Disclaimer: I own nothing; it all belongs to J.K.Rowling. I'm just borrowing the characters to play with for a while. This is for pleasure only, no profit is being made, and no copyright infringement is intended.

CHAPTER SIX

Grown-up Luna picked up baby Luna and dusted her off. The lack of crying made grown-up Luna worry a little less about her own well-being. Baby Luna just kept staring at grown-up Luna with unforgiving eyes.

"Oh stop looking at me like that." Grown-up Luna yelled at baby Luna. "You won't even remember this in a couple years, and besides, you'll make the same mistake when you're my age."

Harry and Lionel kept catching each other's eye and having to stop themselves from laughing out loud. Finally, they knew they were in good company, and not so worried about baby Luna's tendency to bruise easily.

Papa Elf interrupted and reminded them that they weren't alone. "Is she going to be okay?"

Harry just turned to the man, and in answer to the question, the only word that seemed capable of coming out his mouth was "Snorkack!"

Papa Elf stepped back a bit at Harry's proclamation. "Yes, Azrael is a Snorkack."

Lionel eagerly asked, "Is he a Crumple-Horned?"

"Err…" Papa Elf looked at the other high elves and saw uncertain shrugs. "I have no idea. I don't believe he has any sort of horn."

Clumsy Elf added, "Maybe because it's crumpled?"

Brainy Elf just shrugged and let out a particularly shrill sound.

"Hmm," Lionel was thinking. "How can we determine if Azrael is a Crumple-Horned or just a regular run of the mill Snorkack?"

The high elves, the Lovegoods, and Harry were all thinking deeply pondering the question. The conversation seemed to have halted as they struggled to come up with a solution.

A timid voice from way down the tiny table spoke up, "Err, I couldn't help but overhear."

"Yeah, right." A grumpy sounding high elf bitterly mumbled.

"Oh shush, Grumpy Elf." The timid voice scolded. "Oh sorry, by the way, I'm Nosey Elf and I just thought I'd butt in to your conversation. I was thinking … perhaps… you could ask Azrael if he is a Crumple-Horned?"

Brainy Elf smacked himself on the forehead. "Of course! Why didn't I think of that?" Brainy Elf was shaking his head. "Azrael would probably know the answer to that question."

Harry looked at the high elves oddly. "You mean he can talk… normally enough to engage in conversation?"

Papa Elf nodded slowly. "He had a sort of flu virus a few years ago and sounded particularly nasal then, but he has very little accent. And no noticeable lisp."

Grown-up Luna had backed off her own meal and forced her nipple into her baby self's mouth, just to make her stop staring. These high elves were a bit slower moving than she would have expected and knew they'd need to drag them forcefully to an eventual conclusion. "You'd said you would help the Chosen One. Can you take us to Azrael, the Snorkack?"

Granny Elf looked over at Clumsy Elf and Papa Elf. She nodded wisely. "We cannot take you all the way, but we will lead you as far as we can, and point you in the right direction. But the journey will have to wait until after sunrise. It is too dangerous to venture the forest at night."

Harry shrugged at Lionel who replied, "Alright. Let's go tomorrow then."

The next morning the Lovegoods and Harry were all packed up, and ready for a long hike. Unfortunately they forgot to factor in the relational differences in distance they would have as compared to the high elves. Clumsy Elf, riding on Harry's shoulder, directed them quietly for about five minutes before announcing, "And this is where we must part ways. I can go no further."

"What?" Lionel asked looking over his shoulder noticing the Elf village was practically still in sight. "This was the journey that was too difficult to do at night?"

Clumsy Elf nodded cheerfully. "It was dark last night. And at least for me, I trip enough as it is. Anyways, you see that cave halfway up the mountain?"

Harry thought it looked closer to a speed bump than a mountain but nodded.

"That's where we last saw or heard from Azrael. We helped him put up some wards, and he asked us not to bother him. So we haven't spoken to him in a couple of years. I hope he can help you on the rest of your journey." Clumsy Elf jumped down from Harry's shoulder, doing a couple twists and spins in the air before failing to stick his landing and falling on his arse. "Oops. Well, Lionel, Luna, Luna: it has been a pleasure meeting you all. If our paths ever cross again, know that you have friends among the high elves." Clumsy Elf turned to Harry, "Chosen One…" Tears were flowing from the little high elf's eyes. "I love you."

Harry just stood there numbly while the little blue thing clutched his lower right leg. He began a motion to pat the high elf on the head, but kept stopping himself. Once because he swore he heard the high elf call him 'homey'. Finally, Harry just said. "You're a credit to your race, Legolas, Clumsy Elf. I'm sure we'll see each other again."

Clumsy Elf's smile could have brightened even Voldemort's day.

As Harry and the Lovegoods marched onward to their destination leaving the teary-eyed little blue bugger behind, Lionel quietly suggested. "You know Harry, this entire journey is only about a quarter mile. We could easily go back and visit with your people some more."

Harry frowned. "Let's just get going. Those high-pitched voices were giving me a headache."

As they made their way to the entrance to the cave, Lionel yelled, "Hello?" and could hear it echoing on indefinitely.

"Anyone home?" Luna asked loudly.

"Azrael?" Harry asked.

"Echo! Echo… echo…" Luna yelled, trailing off making her own echo.

"We come in peace." Lionel forewarned.

Luna softly added, "Peace… peace…"

Lionel smiled. "Okay, this cave's acoustics are way better than should be possible. Just what sort of wards did the high elves put up?"

"The high elves sent you?" a voice from deeper in the cave asked.

Luna and Lionel looked at Harry apparently, expecting him to lead on this part. "Err, no, not exactly. They just told us where to find Azrael. We wanted to ask him some questions."

After a moment of silence, they heard a slight huff. "Very well. I am Azrael. You may come on back and ask your questions."

