Have you ever looked out of your window and thought, 'Wow, how awesome."?

I would like to start off by saying thank you, and yes I am as awesome as you all know I am, and as awesome as...well...I am. People often ask me to describe how I can live such an awesome lfestyle, but maintain a semblance of reality. Usually I respond with something like, "Keeping my awesomeness in check is the only thing that keeps existence going." Others though, refuse to be satisfied by so philosophical an answer, and require more...decription per say. So, I allow my essence to flow unchecked through my thoughts and words, and I express in means only I can attain, my awesomeness. Needless to say, none of them survived.

When asked about religion, and my affiliation with it, I scoff. Why must we take what we see and feel, and give all the blame or credit to some all-powerful, omnipotent being. As one of the greates men ever to live said, "Isn't it enough to see that a garden is beautiful without having to believe there are fairies at the bottom too?"(Douglas Adams) I also believe that to be truly good, one must be able to do that good without fearing a sentence in hell or hoping that they'll be granted a righteous place in a Nirvana of sorts. As Albert Einstein once said, "If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed." Ironically, I am an all-powerful and omnipotent deity.

Strangely enough, those who seem to distrust the truthtfulness of my awesomeness die about three nanoseconds prior to thinking these thoughts. The thing is, I tell most of those who have interviewed me, my awesomeness encompasses all of being and reality, even stretching out to the edges of the universe. I am, in fact, the force that creates the ever-present force that pushes the universe to an ever larger size. Most of the interviewers so far after hearing my somewhat crass explanation of the universe, are disbelieving. Shortly after they go through the aforementioned process of dying. Which usually involves the very painful process of having your scrotal sac...well...torn off, and...shoved up your anal passage.

For now, I think I've said enough.

You know you suck balls if...

've always got a strange salty aftertaste in your mouth.

2.Your office is the corner of Fifth and Blaird

3.Your writing looks like chicken scratch shit.

5.There is currently a juicy scrotal sac in your mouth.

6.Your favorite after-dinner beverage is cum.

7.Your writing is worse than dead cats in a blender with deer shit.

can't see that ToR and the StreetPoet could rape you.

didn't notice number 4.

went back up to see number 4.

laughed at yourself after realizing number 4 wasn't there then went back to sucking balls.

12. Your name is Trixy, Sparkles, Mercedes, Lexus, The Human Pitching Machine, or Ballsylik

suck...

95 percent of the fags on fanfic copy stupid things into their profiles to try and prove they're above conformity. Ironic that they all do the same thing.

A ToR original (I swear if I find any whose copied either the list or my other thing, I will personally unleash my awesome on them.)

Welcome to hell bitches...

-ToR, The Awesome