Hi, this is DANZNQUEEN! Okay, so here's some info about me:

Name: DANZNQUEEN. Duh. Did you not read the text at the top??

Age: 307. And let me tell you, I look good for my age...

Hobbies/Interests: Reading (fiction), writing (creative), dancing (tap, jazz, pompon), music (listening to it, not playing or composing it), watching tv/movies, and cross stitching. Among other things.

Fave Books (in order of preference): 1)Harry Potter-JK Rowling, 2) Twilight-Stephenie Meyer/Maximum Ride-James Patterson (can't decide between the two of them!), 3)Uglies, the whole series-Scott Westerfeld, 4) Icemark Chronicles-Stuart Hill, 5) The Host-Stephenie Meyer, 6)Gemma Doyle Trilogy-Libba Bray 7)Shadow Children Series-Margaret Peterson Haddix , 8)A Series of Unfortunate Events-Lemony Snicket. Those are the top ones. Here are some others (in no particular order): Zach's Lie/Jack's Run-Roland Smith, Titanic: the Long Night-Diane Hoh, Midnighters Trilogy-Scott Westerfeld, Just Ella-Margaret Peterson Haddix, Ella Enchanted-Gail Carson Levine, Goosebumps-R.L. Stine, This Lullaby-Sarah Dessen, Laura Ingalls Wilder series-Laura Ingalls Wilder(no duh), the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants-Ann Brashares. FYI: this list will get longer as I remember more of my faves and read new books that will become my faves.

Fave Characters: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Neville, Dumbledore, Hagrid, McGonagall, the Weasley family, Lupin, Tonks, Sirius, Moody...pretty much all the HP characters.

Bella, Edward, Charlie, all the Cullens except Rosalie, Jacob, Angela

Max, Fang, the whole Flock, Dr. Martinez, Ari (but only after he saves Max in the 3rd book), Mike (the laptop dude from the subway)

Tally, Shea, David

Thirrin, Oskan, Maggiore, Tharaman

Gemma, Kartik, Felicity, Ann, Mrs. Nightwing

Violet, Klaus, Sunny, Dr. Montgomery, the Quagmire triplets

Fave Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Dumbledore/McGonagall, Lupin/Tonks

Bella/Edward, Alice/Jasper, Carlisle/Esme, Angela/Ben, Mike/Jessica, Jacob/Renesme

Max/Fang, Jeb/Dr. Martinez

Tally/David

Thirrin/Oskan

Gemma/Kartik

Violet/Quigly Quagmire, Klaus/Isadora Quagmire

Fave Movies(in order of preference): 1) Titanic, 2)The Day After Tomorrow, 3)Robin Hood: Prince of Theives, 4)Independance Day, 5)Bring It On, 6)Pirates of the Caribbean, 7)The Mummy. Others include: Twister, Deep Impact, Jurassic Park, Mulan, Chicago, The Ring, Charlie's Angels, Double Jeapordy, Die Hard, Saw, The Core, and Indiana Jones. This list may increase in size as well.

Fave Tv Shows (in order od preference): Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Friends, Lost, CSI (the original), Law and Order SVU, Reba, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Cosby Show

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects...copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with over 30 characters from books...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writitng or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever fallen going up the stairs, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull (or Vice Versa) copy this into your profile.

If you've ever gone into a laughing fit for no reason, copy this onto your profile. If you are obsessed w/ Fanfiction, then copy this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

AV is Addicted to Vampires.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

If you are absolutly in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional charater Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If u think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur pro!

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! (Especially the FREAKING CAPS LOCK!!)

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.

If you've ever read/started to read a chapter in a fan fiction, got side-tracked, and forgot to review and realized it after the author posted another chapter, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you think Fang is hot copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever said that you added someone's story to your faves list in a review, then forgot to actually add the story, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If someone gave you money for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If every time someone asks you what Maximum Ride is about you get a crazy look from them saying am-I-really-hanging-out-with-you type of look and you don’t care copy and paste this in your profile.

If you read Maximum Ride School's Out - Forever in under 5 hours copy this into your profile.

