; unless it gets lost in the mail Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is. The trouble with real life is that there is no background music. Forecast for tonight: darkness. I am reading a most interesting book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. Ever notice that studying is "student" and "dying" put together? People who don't know me think I'm quiet. People who do wish I was. I'm not random, you just can't think as fast as me. Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? We're so cool ice cubes are jealous. It's okay Pluto. I'm not a planet either. If people were all meant to pop out of bed, we'd all sleep in toasters. I see no good reason to act my age. At this moment, you're the oldest you've ever been. Pretty deep huh? Out of my mind. Be back in five minutes. We're not retreating! We're advancing in a different direction! Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever, you keep on talking. The below statement is true. The above statement is false. When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. I'm mature and you're not. Nah nah nah nah nah nah! Everyone is beautiful on the inside. If you think bones and guts are beautiful. My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems. If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared? Quick, whats the number for 9-1-1? By the time you finished reading this you'll realize you just wasted 5 seconds of your life. I don't have a short attention span, I just... Oh look a kitty! Life is like a circle. No wonder I'm so dizzy. Patience is what parents have when there are witnesses. I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me. Oh? Paper beats rock? Okay, you try defending yourself with paper when I throw a rock at you. Don't attempt a staring contest with a brick wall, they cheat a lot. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled. I was about to take over the world, but I got distracted when I saw something shiny. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my sanity the least. A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is GOING somewhere. 364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that? Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems? A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Anyone else having trouble getting to Narnia? I've used up all of my sick days so I'm calling in dead. He who laughs last didn't get it. When life gives you lemons, you make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it. When life gives you more, you throw them back, because really, who likes lemons? And when it gives you even more, squirt them in their eyes and see how much life likes lemons then. Everything is possible. The impossible just takes longer. Life isn't weird. It's just the people in it. Define Normal. I've seen your version of sanity. It bores me. I have not failed, I have just found 1, 000 ways that won't work. You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Yeah, well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. Taste my rainbow. The absolute greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you can't. "...We have a, surplus, of dragon fighting Vikings, but do we have enough... Bread making Vikings! ...Or small home repair Vikings..." -Hiccup Horrendous Haddock The Third. Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides know they're playing. Does being fluent in sarcasm count as a second language? Obsession? What do you mean, I have an obsession? (hides book behind back) You're just jealous because I'm the only one the voices talk to. "Da-da-da, we're dead." -Hiccup Horrendous Haddock The Third. There is no 'I' in team, but there is an 'I' in PIE, an so there is an 'I' in MEATPIE and since MEAT is an anagram of TEAM... I hear your silence loud and clear. You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public. Education is important. School, however, is another matter. Growing old is mandatory . . . growing UP is optional . . . When I'm stressed, I laugh. When I'm happy, I laugh. When I'm nervous, I laugh. If I find something funny, I can't stop laughing. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target. Yes, I hit like a girl. You could too if you hit just a little bit harder. When something has a sign that says "Do not touch" it is actually a test of how daring you are. Touch it. Tape microwave popcorn to the ceiling, it's cheaper than a smoke alarm. Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic... 'Nuff said. "Not IM-POSSIBLE, just IM-PROBABLE." -Old Wrinkly. "...Son of a half-troll, Rat-eating... Sludge-bucket..." -Astrid Hofferson. There is no such thing as being productive. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. The only reason people get 'lost in thought' is because it's unfamiliar territory. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. It's just yours that's stupid. All generalizations are false, including this one. A penny saved is ridiculous. I'm Canadian, we don't even use pennies anymore. "Did no one come to save me because they missed me?" -Captain Jack Sparrow. My loyalty cannot be bought. However, it can be rented. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "There will come a moment when you will have a chance to show it. To do the right thing." "I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by."Captain Jack Sparrow and Elizabeth Swann. Within every damsel is a fire breathing dragon. "Most people would leave. Not us. We're Vikings. We have stubbornness issues." -Hiccup Horrendous Haddock The Third. I intend to live forever or die trying! When all else fails, blow it up. I dont have attention problems, I just... Do you like waffles? Bubble wrap... addicting people since 1957. I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name. Says if you were on a deserted island and you could only bring one item, how come people never say "a boat"? Finding a needle in a haystack is simple... All you have to do is set the haystack on fire. Don't believe everything you think... How to lower the world's population: Take away all warning labels. Antidaephobia: The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching your every move. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in the dark. The answer is 42. Warning: Trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again. People are like slinkies. Basically useless, but it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs. Hell hath no fury that of a scorned woman. I'll help make sure of it. I don't need your attitude, I have my own. It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you. When there's a will, I want to be in it. The light you see at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of a fast approaching train. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was going to blame you. That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before. Whoever said words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary. 42 is the answer to life, to the universe, to everything. Don't mess with me, this Sharpie can alter reality. One day, I intend to put lights all over that tunnel to confuse people. Worst. Idea. Ever. *pause* Let's do it. I am NOT saying your stupid...I'm just implying it. Kids are the future. Be scared. Be very scared. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I didn't run into the door, my face decided to say hello. Time is a great teacher, unfortunately it kills all of its pupils. When outnumbered, don't think of it as outnumbered, think of it as a wide target selection. Silence is the most pleasing sound, so shut up. War does not determine who is right only who is left. When you breath, you inspire. When you do not breath, you expire. If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Why does your nose run and your feet smell? Why does an alarm clock "go off" when it begins ringing? Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? Why is it called a "building" when it is already built? Why do they call them "apartments" when they are all stuck together? Does a fish get cramps after eating? The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late. ...Why do people say expect the unexpected? Because doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected unless you're an unexpectant person? If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic. An apple an day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed. Join the dark side, we have cookies. ...Welcome to the dark side. Are you surprised we lied about the cookies? Come to the light side, we have PUDDING! ...Welcome to the light side, hehe, sorry, but we ran out of pudding... We welcome you to the Neutral Side, where you can make your own damn cookies and pudding. A good girl is just a bad girl who's never been caught. Conciousness: That annoying time between naps. I find 'good morning' a contradiciton of terms. You're awesome! But when the zombies come, I'm tripping you. Chaos, panic, and pandemonium. My work here is done. Dear Math, Why should I solve your problems? Get a therapist! A.B.C.D.E.F.G.H.J.K.L.M.N.O.P.Q.R.S.T.U.V.W.X.Y.Z, the only letter missing is 'I', because I'm me and I don't like to fit in. Sanity is overrated. "I'm more of an old fasioned 'take it down with an axe and LOP it's head off' kind of a girl." -Astrid Hofferson. When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us. There's no I in TEAM, but there's a U in SUCK. Violence is never the answer. Unless the question is, "What is never the answer?" Then the answer would be violence. But if violence is never the answer, then it can't be the answer. But then . . . Violence is never the answer. It's the question. We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Forgiveness is the cleansing fire that burns away old regrets and resentments. Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass . . . It's about learning how to dance in the rain. "The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." One problem with gazing too frequently into the past is that we may turn around to find the future has run out on us. There are things that we never want to let go of, people we never want to leave behind. But keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world, it's the beginning of a new life. If the gods are watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining. Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish? Be obscure clearly. A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked. Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired. A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money. Who says nothing is impossible? I've been doing nothing for years. The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg. There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault. Maybe this world is another planet's hell. There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true. A line is a dot that went for a walk. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. What you should worry about is the world ending... Yesterday, when you're on vacation... In Australia. Just because nobody complains, doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. Pictures fade away but memories are FOREVER! . . . unless you're an amnesiac. Yes, I do use my tablet pen as a microphone and dance around in my underwear. Thank you very much. Welcome to the internet, pants optional. I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect! I did what they say and chose the road less traveled . . . Now where the heck am I? Life is like a pack of gum . . . I have yet to figure out why. Attempting to give a damn . . . . . Unable to give a damn. Stopping . . . . Process failed. Damn not given. The trouble with alarm clocks is that they always go off when you're asleep. Note to self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines. If Wal-mart is lowering their prices everyday, how come the store isn't free yet? Men are like parking spots. The good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.' I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally. If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Borrow money from pessimists- they don't expect to get it back! Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss. Don't steal. The government hates the competition. If at first you don't succeed, change the rules. Tell the truth and run. Generally, generalizations are wrong. Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make ye mad. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts. Unless, of course, the box is labelled 'Nut Free.' The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here? Whatever you are, be a good one. If you try to fail and succeed, what have you done? We don't live in the world of reality, we live in the world of how we perceive reality. What do we want? PROCRASTINATION! When do we want it? . . . . Next week. I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing. Don't underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains. Never say that! Never! Run before you walk! Fly before you crawl! Keep moving forward! Because if we fail, I'd rather fail really hugely. All or nothing! If you find any poisonous plants in your tea, just to let you know, it wasn't me. Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had. They laugh because we're losers . . . . We laugh because they just figured it out. The voices may not be real, but they have some pretty good ideas. Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck. Boys are like lava lamps: fun to watch but not too bright. I believe you should live each day as if it were your last, which is why I don't do my laundry. I mean, come on, who would wanna wash clothes on the last day of their life? I can only please one person a day. Today's not your day, and tomorrow's not looking good either. If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad. I hate it when people say there is no such thing as normal. There IS such thing, as normal means average, what is considered to be most common. Normal. Of course, I'm not normal at all so I have no idea what I'm on about. If you want to learn how to explode things, crush things, cause things harm, or whatever random things you need, I'm your girl. If you want to know about anything that you will actually USE in life, go somewhere else. Labels are for cans, and excuse me but if you haven't noticed, I'm not a can! Sir, we're surrounded... We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. Not all scars show, not all wounds heal. Sometimes you can't always see the pain someone feel. | |||||||
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