I have a LiveJournal account where I keep all the stories I'm not allowed to put up here called spoofmasterfics.

My regular LiveJournal account is here

Frotu and I have started a Cafepress shop, which contains links to our other Cafepress shops.

Hoom, hoom, what about me is relevant? Well, I'm a film student, and I'm planning to go into archiving and restoration after I graduate (and after I go to grad school). 'Nuff said.

"I have stood here for five weeks now. The bones of my feet have grown into the ground like roots, and provide me with nutrients. Sometimes worms crawl into my toes. Wanna see?"
-me, making fun of a dinosaur in a Star Fox Adventures because it never moved. At all.

"See that smoke? Doesn't exist. See those nice clouds in the background? We weren't so lucky on the day of the shoot. We just added them in. While we're at it, I added in the volcano, too. We filmed this in a parking lot."
-the director of Spy Kids 2, explaining how they did the scene where they're looking down into the volcano

"The following morning the weather was so foul it hardly deserved the name, and Dirk decided to call it Stanley instead."
-The Salmon of Doubt

"Yeah, but if picking up civilians is the punch button, what if you accidentally punch them? I mean, swoop, 'I'll save you!', and then, pow, right in the gut!"
-me, talking to a little kid about his Spiderman game

"I would do anything Tim wanted me to. You know - have sex with an aardvark... I would do it."
-Johnny Depp

"If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them."
- also Johnny Depp

"Well, I was supposed to hit this guy with a breakaway chair, and they gave me the chair, and said it was the breakaway chair, but I didn't check it. And it was a real chair. Well, the cameras started rolling, and I hit him with it. But it didn't break. So my brain goes, 'Hit him again, Jeff.' So I hit him again. And it broke. It's okay, he was a stuntman."
-Jeff the fight coordinator

'Malcolm sat in one of the padded chairs. The stewardess asked him if he wanted a drink. He said, "Diet Coke, shaken not stirred."
Humid Dallas air drifted through the open door. Ellie said, "Isn't it a little warm for black?"
"You're extremely pretty, Dr. Sattler," he said. "I could look at your legs all day."'
-Jurassic Park (the book. That quote just speaks to me)

Lennox: "Those nuggets are already ninety percent fat!"
Macbeth: "There's no law against fat! Besides, we have a salad menu."
Lennox: "The salads are even worse! We inject fat into the lettuce! Heck, it would be cheaper if we just served normal lettuce!"
Macbeth: "If God didn't want us to inject fat into the lettuce, he would have made lettuce taste better."
-the play "Old Macbeth Had a Farm", in which a modern-day version of Macbeth takes over a fast food company

Me: "Mort's a Morton."
Amber: "So?"
Me: "You'd think he'd at least have the decency to be a Mortimer or a Mordecai."
-talking about Secret Window

'"He'll be chocolate fudge!" shrieked Mrs. Gloop.
"Never!" cried Mr. Wonka.
"Of course he will!" shrieked Mrs. Gloop.
"I wouldn't allow it!" cried Mr. Wonka.
"And why not?" shrieked Mrs. Gloop.
"Because the taste would be terrible," said Mr. Wonka. "Just imagine it! Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop! No one would buy it."'
-Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

'"Make this awful thing stop!" ordered Mr. Teavee.
"Can't do that," said Mr. Wonka. "It won't stop till we get there. I only hope no one's using the /other/ elevator at this moment."
"What other elevator?" screamed Mrs. Teavee.
"The one that goes the opposite way on the same track as this one," said Mr. Wonka.
"Holy mackere!" cried Mr. Teavee. "You mean we might have a collision?"
"I've always been lucky so far," said Mr. Wonka.
-guess, just guess

MBC: Lock seems to like the island though so I don't blame him for just settling in. The island likes him too I think. In fact it seems to have picked him to lead the others to enlightenment and healing. It's still a very anti-social island of doom though.
Me: It's a maladjusted island. All the other islands made fun of it when it was little.
MBC: Yeah well that's because it's father was a peninsula and it's mother was Japan and she abused it physically.
-IMing about Lost

Frotu: I don't think he has dignity
Me: Ever?
Frotu: He's cool like that.
Me: He must have at some point.
Frotu: thinks mmmm... maybe... he didn't.
Me: Wait, you saw Dear Frankie. Was he dignified in that?
Frotu: He was born without dignity... yes. He was good and spiffy
Me: Aha. He had a dignity transplant.
Frotu: He has dignity injections. Like steroids.
Me: Yes yes, but most directors won't spring for it. It's expensive.
Frotu: It is. And not necessary all the time. Dignity can be overrated.
-a conversation about Gerard Butler's inherent lack of dignity

Dracula: what is this?
Harker: what the... how did you get here? i didn't see you!
Dracula: (picks up mirror) these things suck. (hucks it)
Harker: I-- aaw. (pout)
-Frotu's description of a scene from Dracula (the original novel)