Official Tumblr: http:///

Name: Rachel

Age: 19

Location: Ontario, Canada

That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.

OTPS

Klaine (Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson, Glee)

Brittana (Brittany Pierce/Santana Lopez, Glee)

Channy (Chad Dylan Cooper/Sonny Monroe, Sonny With a Chance)

Spuffy ("Spike"/Buffy Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Tillow/Wara/Tarow/Willara/MacRosen/Rosenclay? (Willow Rosenberg/Tara Maclay, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!

AWESOME QUOTES:

Sonny With a Chance

Sonny: Does this fat suit make me look fat?
Tawni: You're wearing a fat suit?

Sonny: Oh my gosh! You are a drama snob! And you do think you're better than us.
Chad: Not better...just different...in a better way. We act.

Grady: Well if it isn't Chad Dylan Pooper!

Chad: Sonny...Cloudy, Rainy.
Nico: We have names.
Chad: Yea, but remembering them would take effort, and interest, and excuse me.
Sonny: You can't just cut in front of us like that.
Chad: Yea, they also said I couldn't be this handsome, and yet, here I am.

Chad: If we don't act soon, dare I say it, they might become more popular than us.
Cast of Mackenzie Falls: *Gasp*
Chad: I had to say it...I dared myself

Zora: And look at this rug! Ming dynasty. Hand woven. It makes me want to do carpet angels.

Chad: Alright, look. After you barged onto our stage earlier, I had to hire Reggie here and put your pictures on the "do not admit" wall.
Zora: Why is Zac Efron up there?
Chad: Because it's my wall, and I like saying I banned Zac Efron. There will come a day when Zac Efron come's knocking on this door and he's like "Hey! Can I come in?" and I'll be like "Oh, no, you're banned."

Tawni: I'm pretty enough for lobster. I'm cool enough for lobster. I am lobster worthy.
Zora: (Slaps Tawni) Snap out of it, woman!
Tawni: Thank you.
Zora: No. Thank you.

Grady: Come on! Tell us what's inside the box.
Zora: You really wanna know?
Grady: Yea.
Nico: Tell us.
Zora: Okay, come in real close. I'll tell you. NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!! So keep your mitts of my mail, punks!

Sonny: Why are you helping me?
Chad: I'm not helping. I just wanted to try on the beard.
Sonny: Sounds like somebody cares.
Chad: Sounds like somebody wanted to try on a weird beard.
Sonny: Cares!
Chad: Beard!
Sonny: Cares!
Chad: Beard!
Sonny: Cares!
Chad: Beard!
Sonny: Beard!
Chad: Cares!
Sonny: Gotcha!

Nico: What's in your pants?
Grady: Cheese!!

Sonny: Well, at least my show brings joy to our viewers.
Chad: At least my show has viewers.

Chad: Sonny's always cute. She can't do anything without it being cute. Stupid cute.

Tawni: There are two things I like; me being right and you being not right.Tawni: We're going somewhere so cool, so exclusive, so underground, it doesn't even exist.
Grady: We're going to Narnia?

Sonny: The prom is cancelled.
Tawni: What?! I've been dreaming of becoming prom queen ever since you brought it up eighteen minutes ago.

Sonny: Fine.
Chad: Fine.
Sonny: Good.
Chad: Good.
Sonny: So, we're good?
Chad: Oh, we're so good.

Chad: If I wanna think you have pretty hair, then I will.
Sonny: And if I wanna think that you have sparkly eyes, then I will.

Grady: Your game stinks!
Nico: Oh, my game stinks?
Grady: Uh huh, uh huh.
Nico: Well, at least I've got game where it counts. You've never kissed a girl.
Sonny: Oh, come on, you guys. Wait, really? You've never kissed a girl?
Grady: You know I'm waiting for just the right lady.

Sonny: Giving back is what's hot.
Chad: That's what people who don't look hot say.