They slowly worked their way back through the darkened cave, using their wands for light. The tunnel lit up considerably as they ventured deeper and deeper until they ended up in an oddly normal looking room. Harry saw several musical instruments laying around, ranging from little pan flutes to massive harps, to a complete drum setup. There was an eerie unmoving statue of a nearly five foot tall orange cat.

"Hello?" Lionel asked looking around the seemingly empty room. "Azrael?"

Harry had been examining the lifelike texture of the statue, when it turned to Lionel and replied "Yes?"

Unprepared, Harry yelped like a girl and fell backwards in the cluttered room. He knocked over a bassoon and landed on his rump, with a particularly delicate tuba breaking his fall.

Azrael had already begun to plead, "Don't fall on the tuba!" Before sighing and closing his feline looking eyes. He was shaking his head, "You just had to crumple my horn, didn't you?"

Harry jumped up and was trying to wipe off the tuba, as though it just had a little smudge on it, and hadn't been collapsed. "Sorry, err, it may still be okay." Harry explained as he carefully lay it down.

"Yes, yes, it had been tuned a bit sharp. Maybe now it'll be more flat." Azrael stated.

Harry looked at Azrael and had no idea if he was being mocked or not. "Err… sorry… again."

"Yes, we've established that." Azrael was staring Harry down. "You look… familiar."

Harry just sighed. "I have a bad habit of being the wrong person in the wrong place at the wrong time."

Azrael looked him over and seemed to agree. "Very well." He looked over at Luna carrying a sleeping Luna and Lionel and asked, "You had some questions for me?"

Lionel replied immediately, "Yes, we do. By the way, my name is Lionel. And we've spent this summer trying to track down a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. The high elves mentioned that you are a Snorkack. Please forgive our ignorance, but are you a Crumple-Horned?"

Azrael raised an eyebrow. "Do I look like a Crumple-Horned?"

Luna shook her head. "Not really. But until we saw you, we had no idea what a Snorkack looked like. And if I didn't know you were a Snorkack, I would have guessed you were a house cat that swallowed a growth potion."

"And possessed a strangely proficient command of the English language," Azrael pointed out.

"Yes, that too." Lionel agreed.

Azrael sighed and settled himself down on the ground near the drum set. "And so it was your greed that drove you to seek out a Crumple-Horned Snorkack?"

Luna frowned. "Greed? I don't think I'd call it greed. We publish a newspaper, and some people have been doubting the truth that Crumple-Horned Snorkacks even exist. We were hoping to document one and provide proof. As well as take a summer vacation."

Azrael looked at Harry, who just shrugged in response. "I just wanted out of my relatives' house before they raped me."

Azrael was beginning to warm up to the incredibly odd tuba flattener. "So none of you even know the secrets of that which you seek?"

Lionel smiled and shook his head. "Nope. The journey is as much the goal as is the destination. But we were still hoping to find one."

Azrael looked at all three of them, and Harry in particular before finally replying. "I am not a Crumple-Horned, but I may be able to help you on your journey. Before I do though, I ask that you help me."

Lionel nodded. "If it is within our power, we would be glad to help you."

"Excellent," Azrael stated. "Because, I've gotten lonely without my old Master around. And I was hoping for some companionship."

Lionel looked at Harry. "You're this trip's bitch. It's your job to pleasure him."

"What!" Harry yelled glancing at the large orange Snorkack.

"Actually," Azrael interrupted with a smile. "That wasn't what I had in mind. I would like you to bring me a fruit from the Tree of Life."

Harry blew out a loud breath. "That sounds much more pleasant."

"Bring me one," Azrael continued. "And I will tell you all I know about my Crumple-Horned brethren."

Harry smiled. "Fair enough. Can you tell us about the Tree of Life?"

Azrael frowned. "What do you mean?"

Harry started counting off on his fingers. "What is it? Where is it? How do we find it? What's its fruit look like? How easily is it identified? Why are you asking us to do this rather than having done it yourself before?"

Azrael chuckled. "If I knew where it was, I would have no need for your help. But I have searched this forest a fair amount, and I know it is here, but I have been unable to locate it."

Luna nodded. "We'll find it."

"Quite the confidence you have," Azrael purred. "As for the Tree of Life, trust me, you'll know it when you see it."

"We'll be back," Luna assured him and led her meekly obedient father and boyfriend out of the cave.

"I take it your 'instincts' know where we're going?" Lionel asked.

Luna shook her head as she shifted the sleeping baby Luna to her other side. "Nope, but I know how to get Harry to know where we're going."

Lionel raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms watching his daughter and Harry.

Luna grabbed a hold of Harry and turned him facing away from her father. She stood on her tippytoes and whispered into his ear.

Lionel just stood there and tried to hear what she was whispering but could only discern the words 'swollen' and 'Velma'.

Harry seemed to be alternating between pale and blushing through some sputters and gulps before pointing off to the northwest. "It's that way." He stated as fact before he began marching intently in said direction through the forest.

Lionel and Luna hurriedly followed him. Lionel asked, "Do I want to know what you whispered to him? Or how he knows where we're going?"

Luna smiled. "Well, hypothetically anyone with a penis and a blood flow problem could determine which way we should be headed. I just know it will be much quicker with me whispering to my boyfriend, an easily aroused hormonal teenager, than if I were whispering to my daddy-"

"You're right," Lionel interrupted before letting that train of thought leave the station. "We'll ride his flesh compass as long as we can."

"Yes, sir!" Luna said with a salute and quickly handed baby Luna to her father.

"Sweetie!" Lionel called out to his grown-up daughter who'd begun to speed up and catch Harry. "I didn't mean that literally."

Luna smiled and gave her daddy a thumbs up. "I'm on it, daddy!"

Lionel was hurriedly keeping up with the two teenagers. Every once in a while Harry would slow down to a mere brisk walk, and he'd see Luna whisper something else to Harry before the pace would pick right back up again. He'd briefly considered trying to listen in, but after hearing 'throbbing', 'polish', 'kick-flip', and 'turgid', he decided he really didn't want to know.

