I am pianomaestra. Or a very fat squirrel. HOMG WHICH IS IT--

This should be noted right here and right now: I am lazy. Chronically so. Horribly so. So much that it is a DISEASE. So, if I don't update, it is not because I have a good reason. It is because I couldn't be bothered to write anything. Can you bitch at me for this? Oh fuck yes. But I'd rather you send me waves and waves of love and joy and happiness and rainbows and teddy bears and all that good crap. Or reviews. That's even better.

Kung Fu Fighting is undergoing a rewrite atm, mostly because I can't stand to look at it and continue it anymore in the shape that it is. After that's done, progress will probably happen. Hopefully.

As a reward: here, preview of revised (more like rewritten) chapter 1: Dossiers.

When Hatake Kakashi had been assigned another team of genin, he hadn't expected the sheer amount of paperwork that came along with them. The papers towered a foot and a half tall, and had been delivered by the Hokage himself. The old man had eyed him gravely, told him “you've got your work cut out for you,” and then left him with a monstrous amount of dead trees. Kakashi was almost afraid to look at them. He eyed the papers with equal parts disdain and trepidation.

The paper tower was divided into three sections, each bound with thick clasps bursting to capacity. He considered flinging them all down from his perch on the academy rooftop, but he was afraid they would hit an innocent passerby. Said passerby would instantly die from the impact, and then there would he be? Being jailed for murder via paperwork was not the way he pictured his life going.

It wasn't that he was particularly upset about having a new genin team—there was always that spark of hope that they'd be the one, the team that he'd lead to greatness—but they had entirely too much baggage for twelve-year-olds. And he'd always hated paperwork.

Kakashi steeled himself and took the first packet from the pile. There was twenty minutes left until he was supposed to meet his genin team, and that gave him several hours to go over this mess. The title cover read “Hiruma Yoichi”in neat, bold print. He sighed at the name. He had a Hiruma on his team. Hirumas hated him.

The first page was the beginning of a report from the boy's earliest days in the academy.

“Another Hiruma in the academy. I swear, that family breeds like rabbits. Something about him seems a little off, though—his physical capabilities are slightly below average for a six-year-old, let alone a child from the oh-so-esteemed Hiruma clan, yet the other students are already staring to defer to him. I could've sworn I saw one student offer to give him his entire weekly allowance. Maybe I should keep an eye on this boy...”

The second entry was written a few weeks later.

“Unbelievable. The other students have started to treat this boy like a king—no, that's not entirely accurate. It's more like he's a tyrant. They scramble to get out of his way when he walks by. They give him their lunch money as if they were sacrificial offerings for a vengeful god! Worst of all? I saw him come to the academy one day in a carriage drawn by his peers. He'd tied harnesses to their waists! They didn't even object!

The boy is smart as a whip and exceptionally talented with a kunai, but the other students, at the very least, have comparable physical abilities. There's no reason to believe they couldn't overpower him if they tried. I just can't understand why they kowtow to him like this.

Regardless of the methods he is using, I can't have a bully running rampant in my classroom. I'll have to have a chat with him first thing tomorrow.”

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the third entry. The handwriting was so shaky it was hardly legible.

“Clearly I was just being paranoid. There is nothing wrong with Hiruma Yoichi, nothing whatsoever. He is an extremely intelligent student with a bright future ahead of him. In fact, I recommend he be promoted several years early to genin in a team that will never contact me, or at the very least moved to a class of more advanced individuals in a room far, far away from mine.

I believe this will be my last report on Hiruma Yoichi, as he is a model student, and needs absolutely no surveillance or evidence of his existence and deeds. It would be preposterous to think that he somehow has the entire class, including me, under his thumb. Yes, entirely preposterous.”

Kakashi squinted at the final line, written in miniscule print and crossed out several times. From what he could tell, it read : “Help me!” He hoped he was wrong about that one.

The very next page stated that Hiruma Yoichi was officially transferring to another class.