Hello there! Welcome! Have a Fruit Roll-up! Aren't you gonna eat it? Oh for christ's sake...well, since I have your attention, learn a bit about my strange and glorious life.

I was born many eons ago to the Earth and Sky. I was their only child, for after me, they needed no further loin products. They had achieved perfection.

I did not have a childhood; I burst fully-formed from the womb at the age of seventeen, since when I have saved the universe exactly thirty-three and a half times. I now spend my lesiure hours ruling the world from the deck of my magnificent lime-green space gondola.

THE PART OF THAT THAT WAS ACTUALLY TRUE:

I really am sevente--oh no wait, I've just had a birthday, so now none of it is true.

Sorry wait no two birthdays.

Now I'm a liar and old.

SOME OTHER THINGS THAT ARE ACTUALLY TRUE:

I am a girl.

My name is unimportant, but I've been known to answer to any and all of the following: K-san, Q-Ball, Hey Asshole, Tamaki, Lady, That Weird Girl Who Sits Behind Me in Math, and (though very, very rarely) Kayleigh.

I was secretly a terrible writer until sophomore year and still hate virtually everything I write within two weeks of finishing it.

Though I love grammar like an emo kid loves girl pants, I have a terrible problem with cognitive omission which gives me a tendency to leave out words or letters, or write words which are entirely different from the ones I wanted.

I am an avid hitchhiker of galaxies. Though this only seems to apply to the ones in my head. And possibly the one in my office.

My mother has instructed me not to tell the internet where I live, but I will say that we are not overly fond of the letter "R". In fact, I believe we've kicked it out of the alphabet for the most part. It will not be paaaaaking anything in any well-known-university-which-I-will-never-get-into's yaaaaaad any time soon, I assure you.

I have the same obsession with gay guys that straight men have with lesbians. Accept this fact or begone from my internets.

Harry Potter got me through elementary school.

Whenever anyone reminds me that Neville and Luna didn't get married and have weird little babies, I start to cry.

Ginny and Harry are cute together. Deal with it.

Remus was gay until Sirius died, and J.K. will be announcing this any day now. Deal with that as well.

I liked Deathly Hallows. Even the epilogue. (There. I've said it and I'm not taking it back.)

Nothing will ever make me laugh harder than the fact that we were all right about Dumbledore.

I randomly add and/or change these facts at unexpected intervals.

I measure my self-worth by reviews.

I continue to believe firmly that the fact that I have to be American is due to some amazing cock-up on the part of God and geography. Surely I was supposed to be English...

GLORIOUS QUOTES:

"I am not the freak. They are the freaks. Clearly. When I grow up, that had better be understood and I had better be compensated." (Ned Vizzini)

"Did I do something wrong today or has the world always been like this and I've just been too wrapped up in myself to notice?" (Arthur Dent)

"The world is way more about failure and compromised standards than it is about winning." (Paul Nealan)

"My doctor says I have a malformed public duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber and I am therefore excused from saving universes." (Ford Prefect)

"TV and the internet are good because they keep stupid people from spending too much time out in public." (Douglas Coupland)

"...I felt terribly inadequate. The trouble was, I had been inadequate all along. I simply hadn't thought about it." (Sylvia Plath)

"I'd much rather be alone and make myself miserable than give someone else the pleasure." (Laurie Notaro)

"For the last time, THERE IS NO MEXICO IN NARNIA!!" (a phrase that I am frequently forced to shout at my friends)

"There are no AA meetings in Ireland, because if there's a meeting there, it's always at the bar." (Lewis Black)

"It's not us. It's them. Them and their stupid boy penises." (Grey's Anatomy)

"She's realized the real problem with stories--if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death." (Neil Gaiman)

"Do not meddle in the affairs of slashers, for you are cute and go well with other men." (A pin that I have on my backpack)

AN INCOMPLETE LIST OF THINGS WITH WHICH I AM CURRENTLY OBSESSED :

--Shawn Michaels

--Collecting the little spice packets that come with ramen in a small ziploc bag but never using them

--Dr. Horrible

--The Sandman

--Locke Lamora

--Hawaiian pizza

--Ouran High School Host Club

--Translating random foreign language fics to English via Babelfish and laughing hysterically at the horribly mangled result (seriously, try it the next time you need a laugh, it's hilarious)

--My y!gallery. Seriously the only damn thing I ever do anymore.

--Making lists