inktounge
 Author has written 6 stories for Song of the Lioness, Harry Potter, and Fairy Tales. If you're on this page, then you are at least relatively curious about me. My name is BlahBalhBlah Yadayada. I live in Somewhere, USA. Um, what else do you need to know? Here's some things about - ME!! My age: Gasp! You should never ask a girl her age!! (Just a hint, though, I'm still in highschool) My favorite genre of writing/reading: fantasy, hands down. My occupations: band, color guard, forensics (public speaking/acting without props or more than one person), swim team, reading, writing, hanging out with friends, daydreaming... My favorite books: Anything written by Tamora Pierce or Mercedes Lackey, Eragon, Eldest, Faery Tales (That does not necessarily mean Beauty and the Beast or Cinderella, if anyone has ever read the book The Fairy Reel would probably know what I was talking about), Half-human, and all mythology. There's plenty more but I can't really remember al of them off the top of my head. My favorite movies: The Pirates trilogy, The Ocean's trilogy, The Italian Job, Bewitched(unfortunately I've never seen the show, but if I had I would probably love it), Men in Black, Shawshank Redemption, there are so many more... My favorite shows:NCIS, House, you that's about it at the moment. Most TV has gone to hell (pardon my French) with all this reality TV shows and all the good old shows going bad because they're trying to compete with all the uber popular reality TV. Which I hate. If you couldn't tell. Me: What can I say? I'm generally a calm and reserved person but every once in a while my mask slips and my friends see the real me :). I'm sarcastic and have a strangely dry sense of humor. One of my hobbies while sitting at home is to make weird faces at myself. Every once in a while, when I get really bored and am home by myself, I walk around my house talking to myself (or my imaginary counterpart) and singing random songs. Yeah, I know I'm really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really weird, but I'm fun! Or so I've been told. Random things: It's wrong to live in the past, but you have to honour your history, otherwise it comes back to bite you somewhere very painful. It's good to think about what you say before you say it, but if you think too much you'll never say anything, because (1) the opportunity will already have passed and (2) anything you want to say will probably sound stupid in your head so you'll never actually say it. If you speak before you think, your life will be a lot more interesting. Saying what is actually on your mind will make your friends few and far between, but at least you know they love you for who you actually are and not for who you seem to be. The worst curse that the Shin'a'in (the world of Valdemar) have may be "May your life be interesting" (actually it is "May your life be eventful", but this serves my purposes better, and they amount to about the same thing) but, at least your life won't be boring! If you live in every moment, your life won't last long. Cliches are really annoying, but if people didn't use them so much, they wouldn't be cliches, now would they? Genius usually has more to do than how insane someone is rather than how high their IQ is. Gay men have things way easier. Women are just plain way too complicated. And that's from a chick! (Myself) Politics are just exuses for old men to make asses out of themselves. My favorite quotations: "People who live in glass houses should not throw stones"- I got that from my dad but I know it was used elsewhere, it has special meaning for me, considering my personality and my family. "Writers use lies to tell the truth, but politicians use lies to cover the truth up."- V for Vendetta;with out a doubt, it is a weird movie, but I love it all the same. Plus, that quotation is actually kind of appropriate for this site, sort-of. "I keep trying to read between the lines but all I see is blank spaces!"- a friend of mine said this "Happy endings are stories that haven't finished yet" - Mr. and Mrs. Smith - Jane "Weird is better than strange, crazy is better than insane, and all four are better than normal, because normal is just plain wrong."- no idea if this is a real quotation not, I thought it just sounded cool enough to put here when it popped into my head. "A good friend would be happy for you when you go off with your boyfriend, a best friend would grab you and yell "SHE'S MINE!"- I totally screwed that up, I know, but I wanted to put it in here, anyway. "What's the color of a skank?" Answer: "Purple thirty on a Saturday!"- It's a guard thing, don't worry. "I think I need to take my inner eye to the eye doctor. It's pretty blurry." - my Mom and I were talking about semi-photographic memories. "Insanity is hereditary, you get from your children." - my oh-so-wise mother Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school, He told his friends that it was cool, And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great, huge crack. Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold! When I went to school that day, I never said good-bye. I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry. When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another, And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother. Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much, And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush. And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now, And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class, And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this. But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss. And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry. Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest, But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could please listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid, I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live. But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late, Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date. I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you" In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost Please if you would, If you pass this on, Maybe people will cry, Just keep this in your heart, For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye". Now you have 2 choices, 1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. I'm AGNOSTIC so I MUST think everyone else believes in the wrong thing I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth. #xtab position: relative; width: 100; height: 3em; #xtab ul#primary margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; bottom: -1px; #xtab ul#primary li display: inline; list-style: none; #xtab ul#primary a,#xtab ul#primary span,#xtab ul#primary a.current display: block; float: left; padding: 6px; margin: 1px 2px 0 0; text-align: center; font-size: 1em; text-decoration: none; #xtab ul#primary a border: 1px solid #AAA; border-bottom: 1px solid #666; #xtab ul#primary a.current border-bottom: 1px solid #ffffff; #xtab ul#primary a:hover border-bottom: 1px solid #ffffff; Some Random Copy and Pastes: -I find "good morning" contradictory -My heart? Yeah. Not a playground. -You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30, and I'm still 29, who'll be laughing then? -Don't hate yourself in the morning...sleep till noon -Let's flip a coin: heads, we'll be