Chad: Sonny! Sonny, come here. I need to tell you something in case I don't make it.
Sonny: Okay.
Chad: I love...
Sonny: Yes?
Chad: I mean I deeply love...
Sonny: Go on...
Chad: That more kids will be reading less books because of Chad Dylan Cooper!
Sonny: Oh no! I think you're coming down with PFS too.
Chad: What's that?
Sonny: (Picks up pillow) Pillow in the Face Syndrome. (Starts hitting Chad with pillow)

Chad: Give it to me straight, Doc. I can take it.
Doctor: You have LBS.
Chad: *Gasp* Leading Boy Syndrome?
Doctor: No, Lack of Books Syndrome. Also known as Lazy Butt Syndrome. And LBS is also the abbreviation for pounds, which is what you're going to gain if you don't stop watching yourself on TV.
Chad: Can't you just cut my pants off, you know how you do?
Doctor: Read two books and call me in the moring Mr. Cooper.
Chad: Actually, that's Dylan Cooper.
Doctor: Not anymore. I removed your Dylan while you were under.
Chad: No! What did you do with it?
Doctor: Gave it to someone who wouldn't waste it. (Pulls back curtain) Good afternoon, Mr. Grady Dylan Mitchell.
Grady: Just got my Dylan. Been waiting two years.
Chad: NOOO!!! WHY?! (Wakes up in cafeteria with a book at the table and people giving him strange looks) Must have fallen asleep reading. Stupid books, that was horrible.

Chad: You took my name!?
Trey Brothers: And your limo. PEACE OUT SUCKAHS!

Sonny: I need to talk to you immediatly
Chad: Actually, I'm glad you're here. I need a favour.
Sonny: I don't have time to help you with you science project
Chad: Please. I have actual scientists for that. I need a tennis judge. Word on the street is you can help.
Sonny: What? I'm not a tennis judge.
Chad: So you just made that up.
Sonny: Yes. But listen..
Chad: Who makes up something like that?
Sonny: Who needs a freelance tennis judge?
Chad: Actually, I'm hosting my annual charity tournament and I don't wanna lose again.
Sonny: Oh, I see. Well, as much as I'd love to help you cheat for a good cause, I can't. Why? Oh yea, because I'm not a tennis judge.
Chad: Uh huh. So what'd you want?
Sonny: Some answers.
Chad: To what?
Sonny: To how it all ends, to how long it's going to be before you ask the girl you're destined to be with.
Chad: I'm not sure I can answer that.
Sonny: Aren't you in charge of your own destiny.
Chad: Uh...I guess.
Sonny: Well, then it's time to say enough. When two people are this right for eachother, there's only one thing to do.
Chad: How long have you felt this way?
Sonny: Just since yesterday. It hasn't been long, but it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Chad: I mean, I guess I feel the same way.
Sonny: Well, then do something about it.
Chad: Okay, I will.
Sonny: Great!
Chad: Sonny, will you go out with me?
Sonny: I'm sorry, did you just ask me out?
Chad: I'm sorry, didn't you just beg me too?
Sonny: Wait, did you think I was talking about...oh dear, this is awkward.
Chad: Hahahaha. Sure is...sure is awkward. I mean, I know why it's awkward, just wanna know if you know...why it's awkward...
Sonny: I was talking about Mackenzie and Chloe, but you seem to be talking about...
Chad: Yep, yep. Me too, same page. Whoo.
Sonny: Whoo.
Chad: Yea, I just thought you thought that I thought it was awkward cuz you thought I was asking you out...you know, rather than Mackenzie asking Chloe out...which I was...
Sonny: Yea, but you said Sonny...
Chad: Yep-ba-ba. That's awkward.
Sonny: So...
Chad: So...you're a Mackenzie Falls fan now.
Sonny: Yea.
Chad: Cool...cool...so I suppose I should probably tell you I'm a So Random fan now.
Sonny: Really?
Chad: Yea, but I'd be lying.
Sonny: You know, it's funny. Like I learned from Mackenzie Falls, sometimes if you look at something with an open mind, you can surprise yourself. So...yea.
Chad: What?
Sonny: Yea, I'll go out with you.
Chad: Good.
Sonny: Good.
Chad: So, we're doing this.
Sonny: I guess so...wait, so I still don't know, does Mackenzie ever ask...
Chad: Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. If we're gonna make this thing work, I'm going to have to insist you never ask me about my business.
Sonny: (*Sigh*) Fine. I guess I'm going to have to check the blogs like everybody else.

Sonny: Let me tell you something. 24 hours ago I fell in love with a guy named Mackenzie, and you Chad, are no-
Chad: Don't say Mackenzie. Do not say Mackenzie.
Sonny: Mackenzie!
Chad: She said it! That's it! Where's my security? You are no longer welcome at the Falls!
Sonny: (Throws water at Chad) You said Falls!!

Nico: Flowers? A Mack Falls box set? And a picture of Chad...holding flowers...and a Mack Falls box set?

Sonny: He who checks cookie, checks into hospital.

