DISCLAIMER: NONE OF THESE QUOTES ARE MINE I COPY QUOTES THAT MADE ME LAUGH IN THE HOPE THAT THEY WILL DO THE SAME FOR YOU:)

PEARLS OF WISDOM:

Why is there never enough time to do it right, but always enough time to do it over?

Passion without Purpose, Strength without Control, Spirit without Discipline, All are the pathways to destruction.

To be afraid of nothing, is to be a fool. To stand up and face your terrors is to be truly brave.

Belief is a powerful thing, a precious thing. But when placed in the hands of finite beings, it is twisted and maimed to their own ends.

In the end, all we have is ourselves.

The only certainty we have in life, is death. So why fear the inevitable?

Respect is no ones birthright, is only ever earned.

A man has a code of honor, a set of rules he will always obey, no matter how evil or few they may seem.

A life without insanity is hardly worth living.

A rose by ay other name still has it's thorns.

You can tell the character of a man by observing how he acts when the chips are down. Most are worthless, some are good, and a rare few are exceptional.

If you want peace, prepare for war.

The dangerous man isn't loud, boastful, and in the spotlight. The dangerous man is quiet, humble, and concealed in shadows.

The best birth control is celibacy, having your dick cut off is second only because its more painful.

God gave man a brain and a pecker, unfortunately he only gave man enough blood to work one at a time.

Never argue with a woman, just nod your head and say 'Yes'.

If you focus on the negative, you never see the positive.

Never make assumptions about people, you never know when they'll surprise you.

Never insult a man with a gun, it won't turn out well.

All gold is, is a shiny hunk of earth. The only reason it has value is because we give it value.

Evil has a way of befriending the good, and dragging them into the darkness.

Beauty is only a light switch away.

We all bleed the same color.

When life hand you lemons, you can do one of two things, either add Vodka and chill or send them back at high velocity, preferably attached to a cinder block or other heavy object.

Beware the beaten dog, he may decided he's had enough bull and fight back.

Never argue with your parents, just agree, smile, and wait 'till they're in the retirement home.

Never argue with your children, they choose your retirement home.

Duct tape hurts.

Always remember, someone, somewhere, thinks you're an idiot.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away.

The heart wants what the wants, even that which is worse for it.

Dogs love you, Cats love themselves.

I know not what I will become, only what I am.

Heroes don't die, they just reload.

You say, when Hell freezes over, I got news for you. Hell, Michigan freezes over yearly.

Some Thoughts I Live By (Most of them live right next door...):

"Life is not stranger than fiction, life is fiction."

"Life is an 'f' in lie..."

"If ambidextrous means you're equally good with both hands, does being equally bad make you ambisinistrous?"

"The most dangerous form of madness, is the conviction that you're sane."

"The improbable, we can do immediately; the impossible takes just a little bit longer..."

"I read to escape reality... problem is, reality keeps catching me."

"Of course I'm paranoid, but am I paranoid enough?"

"Just because they are out to get you, it doesn't mean you're not paranoid."

"It's not the bullet with my name on it that worries me. It's all the ones marked To Whom It May Concern..."

"My shoulder angel and shoulder devil agree more often than not. Should I be worried?"

"You can be absolutely correct, and still be crazy." This also applies in reverse: "Just because I'm insane, it doesn't mean that I'm wrong."

"My list of priorities: 1. My wife. 2. My children. 3. My family, including that circle of friends close enough to be called family. 4. Chocolate. 5. Breathing." A true and funny story behind this one. Those are my priorities. A friend of ours had brought an amazing dessert called 'chocolate mud pie' for us to sample, and a small piece of my mouthful detached, and naturally headed straight for my windpipe, leaving me the choice between spitting out the mouthful, then hacking up the missing chunk, or trying to finish the mouthful and then hacking up the missing lump. Guess which one I chose. This leads to my next thought...

"You know, for such an incredibly intelligent person, you sure do a lot of stupid things."

"Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed."

"When the birds go to war against the fish, the only winners are the cats."

"You should only stop learning when you're dead, and if what I've heard about the afterlives out there is anywhere close to true, not even then."

"We don't fight with our swords, we don't fight with our fists. We fight with our hearts" Am I the only one who thinks this could get really messy?

