A big hello to all those foetuses out there!

Now, you’re surely wondering about a few things here. You might be wondering, for instance, why we’re addressing you as a foetus/foetuses (depending on how many people are reading this in the same room and at the same time). You might also be wondering who we creepy foetuses are, and what in the whole wide world of foetuses is wrong with our username.

Well, sure. Go on wondering. We’re not in the least inclined to tell you anything, even if you sit here and wait for a trillion foetuses’ lifespans.

Oh, all right. You’ve been patient enough. Shall we proceed?

In a nutshell – of foetuses – we’re just a bunch of high school kids who luuuuuuuuv foetuses like there’s no tomorrow.

That’s all there is to it. Now you can go about your business like a good little foetus.

Okay, that’s not quite it.

Still there? Awesome. You deserve your status as a reputable foetus.

So. To continue. There are four of us (all female): Dr. Foetus, Fetus of Death, Fetus Llama Farts and Janine the Big Fat Miserable Foetus of the Opera (listed from oldest to youngest). We made this shared account for the sole purpose of sharing our passionate love for foetuses with the rest of the world. Well, no. That’s part of it, but after all, this is a fanfiction site. All we want to do is write fics that will seriously mess with your head when you read them.

Our username, you ask? Ugh. This will take some explaining.

At our school, in the space under the first floor of the library, is the place where we hang out during recess and lunch. There’s a plantation (which can hardly be called a plantation since there are barely any plants there) surrounded by a low brick wall, and behind this, half-concealed by some steps, is a big, green, ugly water tank. Somehow, as a consequence of our rabid imaginations, combined with our absurd conversations, we came to the conclusion that Daniel Radcliffe was stuck in the tank with a whole bunch of radioactive foetuses. And a horse, apparently. We can’t tell you how it happened because in all honesty, we can’t remember it very clearly ourselves.

There. Just goes to show how utterly insane we all are.

Now, if you’re interested, below are the individual bios of our four lovely foetuses. If you’re not interested, skip to the bottom, where some important foetuses – well, information – is written.

Bios!

Janine the Big Fat Miserable Foetus of the Opera

Greetings! I am Janine the Big Fat Miserable Foetus of the Opera, otherwise known as Janine. My name comes from the Indonesian word for ‘foetus’, ‘janin’. Such is my pride in the holy foetus!

I am an old woman in my seventies, though you wouldn’t know it just by looking at me. I have lived a very exciting, hectic life thus far and I intend to continue to do so. My beginnings, however, were truly miserable. And if you will be so kind as to listen, I shall tell you my big fat miserable story.

I was born and raised in a dark, smelly alleyway by none other than the Phantom of the Opera. The Phantom was a terrifying presence in my life, because he was quite insane – his musical genius had mysteriously disappeared and he spent all day squawking about some Christine and scaring the hell out of everyone within a hundred-kilometre radius.

When the chance came, I escaped. For weeks I lived on the streets, until I accidentally happened to stumble into territory belonging to the great kingdom of Pineappleopia. There I met Dr. Foetus, who enrolled me in a Science course at Pineapplewood College, where I received possibly the best education in the world. We became friends and she introduced me to Pineapple Pineapple, a member of the royal family of Pineappleopia, who was invisible to everyone but myself.

By the time I graduated, Dr. Foetus had disappeared for some unknown reason. Alas! Pineapple and I, having fallen madly in love, fled the country together and became unified in marriage. After much painstaking research, I discovered that I was a direct descendent of the Rubbish Bins. Thousands of years ago, the royal family of Bintopia met a terrible fate when the pink and sparkly princess eloped with a human, causing the queen to die of shock and the king to go mad. The kingdom soon collapsed, but the children of the princess and her husband flourished, having children of their own, who had more children, and so forth, eventually leading to – me. The Rubbish Bins had special powers, most notably teleportation, and after years of hard work I succeeded in its mastery.

Eventually Pineapple and I had a lovely baby girl named Riza, but to our disbelief, she grew up only to run away from home and set up camp in the manga series Fullmetal Alchemist, where she gave herself the surname ‘Hawkeye’ and fell in love with Colonel Roy Mustang. Thankfully, she later returned to us with a wonderful surprise – a baby of her own, who turned out to be my long-lost friend Dr. Foetus. I had no clue as to how this could have happened, but I was glad to be reunited with her again, even if she had somehow become my granddaughter.