They stopped a few brief times to change baby Luna and get the Lovegoods some food. During these breaks Harry just seemed to hop from one foot to the next in place waiting for them to hurry up.

Three hours of brisk hiking later, Harry stopped suddenly at the top of a rise in the path. When the Lovegoods stopped next to him, they saw it too.

There was no doubting they had found the Tree of Life. It wasn't as tall as most of the other trees around, but this one stood out like a shining beacon in the darkness. It was pure glowing white, and the air around it hummed with magical energy. Harry just sat there with his mouth gaping open, while Luna frowned a bit and angrily wiped some of the drool from his chin.

"It's amazing," Harry stated in reverence.

Lionel just looked on in awe and nodded.

Luna had to admit it was impressive, but she wasn't sure how she felt about her boyfriend's response.

Lionel broke the tense silence and said, "I can see why Azrael wants a fruit."

The fruit of the Tree of Life were no doubt its source of power. Growing in bunches up near the top of the tree, seemingly sprouting from the pods that held them, were naked, unmoving, gorgeous, buxom, blonde women. Some still looked more like inanimate unshaped clay, while others were far more defined and ripe for picking. The women growing from this tree would be considered goddesses by almost any culture.

Lionel turned quickly to his daughter and exclaimed. "This is where the Swedish bikini team comes from! I knew they grew on trees!"

Harry just kept smiling and shaking his head. "Awesome."

Luna huffed.

"Totally awesome."

"Are they alive?" Lionel asked.

Harry had yet to tear his eyes from the tree. "Does it matter?"

Luna huffed again. "Come on, Trip Bitch. Hurry up and pluck us a fruit, so we can get out of here."

Harry snapped his gaze from the tree and looked at Luna. "What's the matter?"

Luna took her baby self back from her father and gave Harry a brief glare before looking away.

"Luna?" Harry asked curiously. "Have I done something wrong?"

Lionel looked over at his daughter and then back to Harry. He was now frowning at Harry.

Luna just said, "Get a damn fruit and let's go."

Harry made the mistake every man makes, and did exactly as she had asked him to. He climbed a good fifteen feet up the tree, balanced himself in between branches, and inquired, "How do I know which one to take?"

Lionel was watching his progress and yelled out, "If the carpet matches the curtains, it's probably ripe for the picking."

Harry just looked at Lionel oddly. "I have absolutely no idea what that means. Will this near one here work?"

Lionel examined the one Harry pointed to and nodded. "She's as developed as any of them."

Harry reached out towards the branch with the fruit he had targeted, and grabbed a hold of its waist. The arms were raised above the head and seemed to be the only piece of fruit still attached. "Oh lord! It feels just like flesh. And she's really warm."

Lionel raised an eyebrow. "Why don't we save the analysis for down here?"

"Alright," Harry agreed, unintentionally ignoring his rapidly angering girlfriend. Harry struggled to pull the fruit clear from the tree. "She's really heavy." Harry rasped out as he slung her body weight over his shoulders.

"Fat ugly cow," Luna translated for her baby self.

Harry was grasping onto the fruit, in a way that would be highly inappropriate for a couple of unfamiliar strangers, and was tugging at it trying to pluck it off the tree. "Stupid thing is stuck."

Lionel saw the way Harry kept fondling and groping the woman, as though she were nothing more than an apple he was trying to twist off a branch. Luna did not seem to appreciate Harry's ministrations.

Harry repositioned the fruit across his front and had a face full of what Lionel would call the carpet. "I really don't think we should be casting magic on the Tree of Life, but this is more difficult than I'd expected." After much struggling, that when viewed from down below even had Lionel blushing and Luna rankling, finally Harry had the bright idea of shaking the branch. "Hey, I think this is working." Harry slung the fruit's legs over each shoulder and rested the weight against his face. He began shaking the branch vigorously. Within ten seconds, the fruit's hands fell free from the branch, and then her upper body lost its support as momentum carried her backward.

A loud fwump was made as the fruit crashed to the ground, headfirst. It seemed no worse for the wear, but had it been a normal person, the fall would have most likely broken the person's neck and back.

"Got it," Harry unnecessarily announced seeing the dropped fruit splayed on the ground.

Harry hurriedly scuttled back down the Tree of Life. "Thank Merlin, that's done. That tree was really beginning to give me a burning sensation that was less than pleasant."

Lionel rolled over the fruit and began dusting her off. "Good lord, she is warm. Though, those nipples look like they could cut glass." Lionel saw his daughter briefly direct her ire his way and quickly finished, "I think this one should work just fine. Why don't we head on back now?"

Harry shook his head. "Not just yet, I need to rest for a moment. Between blood flow issues and all that work, I'm really dizzy and disoriented right now."

Lionel could see he was close to passing out, but wasn't sure he wanted to be on Luna's bad side at the moment.

"Besides," Harry said. "We're at the Tree of Life. I wouldn't mind admiring it for a bit longer."

Lionel just groaned softly knowing Harry's words were not going to have the intended effect.

Luna growled angrily as she rocked baby Luna in an attempt to make her sleep.

Harry had had enough of Luna's angry stares and said, "Alright, Luna. Out with it. Is it something I've done? Or is there something about these fruit that's got you in such a snit?"

Luna stopped and frowned. She insincerely said through clenched teeth and watery eyes, "No… it's nothing you've done."

Harry shook his head, "Then what is your problem with these hairless monkey's growing on the Tree of Life? They're barely a step up from a banana!"

Lionel thought they were far closer to coconuts, but wisely remained silent. He walked over and took baby Luna from grown-up Luna, so that grown-up Luna could freely punch and snap out a castration hex, if she so desired.

