Wow... This kinda brought tears to my eyes... I could see this Itachi manipulating Sasuke the same way he did Naruto and making Sasuke fester in his guilt knowing he was the reason why Naruto was dead. I could also see Kakashi and Sakura's reaction...

Tragic. Good twist at the end there!

Fantastic.

WHY! NO! I cant accept this! Whhy did he lie!

I feel so much hate for this Itatchi, so much pain for Sasuke, and so much sadness for naieve little Naruto. Itatchi caring in his own way was enough to make my heart flutter the way it always does. I am not ashamed to admit, that Itatchi was literally my first love. Even when everyone in the world besides the author only knew Itatchi as a murder, I always felt something more. But what he did in this story..what he did is unaccetable. In the real story, he loves his brother, and if such an opportunity like this came up, I know he would have kept his word. My rage is fading, leaving behind turmoil and unrest. I feel resless nights and haunted dreams looming.

Sasuke was like a fight dog. Raised only one way, urged to do only one thing- kill. The lack of knowing any other way of life made him a child that, yes, I do indeed jwant to hold. Even my intense maternal care would agree, even if it meant dying.

I completely mean this. XD I have no respect whatsoever for my life, if it means dying for good.

..God...just..GOD...that was so intense..so REAL! I could see this happening in the show, and it makes me cry..poor Sasuke..I felt so much pain at the line

"..Sasuke's shame" and the reolving paragraph. It all seemed so real, and knowing Sasuke he would do it. I actually am begging you to make a chapter dedicated from that paragraph. I make it painful and angsty, and make every reader who reads it feel shame and pain. If you can anyway.

Just please...PLEASE make it. I need an understanding of what happened there more than you can understand.

Thank you for this. It adds a harsher yet more real life to the orld of Naruto. A glimpse of there thoughts, and a world that the author couldnt show us. This was beautiful. Painfully beautiful. But beautiful none the less...

this is sooo good! it has such a macabre and alluring storyline! i love how itachi is portrayed as a gruesome but devilish (handsome) incubus \m/! i'm so in love with this story i could cry!

Whoa goosebumps. Stellar story. Naruto is way too gullible for his own good, as seen in your story. Great job.

Hmm it was rather...interesting. However I do have a few suggestions for you...The descriptions and some of the comparisons are a little 'too' metaphorical. Some of them are kind of complicated to understand. I know you were probably just trying to set the mood and be descriptive but I think it may have been a little too overdone. I spent more time trying to interpret what you were trying to convey than reading the story :/ It's just a thought that I think will make it easier to read and more understandable.

Ja ne

Kiyomi-chan

Wow. That was amazing!

Haunting...

I'm very glad you added a second part. I think it complimented the first part beautifully.

Remarkable, touching, aching... Well done.

Wow. That was incredible. You are an amazing writer. That was really intense. I loved the last line.

Absolutely magnificent. You characterized Itachi wonderfully.

wow i dont know what to say to this. it was very well written though.

Oh yeah, your style of writing is pretty good. The melancholy, yet dark story is all in all good. You could really start a full blown story with this. A little hard to follow though, I can't focus on short choppy sentences so well. You should have someone help you with the tense though. You sort of have the problem I have; you mix up the past and present tenses. Also you write the sentence in a way that the reader can kind of understands, but its like he only realizes whats going on, or its in Naruto's point of view or something. For example "There is a hand caressing his face." why don't you say, "A hand was caressing his face" something like that. I must sound really confusing.

Wait...I don't really understand the story. The ending seems a little nebulous to begin with. Okay, so Sasuke came back to the village but what do you mean by saying "There were no more Uchiha in the Village of the Leaf." Also "The death he expelled in his exhale would morph to become Naruto's demise" sounds like Sasuke is either awake and said something that would lead to Naruto's demise, or that he had contracted a disease and passed it on to Naruto unknowingly. I don't get it.

There is also the line "To ensure that his soul will never be able to escape us." What was that supposed to mean? I know Itachi tricked Naruto into extracting the demon, but what was that supposed to mean anyway? Also, I know the title Incubus refer to how Itachi tricked Naruto into deal which Naruto will soon die from.

I don't know what this second chapter is trying to convey. I'm really confuse.