together; tails, we'll flip again -When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back -opps! I appear to have fallen on your lips! -Guys should be like lattes: rich, strong, and hot! -Boys are like trees - they take fifty years to grow up. -Friends will always be like "well, you deserve better", but best friends will prank call him whispering "seven days..." -One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. -A friend helps you when you fall; a best friend says "Walk much, dumbass?" (or "New Feet?") -A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains; a best friend takes yours and says "RUN, BEEP, RUN!" -A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected; a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?" -A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!! -A good friend helps you when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again. -1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you. (moi: what if all four of your are insane?) -We're best friends. You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, damn, I'm gonna miss your dumb ass. -It's always the last place you look...well of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it? -I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. -Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses? (moi: that is so wrong if you think about it...) -If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? -If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... Is he still wrong? -If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? And is it suicide or murder? -Is there another word for synonym? -Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? - What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? -Would a fly without wings be called a walk? -Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? -If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? -Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? -Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? -If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? -Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? -How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink. FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa. FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail. FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry. FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number. FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back. FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you. FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door. FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone. FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies) FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough. There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.( only sometimes. SHUT UP!) Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile! "I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better." - A. J. Liebling "I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright "Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse." Thomas Szasz "There is a fine line between genius and insanity I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant "Public speaking is the art of diluting a two minute speech with a two hour vocabulary." - Evan Esar "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Alva Edison "I've had a wonderful time, but this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx "We didn't lose the game; we just ran out of time." - Vince Lombardi Pirates Of The Carribean "Let's put some distance between us and this island and head out to open sea." "There will come a moment when you will have a chance to show it. To do the right thing." Charlie and the Chocolate Factory "See children? Everything in this room is eatable. Even I'm eatable! But that, my dear children, is called cannibalism; and that is frowned upon in most societies." --Willy Wonka Coffee Quotes “Everybody should believe in something. I believe I'll have another coffee.” ~Author Unknown “I'd stop drinking coffee, but I'm no quitter.” ~Author Unknown Tamora Pierce "When people say a knight's job is all glory, I laugh and laugh and laugh. Often, I can stop laughing before they edge away and start talking about soothing drinks." -Lord Raoul "The Yamanis say it's better to live with pain. You have to let it roll away like water on a Stone. That way it doesn't have any power over you." Harry Potter "I doubt it will make much of a difference," said Professor McGonagall coldly, "unless a mad axe-man is waiting outside the doors to slaughter the first into the entrance hall." Ron and Hermione: "Ron, we're supposed to show the first-years where to go!" Ron: Aaaah," said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney's mysical whisper, "when two Neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure sign that a midget in glasses is being born, Harry..." Ron: "...from now on, I don't care if my tea leaves spell 'die, Ron, die,' I'm chucking them in the bin where they belong." Ron:"Well, I don't know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts." Harry: "Brilliant! It's Potions last thing on Friday! Snape won't have the time to poison us all!" Harry:(talking about his aunt and uncle) "Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious..." Harry: "Warrington's aim's so pathetic I'd be more worried if he was aiming for the person next to me." Hermione and the twins: Has Ron saved a goal yet?" asked Hermione. Fred and George: "You don't want to bottle your anger up like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, beaming. "There might be a couple people fifty miles away who didn't hear you." Fred and George: "Harry!" said Fred, elbowing Percy out of the way and bowing deeply. "Simply splendid to see you, old boy--" Fred and George:“For instance, this new idea that You-Know-Who can kill with a single glance from his eyes. That’s a basilisk, listeners. One simple test: Check whether the thing that’s glaring at you has got legs. If it has, it’s safe to look into its eyes, although if it really is You-Know-Who, that’s still likely to be the last thing you ever do.” Fred and George:"but the fact remains he (Voldemort) can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to. The Marauder's Map: "Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that(Snape) ever became a professor." Oliver Wood: "Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She – er got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch first." Numb3rs Don - picks up paper airplane off floor Who made this? Charlie: Why do they want pictures of us? Charlie: Don't call me Chuck. Don: What if I called you 'chuckie'? Charlie: What if I called you 'Donald'? Don: What if I called you 'nerd'? (Allright, so I stole most of the above from someone else's profile... I couldn't resist...) The Spy Who Haunted Me "You've heard of a narcoleptics, who have a tendency to fall asleep suddenly and then wake up? Well, Coffin Jobe is a necroleptic. He has the tendency to suddenly fall down dead, and then get over it. A serial resurector, as it were. He's been dieing and coming back to life on a regualr basis for some years now, and no one knows why, least of all him. (Though there are some who say that he's doing it to get used to being dead, so he can develope an immunity.) "He's also as crazy as a sewer rat on amphetamines, but you have to expect that. People make allowances." RACISM IS WRONG! Racism is wrong and can often times destroy people's self confidence. It's a horrible and cruel way to treat people. To prove that we are all alike, try this simple experiment: Hold your hand up to a light of some kind. You'll see a shadow cast nearby. Now, have someone of a different race hold their hand up too. You'll see, essentially, the same image. Five fingers and a palm. Skin color doesn't matter when you get right down to it. If you are against racism, copy this message and my symbol for equality to your profile. If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile. If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile. You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you jump off a cliff, I laugh harder My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems. Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most Sticks and stones are hard on bones, aimed with angry art. Words can sting like anything, but its silence that breaks the hearts. Why is it when we're talking to God, we're praying, but whenever God talks to us, we're crazy? They say guns don't kill people, people kill people. Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people. Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up. At first I wondered why God made you, the I realized even God makes mistakes. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. "God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns “When there's a will, I want to be in it.” – Unknown Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head. Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE 2. My mother taught me RELIGION 3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL 4. My mother taught me LOGIC 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT 7. My mother taught me IRONY 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS 9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA 11. My mother taught me WEATHER 12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY 13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION 15. My mother taught me: ENVY 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION 17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING 18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE 19. My mother taught me: ESP 20. My mother taught me: HUMOR 21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT 22.My Mother taught me: Genetics 23. My Mother taught me about my Roots 24. My Mother taught me Wisdom 25. My mother taught me about Justice 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws. "We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do." 1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE 2. My mother taught me RELIGION 3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL 4. My mother taught me LOGIC 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT 7. My mother taught me IRONY 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS 9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA 11. My mother taught me WEATHER 12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY 13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE 14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION 15. My mother taught me: ENVY 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION 17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING 18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE 19. My mother taught me: ESP 20. My mother taught me: HUMOR 21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT 22.My Mother taught me: Genetics 23. My Mother taught me about my Roots 24. My Mother taught me Wisdom 25. My mother taught me about Justice 10 Commandments of a Teenager 1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat. Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead, who keeps your picture in his wallet, who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants, who holds your hand in front of all his friends, who thinks your beautiful without makeup, one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you, THE one who turns to his friends and says THAT'S HER! WARNING: MAY NEED TISSUES FOR THESE: A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle Girl:Slow down, I'm scared! Guy:No, this is fun. Girl:No, it's not. Please, I'm scared. Guy:Then tell me you love me. Girl:I love you, now slow down! Guy: Now give me a big hug. She gives him a big hug Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me. In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this into your profile if you would do this for someone you love. He gave her 12 roses, 11 real, and 1 fake, and said "I will love you until the last rose dies. Love is like a cookie. Take the cookie out of the oven too soon, and youre screwed. Eat the cookie too soon, and you burn your self. If you have ever burst out laughing about something in a book, and people look at you wierd, copy and paste this on your profile. If you have a tendency to talk/sing to yourself copy and paste this to your profile. If random songs pop into your head for no apparent reason, copy and paste this on your profile. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. If you have a scary crush on a book character, T.V character or game character copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes copy and paste this into your profile. (yeah i once walked half way home before i realised it and had no memory of the journey!) If there are times when you just want to annoy people for the hell of it copy and paste this into your profile.Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer: "Where to begin?" If you have ever said something and then two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this into your profile. If miss out random words accidently in sentences, copy paste this into profile. If you're against animal cruelty copy and paste this into your profile. If you're against real fur on clothing copy and paste this into your profile. If you have ever looked all over the house for something that was in your hand the whole time copy and paste this into your profile. If you believe in magic, copy and paste this into your profile. Things to do on an Elevator 1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?" 2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off. 3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves. 4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral. 5) MEOW occasionally. 6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly 7) SAY -DING at each floor. 8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons. 9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button. 10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on." 11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?" 12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone. 13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space." 14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you. 15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more. 16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones. 17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?" 18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!" 19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift. 20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers. 21) SWAT at flies that don't exist. 