Luna let her daddy take the baby and snarled as a couple tears fell, "Then why do you keep having blood flow issues?"

"That's what you're angry about?" A shocked Harry said. "That I find naked women attractive? You know, our relationship would have all sorts of problems if I didn't."

Luna just frowned.

"Luna," Harry said exhaustedly. He paused before continuing, "Yes, of course, I find the female form extremely attractive. You know how much I like your boobs. Is it that distressing to find out I like boobs in general, as opposed to yours exclusively?"

Luna frowned and sighed. "I just don't like seeing you drool over boobs that are better than mine."

It was times like these Lionel really missed his wife, as he had no idea if he should interrupt, run and hide, or just kill the young man who was causing his daughter pain.

Harry furrowed his brow in confusion. "Better than yours? That's what you're worried about?"

"Well, I mean…" Luna had gotten much quieter now having voiced her fears. "You'll be having all sorts of boobs continuously throwing themselves at you. I know you hate your fame, but like it or not, it will get you an awful lot of boobs. Some worse than mine, but undoubtedly some a bit better."

Harry smiled and shook his head. "Luna… you know me better than this. Come on, tell me. Who do I like better: Daphne or Velma?"

Luna smiled and weakly answered. "Velma."

"That's right," Harry said with a knowing smile as he inched closer to his girlfriend. "And do you remember why?"

Luna giggled a little as she replied, "Because of her imperfections and individuality."

"Exactly, Luna! I don't want perfect boobs," Harry said honestly with a smile and shake of his head. "I want your boobs."

Luna couldn't stop the smile on her face and her eyes were glistening with a new set of tears now. She threw herself onto her magnificent boyfriend and wrapped her arms and legs around him. She whispered through her tears, "And my boobs want you too."

Harry felt all the parts of Luna he'd been thinking about almost nonstop lately, were thoroughly mashed up against him. They seemed even softer and warmer than the hairless monkey could ever hope to be. Blood flow very quickly became an issue again, and he just quietly replied "Awesome", before the dizziness and exhaustion caught up with him and he fell backwards passed out in a faint.

Lionel was playing with his baby daughter doing his best to ignore the painfully awkward teenage romance going on around him. He turned back towards the young couple when he heard another fwump and his grown-up daughter exclaim loudly, "Oops."

"Killed him, honey?" Lionel asked with a smile.

Luna shook her head. "No, daddy, and I have no plans to. He's better at this stuff than you'd think."

Lionel frowned. "I can imagine, judging from the tent he's currently pitching."

"Oh daddy," Luna smiled and admonished. "That's probably a magical tent. He's much bigger than that."

Lionel forced a smile and said "Thank you, sweetie. Now please wake him with a freezing charm and let's get him some food and water and get a move on. I'd prefer to make it back before dark."

Luna happily turned Harry's crotch frosty and smiled at him as he yelped awake and rubbed some life back into his frigid goodness. She stood up and explained, "You passed out. Get some food and hydrated, and then we have a long hike back to Azrael's."

Harry happily complied and realized how much better he liked Luna's casual indifference as opposed to teary-eyed emotions.

Once Harry was feeling better, he resumed his role of Trip Bitch and picked up the fruit. He bent the hairless monkey at the waist and held on to the backs of her knees, while she hung limply over his shoulders and down his back, with her face softly bumping into Harry's crack while they walked.

They didn't make it back near as quick as their trip to the Tree of Life took, but the sun hadn't set yet when they arrived at Azrael's cave.

"Good lord, you found it!" Azrael exclaimed noticing the wizards returning to his cave with a hairless monkey. "And you haven't even activated the fruit yet! Marvelous."

"Activate?" Harry asked as he carried the limply flopping naked blonde fruit.

"Yes, activate or if you prefer, awoken her consciousness. You didn't think I just wanted a limp fleshy doll, did you?"

Lionel shrugged. "I wouldn't mind one on all of those cold, lonely, winter nights. This one's just a bit heavy to lug around in your pocket."

"You are a curious bunch," Azrael mysteriously said with a shake of his head. "I never would have thought you'd find the Tree of Life, let alone within a matter of hours. But I am a Snorkack of my word, so I will keep my end of the bargain."

Harry posed the fruit to be sitting attentively to his right side, and Luna sat down with baby Luna to his left side. "Let's hear all about Crumple-Horneds."

Azrael began. "The Crumple-Horned Snorkacks are in actuality not even related to common Snorkacks. They were ancient magical djinn spirits that according to legend had no physical form. Until one day they decided they wanted one. They were watching a Snorkack and a War Unicorn in a playful fight, and created their physical form in their image. This is why they were initially thought to be 'horned' Snorkacks."

Harry looked over at Luna and Lionel and saw they were as absorbed into this as Harry was, and he turned and nodded at Azrael to continue.

"Now, these djinn existed for a long time under a variety of names, usually odd variants on War Unicorns and Snorkacks. Until one time, a wizard discovered their secret, and in his notes christened them 'Crumple-Horned Snorkacks'. That is why, when you come around here asking about for 'Crumple-Horneds' it sounds like you're after the djinn's power."

Lionel quickly looked at Harry and Luna before turning to Azrael and shaking his head with his palms out. "No idea."

Azrael nodded. "I know your intentions are not malicious, as you wouldn't have been able to locate the Tree of Life with ill motivations. Now, continuing my tale, I suppose I should ask what do you know of djinns?"

Luna and Lionel shared a glance before shaking their heads in unison. Harry was thinking deeply and just said, "Aren't they like genies or something?"

"Yes," Azrael chuckled. "Genies or something would cover them I suppose. But one of the key aspects you should realize is that they are spirits, not mortal beings."

"They cannot be killed." Lionel said with a gasp.

Azrael nodded. "That's correct. There were five of them that first gained physical form. And it is those five that are still the only 'Crumple-Horned Snorkacks' to ever exist."

Luna frowned. "That would make them pretty hard to find, I would think."

