I'm a mean, opinionated son of a bitch, but I'm an honest son of a bitch. If you're looking to complain about a review, that's just too damn bad. If you'd like to discuss a review, well, actually, I'd enjoy that.

I'm not just opinionated, I'm argumentative. Not in the "I'm old and you're wrong" argumentative, but more in the "You amuse me, let's talk until you bore me" argumentative.

As a final word, I've been on here for years, I've read a lot of crap, and when I tell someone that their story is bad I don't just mean it offends my views. I mean that it hits at least two of these criteria.

Bad characterization.

Bad premise.

Bad or no summary.

No slash warning. If you think that your story doesn't need this warning because the two characters are destined for each other, either write for Gravitation or grow up.

Contrived or stupid romance for no other reason than romance. Not every story needs it, and most people can't write a good romance story regardless.

Needless bashing. Weasley bashing was old in 2006. You aren't covering any new ground.

Bad grammar. You know what the worst offender to the english language is? People who speak english as their first language.

If you think I'm trolling you for the sake of trolling? Grow up. I don't review stories I don't like more than the one time I tell an author that their writing is crap.

As a side note; If you write in your summary that the story is better than it sounds, it isn't. Please stop fanwanking to your own material.

My stories aren't all too great and I know it. I don't go hounding people to review or hold chapters hostage. That would require being motivated enough to write the next chapter anyway. Which I wish I was in the first place...