22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it. Copy and Paste: Did you know... kissing is healthy. bananas are good for period pain. it's good to cry. chicken soup actually makes you feel better. 94 percent of boys would love it if you sent them flowers. lying is actually unhealthy. you really only need to apply mascara to your top lashes. it's actually true, boys DO insult you when they like you. 89 percent of guys want YOU to make the first move. it's impossible to apply mascara with your mouth closed. chocolate will make you feel better. most boys think it's cute when you say the wrong thing. a good friend never judges. a good foundation will hide all hickeys... not that you have any. boys aren't worth your tears. we all love surprises. Now... make a wish. Wish REALLY hard! WISH WISH WISH WISH Your wish has just been recieved. Copy and Paste this into your profile in the next 15 minutes and... Your wish will be granted. Something everyone should remember: Emmett is the strongest. Edward is the fastest.But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous. I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but every time I try Alice is at his window with a bat waiting for me. How does she kn- oh...right Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what your up too Never drink water-if it can rust iron, just imagine what it can do to your stomach I don’t mind if you sleep in class, but please do not snore, you are disrupting those who are sleeping if nobody’s perfect I must be nobody Remember there is no I in team, but there is an M and an E I don't talk on the phone because I hear voices on the other end... One day, I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks. "If you can't laugh at yourself make fun of other people" To put it nicely, I hope you choke I got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory. I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn I'm not insensitive, I just don't care "To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target." I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away. I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless. Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid. I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it. When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday. You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it. I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun. I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers. If a turtle loses its shell, is it naked, or homeless? In order to be irreplaceable, one must always be different. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain. You said you couldn't stand to see my heart break . . . so when you broke it, did you close your eyes and fall? Sometimes you've got to smile and walk away... Hold your tears in and pretend like you're okay. Being mature is overrated. Being weird is like being normal, only better. I see regular people! I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. Perfect men are only fictional. (Sigh, Fang, Edward) Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright. Boys are like slinkys. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would you keep looking after I found it? When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back. You don't die of a broken heart... you only wish you did. Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of. There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door. One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject. Silence is golden, duct tape is silver. Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over. Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better!" but best friends will prank call him saying "You will die in seven days!" Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips. Why are all the good guys only real in books? cough Edward...fang cough Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought A smile is the shortest distance between two people. Tell the truth and run. All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative. When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. "Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that! It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone. I'm going to go give him a piece of my mind, but not my brain I need that. "I like the idea of karma; you can go around and do bad things to people all day assuming they deserve it." "Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life." I’m a palm reader: Gasp! You'll die, but don't worry. You'll live through it. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you. I worry about you some days. Hug trees. They have less issues than people.' 'You wanna know what you get, in our experience, when you tell the world the truth? A straight jacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.' 'If there's a fifty/fifty chance that something will go wrong, nine times out of ten it will.' 'I reject your reality and substitute my own.' 'Don't think there are no crocodiles just because the water is calm.' 'Curiosity killed the mutant bird kid.' 'Cuz I'm so tired of actin tough and I'm gonna do what I please.' Don't frown, even when your sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile. "I can promise you two things. One, I will always look this good and two, I'll never give up on you." When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout. If God intended for man to smoke, He would have set him on fire. Education is important; school however, is another matter. If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit? No ones perfect… well there was this one Guy but we killed him If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. If life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and let the world wonder how you did it. If life gives you lemons, throw them back, and yell I WANT EDWARD CULLEN Common sense is the most uncommon thing in the world. Fear is a good thing; it means you're paying attention. Blind terror can easily pass as courage in a fight. Never look back, never regret, never remember the people you've met, never begin and never end, never say never when it comes to a friend. There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it... A critic is a legless man who teaches running Stress: A condition caused by repressing the body's desire to strangle the living daylights out of some jerk who desperately deserves it. If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'? My mind works like lightning...one brilliant flash and it's gone. We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police. Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible? Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now. If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation. Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world. Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think. Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. I am a peaceful person that is filled with violent rage. If I won't be myself, who will? I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. A Gryffindor will jump off a cliff. I do think rock paper scissors solves everything. "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes." Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies. Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together. If you don't want to hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon. If I asked for your opinion, I'd take the tape off your mouth. Two wrongs don't make a right, but one right and one left make a light. Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something Join the Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them Don’t mess with me I've got a stick NO TRESPASSING Violators will be shot; Survivors will be shot again I thought I was stupid, before I met you Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? Let me know if anything I say offends you, I might wanna offend you later. Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.' They are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo. One way to figure out how things work, push all the buttons! When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say. When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us! You're intoxicated by my very presence I ran with scissors and lived! When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide. -Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS "Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss." When there's a will, I want to be in it. Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES! I don't obsess! I think intensely. It's funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious! Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with. Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia. I intend to live forever. So far, so good...(I thought I was dead) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.' A day without sunshine is...night. When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like fire. Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that. I have the cape I make the whoosh noises. When i walk past an automatic door and it opens for me, i worry that if i dont go through it, i might hurt its feelings Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. How do you feel now? If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. there are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't. "Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton Ever stop to think and forget to start again? Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’? Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?? Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom? Can mute people burp? What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn? A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you. I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking? How come you never see the news story Psychic Wins Lottery? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? It’s only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s HILARIOUS! Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted. Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobia - Fear of long words. I got a lot of ideas. The problem is that most of them suck. Last night, as I lay in bed pondering the stars. I thought to myself, Where the heck did the ceiling go? Don’t worry, they can’t hit us from this fa... -last words of a Civil war general ERROR: Keyboard not found! Press any key to continue. Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried nailing Jello to a tree According to a recent survey, 3/4 of people makes up 75 of the population. If they give you ruled paper, write the other way. We're not lost. We're locationally challenged. If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? It takes 47 muscles to frown and 13 to smile, but it takes 0 to sit there with a dumb look on your face. The inventor of Crest Toothpaste passed away. Four out of five dentists went to his funeral. Anyone who uses the phrase easy as taking candy from a baby has never tried taking candy from a baby. You live and learn. At any rate, you live. I gave up junk food. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life. Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better. There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? It matters not whether you win or lose- what matters is whether I win or lose. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Employee of the Month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you- but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer. I had my car towed. There was nothing wrong with it- it was just cheaper than gas. Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. A watched pot never boils, but it does get paranoid. If you have any problem with this profile, write it on the back of a 20 bill and send it to me. It’s great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who’s bald. I’m not a geek – I’m a level 12 paladin! You can buy a gun at Wal-Mart, but your 4th of July sparklers have to be smuggled through the state line. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. If victory is too high to climb, take the elevator. I'm not paranoid...WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS?! Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car. Evening news is where they begin with Good Evening and then proceed to tell you why it isn't I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later sometimes when im alone in a room I like to say, “I know you’re listening” because if im wrong then no one heard but if im right then I just freaked the heck out of some secret organization YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF... You talk to yourself a lot. You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (e.g. 'Why do I constantly ask myself random things?') When you talk to yourself often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone’s liver?') After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, 'Holy crap, this stuff is great for sugar highs...' You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!) You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth. You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random. When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it. You tend to collect Bic Sticks off the ground like picking pennies off the ground. No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper. The letters on your keyboard are wearing off. Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome. People think you have A.D.D You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D. You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense. You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago. And Finally, the one way to tell if your a good writer: You failed English 101! (copy that into you're profile (and highlight the ones you fit) if you fit one or more of the descriptions) Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird. I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse. Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it... TOP TEN Excuses - If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work: 10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to." 8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!" 7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm." 6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance." 5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?" 4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 3. "The coffee machine is broken..." 2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..." And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk. |
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