PLEASE READ

I've been an author on this site since 2001. I'm seriously considering throwing in the towel after 14 years and over 50 stories. It seems no one cares that I'm even here anymore. Most of the people who read my stories anymore are people I actually ASK to read them, and I get the feeling most of them agree to more because we're friends than because they're actually interested in my stuff. They say I'm a really talented writer, but my experience on this site for the past several years contradicts that.

"Scream to the Sky," my latest story at the time of this writing, took me WEEKS to write. I put a lot of love and effort into it, fought so hard to get it finished, and am really proud of it. I finally got it posted, and...nothing. A couple faves, that's it (and considering how many "favorite" stories many people have, that doesn't mean much). The hit count is abysmal, and I have no idea how many of those hits actually resulted in a read or if they just browsed the first couple paragraphs and left.

About 95% of any feedback I get is always in the first day or so after publishing. As that day has obviously passed, it is apparent that I'll be getting pretty much zero feedback on it, period. I put so much effort, love, anxiety, and care into that story, only to have it ignored. All that effort, COMPLETELY wasted. The reactions to my stories are usually underwhelming, as I said, but this is a whole new level of disappointment. Maybe even the last straw.

I don't write just for accolades, but it does help to get SOME form of acknowledgement. Said acknowledgement has been waning steadily over the past several years, and has finally, it seems, reached zero. "Discouraging" doesn't even begin to describe it.

I see so many shit stories, obviously dashed out in a half-hour or less, get tons of hits and reviews and all kinds of fanfare. I put all my heart and soul into the stories I write, and I get nothing. That's, quite frankly, fucking bullshit. What do I have to do to get any kind of attention? I'm just this side of saying "fuck it" and not even trying anymore.

I hold no illusions that this message will make any difference, but I figured I'd at least give you guys a reason for why "Scream to the Sky" is my last story, if I do indeed decide the disappointment isn't worth it anymore. Not that anyone would care. If no one cares when I post something, I don't see why anyone would care when I don't.

-Annie-chan, for maybe the last time, 03/07/2015

A note about my X/1999 fanfiction (and, to a lesser extent, my Trigun-X crossovers): You guys might notice that those stories were written a long time ago. Please keep that in mind when reading them. Some people have taken issue with my portrayal of certain characters' religious affiliations in these stories, and have told me in great detail. The thing is, I didn't take as much care then as I do now to make sure my fanfiction is canonically and/or culturally accurate. One of the taglines from the first X tankoubon is "The Christian Era", and there is a plethora of Judeo-Christian symbolism throughout the manga (and anime). Such themes made it into my writings, sometimes where they shouldn't have. I had other, flimsier reasons as well, but you get the idea.

My point is this: I know some aspects of my X fanfiction are inaccurate. I know I made assumptions in certain areas that I should have looked more into before writing about them. I have known these things for quite some time now. I don't need people lecturing me about how wrong I am like I just posted the stories yesterday. I don't appreciate being called "arrogant" (and other such things) for stuff I wrote years ago. Most importantly, I don't need people telling me how wrong I am after they acknowledge that someone else has already told me the exact same thing. In other words, "I know someone else has already told you this, but I'm going to tell you again just for kicks." I appreciate the feedback, but seriously. People accuse me of not thinking things through when they apparently aren't doing any better. It's annoying.

I'm sorry if I'm coming across as a prick, but I don't want to hear anymore about mistakes I made almost a decade ago and have since not only realized on my own, but have been told about by multiple people.

And on a side note, I know I said at the end of one of my stories that I was "a nondenominational Christian," but I'm not. I'm not now and I wasn't then. I can't really remember my reasons for calling myself that at the time, so don't ask. I'm not an atheist, nor am I anti-religion. I'm just not a religious person myself. I follow my own set of beliefs, but those are nobody's business but my own, so I'll stop right here.

Annie-chan, over and out.