Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts:

1) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

2) I am not allowed to sing, "We're Off to See the Wizard" while skipping off to the Headmaster's office.

3) I am not allowed to take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

4) I am not allowed to ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

5) I am not allowed to give Remus Lupin a flea collar.

6) I am not allowed to bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination.

7) I am not allowed to say that Seamus Finnegan is "after me lucky charms."

8) I am not allowed to start a betting pool on this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. It's tasteless, tacky, and not a good money-making strategy.

9) I am not allowed to joke about Remus' "time of the month."

10) I am not allowed to make light saber sounds with my wand.

12) I am not to refer to the Accio charm as "The Force."

13) I am not allowed to claim that growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is "Extra Herbology Work."

14) I will not use my socks to make hand-puppets of the Slytherin-House mascot.

15) If the thought of a spell makes me giggle for more than 15 seconds, assume that I am not allowed to use it.

16) I will not lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and bet on which House will come out alive.

17) I will not charm the suits of armor to do a rendition of "The Knights of the Round Table" for the Christmas Feast.

18) I am not allowed to declare an official "Hug A Slytherin Day."

19) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music while wandering the hallways.

20) It is not necessary to yell, "BURN!" Whenever Snape takes points away from Gryffindor.

21) I am not authorised to negotiate a peace treaty with Voldemort

22) First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

23) I will never ask Harry if his Voldie senses are tingling.

24) I will stop referring to showering as "Giving Moaning-Myrtle an eye-full."

25) I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see who will come out alive

26) It is not necessary to yell, "BAM" every time I Apparate.

27) I will not steal Gryffindor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallways.

28) I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor shall I insist that their color's indicate that they're "covered in bees."

29) I will not tell Draco to “Make like a ferret and bounce”

30) It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin ‘Once you go black you never go back’

31) I will not use Umbridge's quill to write, "Told you I was Hard Core."

32) If a class-mate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

33) I will not greet Professor McGonagall with “What’s new pussy cat?”

34) I will not start every potion's class by asking Snape if the potion is acceptable as Body Lotion.

35) I will not call the Weasly twins, "bookends."

36) I will not call the Patil twins, "bookends."

37) I will not start singing and dancing in the middle of lessons and claim someone put the imperious cure on me.

38) I will not tell Ron and Hermione to ‘get a room’ whenever they start fighting

39) I will not tell Severus Snape he takes himself too seriously. Same applied for Minerva McGonagall.

40) Ravenclaws do not find a sign saying the library is closed for an indefinite time period funny in any sense. Nor does Hermione Granger.

41) I do not weigh the same as a Duck.

42) I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

43) I will not lick Trevor.

44) Gryffindor Courage does not come in bottles labeled, "Firewhiskey."

45) I will not dress up as Voldemort on Halloween.

46) I will not refer to Lucius Malfoy as a pimp - even if he does carry a pimp cane

47) I am no longer allowed to use the words ‘pimp cane’ in front of Draco Malfoy

48) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that The Knights Who Say Ni have challenged him to a duel, then have all the students say, 'Ni' from various directions.

49) "To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not a career choice.

50) I will not tell the first years that Professor Snape is the Voice of God.

51) I will not tell the first years to build a treehouse in the Whomping Willow.

52) I will not tell Filch that Peeves has left. It is cruel to get his hopes up like that.

53) I am not allowed to skip through the hallways singing the "Wizards of Waverly Place" theme song.

54) I am not allowed to attack the new Head Boy with water ballons.

55) I am not allowed to change the Slytherin common room to red and gold.

56) I am not allowed to tell the Revenclaws and/or Hermione Granger that the libray has been closed down.

57) I am not allowed to tell Lockheart that his fanclub is waiting in the Whomping Willow.