Harry nodded as he chewed his bottom lip thinking. "Yeah, you know it would. And it seems unlikely that a Snorkack from this day and age would know so much about them." He stated with an inquiring look at Azrael.

"Excellent observation, my tuba flattening friend," Azrael said with a grin. "Very few beings know about the djinns because the more that do, the more vulnerable they are. The fact that is has been millennia now without record or knowledge of their existence, allows them to become myth instead of legend. Documented proof or articles about them would be detrimental to their existence."

Harry nodded. "You still haven't mentioned how it is you know so much about them."

"I know about them," Azrael said with a smug grin, "because before I found my Master, I was good friends with a Crumple-Horned named Cosmo."

Luna gasped. "That's my middle name!"

Harry raised a curious eyebrow. "Really?"

Luna blushed. "I didn't mean to tell you that."

Lionel smiled at his daughter. He asked Azrael, "Does this mean you could introduce us?"

Azrael schooled his face blankly. "You still wish to endanger them and document them?"

Lionel shook his head. "Not at all. If everything you say is true, and I have no reason to doubt the veracity of your words, then we will most likely do our part to dismiss them as mythical and never mention them again." Lionel smiled and explained, "But we still are on a journey and would love to meet one."

Azrael smiled. "In that case, I am sorry I cannot introduce you, but I have no wish to leave my home and forest here."

Lionel's face dropped a bit.

"But…" Azrael loudly added and smiled. "I can tell you that despite the fact that it was many years ago that I last saw him, I still have every reason to believe Cosmo continues to live near a cliff in the DFA Magical Forest."

"The DFA?" Harry whined childishly.

"I take it you are familiar with it?" Azrael asked.

Lionel responded, "Yes, that was where we were looking before we stumbled onto the Enchanted Forest."

"Wait," Harry said with an angry gleam in his eye. "War Unicorns can fly, right?"

Luna nodded. "Yup."

Harry looked at Azrael shrewdly and asked, "Does Cosmo enjoy dropping massive piles of crap on people and then chuckling about it?"

Azrael's face was slowly splitting into a wider and wider grin, before he finally just started laughing out loud in Harry's face.

Harry began quietly cursing and damning Fate. He remembered voicing aloud questions about tracking Snorkack droppings, just before a massive unidentifiable pile of crap nearly hit him. Some people might think Fate was trying to do Harry a favor, but Harry really knew she was just being mean.

Lionel and Luna began chuckling a bit too, while Azrael's braying laughter subsided and the Snorkack composed himself. "I'm sorry to say, that yes that does sound exactly like something Cosmo would do, and probably has done countless times before."

Harry continued muttering choice words to himself and had an overwhelming urge to hit something.

Luna could sense the frustration coming from her boyfriend, and she stood up and walked over to where he was pacing. "Don't be so upset, Harry. Think about all the times, since we left Cosmo behind, that you've seen my boobs."

And just like that, Harry's agitation left as quickly as if it had just been a Finite Incantatem. Harry was unconsciously purring, lost in his own little world.

Lionel frowned a bit and turned to Azrael. "Thank you for sharing this with us, Azrael. I believe we will head back to the DFA Magical Forest and try to locate Cosmo. If we do, would you like us to pass along a message? I realize you do not wish to leave your home, but perhaps we could inform Cosmo that you might like an old friend to come by for a visit?"

Azrael smiled. "I would appreciate that. Before you came along I hadn't even considered that any of my friends and acquaintances from before I found my Master might still be around." Azrael shook his head. "You'd think the immortal ones would kind of stick in your head."

Lionel had to agree with that, immediately thinking of his old friend Bob.

"Before you take your leave," Azrael spoke to everyone. "Would you like to meet my new companion?"

Harry nodded. "I'm curious as to how you activate her consciousness."

Luna frowned at Harry. "You should know this. You had Care of Magical Creatures with Professor Hagrid."

Harry shook his head vigorously with a deadly serious look on his face. "I think I would have remembered this particular lesson."

Luna had thought this was the most obvious thing in the world. "Your first lesson with Professor Hagrid?" Luna puffed herself up and said it an oddly dead-on Hagrid impression, "Yeh've got ter stroke teh spine."

Harry just took a step back hearing Hagrid's voice coming from his girlfriend's taut little body.

Azrael took this opportunity to tilt his fruit forward, and stroke all the way down her spine.

Any further discussions immediately ended and they all watched the naked blonde woman shake her head and begin to take in her surroundings. She smiled at everyone watching her intently. "Hello."

"Greetings," Azrael purred.

"Hello," Lionel said.

"Hi," Luna cheerfully replied.

"Hello," Harry tried to say causally, but unfortunately his voice cracked horribly and it ended up sounding closer to "hay-lull."

"What can I do for you?" She asked.

Lionel could only be completely impressed by the fruit of the Tree of Life.

Harry was beginning to think he had found the perfect solution to all future house work, and it wouldn't involve Hermione throwing another SPEW hissy fit. Those classified ads for topless maids were beginning to make a lot more sense too.

Luna sighed and smiled as she whacked her boyrfriend on the back of his head for whatever was running through his mind. With a hot naked blonde asking what she can do, Luna couldn't find it in her heart to blame him.

Harry smiled sheepishly and turned to Luna. "Thanks."

Luna nodded. "Anytime."

Azrael was watching his new companion carefully. "You, my dear, need a name."

The woman smiled and rubbed her hands together. "Oooo! Are you going to give me one?"

Azrael nodded. "You know, that reminds me, other than Lionel, I do not even know the rest of your names, my friends."

Harry smiled. "Sorry bout that. I'm Harry."

Luna smiled brightly too. "And I'm Luna."

Azrael repeated his newfound friends' names and asked, "And the baby?"

Luna explained, "Oh this is me too. Luna."