I have always had an inhumanly large capacity for love, and no one understands that better than Pineapple. Naturally, he was a perfect gentleman in allowing me to take a second spouse, Fetus of Death, who was also my daughter conceived during my experimental days. She and I had another baby girl, Chubacca, but alas! Tragedy struck when Chubacca found her way into a packet of Tiny Teddies and I, unsuspecting, consumed her along with the biscuits.

It didn’t end there. One day Fetus of Death contracted the deadly Shiny Apple Disease, which transforms the victim’s head into a shiny apple before killing them. They are then resurrected. However, Fetus of Death had mysterious complications during this phase and was reborn in the wrong generation, thus becoming my granddaughter instead of my daughter.

Just as circumstances were looking bleak, Dr. Foetus and I made a life-changing decision: to become wife and wife in spite of everything that had happened, because nothing could tarnish our love for each other, which had blossomed as early as our college days. Then a little ray of sunshine in the form of Fetus Llama Farts entered our blighted family. I adopted her as my great-granddaughter after she was disowned from the noble Armstrong family in the Fullmetal Alchemist universe. Unfortunately, it was discovered later that she is actually Fetus of Death’s father, but what was done was done.

And that brings us to the present. Our family has survived many trials and tribulations to get to where we are now, and though the family tree admittedly makes no sense, even to us, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I thank you for your patience, foetuses!

Dr. Foetus *anime sparkle*

Ahoy-hoy, chillun! I was previously Judai the Foetus Kuriboh, but das ghey and Dr. Foetus sounds way past cool. This is an updated bio, as my older one was highly out of order. There's not much to be said about me; I'm a silly little girl who is very... uh, silly. I'm questionable, my motives are questionable and pretty much everything I think and do is questionable. Anyway, so this doesn't become drivel as it has in the past, I am going about this in a bureaucratic way –

The ten most important facts about me that will make you go "that makes so much sense" about my fics (in no particular order):

1) This will be addressed later, but I need to stress it. Like, really stress it. I have EXTREMELY (the emphasis is not over exaggerated) strong opinions on the most nonsensical things

2) If it wasn't obvious (it was, but I think a couple of readers missed the point), everything written here is to amuse ourselves and NOT to be taken seriously in the slightest (which is the obvious point of the whole account). I also tend to spam italics so apologies for that

3) I am the oldest of the group but I act the youngest and everyone else in said group, as much as I love 'em, may kindly suck eggs

4) The word derp and its subsidiaries are of the most commonly used words in my lexicon (see I could've said vocabulary but lexicon makes me seem smarter amirite huehuehue). I actually have a pretty good vocab when required, but please don't ask me how to spell any of it – the only reason I know how to spell necessary is because of this trick I saw online about how a shirt has one collar and two sleeves

5) If you knew me in real life, you'd have no idea I do the advanced English course and aim to teach English and be a writer. I speak the language very poorly. I am one of those people who can't think before they speak, because their mouth is too fast for their brain. It has caused very embarrassing moments and it certainly doesn't help I get flustered very easily if the right topics are brought up. Also kinda related: I'm from one of those nationalities... Y'know, the ones where they may be associated with any number of unsavory characters so you don't mess with 'em... Our food is top notch though!

6) 99% of the time I write when it is either super late or I am hungry. As I am writing this, both are true

7) Nothing physical would happen, but if I could, I'd marry Christopher Lloyd. Kinda like a permanent best friend status that is recognised by the law, but I'd be cool with being a homemaker, too. See also: Jon Jafari, Tina Fey

8) All children want to be rich enough to have their own personal arcades, hundreds of state of the art cars and several penthouses. I think I am still a child as I never grew out of this, despite wanting to be a teacher and writer

9) I can't wait to be an adult. Yes, this is due to all the typical teenage reasons like more freedom, but I also want the responsibility, crushing pressure and the need to do taxes. I like forms. Also, I can go on Reddit as much as I like. I live on there

10) I am a "canteen nerd" – that is, when the bell for lunch is imminent, I pack up my things and count out my exact change, so I may run at the speed of light to the canteen the second the bell goes. Teachers who talk after the bell goes are the bane of my existence and can they please not because all the good food goes and nobody knows how to line the hell up