Nico: Chad, I have to say I've always hated you for having your own plane.
Chad: But?
Nico: That's it.

Chad: I missed you, shortstack.
Sonny: I missed you too, egg whites with tomato on the side...don't let them touch otherwise they're going back.

Sonny: This is like a bad episode of Mackenzie Falls.
Chad: (Gives Sonny a look)
Sonny: Or a good one?

Chad: Ohhh. Is there trouble in the funny hut?

Chad: Oh, hey babe.
Nico: Oh, don't you 'babe' her. She's our babe.
Grady: Yea! Hey, babe!
Sonny: Okay, alright, stop arguing. I'm gonna settle this right now. Nobody gets to call me babe.
Grady: Hah hah! In your face Chaddy!

Chad: Can't you see m'lady's not feeling well.
Sonny: (Sneezes)
Chad: You people disgust me...almost much as the snot rocket that just came out of m'lady's nose...It's okay, come on. Let's go get you some tea. Cuz you're sick...love sick!

Sonny: (Sarcastically) You're so good to me.
Chad: Oh, I know.
Sonny: (Hits him with posters) You're not good to me!

Sonny: Really?
Chad: Really!
Sonny: Good!
Chad: Good!
Sonny: Fine!
Chad: Fine!
Sonny: Going home!
Chad: Feel better!
Sonny: Thanks!
Chad: Miss you.
Sonny: Miss you too.

Chad: My name is Chad Dylan Cooper. And today, I will be your substitute Sonny.
Tawni: Ugh! Now I'm sick.
Chad: Well, how sick does this make you? (Makes pictures of him and Sonny kiss)

Chad: Quick! Mix it up, Chaz.
(Chad and Chaz mix themselves up so Sonny can't tell who's who)
Sonny: (Messes up both of their hair)
Chad: Ahhh! Fixes hair.

GLEE

Kurt: They're going to throw fruit at us. And I just had a facial.

Kurt: My body is like a rum chocolate souffle. If I don't warm it up right, it doesn't rise.

Ken: You make this, and you die a legend.
Kurt: Can I pee first?

Rachel: I'm like Tinkerbell, Finn. I need applause to live.

Kurt: Hi, I'm Kurt Hummel and I'll be auditioning for the role of kicker.

Kurt: Someone get me to a day spa! Stat!

Kurt: I have an ipod dedicated exclusively to selections from Wicked. This is amazing.

Kurt: He's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows.

Kurt: Makeovers are like crack to me.

Rachel: I'm sorry for calling you contemptible and deplorable.
Finn: That's okay. I didn't even know what those words meant.

Kurt: It makes it hard to appreciate your talent because I wanna shove a sock in your throat.

Kurt: I say we lock Rachel up until after sectionals. I volunteer my basement.

Brittany: Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?

Kurt: Can you go now? I'm a half hour behind on my moisturizer routine and I need to get up early.

Brittany: I'm pretty sure my cat is reading my diary.

Kurt: Oh Bambi, I cried so hard when those hunters shot your mommy.

Brittany: I had a cold and I took all my antibiotics at the same time and I forgot how to leave.

Rachel (to Puck): Your arms are lovely, but I just don't see us working out.

Brittany: Kissing my arm pits is a really big turn-on for me.

Burt: If things get serious, use protection.
Brittany: Does he mean like a burglar alarm.

Kurt: [Lady Gaga] changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners
Brittany: It's true.

Kurt: I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week

Brittany: I don't brush my teeth. I rinse my mouth out with soda after I eat. I was pretty sure Dr. Pepper was a dentist

Mercedes: You get to wear a fabulous hat.
Kurt: You had me at fabulous hat.

Rachel: At least I didn't fall and break my talent.

Brittany: Is God an evil dwarf?

Kurt: [God] makes me gay and then makes His followers go around saying it's a choice, as if I'd choose to be mocked every day of my life.

Will: What's a duet?
Brittany: A blanket.

Rachel: Kurt, we have a lot more in common then you think
Kurt: That's a terrible thing to say

Artie: You've never made eye contact with me.
Brittany: For awhile, I thought you were a robot.

Kurt: You can't punch the gay out of me any more than I can punch the ignoramus out of you.

Brittany: Mr. Shu taught me the second half of the alphabet. I stopped after M and N. I thought they sounded too similar and got frustrated

Finn: Are you sure we should free 300 live doves indoors? Won't that get messy?
Kurt: That's why we feed them glitter.