Azrael looked at the baby and the one holding her and only now noticed the similarities seemed even more pronounced than in most mother-daughter's and found no reason to doubt this. He just nodded, "Right."

Azrael turned to his hot naked companion and said, "In that case, my dear, your name shall be Harry."

Harry just closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"Harry," the fruit repeated. "What a pretty, delicate name. Thank you."

Lionel had the overwhelming urge to laugh and point at the young Mr. Potter, but instead just smiled and nodded.

"Well, Azrael," Harry loudly said with a grimace. "It's been quite memorable meeting you, but I think we should be going."

Azrael smiled back. "It has been a pleasure, my friends. Lionel, Luna, Luna, Harry: you are always welcome here and I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your journey."

The female fruit freshly named Harry, got up and gave everyone firm hugs goodbye with tears in her eyes. "I'm going to miss you guys," she said.

Harry was a bit worried about his reaction to having a really hot naked woman squeezing him in front of his girlfriend and gave her a firm pat on the back and retreated quickly.

As they were leaving the cave, Azrael gave them a vote of confidence and added, "When you see Cosmo, please do pass along my greetings."

The group agreed while Lionel dug out the first portkey they had used. They all positioned themselves around it, and disappeared from the Enchanted Forest just as they heard the naked female Harry ask, "Azrael, do you know why my upper lip smells like ass?"

It had been three weeks now that they just wandered aimlessly through the DFA Magical Forest. Considering the brutal slaughtering of Death Eaters that they overheard the Magical Forest Ranger's discussing when they arrived, they knew they should stay out of sight.

The first few days they had several problems, where they kept looking up, trying to spot the Crumple-Horned Snorkack, and they would slam into a tree, neglecting to watch where they were going. Harry was still getting thwacked by the occasional tree when he'd get dialed in on something with his eyes. Harry, quite proud of his skills as a seeker, felt it was up to him to spot Cosmo.

It was the day before they were going to head back to Ottery St. Catchpole and the Lovegood's home. They were beginning to get desperate. No longer caring about the other beasts or Rangers locating them, they had been yelling out "Cosmo?" among other things.

When, from nowhere they could identify, they heard a regal voice answer back, "Where did you hear that name?"

Harry jumped at the chance. "Cosmo? Is that you? Azrael told us. Azrael, the Snorkack."

Shimmering into view from up at the treetops came one of the most curious looking things they had ever seen. It had a shiny black coat that reflected the light, rear haunches like a horse and a front similar to Azrael. Massive black wings and a stubby looking horn.

The Lovegoods and Harry were all speechless upon seeing it fly down and land near them. He smiled, "I am Cosmo. Tell me, how is Azrael doing?"

This snapped them out of their daze. Harry replied, "He seemed to be doing pretty well, though a bit lonely since his Master died. We'd just left him with a fruit from the Tree of Life, so that should give him someone to talk with."

"The Tree of Life?" Cosmo said with a grin. "Yes, I'm sure talking is what that fruit is usually for."

Lionel shrugged. "Unless there's an opening on the bikini team…"

Harry was struggling not to do the math and reply with a particularly crude sarcastic response.

Cosmo noticed Harry's inner battle and answered, "Can't say I'd know that one. So what exactly are you doing, running around this forest looking for little old me?"

Luna smiled. "We decided to spend our summer vacation trying to locate a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. We'd even looked in this forest but had no idea what we were looking for."

Cosmo smiled. "I remember you." He turned to Harry and playfully frowned, "Your reflexes were better than I was hoping."

Harry just frowned back before adopting an indifferent face and shrugged. "Sorry?"

Cosmo chuckled, "I hardly think an apology is necessary, but an introduction would be appreciated."

"Oh right," Harry said and waved at him. "I'm Harry."

"I am Luna," Luna added with a smile before clarifying. "Harry's girlfriend."

Lionel hid his smile at the pride Luna showed when saying that. He introduced himself, "And I am Lionel, Luna's father."

"Nice to meet you, Harry, Luna, Lionel." Cosmo replied, before carefully wording his next question. "So did Azrael tell you much about Crumple-Horned Snorkacks?"

Luna nodded. "A fair amount. Enough so that, if it is your wish to stay hidden, then we won't be writing the article about them we had been planning."

Cosmo seemed to relax and nodded at Luna. "I would appreciate that."

Lionel continued, "If you're not opposed to quelling our personal curiosity we still have a number of questions though?"

Cosmo glanced at all three of them, unconsciously weighing their integrity. After a tense silence he continued, "Did Azrael tell you the origins of Crumple-Horned Snorkacks?"

Harry answered. "He told us there were 5 immortal djinn spirits that became the physical creatures known as Crumple-Horned Snorkacks. Beyond that he alluded to some djinn power that people in the past have either misused or abused. He was wary of us because we called them 'Crumple-Horned' but he seemed appeased by our success with the Tree of Life." Harry turned to Luna, "Am I missing anything?"

Luna shook her head, "Only that his friend Cosmo was one."

Harry nodded. "Yeah. That too."

Cosmo nodded. "Am I to assume you wish to know more about our power and how wizards have abused us in the past?"

"No need to assume," Lionel explained. "That is what has piqued our curiosity the most. Your secrets are yours to divulge or not. We're just kindly asking."

Cosmo smiled. "If you will give me your word not to share my secrets, I will tell you what you wish to know."

Harry, Luna, and Lionel all immediately assured Cosmo that they wouldn't tell a soul.

"I suppose you must first understand that djinns' purpose is to try and balance existence in a semblance of harmony. There is a multitude of spirits. Some create, some destroy, some bring bad luck, some bring good luck. Djinn in particular are capable of granting a wish or desire to anyone whose life has had enough pain or misfortune in it. One of my sisters helped out a wizard once, who shared his experience with a man possessing a twisted soul. He wanted to take advantage of the djinn and murdered every member of his family and burnt down his own home. Despite being the cause of his own 'misfortune', he still fit the rules and the djinn he found was unable to deny his wish for riches, women, and some of his family to return to life even."

