Augh! What is going on, with all the people reading "Lucius Malfoy's Favorite Charity" and not leaving me a note or a review!! Is it that good, that everyone is telling their friends, but not me? (I really don't want to think of, or suggest any other reasons.) Please tell me why you're reading it, pretty please?

And I hope you enjoy my latest offering, "Lucius Malfoy's Grand Scheme." I promise to finish "Abelard and Heloise." There will be some follow-ups on some of the more reviewed stories.

Ahem...

I currently live in Central Oregon, in the middle of the state, in the middle of the Never-Ending Recession.

My Snape is not a romantic figure, so if you're looking for Mr. Darcy, look elsewhere. My Twilight Vampires are the Romanian coven, and they are pragmatic and dangerous.

Richard Goodfellow is my original character in the Harry Potter Universe, even though he has never said a word to Harry and has no reason to ever talk to him anyway; never snogged any of the Golden Trio; and is only vaguely acquainted with the Weasleys. He does not have a time-turner, but he does have a house-elf (or maybe it's the other way around) and a scrubby little seaside flat at Whitby. He is currently living in the post-War world, and, as a Healer, works in the Potions department of St. Mungo's Hospital. He is a bit surly, but that's his nature.

In The Guardian and the Goblin King, please be aware that Jareth the Goblin King and all things that were in the movie Labyrinth belong to Jim Henson Co.; that Major Tom is David Bowie's creation, that the obviously recognizable Harry Potterverse characters belong to J.K.Rowling and Warner Bros., and that Hieronymus Bosch was a real live person a few centuries ago; the member of the Ninth Roman Legion were alive before him; and that the Baum Institute is a shout-out to that place that is somewhere over the rainbow from Kansas, created by Frank Baum. Professor Kirke's Guide to Cross-Universe Travel is inspired by the character of the same name, created by C.S.Lewis. My stories are also posted at sycophant hex, so there's backup.

Enjoy! I wish for all school teachers the same quality of students that plagued Professor Snape in his worst class, and I wish I'd been smart enough to pull such a stunt when I was in school.