Kurt: My Power Rangers got married and divorced in so many combinations, they were like Fleetwood Mac

Kurt: Just a friend. But on the upside, I'm in love with him and he's actually gay. So we'll call that progress.

Brittany: I don't want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets cancelled.

Kurt: Blaine and I love football. Well, Blaine loves football. I love scarves.

Kurt: I had a cat thrown at me in a nursing home once.

Rachel (to Blaine): Your face tastes awesome.

Kurt: Those weren't weird faces. Those were my sexy faces.

Kurt: Sometimes I don't feel like we're The Warblers. I feel like we're Blaine and the Pips

Blaine: We should practice
Kurt: I thought we were

A VERY POTTER MUSICAL

Harry: But in Spiderman 3, everything sucks and falls to shit! I don't want my life to be like Spiderman 3. God, I hated that movie.

Ron: (Eating giant Hershey bar) No, it's not that. It's Hermione. It's just like, I can't get her out of my head and everytime I look at her, I get all these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault. That BITCH!

Harry: Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anyone else on the planet!

Voldemort: Achoo!
Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?
Quirrell: Um no. That...that was simply a fart.

Harry: I don't know man. Cedric Diggory, he's pretty awesome. NOT! He sucks! I'm totally gonna win. It's in the bag.

Draco: Don't kill it! It's Zefron!
Ron: I know, he's so charismatic.

Draco: I want Hermione Granger! And a rocket ship.

Harry: So, you're like a clairvoyant, you can see the past, present, and future, all at the same time?
Dumbledore: Yeah.
Harry: Can you tell me how Lost ends.
Dumbledore: There are some things, Harry, even I don't know.

Hermione: You're not invincible, Harry. Someone died in this tournament.
Harry: I'm the boy who lived, not died.

Harry: Hey Malfoy, tell you what, I'll let you switch dragons with me. I'll give you the chance to switch dragons with me, Ill give you that opportunity.
Draco: Ahh, let me think about it... no.
Harry: I'll give you my gushers!
Draco: Oh... no, no. I have a fruit by the foot.
Harry: I'll throw in my teddy grahams with the gushers, you can make little teddy graham sandwiches.
Draco: Alright... you throw in that pack of Bugles and you got yourself a deal.
Harry: ... Aboslutely not.

Mrs. Weasley: I came here with the Order of the Pheonix. Lupin, Tonks, Mad-Eye Moody, Sirius Black, and your brother Fred.
Ron: Oh great, where are they?
Mrs. Weasley: They're all dead.

(Ginny walks up)
Snape: Ahh! A ginger! (Runs)

Draco: Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum yum yum.

Draco: Now you're just being cute. I CAN'T GO TO PIGFARTS. IT'S ON MAAARS, YOU NEEED A ROCKETSHIP. Do you have a rocketship, Potter? I bet you do. You know, not all of us inherited enough money to buy out NASA when our parents died; Look at this. Rocketship Potter. Starkid Potter. Moooonshoes Potter. TRAVERSING THE GALAXY FOR INTERGALATIC TRAVELS TO PIGFARTS.

Voldemort: You'd think killing people would make them like you, but it doesn't...it just makes them dead.

Ron: You guys, go barricade the door. And Cho, make sure Neville's not dead. Uhhh, you guys...go get snacks...ah shit, we barricaded the door.

Harry: I was wondering if you had heard of something. Uh, Voldemort is back, Cedric is dead, Professor Quirrel was crazy, and I have to save the world! Did you hear that, hermoine?!
Hermione: Actually, I have heard those things, Harry, about a thousand times, but never have they been told to me with so much SASS!
Harry: Whoa.
Hermione: Drop the attitude, Harry Potter, you're acting like Garfield on a Monday.
Harry: *Gasp*

Draco: You know who I think the ugliest girl in this school is? That Hermione Granger. You know what I'd give her, on a scale of one to ten? One, one being the ugliest, and ten, pretty? I would give her... an eight. Eight-point-five.. or a nine. But not, NOT above a nine-point-eight. There is always room for improvement. Not everyone can be perfect, like me. That's why I'm holding out for a ten. Because I'm worth it.

Harry: Where is the invisibility cloak?
Ron: Oh, I put it on that magical walking chair...oh, that's a problem...

Harry: I love all you guys...except for you, Draco. I can't fucking stand you.

Harry: I'm Harry Potter. I play guitar. I'm awesome!

Ron: I'm just gonna go curl up in my sock drawer and sleep for days.