Lionel, Luna, and Harry were not expecting this and the surprise showed on their face. Lionel asked, "You are capable of granting anything? Even bringing the dead back to life?"

Cosmo nodded solemnly. "Occasionally there are stipulations, but for the most part, yes, anything. And it was this twisted soul that called the djinn in physical form a Crumple-Horned Snorkack. He wrote about how anyone willing to sacrifice and kill their remaining immediate family, children, parents, brothers, sisters, and spouses would receive anything they desired. It was the accuracy of what he claimed that made it so difficult."

Lionel and Luna both were staring at Harry.

Harry was just processing what Cosmo was explaining, and noticed the looks Luna and Lionel were giving him. He did a double-take and blurted out, "Wait a second! Are you saying I could get a wish?"

Cosmo's face looked a bit shocked. "Err, I take it I was incorrect in assuming that is your baby daughter your girlfriend is holding? Do you not intend to care for her as such?"

Harry shook his head. "We've not even been dating for two months. And that's not Luna's daughter. That's just another Luna."

Luna nodded and was playing with the quietly mooing baby Luna.

Cosmo looked a bit tired. "If you have no immediate family, and have had a particularly difficult life, then yes. I am yours to command."

Harry shrugged. "I didn't come to you asking for anything. And I do have an aunt from my mother's side but she really hates me. I think she was going to rape me earlier this summer. I am an only child. My parents died when I was one and got this." Harry said as he lifted his bangs to show his scar.

Cosmo gasped at the sight of the scar. "You've been marked by Fate." He stepped closer to Harry and scrutinized the infamous lightning bolt. He began chuckling, "Oh dear."

Harry just dropped his head, knowing something he wouldn't want to hear was coming.

"I'd thought you were marked as a Child of Fate. But you're not." Cosmo said through snickers.

Harry's face brightened and he smiled at Cosmo.

"You're Fate's Bitch." Cosmo explained as he began laughing.

Harry just narrowed his eyes and sighed. "I think I'm everyone's bitch."

Luna smiled brightly, "Well, you're definitely my bitch."

Harry smiled a little and nodded to that.

"I'm sorry for laughing at you," Cosmo explained though he was still obviously enjoying himself. "But I do know, that I am supposed to grant you a wish now. Anything you want…" he trailed off seeing Harry just stare blankly at him. "I could make Luna love you?"

Harry shook his head. "I want to earn that one."

Judging by the look Luna gave him, that comment helped his case a fair amount.

"I could make your girlfriend's breasts bigge-" Cosmo stopped noticing Luna's ample bosom. "Oh goodness. Let me rephrase that: I could make your girlfriend's breasts smaller?"

"Don't you dare!" Harry yelled shaking his finger vigorously at the immortal djinn.

Lionel ended his quiet contemplation and interrupted, "Perhaps you can offer some suggestions that won't make the father here uncomfortable?"

Cosmo had forgotten Lionel was there in his amusement at discovering Fate's Bitch. "My apologies, I was just offering suggestions to your daughter's bitch."

Harry looked over at Luna and knew he didn't want to change anything about her. His entire mind came to a screeching halt when Luna just quietly said one thing to him. "Sirius."

It was at this moment Harry realized just how powerful this 'wish' really was. He could bring back Sirius. He could bring back his parents. Or even Cedric. He certainly got cheated out of his life. These three possibilities just kept running through his mind back and forth. He desperately wanted all of them, but he couldn't decide what he should wish for.

Lionel, Luna, and Cosmo were all watching Harry. They could tell he was really taking to heart the importance of this.

Harry had no idea how long he just stood there stupidly trying to weigh pros and cons by placing worth on life and death, as well as try to determine what he wanted. The silence in his mind was broken by baby Luna crying for attention, and just like that Harry realized exactly what he had to wish for.

Harry looked at Cosmo and smiled. "For my wish, I would like you to send the baby Luna back in time into her mother's arms, where she belongs."

Cosmo's eyes widened significantly. Of all the things he was imagining, this was not particularly high on the list. "Very well." He turned to Luna who kissed her baby self on the forehead and allowed Lionel to do the same. Cosmo carefully floated the crying baby right in front of him. "Don't cry, Luna. You'll be home real soon." Cosmo bent his head forward and was attempting to tap the baby on her head with his stubby horn. Unsurprisingly his aim was off, and the levitation spell failed as the baby fell to the ground, landing on her head.

"Shit." Cosmo said. "Sorry about that. No harm done." He laughed weakly and levitated baby Luna back up in front of him. Strangely enough, she had completely stopped crying now and was giving Cosmo a dirty look. "Let's try that again." This time Cosmo's horn connected with the angry, staring baby, and she disappeared in a soft flash of white light.

Cosmo smiled at Harry. "Done. She's there."

Lionel just shook his head and said, "Harry, Harry, Harry. I should have known you'd do something stupid."

Harry was expecting a bit of thanks, so in the face of this scolding he intelligently responded, "Huh?"

"The timeline would have to eventually find a way to fix itself," Lionel explained. "You just wasted your wish."

Harry shook his head. "No. This is what felt right. This is the reason she even made it back."

Lionel sighed and added, "You could have wished Voldemort away."

Harry blanched. "Crap. I didn't even think about that."

Lionel continued, "Or to have the power to manipulate time yourself, if you wanted to help my daughter."

Cosmo shrugged. "Most people wish for more wishes to start with."

"You can do that?" Harry yelled in frustration.

Cosmo nodded. "Of course. Why wouldn't you be able to?"

Harry began just grumbling and muttering to himself. "Flipping stupid Fate."

Luna came over to calm him again and kissed Harry on the cheek. "I thought it was very sweet."

