Who thinks that they would like my Mother? I'll give her to you for free!

nick name: Mio

age: I'll give you one guess...

representing: Jersey Baby...I say this with extreme enthusiasm

Representing saying of me: My parents say I'm crazy...My doctor says I'm "mentally unstable"

Can someone give me money for my cookie fund?

Stupid Racist People...

A black man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only black man there. As he sat down, he noticed a white man behind him.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."
The black man turned around and stood up. He then said:
"When I was born I was black,"
"When I grew up I was black,"
"When I'm sick I'm black,"
"When I go in the sun I'm black,"
"When I'm cold I'm black,"
"When I die I'll be black."
"But you sir..."
"When you're born you're pink,"
"When you grow up you're white,"
"When you're sick, you're green,"
"When you go in the sun you turn red,"
"When you're cold you turn blue,"
"And when you die you turn purple."
"And yet you have the nerve to call me coloured"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Copy this onto your site and help stop racism!

Sayings for stressed out women:

- You, off my planet

- Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?

- Well, this day was a total waste of make-up

- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed

- And your cry-baby whiney-assed opinoin would be...?

- I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years

- Allow me to introduce myselves

- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer

- Whatever kind of look you were going for--you missed!

- I'm just working here until a good fast-food joint opens up

- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality

- Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize that you weren't asleep

- I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one

- How many times do I have to flush you before you go away?

- I just want revenge, is that so wrong?

- You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing

- Can i trade this job for what's behind door #2?

- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

- Chaos, panic, and disorder...my work here is done

- Earth is full. Go home.

- Is it time for your medication or mine?

- How do I set a laser printer to stun?

- I'm not tense, just terribly terribly alert

Jokes from ( I like story jokes...)

#1 An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida,
his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email,
unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address,
he did his best to type it from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint, at the sound,
her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen...

DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...

P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

#2 Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and were discussing their work, particularly which types of patients they'd had the best experiences with.

The first said, "I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is numbered."

The second said, "I think librarians are the easiest to operate on. You open them up and everything inside is in alphabetical order."

The third said, "I like to operate on electricians. You open them up and everything inside is color-coded."

The fourth one said, "I like to operate on lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless, and their heads and asses are interchangeable."

#3 A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

#4 Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... 'Look, He's Moving!'"

#5 A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on Highway 2 for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 140 km/h, he suddenly saw red and blue flashing lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 150, 160...

Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What in the world am I doing?" he thought, and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day," said the cop. "This is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

#6 A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother and father kiss you on the cheek."

#7 Little Johnny had a cussing problem and his father was getting tired of it. He decided to ask his shrink what to do. The shrink said, "Since Christmas is coming up, you should ask Johnny what he wants Santa to bring him. If he cusses while he tells you his wish list, leave a pile of dog poop in place of the gifts he requests."

Two days before Christmas, Johnny's father asked him what he wanted for Christmas. "I want a damn teddy-bear laying right beside me when I wake-up. When I go downstairs I want to see a damn train going around the damn tree. And when I go outside I want to see a damn bike leaning up against the damn garage."

Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a pile of dog poop. Confused, he walked down stairs and saw another pile under the tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog poop by the garage. When Johnny walked back inside with a curious look on his face, his dad smiled and asked, "What did Santa bring you this year?"

Johnny replied,"I think I got a dog but I can't find the damn thing!"

#8 A girl from Oklahoma and a girl from Wisconsin were seated side by side on a plane.

The girl from Oklahoma, being friendly says, "So, where y'all from?"

The Wisconsin girl says, "From a place where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."

The girl from Oklahoma sits quietly for a few moments and then replies, "So, where y'all from, bitch?"

Favorite phrases (I don't remember where they came from)

Fool me once a beating is due, fool me twice and I kill you (for those of you know of Jeff Dunham)

Those who throw objects at the alligators will be asked to retrieve them

"We are currently not open because we are closed"

If I wanted your opinion, I would have taken off the duck tape

I am nobody, Nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect

Genius by birth, slacker by choice (Shikamaru)

I haven't lost my rip on reality, I simply choose to ignore it

If you're scared to death twice what happens?

Out of my mind and taking you with me

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals

I see dumb people

When all else fails, blow shit up!

When all else fails, Cheat. Repeat until caught, then lie

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.

Lights on, door open, no one home

You are stupid and therefore wrong

Hold on, my train of thought just hit a cow

People like you are the reason people like me need medication

As happy as a pig in shit

Your (red) shirt matches your eyes

I'm smiling...That alone should scare you

My mind is like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable?...Like a coma

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then, sit back and watch the whole world wonder how the hell you DID that.

Don't KNOCK on Death's door...ring the BELL and RUN!

You can't stop drop and roll in hell

Heaven doesn't want me there and hell knows I'll take over

You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same

Anime quotes(in progress)

"One should never come between a Saiyajin and food. You'll accomplish nothing, and the Saiyajin might become homicidal." - Shin, DBZ

"You crummy! Killing my flying cloud!" -kid Goku, DB

"Tell me What's it like living in the perpetual haze of Stupidity?" - Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho

Running Gags in Naruto Fanfiction (That I have found.)

-Orochimaru is a gay pedophile

-Paperwork is every Kage's worst enemy

-Itachi likes pocky...a lot

-Tora is immortal and will soon be promoted to a C-rank mission

-All men over 20 read Icha Icha and is a pervert

-Gai and Lee are gay lovers in not-so-secret

-Tazuna says nothing but "Super"

-Sasuke likes tomatoes...a lot

-All jinchuuriki and bijuu love ramen

-Naruto has a very strong metabolism and can eat over 50 bowls of ramen at a time

-Gaara misses his teddy bear

-All Kunoichi like yaoi

-Kyuubi is a female with PMS

-Hinata builds shrines and stalks Naruto

-Shino hates people who don't like his bugs...a lot

-Iruka is feared by everyone. Even Anbu.

The problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.

If you hate stereotypes and think people should just shut up and stop POST THIS. Pick the stereotype that fits you.

I'M SKINNY so I MUST be anorexic

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend

I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude

I'm a GIRL WHO ACTUALLY EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly

I'm MIXED so I MUST be fed up

I'm not RICH so I MUST steal to get the things I have