"Ahh... Chaos and mayhem everywhere, my work here is done."

"If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid."

"Meddle not in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup."

"Impossible just means no-one's managed it... yet."

NINJA THOUGHT: "It's not assassination, it's... sociological surgery."

"The problem with looking at the big picture, is that it's made up of little pictures. It doesn't matter that your big picture is a beautiful red sunset if all the little pictures are red from the blood of the innocent." Take that, Mr Dumbledore!

"I never get lost, but sometimes I have trouble telling my right from my left." "Sometimes?" "Okay, most times... alright, all the time, geez, happy now?" "Yes." This was me arguing with me... and losing...

"Join the club, we've got jackets... those 'I-love-me' jackets that do up in the back..."

This one's from my daughter, arguing with me about the HP plotline: "You are poking holes in a perfectly good net!"

"Okay... I have no idea how you manage to look that villainous in a Hawaiian shirt." I personally don't feel anywhere near as evil without one.

"Electronics run on smoke. When the smoke escapes, the device will no longer function."

This is an odd one that occurred to me as I was preparing a villain that the characters had to work with in one of my D&D campaigns: "Choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing me..."

"Home is where the heart is... explains why I can't find my pulse, doesn't it?"

"Stupidity is the only capital crime. Fortunately, it's self-enforcing."

"If you are thrown out of Asia, are you dis-Oriented?"

"You have a dizzying intellect... it goes around and around in circles until everyone falls over."

"It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye... then it's a party!!"

"Let me guess your sign... Darwin Awards Honourable Mention."

"All evil requires to win is for good men to do nothing." Interestingly, I have come to realize that the reverse is not true.

Always remember the Evil Overlord Rules, especially the one about grandchildren and crocodiles.

Apparently, I'm a Hufflepuff... now they'll never suspect my schemes until too late. But Hard Work is necessary, or bravery goes to waste, wisdom remains unacquired, and ambition unfulfilled... All Hail the Hufflepuffs!!

ISCBYBL (pronounced Ishkabibble): I Simply Cannot Believe Your Backwards Logic.

So many times, I have noticed, wisdom sounds like madness. Why is that?

Here's one I remember my Grandfather using: "If it takes thirty-six yards of billy-goat's tripes to knit a waistcoat for an elephant, how long does it take a cock-eyed cockroach to walk a yard of treacle?" He would also ask "How long is a piece of string?"

If you have an answer or a response to any of these thoughts, including the ones below, feel free to PM me. I'm also on the lookout for more such quotes and thoughts.

(Contrmancer)

If You's

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you have ever stayed up past 5:00 in the morning just because you friggin' could, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you becasue of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when she rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask her, "It's because you're lezbo, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when she breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call her up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Help you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your princess.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps her and brings her to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS:Say "forget about her"

BEST FRIENDS: Say "Don't give up hope."

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - bitch - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, Will sit next to you saying “Damn … we fucked up … but that shit was fun!”

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Won’t tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when you’re not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Have you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Dude drink the rest of that! You know we don't waste!

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, then weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

Ninety-five percent of teenagers are concerned about being popular. If you are one of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile

Put this in your profile
if you love to laugh!

People are like slinkies; basically useless, but ever so amusing to watch fall down the stairs.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed (and thrown hard enough)

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.

What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

I run with scissors, it makes me feel dangerous.

I had amnesia once--or twice. You know what? I don't really even remember.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then It hits me.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

Don’t mess with me. I've got a stick.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

I smile because I have no idea what's going on!

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

Whoever said nothing was impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

I'm not afraid of death! What's it going to do? Kill me?

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch them!

I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned.

I used up all my sick days...so I called in dead.

Stressed is Desserts backwards :)

Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.

You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

There's a light at the end of every tunnel...lets just hope it's not a train.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

I am in shape...round is a shape.

I don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee in my pool.

Flying is not inherently dangerous- crashing is.

Forecast for tonight: darkness.

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, why the heck are you scared?!

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who's drank my water!

I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.

I am the boy tied to a fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson".

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the Realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I am the girl who loves her best friend but is afraid to let her know it.