The ten strongest opinions on nonsensical things I have because, I don't care what you say, they're important, goddamn it (in no particular order):

1) Damn, goddamn and crap are the best curses. No exceptions

2) Pepsi rules, Coke drools (I actually like Coke and it doesn't get gross as quickly, but Pepsi is heaps sweeter)

3) When I really have to go number one and two, I genuinely feel anxious about them happening at the same exact time. So dealing with bloody hell once a month is better than being a boy, because due to male anatomy, there is no choice

4) ANIMALS ARE THE BEST

5) Plain milk is the best and I drink anywhere between three and five glasses a day, but I am addicted to tea – I drink so much it plays with my bowel functionality

6) Can people in Woolworths learn how to BLOODY WALK AND OPERATE TROLLIES LIKE NORMAL GODDAMNED HUMAN BEINGS HOLY CRAP. I am normally so, so patient with people but I step one foot in Woolies and something in me clicks and I want to ram everyone with my trolly

7) There is a business park near to where I live. It has been open for more than twenty years. It still has regular new advertisements like, "Building F is now complete". Should have been twenty years ago. And people park in entrances there because they have concrete blockades. Can youse stop?

8) I really respect my English teacher. Though she does harp on sometimes, she's a good woman who teaches well. However, she needs to accept she is in her mid forties and stop dressing like she's in her twenties. So far I've accidentally seen up her super tight, short dress as she was sitting on a desk which revealed beige underwear; and her cameltoe which spread as she spread her legs because she wore tights which were too thin and not replacements for pants (they had that cool cosmos-y design though). I am scarred for life

9) I really love my dog and he is the best but can he PLEASE stop eating bees even though he knows he's freaking allergic to them

10) I don't care how good it looks, never, and I mean never ever, is it okay to act like you have never seen snow even though you were BORN AND RAISED IN CANADA

Anyway, this has gotten excessively long, but I think it says more about me than making repeated references or whatever the hell I was doing in my past bios. Farewell, derps! Er, foetuses! Foetus derps! Yes, you're all foetus derps now.

PS: I used to have a big crush on teh Dan Radz. As embarrassing as it is, I have made peace and moved on. I now ship him with Zac Efron because they are perfect for one another, and nobody can say otherwise.

Fetus of Death

Hey guys, I'm the Fetus of Death. My name's derived from Voldemort (you know, ‘flight of death’ in French and all) because I'M VOLDEMORT! Well, I'm probably the less disturbing one out of the four of us – not that I'm not disturbing. Because I am. Very disturbing. On many different levels.

I’m the motherflippin'! King of games! My hair's spiked, and my pants are really tight, and I'm sexy!

I've watched more anime than I can list, but I haven't read all that much manga. I'm working on that, though. I'm in a hell of a lot of fandoms, including the fandoms of FMA, Bleach (which I've almost finished watching and have yet to read), Pokémon, Halo (the game franchise, guys), Soul Eater, Fairy Tail (which I also need to finish watching and reading), Blue Exorcist, Beelzebub, Higurashi, Mirai Nikki, blah blah blah. Then there’s the load of abridged series’ I'm into – especially Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, including DarkSideCorporated’s GX Abridged. Nullmetal Alchemist and Dragon Ball Z Abridged are amazing, as is Pokémon: The ’Bridged Series. But that’s enough of that.

I spend more time than I'd like trying not to get raped by Janine. Unfortunately, I don't always succeed. I'd rather not talk about that, on second thought. Majority of my time is spent procrastinating, derping, watching anime, drawing, and on occasion, writing.

My full name is Jessica Stark. Apparently. It’s actually not but some kid thinks it is because he thought I was my alter ego April (who is sexy) and I didn't want to give him my actual name. Then I've got two other alter egos. Maybe I should kill one off.

As Janine has already mentioned, I really like Zoro Roronoa from One Piece. Not Zolo or Zorro, however. Those are abominations. I'm sort of emotionally cheating on him with Daiki Aomine, though. He's disgusting.

My OTP is currently AoKaga (Aomine and Kagami from Kuroko no Basuke) and my crack OTP is HarryxDumbledorexthe Voldemort fetus thing. Or HagridxFlitwick. Or Yukio Okumura (from Blue Exorcist) with Alphonse Elric (from FMA). Don't ask. Really. Never ask questions you’re not sure you can handle the answer to.

The grass is very dubious.