If you have/ wish you had a dog, and wish he could talk like Total, copy this onto your profile.

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you can't figure out if these copy and paste things bug you or if you love them, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If Faxness is one of your obsessions, post this in your profile.

If you love the whole blind, pyro, mutant, baker thing about Iggy, post this in your profile.

If you have an iPod and love rocking out to it, post this in your profile.

If you are SO obsessed with Maximum Ride that it is not even FUNNY anymore, post this in your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random, or anything similiar, copy this into your profile.

My best friend is insane. If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile.

If you think TV Golf is the most boring thing on TV...Copy and paste this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile. (or Geek)

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you're stalking a fictional character copy this to your profile.

If you can read this message, you are blessed because over two billion people in the world cannot read at all.

If you, like me, are totally obsessed with Scott Westerfield, copy and paste.

Recipe for hottness: 98 human + 2 bird + 68 Pyro + 49 chef + 2 Blindness = 219 HOT!! if you know who I'm talking about here and agree copy and paste thiss into your profile.

If you have ever had done something or said something that made perfect sense to your real friends and only caused your "peers" to look at you strangely and roll their eyes, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a CHOC AHOLIC -TALK AHOLIC -OR A-SHOP AHOLIC then copy and paste this!

If you have ever insulted someone so stupid that they didn't get the insult, copy this into your profile.

If you are insanely weird, copy this into your profile.

98 of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever eaten something none of your friends would try, copy/paste this in your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you want to see Maximum Ride (the movie) on the first day it comes out, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you absolutely CANNOT live without one or all of these books series (Twilight, Maximum Ride), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe that preps travel in packs then place this on your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you had a choice between being human or being a vampire (from Twilight or In the Forests of the Night) and would choose vampire, copy this into your profile.

If you like surfing the net for no particular reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have stood infront of a door waiting for it to open, then realise it's not an automatic, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever laughed during a movie that was in no way intended to be funny and people started staring at you funny copy and paste this into your profile.

()_()('')_('')
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you love Max Ride and cannot live without it, post this in your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you think Max and Fang should get together now copy and paste this into your profile.

If you relate everything to Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you wish that you could fly so much it hurts, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

Emmet Cullen: Stronger Than You since 191

Jasper Hale: Charming Ladies since 1843

Alice Cullen: Quirkier than You since 1901

Rosalie Hale: Better Than You since 1916

Edward Cullen: Sexier Than You since 1901

10 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen

10. Tell him only to address you in a cute English accent.

9. Call him Carlisle, but be sure to pronounce the “s”. When he corrects you, give him a weird look and tell him the “q” is silent.

8. Ask if blondes really do have more fun.

7. Inquire as to what he actually does on his night shift on the hospital, with all the pretty nurses in the ER.

6. Instead of telling him to “get lost” in an argument, tell him to swim to France.

5. When he annoys you, respond with “times have changed, old man”.

4. Ask what type of superhuman power compassion is – what does he do in a fight? Love thy enemy to death?

3. Leap out from behind the desk in his study when he isn’t expecting it and spray him with Holy Water.

2. Call him McSteamy or McDreamy.

And the Number One way to annoy Carlisle Cullen?

1. Run around the Emergency Room screaming “I’ve been bitten! I’ve been bitten!”

10 Ways to Annoy Jasper Hale

10. Beg him not to eat you.

9. Inform him that he seems to be the “depressed” Cullen.

8. Go up to him, look him in the eye and ask if he is hungry.

7. Spell his name with two “a”’s (Jaspar) and call him Jaspar Cullen. When he objects, saying his name is Jasper Hale, wave your hand at him and tell him all that blood must have gone to his brain.

6. Tell him only girls feel emotions. Then giggle and run away.

5. Dress up in a cape and fangs and leap out in front of him when he is least expecting it, proclaiming you have come to suck his blood.

4. Send out waves of lust and see how he reacts.

3. When he gets too close make your fingers into the sign of the cross and cry, “The power of Christ compels you!”

2. Splatter red paint all over his and Alice’s room and videotape his reaction.

And the Number One way to annoy Jasper Hale?

