Name: Niamh (pronounced 'knee-ov')

I'm known as "The American One" seeing as I was born in Chicago but moved to Ireland. I'm also known as "That one who just walked into the door"...I tend to do that...

I love to read so I thought I'd try my hand at actually writing something! Here goes...

Hobbies: Reading, walking, playing piano, daydreaming, sketching, swimming,

Book Series that I love and highly recommend:

Maximum Ride by James Patterson

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

Harry Potter by J.K. Rowling

Shifters series by Rachel Vincent

Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow

Fallen by Lauren Kate

Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins

The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel by Michael Scott

House of Night by P.C. Cast

Witch and Wizard by James Patterson

Darkest Powers series by Kelley Armstrong

The Chronicles of Ancient Darkness by Michelle Paver

The Demon's Lexicon by Sarah Rees Brennan

I am Number Four by Pittacus Lore

Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare

Wings by Aprilynne Pike

All books by Dan Brown

Books by Terry Pratchett

...if anyone has anything they think I should read and add to the list, I'd love to hear it! :D

Why do writers write? Because it isn't there. Thomas Berger

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. Author Unknown

If there's a book you really want to read but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it. Toni Morrison

You know you've read a good book when you turn the last page and feel a little as if you have lost a friend. Paul Sweeney

Writing is a fairly lonely business unless you invite people in to watch you do it, which is often distracting and then have to ask them to leave. Marc Lawrence

It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. Oscar Wilde

Quotes:

"Here's a What If -- What if man were required to educate his children without the help of talking animals."

"Whatever you do, always give your 100%. Unless you are donating blood."

"You know you're irritated when somebody tells you to "Have a nice day" and you respond with, "Don't tell me what to do!"

"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?"

"Enjoy yourself. These are the good old days you're going to miss in the years ahead."

"Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups"

"Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise."

"I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me!"

"A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person."

"Seriously, if I am reading or writing Do NOT talk to me."

"I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or during a game of fake heart attack..."

"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

"When in doubt, make up words!"

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

"One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."

"Life is like a pack of gum...I've yet to figure out why."

"Friendship is more lasting than love, and more legal than stalking."

"Silence is Golden, but Duck Tape is silver"

"The more people I come across, the more I like my dog."

"No, I won't go to Hell! It has a restraining order against me."

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless you are a table."

"Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap... you decide."

"If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable"

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!"

"Never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics."

"Growing old is mandatory...growing up is optional"

"Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them."

"I had a friend once, but then the rope broke and he got away"

"The cops never find it as funny as you do."

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone."

"I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow."

"Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience."

Random quotes me and my friends have said:

"You'll notice it now,because it's not there"

My sis: What do you want, a cookie?"

Me:"...I want a cookie..."

"Be there or be square...like a hare...stuffed into a box..."

"Instead of candy eat sugar!"

Me:"Hey look! A bird!"

Sis:"What's so special about a bird?"

Me:"This bird isn't alive."

Friend:"But it's not dead either." (it was a statue of a bird):P

"What is with all the LETTUCE??" (this wouldn't be so weird if it wasn't referring to the floor)

"What day was Pancake Tuesday on last year? Was it a Thursday?"

"Stop talking about an idiot who isn't here!"

"Flamingo's are the way to Asparagus."

"Clockwise...anti-clockwise...clockwise...anti-clockwise..."

while playing monopoly with my friend with only one dice:

Friend: "You have to pay 50 to get out of jail."

Me: "Here you go."

Friend: "Or you could roll for doubles."

Me: "Nah, the chances of getting doubles with just one dice is very slim."

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you find yourself making fanfictions of other fanfictions in your head, post this in your profile.

If you have an increasingly sophisticated and extensive vocabulary, situate this in your characterization.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have/ wish you had a dog, and wish he could talk like Total, copy this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when Gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile.

If someone has ever asked you what Maximum Ride is about, and they give you a look that says, do-I-really-hang-out with you? copy and paste this on your profile.

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever run down an "up" escalator, paste this onto your profile.

Real Funny Do This!!

Type into google "Things People Said" trust me it's hilarious!

The Final Exam

At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They did so well on all the quizzes, midterms and labs, etc., that each had an "A" so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and party with some friends there. They had a great time - however, after all the hardy-partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they decided to find their professor after the final and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to UVA for the weekend with the plan to come back in time to study, but, unfortunately, they had a flat tire on the way back, didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time. As a result, they missed the final.

The professor thought it over and then agreed they could make up the final the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day at the time the professor had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet, and told them to begin.

They looked at the first problem, worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation.

"Cool," they thought at the same time, each one in his separate room, "this is going to be easy." Each finished the problem and then turned the page.

On the second page was written:
(For 95 points): Which tire?

Church Anecdote:

A preacher was completing a temperance sermon: with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river."

And then, finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down.

The song leader then stood very cautiously and announced with a pleasant smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365: 'Shall We Gather At the River.'"

Funny Accident Reports

(Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations.)

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."

"I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."

"I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

"When I could not avoid a collision, I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

"In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident."

"The telephone pole was approaching fast. I was attempting to swerve out of its path when it struck my front end."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle, and vanished."