Dr. Foetus likes Michael J Fox. A lot. Very much. Excessively. And she gets flustered very easily if you refer to him by a certain adjective that is very closely related to his surname. But we made a deal, so I can't tell you what it is.

Your deck's unbalanced and your hair's a Kuriboh.

Yeah anyway I've said enough and I'm leaving. Oh yeah, one thing, If I've made any unintentional grammatical or spelling errors in my fics, I'd be grateful if readers could tell me. If they're intentional, on the other hand… Well, it will be obvious when they are. Very. Obvious.

Enjoy, children.

Fetus Llama Farts

Aloha fellow beauty and beasts! 'Tis I, Fetus Llama Farts!
Let's jump right in, you're now tuned into MTV Cribz, lets take a tour shall we?

Currently there is nothing I'm really interested in or obsessed with unfortunately as I tend to watch/read/play whatever's new for the most part.
My main fave at the moment is probably Dragon Age and all its glory, it's just so beautiful, too beautiful for this world.
I usually just spend my time on youtube, watching different shows, worshiping our lord and savior Shrek and his beautiful wife Blisters the Great,or browsing various stories.

You will see a great decline in quality in my fics and writing in general compared to the others on this account as I prefer my art to be boiled, steamed and baked in poo.
Though I do hope it gives at least a chuckle, or at least some cringing.
My aim is to create stories like those found in the creek next to the abandoned hospital. A cesspit if you will.

My previous desc was the epitome of cringe so I'll leave it in for those looking for a hit of cringe.
I'm too much of a plain person to have something interesting or funny to say, I rely too much on swearing, maybe that's the bogan coming out of me whoops.

This has absolutely no structure what-so-ever so have fun with that you turds.
I'm also really bored lol I need a hero.

I'm probably always making a song reference I don't really know why, suddenly I'll be singing like the earth is ending.

I have an obligation on this account to always have the most manly joke that you have ever seen, are you ready?

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMfetus.

God i'm so original!

Where's my trophy?

Where's my 10/10 ign medal?

Where's my jar of tears?

Oh dammit this ended up being too serious whoops i'm gonna get rekt.

Or will I? ;D
So, I'll see you guys later I guess, don't forget to brush your teeth and run into the sunset with your bae, 'cause let me tell you that's where its at home dog millionaire.

If you thought this was cringe, just read the next part, it's where the true cringe begins!
Thank you for visiting our account and have a jolly good time like Santa on a night out with his wife, Mrs Claus!

--The Real Cringe Commences--

HEY POOPS, MY SHIT SLAP NAME IS FOETUS LLAMA FARTS.

I like any game really except if it's sci-fi, though I do give exceptions. The anime I am currently obsessed with is Hetalia. Flippin'. Love. It.

Clench your butt cheeks to make the world go round :D.
I LIKE MY FRUIT, it's the bomb. Especially Strawberries 8D.
The shits i think are the best are: Fullmetal Alchemist(BROTHERHOOD SUCKS POOPCICLES), Daily Lives of High School Boys, Ouran High School Host Club, Blue Exorcist, Beezlebub, Spiral, The Legend of Zelda series, The Elder Scrolls(OBLIVION:D), Wonderland Online, Hetalia, BATMAN and NARUTO.

I like to edit or create masterpieces on paint, especially to make characters prettier like Sasuke and Yukio :D. Slender needs to go on his blind date :O.

OH! And YOU CAN'T PICK YOUR FRIENDS NOSE. And before i forget; MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMfetus.

I don't know what else to bloody put, bloody gits want a damned pooper on the dinner plate. Bloody hell.

So, SEE YA LATER MY BEAUTIFUL SHITS :3 GO. BE FREE, MY BEAUTIES!!! *Runs slowly towards the sunset with a huge grin.*

IMPORTANT INFORMATION

Disclaimer: We do not own the books/movies/manga/anime/musicals/plays/games/everything else that we write about. We do own our OCs and ideas. And foetuses.

Warning: We write smut, slash and exceptionally gory fics. Many of our stories will probably be rated M. Please check the rating before reading and proceed at your own risk.

And please, please do not take anything we write seriously. It will not do you any good. All we do here is amuse ourselves, although if our fics are amusing to you, then all the better. If not, we're very sorry, but remember, you were warned.

Now that that’s done, happy reading, foetuses!