Ginny: (Hands Yule Wreath to Harry)
Harry: Is this for me? Oh, thanks Ginny, how'd you know I'd need a wreath to ask Cho Chang, you're the best!
Ginny: Oh, Harry Potter, just, you, forget it!!
Harry: Alright, I will!! Cool!

Snape: Watch...me...closely... (Dies)
Draco: He didn't do anything.
Harry: That's because he's dead you dumb motherf-

Dumbledore: A funny thing actually happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing. So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference won't be back till next year.

Harry: Beautiful? More like SuperMegaFoxyAwesomeHot!

Ginny: Oh my Rowling. What happened, Harry Potter?

Harry: I have to fight a goat? I don't know if I can do that morally!

Ron: This thing is so damn awesome! OH MY GOD! Every wizard should have a sword, not these stupid drumsticks; FORGET ABOUT THEM!

Dumbledore: What would Zac Efron say at a time like this? 'We're all in this together!'

Ron: Holy Shit, MOM! You just killed her! i thought you were going to tuck in her shirt or make her do the dishes!!

Dumbledore: Basically, I've just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy into Gryfindor, anyone who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin and everyone else can just go where ever the hell they want.

Voldemort: Voldemort out, bitches!

Harry: Do you think it could.. I dunno, make a girl fall in love with me?
Ginny: Oh, I think it already has...
Harry: Awesome! Cause it's for Cho Chang!

Deleted Lines:

Harry: What are you nuts? Beautiful? More like Supermegafoxyawesomehot! She's the hottest girl I've ever met. She's far more attractive, far more appealing, far more interesting than any girl that I know, in my immediate group of friends. So much more better. And awesome. And if this song is as awesome as I know it is, she's gonna have to make some room in those robes of hers... If you know what I'm saying, cuz it's an innuendo... I wanna have sex with her.

Ron: Wow. This cloak isn't as big as it used to be.
Harry: I remember this used to be a lot cuter, but now we just keep bumping into each other.
Ron: Well, if Hermione would just get those pillows off my back. Why'd you bring those? You plan on taking a nap?
Hermione: What pillows?
Harry: Yea, Ron, and your wand keeps poking me in my lower back. It's really uncomfortable.
Ron: Alright, maybe we should switch positions.
Hermione: Okay, Ron, you get behind me.
Ron: NO! NO! Not gonna ever get behind you. Let's just take the cloak off, okay?
Hermione: Someone's coming!
Ron: It's not me, I swear!

Hermione: Someone's coming again!
Ron: Okay, you got me.

Harry: Dumbledore, why do you trust Snape so much?
Dumbledore: Because I love him! Severus Snape and I share a kind of love that I don't think you will ever fully understand, Harry. I would give him the clothes off my back. I would share my bed with him. If a snake bit him, I would suck out the poison. Even if that snake happened to accidentally bite him on the wiener.

(After Snape gets bitten by snake)
Harry: Someone's gotta suck out the poison!
Draco: No. No. I'm not doing that.
Snape: I wish Dumbledore were here!
Harry: Hermione, do your thing.
Ron: No, no, no. I think we should just let Snape die and go on with out lives.

A Very Potter Sequel

Ron: Hey, pal. That's a pretty cool headband you got there.
Harry: Oh, thanks. I wear it to cover this gross scar I got when I was a baby. I was in the car with my parents when we crashed...into a crocodile. My parents got eaten, but then the crocodile took out a knife and gave me this scar.

Ron: Oh my God! Night troll!
Hermione: I'm not a night troll. I'm a little girl.

Lupin: I've said it before, Snape, and I'll say it again. You always have been and you always will be a butt trumpet!

Dumbedore: Well, if it isn't Harry fucking Potter! I haven't seen you since you were a cute little baby. Didn't you grow up into a sexy little bitch like your father!

Harry: Where did you get sorted when you came to Hogwarts?
Dumbledore: Gay as the fourth of July.

Umbridge: Rule number one: No boys...unless they're cute. Rule number two: No alcohol...unless there's plenty to go around. And rule number three: no parties...unless Umbridge is invited! But seriously girls, if I do catch you with any boys or alcohol, I'm gonna rip your perky little boobs off.

Umbridge: When I was a young human, tears would flow from my eyeballs all the time.

