Who am I? Sheesh, they sure don't believe in asking the easy ones around here...

I've decided to go on a bit of a philosophical, introspective ramble for this one. Anybody not into this kind of stuff, please feel free to read the stories featured here, they're more fun (and the reason I'm posting here anyway).

So you'd like me to tell you who I am? I'll give it a try then. I'm somebody who has (nearly) all they could wish for: A few good friends, a roof over my head, food on my table, the occasional bit of luxury and a good work-life balance. The only things that keep bugging me are my tendency to procrastinate and the fact that I'm still searching for my purpose in life (though I do have a few vague ideas about that).

I feel that life can be very difficult, especially if you stop and think it over once in a while. As a consequence, I believe that there's no point in going around and making it worse. Still, I witness myself and others going around making it worse all the time, which is strange but, in an odd kind of way, also understandable.

There are days where I feel a bit broken inside and a little hollow. Days where I lose hope and purpose. Days where I am overwhelmed by life’s challenges and where I can hardly move anymore because I don’t have the strength. But I can live through these days. I can always find strength, hope and purpose again, pretty much like I find my car-keys when I have temporarily misplaced them. I think that’s a pretty nifty ability.

Sometimes I even revel in a bit of darkness, because I feel that in doing so I acknowledge life as it is: a thing of beauty and sweetness, but also of pain and bitterness. It makes me feel as if I’m being more honest to myself, as if I’m in search of truth.

Sometimes, I also love a bit of darkness because I feel that this might be the only way to heal it. And just because something is a bit dark that doesn’t mean that it is evil as well.

In my book, “evil” means to be devoid of hope, love and trust. For me, the source of all evil is fear. Out of fear, people will go to absurd lengths to protect themselves, they will grab all they can because they are afraid that otherwise there won't be enough for them, they are ready to hurt others so they won't be hurt themselves.

Consequently, courage and the principle of "non-attachment" appeal to me quite a lot. “Non-attachment” is good, because if you don't have anything to lose, then there's no need to be afraid.

I am no longer attached to the illusion that this world is perfect, let alone fair. That sometimes bugs the hell out of me, but it also gives me some options I wouldn’t have otherwise.

If the world isn’t fair, then at least I can strive for fairness in my dealings with other people.

If the world isn't perfect, then it's o.k. for me not to be perfect either. I can love and accept myself the way I am, which enables me to love and accept other people the way they are. Being able to love and accept other people is a fantastic gift that makes not being perfect well worth my while.

Nevertheless, I strive to keep improving myself, simply because I am filled with an insatiable hunger to be the best I can be. I enjoy discovering my limits and expanding them. Why restrict myself when there’s so much to see, to hear, to feel? I believe the world was made to be appreciated in all its glory and I do. I touch and I am touched. I share my joy of life and the beautiful things I discover on my journey. I want to make others happy and content, because their happiness will spread and reflect on those around them (which, incidentally, includes me grins).

Life can be tough, but I wouldn’t want to miss it. It’s so much fun.

Oh well. Apart from all this philosophical stuff, I'm also an avid reader, a haphazard writer and a certified hedonist.

My favourite quotes include:

"Learn to live with it, because the only other option is to roll over and die."

"Often it takes more courage to change your opinion than to stick with it"

"Life’s to short to be afraid." and

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to be loved and love in return."

I wish all of you the very best. Wind to your wings, shade and sweet water in the desert-heat and someone to warm your bed-furs when it is cold.

With love and a hug

Andartha

GIFT ART for "Owned by Fire" chapter 3 by the incredible Adorna: http:///#/d35nnix

17.6.2012

The next update is ALMOST finished. It has 20 pages so far...and it's just HALF of the actual chapter. Never mind that it was supposed to be just a page or so...but then the plotbunnies hit, and I started to think, hey that scene that has been sitting at the back of your mind for ages would fit in perfectly right here...*sigh* So yeah, it's long. Plenty of flashbacks. Again.

Somebody once told me that relying on flashbacks was a possible sign of bad writing, but they're in the show too...and they're so much FUN to do!