1. Whenever he says anything, snap to attention, shout “Sir, yes sir!” and salute, army style.

10 Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen

10. Sing “Discovery Channel” by the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.

9. Hotwire his Volvo and take it on a joyride.

8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically pedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.

7. Ask how Tanya is.

6. End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”

5. Call him Romeo both behind his back and to his face.

4. Whenever he complains or argues, reply with “What are you gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”

3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.

2. Whenever he leaves a room or says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.

And the Number One way to annoy Edward Cullen?

1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” by Madonna.

10 ways to annoy Emmett Cullen

10. Tell him he looks like a creepy stalker rapist.

9. Inform him, as politely as possible, that he has grizzly in his teeth.

8. Ask who wears the pants in his relationship.

7. Try to stab him through the heart with a stake.

6. Tell him brawn is out, scrawn is in.

5. Inquire as to how he feels to be the least-liked Cullen male.

4. When he is around, wonder aloud what Rosalie calls him in bed.

3. Ask if he is overcompensating for something with that jeep.

2. Ask if he is overcompensating for something with those muscles

And the Number One way to annoy Emmet Cullen?

1. When he denies the above two claims, respond with "That's not what Rosalie saaaaaid!"

This is From Fang's Blog.

(This is SO freaking funny I promise you will lyao.)

Yo,

I have no choice but to respond to this. Why? Because it's funny. Never underestimate the power of funny. It moves mountains.

From Jess:

FANG.

I've commented your blog with my questions for THREE YEARS.

You answer other people's STUPID questions, but not MINE.

YOU REALLY ASKED FOR IT, BUDDY.

I'm just gonna comment with this until you answer at least one of my questions.

DO YOU HAVE A JAMAICAN ACCENT?

No, mon.

DO YOU MOULT?

Gross

WHAT'S YOUR STAR SIGN?

I was raised in a cage. But I'm going to pick one. Um, no I'm not. "Angel what's my star sign?" She says, "Scorpio."

HAVE YOU TOLD JEB I LOVE HIM YET?

No.

DOES NOT HAVING A POWER MAKE YOU ~ANGRY?

Well that's not really true...

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?

Can you see me doing The Soulja Boy?

DOES IGGY KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?

Gazzy does.

DO YOU USE HAIR PRODUCTS?

No. Again, no.

DO YOU USE PRODUCTS ON YOUR ~FEATHERS?

I don't know that they make bird kid feather products yet.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?

There are a bunch.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?

I don't have favorites. They're too polarizing.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

Max, when she showers.

DO THESE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU ANGRY?

Not really.

IF I CAME UP TO YOU IN A STREET AND HUGGED YOU, WOULD YOU KILL ME?

You might get kicked. But I'm used to people wanting me dead, so.

DO YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE HUGGED?

Doesn't everybody want to be secretly hugged?

ARE YOU GOING EMO CAUSE ANGEL IS STEALING EVERYONE'S POWERS INCLUDING YOURS?

Not the Emo thing again.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Anything hot and delicious and brought to me by Iggy.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

Three eggs, over easy. Bacon. More bacon. Toast.

DID YOU EVEN HAVE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

See above.

DID YOU DIE INSIDE WHEN MAX CHOSE ARI OVER YOU?

Dudes don't die inside.

DO YOU LIKE MAX?

I like a lot of people.

DO YOU LIKE ME?

I think you're funny.

DOES IGGY LIKE ME?

Sure.

DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY?

No.

IS IT ABOUT MAX?

Ahh. No.

IS IT ABOUT ARI?

Why do you assume I write depressing poetry?

IS IT ABOUT JEB?

Ahh.

ARE YOU GOING TO BLOCK THIS COMMENT?

Clearly, no.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

A Dirty Projectors t-shirt. Jeans.

DO YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?

NO FREAKING COMMENT.

DO YOU FIND THIS COMMENT PERSONAL?

Could I not find that comment personal?

DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES?

Yes, cheap ones.

DO YOU WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT?

That would make it hard to see.

DO YOU SMOKE APPLES, LIKE US?

Huh?

DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?

Whatever.

DO YOU LIKE VAMPIRES OR WEREWOLVES?