Umbridge: From this day forward, you're gonna do five hundred push ups a day. Except for you, Cho Chang. You don't gotta do a God damn thing.
Cho: Oh. Goody!
Umbridge: Yea. Because everybody already just thinks that you're God damn perfect.
Cho: Well, I certainly hope that I haven't given them any reason not to think so.
Umbridge: (laughs) And funny too. Isn't she just a fucking peach, girls? Don't we just fucking love her? Lesson number one girls. Little skanks like her are always gonna get whatever they want. And the rest of you, you're gonna have to eat each other to get ahead. Cuz that's just the way the world works for frumpy little turds like us! I mean...LIKE YOU.

Ron: Charms...sucks. Potions...sucks. Transfiguration...sucks.
Harry: Yea, best class is definitely satanic rituals.

Hermione: My parents say sports are bad for your teeth.

Lupin: I don't know if you know this, but I was your dad's best friend.
Harry: I thought the traitor, Sirius Black, was his best friend.
Lupin: No. Who..who...uh...who told you that? Did your dad tell you that?
Harry: Uh, well, I didn't get a chance to talk to him after he died.

Snape: That's absurd!
Lupin: You're absurd!
Snape: What? Say that again to my face!
Lupin: You're absurd!
Snape: That's absurd!

Draco: Hey! Potter! Hey, Potter! Potter! Potter!
Harry: What, Malfoy?
Draco: I drew a picture of you.

Draco: Just wait til my father here's about this! He'll say... “Draco, you God damn little pooper. Why don't you stop your whining and learn to use the potty like a normal human.” And then, and then he will pull down my diaper and scold me for the mess I've left in it and spank my cheeks as red as cherries.
Harry: That really sucks, Malfoy, but I just can't believe you still wear a diaper. (Laughs)
Draco: All respectable wizards do. How do you expect me to use a potty? I could fall into that monstrosity.

Snape: Please gather in the courtyard with you signed Hogsmeade permission form. Students without their permission form will be killed.

Draco: You know, Goyle, using the potty's not so bad. I don't know why I was afraid of it all those years. I think I was concerned about falling in, but I have found that if I climb on top of the potty and I put one foot on either side of the potty whole rim, I get a firm footing and I'm actually quite safe. And you know, using the potty's a great time to socialize. You simply look over to the stall next to you and you have a right chat with your neighbour. “Oh! Hello there, good sir. First time using the potty too, eh? Good luck, my man.” And then, I simply squat like so and I do my business...in my diaper as usual, and then, I undo the side latches and let the diaper simply fall into the potty. Yes. Father will hear of this.

Umbridge: I wonder what would happen if I just broke your fingers. Cuz then you wouldn't be able to play the guitar anymore. And then all your little friends would leave you alone and then you would be just like Umbridge. Except Umbridge can kick your ass.

Umbridge: It's time for your punishment.
Harry: What punishment?
Umbridge: Oh, it's nothing too bad. You just gotta take this knife, put it upright on a chair, and sit on it, Pottsy!

Draco: (Writing letter) Dear pa-pa, I am writing to you to enquire about my Hogsmeade permission form. I sent it to you on the very first day of school and I am anxiously awaiting it's return with your signature on it. But, but don't rush, Daddy. Missing out on trips like this allows me more time to write letters to you. Yes, things at Hogwarts are going quite swimmingly. I'm the most popular boy at school. Why, even Harry Potter likes me. I'm also the darling of every classroom and the favourite of every professor who has any sense. Oh, most importantly, I have mastered the use of the potty. Yes, yes, I admit I was a late bloomer, but you can imagine my pride as I strode into charms class and said “Oh, hello, gents. Professor Flitwick, sorry for my tardiness. I was just learning how to use the potty.” How the children laughed at me in celebration. I like making people laugh. I also like the potty. I know you haven't done so all year, but you can feel free to write me at any time. (AN: Cue the “awws”) Hugs and butterfly kisses, your Draco. Oh, PS. Tell Mama to bugger off.

Harry: You knew my dad's traitor best friend?
Lupin: No...NO! I am your dad's traitor best-. I am your dad's traitor. No! I am your dad's best friend. Okay? Don't forget it.

Snape: Hey, Lupin. Want to go look at the full moon with me? Haha. Zombie.
Lupin: Snape! Alright, I...Harry, I gotta go. Just stay out of the shreiking shack. I'm a werewolf in there.
Harry: Wait, what?

Umbridge: Alright children. Have fun at Hogsmeade. Oh, and don't get killed by Sirius Black.

Dumbledore: In case you were wondering, the D stands for my wiener.

