Best quotes

The quotes themselves.

--Where I found it, not necessarily the original author

[X] Focus on your baby skills.

Your inept physical condition irritates you immensely, so you do all you can to fix it. There is of course no cure but time for midgethood, but there are still steps you can take to be more than the cutest feces generator in the house

--Wallflower quest by Liam don on Space Battles

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day, set a man on fire and he's warm for a lifetime

--Puella Magi Adfligo Systema by Firnagzen on Sufficient Velocity

Give a man a fish, and you can feed him for a day.
But give a fish a man, and you can feed it for a month.

--Song of the Sirens, unique fishing rod, Path of Exiles

Translating: "Maria had been reading a chryselephantinely overwritten book called Moll Flanders in the coach, and very definitely she thought the somber, passionate, tragicomic and picaresque story was most absorbing, and certainly presented the dark, sinister, underground side of English life in a vivacious and veridical manner that carried conviction, but she wished Mr. Defoe were not so in love with ornamentally excessive adjectives and long, stentorian, and somewhat inchoate sentences that, even by the standards of the time, seemed to twist and turn through curlicues and arabesques and wind on and on through ever-increasing clauses and sub-clauses, including abrupt changes of subject and total non sequiturs, even if he did seem to be making a unique effort to understand a woman's perspective on the world, which was all to the good, of course, and it was less monochromatically monotonous (she had to admit) than the other one he wrote with virtually nobody in it but that one ingenious mechanic on the island, living in total isolation until he found that mute but ineluctable footprint; and yet it could all be told as well and be more pleasant to read if those sentences did not get so totally out of control and sprawl all over the page so often in positive apotheosis of the lugubrious style, and then she wondered if reading so much of such labyrinthine and arabesque prose for so long in the hot carriage had affected her own mind and she were starting to think like that herself, instead of just enjoying the shade of the oak trees and resting from thought in the dense cool quiet of the mid-afternoon English summer."

"Maria read a book called Moll Flanders in the coach. The subject was English criminals in the pre Impact era. She found the language of the book overly complex. However, it is more engaging than another book by the same Author which focused on a mechanic on an island. The complexity of the language eventually drives Maria insane. The end."

You blink in slight shock. Well that was depressing.

--Battle Action Harem Highschool Side Character Quest (No SV, you are the Waifu) by Avalanche on Sufficient Velocity

Dopeler Effect: the tendency for stupid ideas to sound smarter when they come at you quickly.

--Blafaix of Sufficient Velocity's Signature

You appear to suffer from barbie doll anatomy. Well, a barbie doll of the lovecraftian cephalopod variety. Purchase now and receive a free parenthood disqualification.

--Voracity (Worm Case 53 Quest) by Lyova on Sufficient Velocity

That guy with the pointlessly long username that you are wasting your time reading right now.

--Youtube User's ID (yes, it's the ID itself)

Merry Christmas everyone!!!
Feel free to shower me with gifts and awe!!!!
Or just think about showering me with gifts and awe!!!
I hear it's the thought that counts anyway.

--Swords and Sorcery by Susanoh13 on Spacebattles

The noise was insufferable. I couldn't help but wonder if the Greeks had it wrong about Sirens. I'd gladly jump off a boat if it meant I no longer had to hear this...this.

-Learning to Love Yourself Parahuman Edition by Victorian_Irish on Spacebattles

They banged. The end.

--Love at First Sight by Motley Krew (And that's the entirety of the fic)

Reflex suggests immediate retreat at a forced march. Reason sympathizes, but rejects it as an impossible option to implement.

--Contractual Obligations by Deer-Shifter on fanfiction.net

What was it Clarisse once said? Machina thought. Being magical girls deprives us of the ability to be truly sad, because then we just die instead.

--To the Stars by Hieronym on fanfiction.net

Human nature would hold whoever could kill the other had the right morals to enforce their view above others, end of story. Examples would be the Holy Crusades, the Spanish Inquisition, the World Wars, ect…

Modern society holds that debate and reasonable arguments will prove a set of morals right above another's… eventually. Subject to change on the whims of popular view when 'new' evidence brought to light.

… I think we may be royally screwed.

--Deja vu no jutsu by Vixen Tail on fanfiction.net

Capitalism has failed me.

--Strife (insert unicode heart here) on Beast Lair

“I see I’ll have to take drastic measures to ensure intelligent conversation around here.”
– Dread Empress Maledicta II, before having the tongues of the entire Imperial court ripped out

--A Practical Guide to Evil by Erraticerrata

The thing about smart people was that the smarter they were, the more they were aware of how little they actually knew. They didn't act arrogant because they thought they were smarter than other people, they acted arrogant because if they were stupid then someone who couldn't do fractions had to be really stupid.

--Uchibi Sasuke by Larina6 on fanfiction.net

“With great madness comes great possibility.”

--A Practical Guide to Evil by Erraticerrata

Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding. The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?" Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!" The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!" Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!" The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk. "A cat," Schrödinger replies. The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead." Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."

--Matt Eloht, youtube comment

"Taylor was as nervous as a praying mantis on his wedding night."

--Boom by RavensDagger on Sufficient Velocity

I'm a reporter. I'm here to ask whether the new cape who has the stranger type power to exactly impersonate Armsmaster whenever she consumes candy and wears a PRT uniform is a hero or a villain.

I'm a victim of crime. I'm here to complain that my Armsmaster-approved fruit juicer has been fed to my cousin by a mysterious unnaturally competent woman in a suit.

--Armsmaster's excuse generator http:///Excuse-Generator/ExcuseGenerator.html

Soz, Ruby. I was 'avvin a tinkle when a big-ass Beowolf appeared and yeeted me into the forest. (Ozpin pretending to be Oscar)

--Professor Arc II: Headmaster Arc by Coeur Al'Aran on fanfiction.net

Scientist: "Technology should narrow our results and give us a better understanding"

Universe: "Have we met??""

--Youtube comment by Ben 'Top Alchemist' Franklin