Harry smiled weakly at his girlfriend. "We convince Tom to stop attacking me for a little while and I forgot all about him." He chuckled at her. "This is your boobs' fault for distracting me, and you know it."

Luna smiled at him. "Have they been bad? Do you need to punish them?"

Lionel cleared his throat loudly and interrupted any response Harry was about to make.

Cosmo quickly spoke up. "Luna, Lionel, Harry, it has been a pleasure meeting you all. Feel free to visit me again if you like, but I really must be going. There are some Forest Rangers headed this way, and I do not wish to be spotted."

"Crap," Lionel said. "We should get out of here as well." Lionel turned to Cosmo and said, "It was a pleasure meeting you, Cosmo. Azrael has no wish to leave his home in the Enchanted Forest, but would be quite glad to see you again if you felt like dropping by."

"Thank you, Lionel," Cosmo said with a nod. "Luna, Harry, until we meet again." And with that the Crumple-Horned Snorkack took two running steps and leapt into the air, flying high up and drifting from sight in the thick foliage.

Luna and Harry hurried over to Lionel and they all grabbed onto the portkey and disappeared from the DFA Magical Forest.

"Severus!" the Dark Lord greeted. "I trust 'not attacking' is working out well for you?"

Severus shrugged. "I've not needed to make so many healing draughts, and have finally been able to conduct some private research of my own."

"Any useful discoveries?" Voldemort inquired.

Severus shook his head. "Nothing noteworthy. Just some support for theories I'd already maintained."

"Understandable," Voldemort agreed. "I've been reviewing the advice from my War Advisor. I think this year we would be best served by laying extremely low. No outright attacks on Potter or major wizarding centers and establishments."

Severus frowned a bit. "Are you sure that is wise? Potter's still just a child. Do you really want to give him another year to learn more and grow stronger?"

Voldemort raised an eyebrow. "Severus," he tutted. "I think you look forward to the attacks on Potter too much. Our annual plots against him have consistently failed. Do you not think a break from that tradition would be the best course of action now?"

Severus just frowned. "I just don't think that not trying to kill Potter is going to get him killed, that's all."

"Well," Voldemort exclaimed. "I won't leave you with nothing to do. I think it's time we test the mettle of Lucius' boy. He's now the head of that branch of the family. And I think it will be fun giving him a year to try and kill the muggle-loving Headmaster."

Severus just raised an eyebrow.

Voldemort rolled his eyes. "Oh come on. We both know he doesn't stand a chance in hell, but it's worth a shot. The old fool might trick himself into thinking he can sacrifice himself for the greater good."

Severus pushed the eyebrow even higher.

"It's worth a shot." Voldemort explained. "And it falls nicely in line with the fear through an absence of attacks."

Severus just shook his head.

"It'll at least keep us entertained." Voldemort finished presenting his case. "And maybe, if the sentimental barmy old man is stupid enough to place any trust in the Malfoy boy, he'll try to make a spy of him. Might as well get him suckered in, before Malfoy actually knows anything about our operations."

Severus nodded. "That is an excellent point. And it comes with absolutely no risk to us." Severus hastily added, "Unless of course someone values Draco."

Voldemort just rolled his eyes. "Value a Malfoy. That'll be the day."

"Well, you've got new clothes, new books, and you're all packed for the next year of school?"

"Yes, daddy," Luna snapped back. "I think we're ready for the Hogwarts Express tomorrow."

Harry nodded. "I haven't heard from anyone all summer. I wonder if they've had any fun."

Lionel replied, "I should hope so. An entire summer without an ounce of fun would be pretty horrible."

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious," a sarcastic Luna muttered.

"Luna sweetie," Lionel carefully began. "Why are you being so irritable? I know you must miss having baby you around, but that's not all, is it?"

Luna looked at the two most important men in her life and sighed. "I do miss me, but I knew I was leaving soon and had been unconsciously preparing for it. And I'm sorry I've been touchy, it's just… well… it's these damn boobs."

"Blasphemy!" Harry exclaimed.

"Not right now, maybe tonight," Luna retorted. "It's just that I'm still lactating and will for at least another week or so." She paused for a bit before continuing. "And, well, my breast pump broke a while back. So now I'm stuck with these heaving swollen melons and I can't even drain the pressure on them. Frankly, daddy, I don't know how much more I can take. So if either of you wouldn't mind…" She trailed off with a hopeful twinkle in her eyes.

Lionel and Harry looked at each other, both preferring that the other not be involved in this particular task. Lionel really didn't like the idea of Harry drinking from his daughter's tap, but wasn't sure he, himself, offered a better option.

Lionel sighed and said to Harry, "This is not a decision a father should ever have to make."

Harry understood Lionel's apprehension. "I'll make it for you, sir."

"Thank you for understanding, Harry." Lionel stated misinterpreting the young man before him. "I certainly don't want you to be putting your mouth on my dau-"

"Stupefy!" Harry incanted and nailed Lionel in the face, who collapsed on the floor with a loud fwump.

Harry turned to his one hundred percent, real, genuine girlfriend. He had on his hungry eyes and did his best to speak in a deep, sultry voice. "Luna… Cosmo… Lovegood."

Luna flinched at the middle name she didn't particularly like. "Please don't call me that."

"Alright then," Harry said with a lecherous grin. "Luna… C… Lovegood." He repeated it aloud, "Luna C. I like the sound of that."

Luna blushed shyly. "Me too."

Harry continued playing his role of the beefcake man. "Now, as your boyfriend, it is my duty, my responsibility, and my privilege to help you alleviate some of the tension and swelling in your deliciously, ample bosom."

Luna smiled and said, "I hope you're not doing this because you love me."

"Love?" Harry repeated seriously. "I'm sure love is as good as most people say, but well…" Harry shrugged and considered the task he was about to undertake. "Some things seem a bit gooder than love right about now."

THE END

Author's Note: Please let me know what you thought of this story.