Seamus: You guys ever hear the one about Sirius Black and Flitwick's little brother? So, Flitwick's little brother's walking down the streets of London and Sirius Black, he's in this storm drain...dressed as a clown. And he's like “Yo! Hey, Flitwick's little brother! Down here in this storm drain! It's me, a clown. And Flitwick's little brother's like “Yea, chap? Whatchu want?” And Sirius Black is like “Ohhhh! Flitwick's little brother, you gotta get down here in this storm drain with me cuz you're missing out! We've got a carnival down here! We've got loads of cotton candy and balloons...” And the kid practically flips. He goes, “I gotta get down there. That sounds like a right treat, that does.” So, he reaches down his arm, right? But Sirius Black, he grows these mad teeth and HE BITES THE KID'S HEAD OFF!!!!!!!
Lavender: (Starts crying)
Seamus: And two days later, that kid died.

(Werewolf jumps out)
Ron: Harry, it's a...it's a...
Harry, Ron, Hermione: VAMPIRE!

Hermione: Are you alright, Ron?
Ron: I will be...after a red vine.

Lupin: Hey, Ron. What are you thinking about? Maybe a snack or a...frumpy little girl?
Ron: Noo...NO! I'm thinking about Harry.
Harry: Oh, cool. I was thinking about me too.

Dumbledore: Umbridge, stop! Your beef isn't with these sexy boys, it's with me

Harry: In the muggle world, I'm just a - I'm something called a douchebag. I play guitar when everybody just wants to hang out and I make weird covers of Disney songs...I mean, who does that? See, muggles hate that shit. To them I'm just a douchebag. I'm like...Jesse McCartney.

Starship

Specs: Oh, I've heard of your dad.
Junior: I'm his son!

Taz: Robots can't be trusted, mate. Do you know what the first thing a robot ever did? Kill his creator. And then he made more evil robots!
Mega-girl: All hail Astro Boy.

Tootsie: A horse ate my cousin!

Taz: One more comment like that, and I am going to wrap you up in a tortilla. And then I will eat you as a snack. Maybe with some pico de gallo.

Taz: Do you want to know how I feel?
Up: Well, of course I do, Taz.
Taz: I feel like...CUTTING OPEN YOUR BELLY AND FILLING IT WILL JELLY!
Up: Taz, is something bothering you?
Taz: (Punches Up)

Tootsie: Sorry, sir, she's got the mustache now...I love you.

Krayonder: Thank dead God, man. I thought I was gonna die a virgin.
Specs: Me too.
Tootsie: Me too!
Taz: Me too.
Up: Ehh...me too.

Junior: Oh, hey, is mom there? I was wondering if I could talk to her actually.
Dr. Spaceclaw: Your mom died a day after you left for your evil mission.
Junior: Oh. Was is sad?
Dr. Spaceclaw: A little.

Up: Rangers, I want every single one of you to get back to your dormitory and take a bubble bath. We deserve bubbles on our skin.

Tootsie: Maybe this is all part of God's plan...he made before he died.

Up: Why if it isn't Bug, my oldest friend.

Up: Now you know, Bug...I ain't got no balls...but I'm all heart.

Up: Now I can't even make it through the "sir I wanna buy these Christmas shoes" song withot crying. And I know it's a cheesy song, Bug. I know. But the mama's gonna die...and she's gonna meet Jesus...and she's gonna have some new god damn shoes!!!!!

Bug: Well, you see, the thing is, I like this girl...
Up: It's not Taz, is it?
Bug: No.
Up: Good. I like Taz. Wait! It's not Specs, is it?
Bug: No.
Up: Well, then who is it?
Bug: It's February, the schience officer.
Up: Oh, yea, February!...She's an idiot.
Bug: I know. She's the greatest.

February: Bug, I just wanna let you know that I feel really safe with you...but this planet seriously makes me wanna blow chunks.

Bug: That was a good video...until the end when it got sad.

February: Bug! I think I just had a think!

Junior: Bug is a BUG?! I don't believe this!

Bug: Guys, there's something we need to tell you!
February: It's Junior! He's a dick!

February: The Galactic League of Extraterestrial Exploration wants to capture the bugs so they can make their own twisted abominations.
Up: Damn that G.L.E.E. They're always making twisted abominations of everything.

Bug: You're evil!
Pincer: No, DUH!

Tootsie: I changed my name...to Tootsie Mega-girl. Because where I come from, Farm Planet, your first name is what you do and your second name is what you love.

Taz: Damn you. Damn you, you damn fool. Damn you and your big damn heart.

Junior: Yea! I'm smoking pot!