I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it!

If you don't have a problem with Homosexuality copy this into your profile

STUPID PRODUCT LABELS:

On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (Yeah, that's kind of hard to do, you know, use while sleeping).

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside (How fun to be a shoplifter).

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap (I never would have guessed).

On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost (Really? Amazingly ingenious).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down (Too late!).

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating (Fascinating. You learn something new every day. Like, the people who write this
things are FREAKING MORONS!).

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body (Well, it would save time...).

On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery (That is why we have a 15 and over limit where I come from, because of all those toddlers driving around cars and machinery while using Boot's Children's cough medicine).

On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness (Wouldn't that be good?).

On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children (Oh. Okay...)

On a string of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only (And my other options were...).

On a food processor: Not to be used for the other use (Geez, what other use is that? I wonder...).

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts (Oh wow. I didn't know thatbefore).

On an Amerian Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts (Amazing. No one could ever do that without the help of the instructions on this packet. Great).

On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands (I believe that was implied).

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly (So you don't want kids jumping off buildings, arms outstretched?).

Repost if you thought this was hilarious

We're a Dying Breed

To every guy that's said, "Sex CAN wait.”

To every guy that's said, "You're beautiful.

To every guy that was never too busy to drive across town to see her.

To every guy that gives flowers and a card when she is sick.

To every guy who has given her flowers just because.

To every guy that said he would die for her.

To every guy that really would.

To every guy that took time to do what she wanted to do.

To every guy that she cried in front of.

To every guy that holds hands with her.

To every guy that kisses her with meaning.

To every guy that hugs her when she's sad.

To every guy that hugs her for no reason at all.

To every guy who would give their jacket up for her.

To every guy that calls to make sure she got home safe.

To every guy that would sit and wait for her for hours just to see her for ten minutes.

To every guy that would give his seat up.

To every guy that just wants to cuddle.

To every guy that reassured her that she was beautiful no matter what.

To every guy who told his secrets to her.

To every guy that tried to show how much he cared through every word and every breath.

To every guy that thought maybe this could be the one.

To every guy that believed in her dreams.

To every guy that would have done anything so she could achieve them.

To every guy that never laughed at her when she told him her dreams.

To every guy that walked her to her car. To every guy that gave his heart.

To every guy who prays that she is happy even if you are not with her.

...This one bulletin is for you...

Not many girls appreciate nice guys anymore... And because of this, there are not many left out there... i guarantee 90 of the men on your page will not repost this cuz they care more about their image If you are a nice guy repost this with "We're a Dying Breed " If you are a girl that thinks every guy should treat a girl this way repost this with: "To Every Guy..."

10 Reasons Why Demona is a Better Villain than Voldemort

10. Voldemort is a human wizard, but Demona is a gargoyle sorceress.

9. Voldemort dreams of being immortal, Demona is immortal.

8. Voldemort’s primary weapon is a wand, Demona’s primary weapon is either a Mace or a Laser Cannon.

7. Demona hasn’t been beaten by a 15-month year old infant.

6. Voldemort is trying to conquer the UK. Demona is trying to wipe out humanity, worldwide.

5. Demona has actually procreated, in cannon.

4. Demona has a valid reason for being a villain (even if her personal logic behind it is faulty). Voldemort has daddy issues.

3. Voldemort means flight from death, revealing just what he’s afraid of. Demona got her name because she ‘fights like a demon.’

2. Demona is sexy, in both human and gargoyle form. Voldemort…is kinda creepy looking.

1. Demona doesn’t see herself as evil, while Voldemort is the self-stylized Dark Lord.

Lt. Col. Grant L. Rosensteel, Jr.

USAF

"Send 'em up, I'll wait!"

Love it! This has got to be one of the greatest quotes of all time.
I thought this might make you smile. :-)

...conversation overheard on the VHF Guard(emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai.

Iranian Air Defense Site: 'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'
Air Defense Site: 'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'
Aircraft: 'This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'
Air Defense Site: (... Total silence)

God bless our troops. There is something about a Marine that makes other countries listen to reason

Thank you for those that have been following my stories

i am rebooting Reason to live and will be revisiting the other stories to bring them up to date