Mmm, Vampires.

ARE YOU GAY AND JUST PRETENDING TO BE STRAIGHT BY KISSING LISSA?

Uhh...

WERE YOU EXPERIMENTING WITH YOUR SEXUALITY?

Uhh...

WOULD YOU TELL US IF YOU WERE GAY?

Yes.

DO YOU SECRETLY LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL YOU EMO?

No.

ARE YOU EMO?

Whatever.

DO YOU LIKE EGGS?

Yes. I had them for breakfast.

DO YOU LIKE EATING THINGS?

I love eating. I list it as a hobby.

DO YOU SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

Do you secretly think I'm the sexiest person in the whole world?

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX?

Eeek!

HAS ANGEL EVER READ YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WERE HAVING DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX AND GONE 'OMG' AND YOU WERE LIKE 'D:'?

hahahahahahahahahahah

DO YOU LIKE SPONGEBOB?

He's okay I guess.

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT SPONGEBOB?

Definitely.

CAN YOU COOK?

Iggy cooks.

DO YOU LIKE TO COOK?

I like to eat.

ARE YOU LIKE, A ~HOUSEWIFE?

How on earth could I be like a housewife?

DO YOU SECRETLY HAVE INNER TURMOIL?

My inner turmoil is like an inner Taurus which is like an inner Klein bottle which is like...

WHY DON'T YOU POST PHOTOS ANYMORE?

We just did.

WHY DON'T YOU POST YOUR DRAWINGS ANYMORE? THEY WERE REALLY GOOD OKAY.

DO YOU WANT TO BE UNDA DA SEA?

I'm unda the stars.

DO YOU THINK IT'S NOT TOO LATE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE?

Sure.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO PLAY POKER?

TV

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?

Totally.

OF COURSE YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE. DOES IGGY HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?

Yes.

CAN HE EVEN PLAY POKER?

Iggy beats me, sometimes.

DO YOU LIKE POKING PEOPLE, HARD?

Not really.

ARE YOU FANGALICIOUS?

I could never be as fangalicious as you'd want me to be.

Fly on,

Fang

Sorry, but this is hilarious. Got it off another profile. Sorry if it was yours.

Man: Where have you been all my life?
Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together
Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

This is something I also find funny. Thanks M333gan and Person95.

Random Quotes

I will not think about guys. I will not think about guys. I will not think abo- whoa! A hot guy!

When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it.

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

The voices in my head may not be real but they still have pretty good ideas...

It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile, and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.

If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?

“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."

Heaven doesn’t want me, and Hell’s afraid I’ll take over.

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n’ slide.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

Smile. It confuses people.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."

"You say tomato...I say fuck you."

Quotes

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow.

If it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable.

Apparently 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are five people in my family so it must be one of them. It's ether my mum or dad. Or my older brother Will. Or my younger brother Ho-chan-chu. But I think it's Will.

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? does this not remind you of Max??

A short... thing... that I like.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

Stupid Questions that need to be answered.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station...
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

Actual Labels

Liquid plummer-"Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages."-(Beverages WOOO!!)

Arm and hammer scoopable cat litter-"safe to use around pets" (Are you sure?)

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances."

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children."

Dog food-"new and improved tasting", (who tests it?)

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." (Yummy...)

Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness" (Cause that's not the desired effect..)

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" (Why did I buy it again?)

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." (Are you sure? Lets experiment.)

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." (Really?)

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." (Gasp!)

Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping" (But thats the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regular soap" (And that would be how?)

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving suggestion: Defrost" (But it's just a suggestion.)

Tesco's dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-"Do not turn upside down" (Too late! you lose!)

Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Warning: product may be hot after heating." (Wow, I would have never guessed!)

Rowena iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't that save more time?)

Boots children's cough medicine: "Do not drive or operate machinery." (We could do a lot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year old off of fork lifts.)

Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children." (NO dip)

Christmas lights; "For indoor and outdoor use only." (As opposed to, you know, outer space.)

Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now I'm curious...)

Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts." (But no peas?)

American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts." (Someone got paid big bucks to write this one...)

Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands." (Ok, raise your hand if you've tried this.)

Funny things!

If you don’t stand for anything, you don’t stand for anything!--George W. Bush

Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'

What's another word for thesaurus?

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop ?

Help, I've fallen and I can't...hey, nice carpet! It's soo pretty!

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail...A best friend will be sitting next to you saying 'Damn, that was fun!'

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? You've learned!!

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line. Whered it go??

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

The cops never find it as funny as you do.

sayings!!

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional

Looking for the perfect girl? Go buy yourself a barbie.

Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if its your last day

Best friends, its who we are . . . instead of saying "excuse me" we push each other out of the way and say "move". We hug each other and laugh at any random moment. We argue about the stupidest things then we find out we were both wrong.

You know you live in 2008 when . . .

1.) You accidently enter your password on a microwave

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of getting up and just pushing the button on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even know that you have the ability to do your job

7.) As you keep reading this list you keep nodding and smiling

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all of your friends

9.) You were to busy to notice #5 and #3

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5 and 3

12.) Now your thinking "I have to put this in my profile!"

13.) You put this in your profile because you fell for it and you know you did!

15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when someone comes up yell, "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

This story is so sad. If it doesn't touch your heart at least a little, you must be made of stone.

I was walking around in a Target store, when I saw a Cashier hand this little boy some money back.

The boy couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 years old. The Cashier said, "I'm sorry, but you don't have enough money to buy this doll."

Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him: ''Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money?''

The old lady replied: ''You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear.''

Then she asked him to stay there for just 5 minutes while she went to look a round. She left quickly. The little boy was still holding the doll in his hand. Finally, I walked toward him and I asked him who he wished to give this doll to.

"It's the doll that my sister loved most and wanted so much for Christmas.

She was sure that Santa Claus would bring it to her."

I replied to him that maybe Santa Claus would bring it to her after all, and not to worry.

But he replied to me sadly. "No, Santa Claus can't bring it to her where she is now. I have to give the doll to my mommy so that she can give it to my sister when she goes there."

His eyes were so sad while saying this. "My Sister has gone to be with God. Daddy says that Mommy is going to see God very soon too, so I thought that she could take the doll with her to give it to my sister.''

My heart nearly stopped.

The little boy looked up at me and said: "I told daddy to tell mommy not to go yet. I need her to wait until I come back from the mall."

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me "I want mommy to take my picture with her so she won't forget me."

"I love my mommy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me, but daddy says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.

I quickly reached for my wallet and said to the boy. "Suppose we check again, just in case you do have enough money for the doll?''

"OK" he said, "I hope I do have enough." I added some of my money to his with out him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll and even some spare money.

The little boy said: "Thank you God for giving me enough money!"

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked last night before I went to sleep for God to make sure I had enough money to buy this doll, so that mommy could give It to my sister. He heard me!''

"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mommy, but I didn't dare to ask God for too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and a white rose.''

"My mommy loves white roses."

A few minutes later, the old lady returned and I left with my basket. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local news paper article two days ago, which mentioned a drunk man in a truck, who hit a car occupied by a young woman and a little girl.

The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-sustaining machine, because the young woman would not be able to recover from the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the news paper that the young woman had passed away.

I couldn't stop myself as I bought a bunch of white roses and I went to the funeral home where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wishes before her burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rose in her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest.

I left the place, teary-eyed, feeling that my life had been changed for ever.. The love that the little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to this day, hard to imagine.

And in a fraction of a second, a drunk driver had taken all this away from him.

Now you have 2 choices:

1) Repost this message, or

2) Ignore it as if it never touched your heart (It touched mine. So I posted it.)

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd or suck-up

I'm a GIRL, so I MUST suck at all guy sports

I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST be rebellious

I'm AMERICAN, so I MUST be an overweight pig with no boundaries

I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life

COPIED AND PASTED THIS INTO MY PROFILE, so I MUST be a plagiarist

I like to READ, so I MUST be a nerd

I am POLITE to TEACHERS, so I MUST be a teacher's pet

Stop stereotypes! Copy this list into your profile and add any more that you can think of.