Junior: We have a saying where I come from too: God save the Queen. Lucky for me, God is dead!

Junior: I'm taking that overqueen bastard back to Earth cuz it's gonna make me a million space bucks. And I'm gonna use that money to buy weed!

Junior: I'd say that was really sad and beautiful, but I didn't understand one damn word of it. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

Harry Potter

Philosopher's Stone:

Dumbledore: It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.

Chamber of Secrets:

Draco: Why are you wearing glasses?
Harry [as Goyle: Uh...reading.
Draco: Reading? I didn't know you could read

Ron: Why spiders? Why couldn't it be follow the butterflies?

Deathly Hallows:

Ron [as Cattermole: Oh, my God. What am I gonna do? My wife's all alone downstairs.
Harry [as Runcorn: Ron, you don't have a wife.
Ron [as Cattermole: Oh, right.

Bellatrix: Stupid elf!! You could have killed me!!!
Dobby: Dobby never meant to kill. Dobby only meant to maim or...seriously injure.

There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

35 Things You Didn't Know About Neville Longbottom

1. Chuck Norris' boggart is Neville Longbottom.
2. Neville urinates Felix Felicis
3. If Grindelwald and Voldemort were to get in a fight, Neville would win
4. The Sorting Hat is no longer used at Hogwarts; students are sorted based on how long it takes them to cry in the presence of Neville Longbottom
5. XXXXX-rated porn is Neville doing mundane everyday tasks, fully clothed
6. Voldemort didn't light the Sorting Hat on fire; the Sorting Hat combusted because it touched Neville Longbottom
7. If you spell “Neville Longbottom” in Scrabble, it's an automatic win
8. Harry's chest tattoo isn't a Hungarian Horntail, it's a portrait of Neville
9. Bellatrix never actually tortured Neville's parents. She just threatened to kill their son and they laughed themselves into insanity
10. Even though it was difficult getting four dragons for the Triwizard Tournament, the officials decided it was safer than the original plan of using Neville
11. Originally, there was a spell called “Neville Longbottom” but when cast in a duel, both wizards would explode leaving nothing more than a smear of blood and a fraction of wand. They quickly changed this spell to the much weaker “Avada Kedavra”
12. Neville Longbottom doesn't bow to hippogriffs. Hippogriffs bow to Neville Longbottom
13. If you're looking for Neville ont he Marauder's map, he's labled “BAMF”
14. Neville became Head Boy AND Girl. No one dared comment
15. They were going to release a Neville Longbottom edition of clue, but the answer always turned out to be “Neville Longbottom, in the courtyard with a sword”
16. Dumbledore seriously considered calling it The Order of Neville Longbottom before he settled on The Order of the Phoenix
17. Neville Longbottom is what's beyond the veil
18. Even Phoenix tears won't cure wound inflicted by Neville Longbottom
19. Neville's patronus is Neville, because nothing else is badass enough to represent him
20. Merlin got an Order of Neville, Third Class
21. Before Neville punched it, it was known as Horizont Alley
22. When Neville uses the knight bus, he calls himself Harry Potter to avoid all the attention
23. It was once suggested that “Diagon Alley” be changed to “Longbottom Alley.” The idea was almost immediately cast aside, because nobody crosses Neville Longbottom and lives.
24. Most people can slam doors. Neville can slam Floo Powder
25. Neville's alphabet soup only ever contains four letters: B,A, M,and F
26. There is no night and day. Only Neville saying “Lumos”
27. Neville Longbottom is often transported to the room of requirement because the room requires Neville
28. When Draco Malfoy found out he was worth a whole 12th of Neville Longbottom, he cried for joy
29. The wizard prison was originally named after Neville—it used to be Bad-Asskaban
30. When Neville apparates, he doesn't move—the rest of the world shifts according to his design. The fact that this causes disasters like the Asian tsunami to occur is of little consequence to Neville.
31. Voldemort and the Death Eaters were actually created in the Room of Requirement. Neville walked past it three times thinking he needed some opponents who were not laughably pathetic in comparison to him. Some things, not even magic can do.
32. Followers of Voldemort are known as “Death Eaters.” Followers of Neville Longbottom are known as “Death Eater Eaters.”
33. Neville Longbottom listens to Mandrake cries on his iPod for entertainment
34. To access the Marauder's Map, all Neville has to say is “I'm Neville Longbottom...bitch...”
35. When Harry and Ginny's children were concieved, Ginny was thinking of Neville...So was Harry.